How do you choose your company ?

[m1469]

There are a few questions involved within this.  For one, what I mean by "company" is that I am wondering how you choose the people you are going to "hang out" with and be friends with ? 

Along those lines, I wonder what qualities constitute "respectfulness" or "niceness" to you ?  I think some people aim for finding those qualities in a friend or in their general acquaintance with people.  Some people, I suspect, will argue that they do not look for those qualities in a friend and in company.  What makes somebody "rude" in your opinion ?

In all cases, I would like to know how you work .

Thanks,
m1469

[zheer]

   I have found that  friends come and go,and these days i care less about the number of friends i have but care more how comfortable and happy these friends  make me feel. The qualites are truthful-ness, honesty and kind-ness.So yes i have very few friends, but they are like brothers to me,the rest are just people i would have a drink or chat with.BTW time is a sure way of knowing who is and is not a friend.

[thalbergmad]

As i get older, the less friends i seem to have. However, they are the ones that will be with me for life.

The only quality that is really important to me is loyalty. Real friends stay with you through thick and thin. Most disappear when you are in trouble.

Thal

[ahinton]

As i get older, the less friends i seem to have. However, they are the ones that will be with me for life.

The only quality that is really important to me is loyalty. Real friends stay with you through thick and thin. Most disappear when you are in trouble.

Thal

What you are referring to here is what in England we tend to call "fairweather friends"; who needs them?

m1469 - you really do ask a heck of a lot of questions about people, don't you?!...

Best,

Alistair

[ramithediv]

I will be leaving the forum soon. 

I want to come back. 

[m1469]

m1469 - you really do ask a heck of a lot of questions about people, don't you?!...

Best,

Alistair

I am a curious person  .  Nobody has to answer .

[thalbergmad]

Being nosey is natural for females.

Thal

[m1469]

*feels tempted to respond*

[ahinton]

*feels tempted to respond*

*then fail to resist the temptation - which is not mine, by the way!*

Best,

Alistair

[ahinton]

Being nosey is natural for females.

Thal

Thal - can you you possibly consider doing us all a favour and putting your apparently inveterate misogyny on the shelf for once? That would be really appreciated!

Good night!

Alistair

[elspeth]

In the first place I tend to choose the people I associate with because of a shared interest - usually theatre or photography in my case! But after that, for someone to really be a friend... qualities like loyalty, kindness, honesty and trust are high on my list. I have a lot of people that I get one with really well and will go out with from time to time... but only a few real, true friends.

[ahinton]

In the first place I tend to choose the people I associate with because of a shared interest - usually theatre or photography in my case! But after that, for someone to really be a friend... qualities like loyalty, kindness, honesty and trust are high on my list. I have a lot of people that I get one with really well and will go out with from time to time... but only a few real, true friends.

Not to mention love and appreciation of fire engines, especially of the large size and red colour...(!)

Best,

Alistair

[ada]

Sharp intellect, personal and political integrity, sense of humour and an ability to laugh at their own foibles and those of others.

Shared experiences/history/passions/interests/irritants/helps too, as does humanity and individuality.

Basically, you don't have to be nice, just don't be boring, and don't be a fool.

[pianochick93]

I choose by instinct. I can usually tell if I want to know a person by first impressions.

[pianolearner]

There are a few questions involved within this.  For one, what I mean by "company" is that I am wondering how you choose the people you are going to "hang out" with and be friends with ? 

Along those lines, I wonder what qualities constitute "respectfulness" or "niceness" to you ?  I think some people aim for finding those qualities in a friend or in their general acquaintance with people.  Some people, I suspect, will argue that they do not look for those qualities in a friend and in company.  What makes somebody "rude" in your opinion ?

In all cases, I would like to know how you work .

Thanks,
m1469

I think it is a process of natural selection, much like evolution. When you are very young you give most people the benefit of the doubt. As you become more experienced with people you tend to be more selective. Everyone goes through the audition process and for me I tend to avoid people who are critical or make snide remarks if you say or do something 'stupid'. By this, I mean if you ask a question about something you were not sure about and get the "Any idiot knows that" type of response. That would absolutely guarantee that person will never be a part of my circle. Not that I am always asking ‘stupid’ questions, but that type of response is indicative of an arrogant person. I hate them. I will answer any question a person asks (if I know the answer) and would never criticise or humiliate them for having to ask.

[ahinton]

Sharp intellect, personal and political integrity, sense of humour and an ability to laugh at their own foibles and those of others.

