e-resume

[pianistimo]

after applying for several jobs online - i found this cool resume builder.  it saves time and puts it in a professional format for you (if you haven't done it already). 

https://www.e-resume.us/ma/resume.asp?ref=UG4

[thalbergmad]

Job Application & CV

Name: Pianistimo

Age: 46 and a bit

Occupation: Mother, Pole Dancer and Forum Spammer

Interests: God, Bible, Jesus, Moses, Abraham, God, Jacob, Mary, Pilate, Jesus, Bible, Ezekial, Acts, Judges, Matthew, God, Jesus, Mary, Bible, Moses, Jesus etc...........

Employment History:


Someone else wanna take over, i am too tired.

Thal

[Torp]

Job Application & CV

Name: Pianistimo

Age: 46 and a bit

Occupation: Mother, Pole Dancer and Forum Spammer

Interests: God, Bible, Jesus, Moses, Abraham, God, Jacob, Mary, Pilate, Jesus, Bible, Ezekial, Acts, Judges, Matthew, God, Jesus, Mary, Bible, Moses, Jesus etc...........

Employment History:


Someone else wanna take over, i am too tired.

Thal

I'd like to to but I can't see through tears I'm laughing so hard. I think I pissed myself...Classic.

[pianistimo]

and what is so funny about this? 

[ahinton]

Ezekial

Who's that, then?...

Best,

Alistair

[thalbergmad]

You know who it is oh great spelling corrector and you also probably know that it can be spelt either way, depending which Bible you have.

Thal

[ahinton]

depending which Bible you have.

Wow! How many different editions of it do you have, Thal?

Best,

Alistair

[thalbergmad]

I shall continue....................

Employment History:

1980 - 1982 - Font cleaner at the Collegeville Baptist Church
1982 - 1986 - Bunny waitress at Hanks Diner
1987........... Career break to have children

Adam  - Age 984
Eve  - Age 18
Elijah - Age  12
Moses  - Age 10
Lazarus - Age 4 (he died at 2 but rose again)

To be continued.............................

[imbetter]

criminal history: disturbing the peace preaching the return of jesus.

[cmg]

criminal history: disturbing the peace preaching the return of jesus.

 

Continuation Of Pianistimo e-resume:

EDUCATION:  Anchorage AstroProjection Institute for Soul Migration Studies (1.5 credits)

CRIMINAL HISTORY:  shoplifting (Barney's Bible Barn, Philadephia, PA)

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY:  Nun wardrobe mistress for "The Sound of Music," Collegeville Production.

[thalbergmad]

Further Education:  Graduated from Nursery at the age of 42. Batchelor of spamming.

Why do you think you are suitable for this job?:   Well, wolfi is such a nice man and my daughter talks his ear off, my neighbour orgasmed when he fixed her puncture on the way to the King Tut exhibition, but my husband was OK about it, I don't go out with many other men, or i have not done since my aunts parrot got limes disease and i was unable to weld the dishwasher with a government grant. as it says in Kings 21:1 "and it came to pass" jesus saved me and i never kissed him until we had been going out for 35 years and i made him promise to marry me first. "the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom (psalms 111:10) as my youngest says on the way to the drug store where she has sex with the owner in exchange for 1 pokerman card a week. the earth is only 6,000 years old, the grand canyon was formed in 26 minutes and abortion laws should include jellyfish as long as they have an understanding of the apostles. "now the philistines" samuel 17:1 is important as the prophets, blah, jesus, blah blah, god blah blah blah crap..................

The End

[ahinton]

Further Education:  Graduated from Nursery at the age of 42. Batchelor of spamming.

Why do you think you are suitable for this job?:   Well, wolfi is such a nice man and my daughter talks his ear off, my neighbour orgasmed when he fixed her puncture on the way to the King Tut exhibition, but my husband was OK about it, I don't go out with many other men, or i have not done since my aunts parrot got limes disease and i was unable to weld the dishwasher with a government grant. as it says in Kings 21:1 "and it came to pass" jesus saved me and i never kissed him until we had been going out for 35 years and i made him promise to marry me first. "the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom (psalms 111:10) as my youngest says on the way to the drug store where she has sex with the owner in exchange for 1 pokerman card a week. the earth is only 6,000 years old, the grand canyon was formed in 26 minutes and abortion laws should include jellyfish as long as they have an understanding of the apostles. "now the philistines" samuel 17:1 is important as the prophets, blah, jesus, blah blah, god blah blah blah crap..................

