How to stop worrrying?

[Bob]

I see it as a waste of energy.

I have things that affect me, important things.  I don't have complete control over them. 

I can influence the outcome, but there are certain elements that are beyond my control.  Unknowns.


I my best of course, but still...  what if this?  What if that?  I go back and tweak things, redo things. 



But I find it's really just this load sitting on my shoulders weighing me down.  As soon as the deadline passes, I have more energy.  Why?  Because the worry is gone.  Actually whether things go good or bad, the worry is gone.  I suppose that may be my answer.

But before the deadline comes around, I'd like to have that energy.  There's no point worrying, esp if it's really just wasting energy.

I don't want to complete disregard something important.  I have "practiced" not caring about something and I can actually not have a concern about things if I work at it.  Ignore it.  Do and think about other things.  The scary things is when I really don't care and it is something critically important.  I don't think that's a great situation either.


The best I've come up with is just to block out time for a project.  And try to worry about it otherwise.  If it goes well, fine.  If it doesn't, it doesn't really matter because I've worked on it and that's that.  The rest of the time, forget it so there's no worry.  But make sure I'm hacking away at the project so I'm making progress.

Easier said than done though. 

I would guess that the stress is taking up some significant amount of my energy.  Ten percent?  Enough to make the difference between a good day and bad day.

I'm not sure I have complete control over it either.  Some, but some indirect control, and then some is just that uncontrollable part of emotion.

I can actually feel though, right now.  In my shoulders and neck. 

And I know in the end I'll probably be fine, regardless of how things turn out.  I will have something accomplished before the deadline. 


So this extra stress is just wasting energy.  I'd really like to take that energy and turn it toward these projects or toward music. 

I've tried exercise and stretching.  Unless this is some deep down muscles thing.  Tension trapped deeply within the muscles that stretching and exercise don't access.


Any other ideas though?

[elspeth]

It's a tricky one... the way I get round worrying is to make sure I'm working on the things I can work on, that are in my control, and just accepting that if something else screws a project up for me, then it's not my fault. But of course if something does go wrong, then if you have that sort of mind you'll look back and think 'well, maybe if I'd done that differently, the external thing would have had a different effect...'

I think a big part of it is time management, positive thinking and having faith in your own judgment. Knowing you did the sensible thing at the time, and planned your work effectively as per the specification at the outset, and that if something external affects it it's nothing you could have predicted or changed.

On a more practical note, a massage will help your neck and shoulders, as long as you have it done by someone who knows what they're doing. But ultimately, unless you can learn to deal with whatever's making you stressed, then nothing will sort the knots in your muscles out for more than a few hours.

[Petter]

A gin and tonic before supper and a glass of wine with the food.

[counterpoint]

You should care about the issues you have an influence on.
But you should not worry about the things, you cannot change. Worrying is only good if it leads to some action. Worrying without any action makes you depressed and it's not good for anything.

[thalbergmad]

But you should not worry about the things, you cannot change.

Bloody good advice