students who like to bargain with you

[luv2teach]

I award stickers, candy, prizes etc as incentives during my lessons; however, i have 2 students (ages 5 & 6) who are siblings and like to bargain with me constantly.  Example: if I give them one candy, they ask for 2.  If I say no, they even attempt to reach into my candy stash to help themselves until I move it to where they cannot reach it.   Sometimes, they'll play something and think they should deserve a candy for what they did.   They get 1 point each lesson if they've practiced everything I've asked according to instruction and when they reach 5 points, they can choose a prize.  When these kids are choosing their prize, they ask if I can buy Disney prizes next time instead, since that's what they really like.   The parents don't seem to think much of all this but I find it a bit appalling and rude and not sure what to say back to these children.

[amelialw]

the parents don't think much of this

Have you talked to the mom and dad? Maybe you should have a talk with both the kids and parents together and just tell them clearly with the mom and dad there what's expected of them in order to get their rewards.

[beethovenlover]

Sounds like a parenting issue to me. If it's not already in your studio policy consider saying something about the behavior you expect during your lessons. If the parents have read and understood such a policy and are still not doing anything about their chidren's behavior I would start looking for new students.

[ada]

What rude, naughty children. Moral of the story: do not bribe. You are making a rod for your own back.

[penguinlover]

I agree, they are rude.  Take away all bribes.  It sounds like they are coming to expect it, which makes it not special anymore.  It is rewarding their rude behavior.

[luv2teach]

Thank you for your suggestions.  I agree that I've been bribing them too much.  How would you suggest I word it to the children so they understand why I'm taking away the bribes?   The thing is, they don't realize they're being rude.  It's the parenting that lets them get away with it and they are only 5 years old and 6 years old.  When they are being rude and I say no, and call them on it, they seem totally confused as to why i'm getting annoyed at them.

[timothy42b]

When they are being rude and I say no, and call them on it, they seem totally confused as to why i'm getting annoyed at them.

 I don't ever tell children of that age what they did wrong.  It just confuses them.

I tell them what I want them to do instead. 

[ada]

I don't ever tell children of that age what they did wrong.  It just confuses them.

I tell them what I want them to do instead. 

tim42b you are a very smart person. However, I do think that at the age of 6, possibly even five,  a child can understand the concept of rudeness.

And while I agree it's a parenting issue, I think kids can also understand the concept of "you might act like that at home but I won't accept it in my studio".

sounds a bit schoolmarm-ish but tis true.

[sideshow]

I can't seem to understand why you want to give these kids candy

[penguinlover]

You may want to have a lesson devoted to what exactly you expect from them.  They are old enough to understand that.  The key is to make sure they understand, and make consequences for misbehavior.  You may seem to be taking on a parental role, but it will be worth it.  When you lay it out, and follow through, they will know you mean business, you are in control. You may want to leave for three minutes, or do something away from the piano, or have them dust the piano (there's a thought), or just sit in silence for a minute or so.  I don't know exactly what will work, but I do know that children will rise to the level of expectation.  Good luck.

[lau]

This is standard behavior..what kind of a family were you raised in?

[penguinlover]

I was raised in a strict home, where respect was given to teachers and elders.  Children were not to bargain with parents, or anyone else in authority.  Standard behavior for me was to be respectful, listen, and learn.

[lau]

that sounds semi-sad

[ilikepie]

Wow... my reward for practicing was not getting the crap beaten out of me... Why reward abominable behavior? No punishment should be reward enough. They only deserve a reward if they do something exceptional like playing Liszt's b- sonata upside-down, hands-switched, blind-folded.

[luv2teach]

thanks for all your comments.  recently, i learned more about the student and family.  the parents bribe their child a lot.   the child recently participated in a non-competitive music festival and received a mark over 80%.  the parents had promised the child he would receive a gift if he received over 80%.  when he came to his lesson, he said to me, "my mom said that she bets you will give me a prize today because i did so good".   he  really wasn't lying, the mom actually said that and i had NOT planned on giving him a prize.   i can't believe the mom would say such a thing.  it's no wonder the kids seem to lack manners, it comes from the parents.

[a-sharp]

There's no candy in my studio. Only stickers - for especially well-prepared pieces. I've yet to have a student beg or negotiate for extra stickers... but then, I've perhaps not been teaching as long as you... ? ... Why complicate things with sugar, candy and gifts... when making music should be the "reward" [I know, way too philosophical - that's just me I guess]. :p I'm pretty simple that way. Anyway - why not just say "no" and ignore it? sounds like they're just being kids... JMHO

[ilikepie]

Now that I've had time to think about it, rewarding them candy will let them know they only need to do a good job if there is a prize. They will never learn that doing well is expected and will be fueled only by the expectation of a compensation for their effort, which isn't the way the world works.

[luv2teach]

Thanks - I agree that bribing shouldn't be the motivating factor but some kids nowadays expect that esp when they get that at home.  i probably should reduce the number of rewards though.

[anna_crusis]

i probably should reduce the number of rewards though.

The best reward you can give is a simple mark out of ten - children understand that because it's what they get at school and a good mark is something they'll take seriously. Kids perceive stickers as 'pretend marks' that don't really count.