The End

Er - OK, "fun"'s over, since it seems that you've made your point - and, in any case, that great spellchecker (not) in the sky needs to remind you that "bachelor" has no "t", since whatever pianistimo is she is not a can of peas.

Now, Thal, methinks that you should try to calm down after this excessive and challenging mental (non Martin) exercise to which you have subjected yourself, have a nice glass or twelve (good number, that) of something much nicer than any beery beverage and get on with the rest of your life, banjo or no banjo, in the full and certain knowledge that no one is about to pull you to shreds just because you happen to possess both a certain kind of banjo and a certain view on your "Country" that is almost as suggestive of a certain kind of fundamentalism as is some of the kinds of expression against which you have sought to inveigh in your cod-résumé here. After all, you have told this forum enough about yourself that you may thereby have risked the possibility that someone here might soon construct a résumé for you; no, that responsibility / challenge / whatever will not fall to me personally, but someone else here might nevertheless pick it up and run therewith...

Best,

Alistair

[thalbergmad]

That was a good impression of a pianistimo post.

Well done.

Thal

[pianowolfi]

Further Education:  Graduated from Nursery at the age of 42. Batchelor of spamming.

Why do you think you are suitable for this job?:   Well, wolfi is such a nice man and my daughter talks his ear off, my neighbour orgasmed when he fixed her puncture on the way to the King Tut exhibition, but my husband was OK about it, I don't go out with many other men,

Poor Thal.  Before jealousy eats you: I really haven't had anything with her, really not.

[ahinton]

That was a good impression of a pianistimo post.

Well done.

Thal

Thank you for the praise, Thal (for all that it is wholly undeserved), but why did you proffer it when it contains no suspect grammar, mis-spellings or idiosyncracies of capitalisation of which I am aware or to which you have yet drawn attention, not a single mention of God, Jesus, the Bible or any of the authors thereof or characters therein, no "as I see it...", no references to children, husbands, pole-dancing or any other of a myriad Pennsylvanian things that might otherwise have identified my post (at least to you) as "a good impression of a pianistimo post"?

Best,

Alistair

[ahinton]

Poor Thal.  Before jealousy eats you: I really haven't had anything with her, really not.

I am neither Thal nor jealous, but have you really not even had any of her recipes with her?

Best,

Alistair

[pianowolfi]

I am neither Thal nor jealous, but have you really not even had any of her recipes with her?

Best,

Alistair

Yeah recipes, sure Very tasty ones, at the saturday dinner with her husband and her little daughter. Yummy Salad and rice with meat (I don't remember what sort of meat) and yummy vegetables. And they all prayed together for my journey. It was really moving. They are a great family

Best

Wolfi

[thalbergmad]

Poor Thal.  Before jealousy eats you: I really haven't had anything with her, really not.

Why bother denying it then?

[pianowolfi]

Why bother denying it then?

that's the sort of logic honesty will never comprehend I mean, I say just what is. Or has been. Or has not been. Perhaps not internet-like. But true. call it naive. Oh well...

[ahinton]

Thal, mon cher, you've made you point, so please give it a rest, there's a good chap; you may not realise this, but your occasional hectoring might risk getting to the point where it may come across to some readers as something not entirely unakin to those persistent God-Jesus-Bible offertoria to which we have all grown accustomed here...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

what are we denying, pianowolfi?  lets just admit it.  we are expecting a child next year.  we had mad love inside the king tut exhibit.  ?  inside a secret tomb.  yes.  it is the subject of mayla's secret whisperings.  the love child.  what will we do?  hide it.  or have an abortion?  i leave it all up to you pianowolfi. 

btw, this is a JOKE.

*just like thal having a new girlfriend (of which we have never seen a pic of her).  how do we know he has a girlfriend.  prehaps he is depressed because he worries about this more than other people and thinks pianowolfi is seeking a girlfriend at this point. NOT.  he has encountered musical experiences and friends. that's all either of us were seeking. 

btw.  why is this being even discussed.

and why are you spamming my resume, thal? 

ps pianowolfi - you don't remember my kabobs?  how dare you.  i oust the two of you from my thread.

[thalbergmad]

ps pianowolfi - you don't remember my kabobs? 

Oh no, you didn't get them out did you?

[pianistimo]

the oven - you silly. 

[ahinton]

what are we denying, pianowolfi?  lets just admit it.  we are expecting a child next year.  we had mad love inside the king tut exhibit.  ?  inside a secret tomb.  yes.