Shared experiences/history/passions/interests/irritants/helps too, as does humanity and individuality.

Basically, you don't have to be nice, just don't be boring, and don't be a fool.

...or a New Zealander?...

Just joking. It all sounds like good common sense to me - although I imagine that being nice as well would help...

Best,

Alistair

[shortyshort]

I will be leaving the forum soon. 

I want to come back. 

I have been let back in. 

I think that most people will choose company that has similar personalities to their own. 
Real true friends are very rare, and impossible to replace. 

[pianochick93]

I agree with Pianolearner's comment about the way in which questions are answered. It is not a crime to not know something, so when one of my friends answers a question in that tone of voice, accompanied with snide comments, I get very annoyed at them. I often reply back with something like "well I'm sorry for not knowing something."

[thalberg]

Just a few random attitudes of mine:

I try to look for people who have a quality of openness and approachability. 

Often the people who others  don't notice are really wonderful human beings if you initiate a friendship with them. 

I also find that people with striking looks or great accomplishments seldom have the time or inclination to be very caring.  (If you're gorgeous or ravingly successful, please don't be hurt by this.)

Often I try to look past what everyone else sees in people and make friends with those who may have no other friends.  There is usually a lot of good in people if you know how to look for it.

Aside from choosing company based on who I "like" or find "entertaining," I also sometimes try to choose company based on what I can offer them rather than what they can offer me.

[pianolearner]

I also find that people with striking looks or great accomplishments seldom have the time or inclination to be very caring.  (If you're gorgeous or ravingly successful, please don't be hurt by this.)

OK, I will try not to be hurt 

But you and I will never be friends 

[mcgillcomposer]

I first choose an attractive bloke and then quiz him on his knowledge of zoology, particularly dancing monkeys. If this checks out, I inspect the size of his member (the brain of course) ... I do this by carefully observing the size and shape of the head.

In any case, it is not so interesting when I choose my company, it much more riveting when my company chooses me - especially when they do so in multiple numbers. The more the merrier, as long as their brains check out, of course...

[Bob]

.

[n_n]

i never CHOSE my company. I just sort of follow the flow and BECOME friends with some ppl... never intended to choose people and never give a damn to those who're selecting/deselecting me. My friends are all very different as well. Many times my parents couldn't get me when i was little. They'd always ask me "how did you become friends with such and such? i'd never imagine the two of you getting along... blabla" The magical thing is, my friends since middle school days last till now (not that i have a big crew of friends though).

I think if ppl choose friends, they'll most likely to go by personality, interests, and make some judgements about ppl w/o really knowing them at all, but i think personality isn't the essence of someone. It's more like a shell ppl choose to reside in.  The quality that really makes some ppl connect is something deeper down, i believe. So for me, ppl i hang out with are the bunch of people i've been knowing for quite a while and are naturally still hanging together. i can say i never put a thought into "making friends" since i was little - never cared about peer pressure till these days. - and by that i saved a lot of time.

[Siberian Husky]

by the color of their skin. thats it. no darkies.

[rc]

hmmm...

Well I guess I've typically done as n_n when meeting people, just letting it happen.  I think there's certain commonalities though, when I look at the friends I have from school...  A lot of fun people, there's an adventurous streak.  Probably no accident, my parents worried too much, they didn't give me a lot of freedom as a kid.  I remember looking out the window as a kid dreaming of being out, exploring.

Now I look at the same friends and find the commonality we share is partying and drinking.  Part of the age no doubt, but I find a lot of drinkers come to rely on booze to have fun.  It was telling when this group hung out one day without drinking and nobody seemed to have anything to say to each other.

I've gotten more picky about the crowd I keep.  Some people have deep held beliefs and attitudes that I think are poisonous.  I don't want to tell anybody how to live their life, I just want to limit the negative influences in my life.

[m1469]

Well, of course there is always some sense of life just bringing us whatever it pleases, but I do think that we can attract people though and decide whether we really want to spend our time with them or not.

There are some people who grow more and more beautiful to me as I get to know them and some people whom do not. 

[gilad]

I choose my company based on how good looking, rich and popular they are;P

By what car they drive, the rastuarants they frequent, the wine they drink, the kind of music they listen to. The religion, their educational background, etc etc. ie Socail economic background which borders on demographics.

These even if we are not aware of it choose our friends for us.

anyway. I am not that shallow. Just noting it.