Wow! A tomb? I cannot help but think that the next that we'll hear will be of some kind of miraculous resurrection, or some such like...

it is the subject of mayla's secret whisperings.  the love child.  what will we do?  hide it.  or have an abortion?  i leave it all up to you pianowolfi. 

btw, this is a JOKE.

I'm sure that it is - I just hope that "pianowolfi" recognises this, for his sake...

*just like thal having a new girlfriend (of which we have never seen a pic of her).

That's too many "ofs"...

how do we know he has a girlfriend.

That needs a question mark but, in any case, we don't, necessarily, but then it's none of our business in any case, really, is it?...

prehaps

Dos that mean before haps?

he is depressed because he worries about this more than other people and thinks pianowolfi is seeking a girlfriend at this point. NOT.  he has encountered musical experiences and friends. that's all either of us were seeking. 

Can't speak for Thal but have every confidence in the fact that he can speak for himself...

btw.  why is this being even discussed.

Apparently because you are discussing it, Susan...

Best,

Alistair

[thalbergmad]

we are expecting a child next year. 

Hmm, the love child of an American tambo banger and a Swiss cuckoo clock collector.

If it's a boy, you could call him Beelzebub Klopfenstein.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

we had mad love inside the king tut exhibit.  ?  inside a secret tomb. 

Sister sue and wolfi did something they didn't oughta

Made love inside a secret tomb and now they got a daughter.

[ahinton]

Hmm, the love child of an American tambo banger and a Swiss cuckoo clock collector.

If it's a boy, you could call him Beelzebub Klopfenstein.

So you say - but what would you have concluded had the said love child instead been that of a Swiss tambo banger and and American cuckoo clock collector? And what if it's a girl?...

Best,

Alistair

[ahinton]

Sister sue and wolfi did something they didn't oughta
Made love inside a secret tomb and now they got a daughter.

But there's no possibility that they'll agree abortion,
So, Thal, may I discreetly urge a small degree of caution?

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

caution?  at this point? 

[pianowolfi]

All that is definitely a case for the Pianostreet Kindergarten

[pianistimo]

i agree pianowolfi.  we are the only mature ones here.  excepting alistair of course (who refuses to participate in kindergarten activities).

*how could you forget my kabobs?  i slaved over those for two hours.  slicing the onions and bell peppers and marinading the meat.  are you a vegetarian and i didn't know it?

[pianowolfi]

Lol I didn't forget them, I just forget how they are called since I didn't know that word
 

[pianistimo]

how come thal knew it?  wait a minute.  kabobs are swiss.  you are really in trouble.

[pianowolfi]

how come thal knew it?  wait a minute.  kabobs are swiss.  you are really in trouble.

Ohhh I know what you mean. okay. But that's definitely Turkish and we call it Kebab. And it's made a bit differently here I think. So I did just see and eat and enjoy. Anyway it was very yummy

[cmg]

kabobs are swiss. 

Kebabs are SO NOT Swiss. 

Americans think "fondue" is Swiss.    Maybe we should ask the Swiss what is Swiss?

Pianowolfi, please define "Swiss" for us.

[ahinton]

Kebabs are SO NOT Swiss. 

Americans think "fondue" is Swiss.    Maybe we should ask the Swiss what is Swiss?

Pianowolfi, please define "Swiss" for us.

Someone, somewhere, PLEASE define "e-resume" (presumably intended to be "e-resumé") for us and then pull this thread back on topic; kebabs, love-children, Ezekiol(!) and fondues (Swiss or otherwise) are just a few of my non-favourite things in their having no more than the most tenuous connection with that topic...

Best,

Alistair

[ahinton]

we are the only mature ones here.  excepting alistair of course (who refuses to participate in kindergarten activities).

I don't "refuse" per se but, since I have no children of my own (unlike you) and have never taught any (unlike you), my participation in such activities would surely be less than useful...

Best,

Alistair

[pianowolfi]

Kebabs are SO NOT Swiss. 

Americans think "fondue" is Swiss.    Maybe we should ask the Swiss what is Swiss?

Pianowolfi, please define "Swiss" for us.

Yes fondue is Swiss. Sorry Alistair, btt

[m]

kabobs are swiss. 

Considering whom it is coming from, I propose to re-write entire history and accept it as a fact that Kebabs (which BTW, is a more proper spelling) are indeed Swiss.

[ahinton]

Yes fondue is Swiss. Sorry Alistair, btt

My point was not about the country of origin of fondues but that neither they kebabs (however spelt) nor the various other things that have been dragged in here are relevant to the subject of this thread...

Best,

Alistair

[pianowolfi]

Considering whom it is coming from, I propose to re-write entire history and accept it as a fact that Kebabs (which BTW, is a more proper spelling) are indeed Swiss.

Lol  Anyway, for sure she could write on her e-resumé that she has made kebabs for famous Pianowolfi and that he appreciated this. 

[m]

My point was not about the country of origin of fondues but that neither they kebabs (however spelt) nor the various other things that have been dragged in here are relevant to the subject of this thread...

Best,

Alistair

Well Alistair,

Hopefully you won't deny the topic has been exhausted after the very first message.
But somehow on this particular board Susan's resume (as well as all surrounding details) is much more exciting topic than let's say interpretation, performance or any other matters of piano playing, so what's the heck, keep 'em comin'.

Besides, anything whatever our dear Susan writes is relevant to any topic  .

[ahinton]

Well Alistair,

Hopefully you won't deny the topic has been exhausted after the very first message.

Let me assure you that your hope is not dashed...

But somehow on this particular board Susan's resume (as well as all surrounding details) is much more exciting topic than let's say interpretation, performance or any other matters of piano playing, so what's the heck, keep 'em comin'.

That's as may (or may not) be, but it's not really the point, which is that whilst resumés are on topic, so many other things that have been dragged in to cloud that issue are not.

Besides, anything whatever our dear Susan writes is relevant to any topic  .

You obviously have an immensely broad imagination; you're not a composer, are you? Anyway, if you really believe that, why not let Susan write her own resumé here and others write one for her - and I mean complete ones, not the give-up-halfway sort that Thal gave us earlier, amusing at some of it was...

Best,

Alistair

[m]

You obviously have an immensely broad imagination; you're not a composer, are you?

No I am not... at least up until today. As far as I can tell, there is a very little chance something comes on me tomorrow and suddenly, out of blue I finally get that inspiration  ...

In fact, it has nothing to do with imagination. Rather practicality.
You know... for my own sanity it is cheaper that way.

Anyway, if you really believe that, why not let Susan write her own resumé here and others write one for her - and I mean complete ones, not the give-up-halfway sort that Thal gave us earlier, amusing at some of it was...

I would gladly write one for her... but unfortunately I don't have enough imagination 

[ahinton]

I would gladly write one for her... but unfortunately I don't have enough imagination 

What a shame! Ah, well - over to the Thaleban, then (who must do better next time - in the sense of completing his work, that is...)

Best,

Alistair

[m]

What a shame!

Yeah...

And BTW, as fas as Susan writing her own resume concerned, I would not hold my breath.
So far the best she cold come up with was how she had mad love with Pianowolfi inside the king tut exhibit, inside a secret tomb (I even not sure should I call Wolfi a "poor guy" or "lucky bastard"), with m1469's secret whisperings, as a witness (one could only guess how it should've felt  )...

Wait a second, in fact, on a second thought, with this kind of resume Susan could go very far and have quite a career .

In any case, even though the Thal's version seems kinda half @$$, that's the only document we have so far... until somebody comes up with a better version.

[pianowolfi]

So far the best she cold come up with was how she had mad love with Pianowolfi i

Mad love or made love? Could or cold? Deep questions. *thinks*

[cmg]

Continuation Of Pianistimo e-resume:

EDUCATION:  Anchorage AstroProjection Institute for Soul Migration Studies (1.5 credits)

CRIMINAL HISTORY:  shoplifting (Barney's Bible Barn, Philadephia, PA)

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY:  Nun wardrobe mistress for "The Sound of Music," Collegeville Production.

Just for the record, I did begin my participation in this thread "on topic."  How we free-associated to Swiss sex in King Tut's tomb surrounded by kebabs and murmuring m1469s can be attributed to two lovely words -- dear pianistimo.

                                           PIANISTIMO E-RESUME CONTINUATION

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY:  sous chef at La Fondue (NYC, 1990) 
                                     

[pianowolfi]

*goes and drinks a beer*

[cmg]

*goes and drinks a beer*

*drinks a beer, too, and makes a toast to Switzerland*

"Here's to nameless, numbered bank accounts, neutrality and those fine people over there making music amongst the gorgeous scenery!"