I can't stand her anymore

[bonjing]

I just had my keyboard class and I don't know what to do with my professor. Many of my classmates dislike her because of her attitude. She do shout, talk cockiness and make some rude funny faces with me when I did something wrong in playing the piano. But this time, it was just too much. We were doing chord modulation and she was expecting me to know about it. Of course I didn't have any theory background when I was in the Philippines until when I'm taking music classes right now. Then i am still in theory 2 and we still havn't discuss modulation yet. She was like, "oh my goodness", "what am i gonna do with you", "do you have any theory" etc etc. I just don't know what to do if she will do that to me next time. SHe also told me my english wasn't that good (well i can take that) but she should not have said that coz she's also a non-english speaking and her accent is awful compared to mine. She easily loose her temper if we do anything wrong. The way she teaches doesn't make students to learn and to love music. I cried this whole afternoon because of her. 

[iumonito]

I am so sorry, Bonjing.

After you take a deep breath, here is a thought for you:  This person you are in contact with will possibly stay this way for ever.  You will not. 

Music, such a beautiful thing to learn, and to live with, and to make part of your life.  NO ONE can get between you and the music, and thankfully you do not need anyone in order to enjoy, study, and love music.

You do need (or rather, you can benefit from getting in contact with) people that know more than you do about music, but often it will be up to you to separate what you can learn from them, from what you think is not right.

The way I see it, there are three dimensions to the study of music: musicianship, technique, and personal growth.  This teacher you have described seems to be under-developed in the third dimension, and possibly hurting her students on it.  Be greater than that.  Your humanity shall forgive her, understand her, and let her go.  You have better things to feel and a better person to be.

You can learn music theory from many a person.  If I was you, I would start looking around for other sources of such knowledge, if you thirst for it.

Best wishes,
IU.

[lucylucy]

good luck ! you really seem sad 

[mmro]

Please don't be sad... Oh... and sorry about my english too

I have some advice for you

No matter what we do, we can't avoid it... there will always be people like your teacher that only criticize others. Those kind of people, are worthy of pity. They like to hurt others so  and try to make them feel miserable so that they can feel superior and ease their self-esteem problems. If you lower your head and become sad, you're doing exactly what they want. The best thing you can do is not listen to any destructive critic and try to find a new teacher ASAP... I'm sure that you're a completely valid person in every possible way.

Don't let her opinion stand before your own opinion. Don't allow her to make you feel bad, so that she can feel better.

No, no, no, no, no, no.....

Sadly the world is full of them.... don't listen to anything she has to say. She hates everyone and probably hates herself.

Go find a new teacher, but please be happy. Remember that her opinion should  mean nothing to you....

Go find a new teacher and remember that people that hurt others do it because they feel so bad about themselves that they seek other people to hurt, so they can feel better themselves.

But no one can make you feel bad without your permission... you have no reason to do so.... Remember that you play to have fun.... you  feeling bad because of another person is unacceptable. Get away from that prostitute!!!

Good luck... sorry about my english again

[timothy42b]

She has the power to affect your emotions.

How did this happen? 

There is no physical connection.  None of her neurons connect with any of yours.  None of her chemical producing organs can dump adrenaline into your blood stream. 

How this happened is simple.

You have chosen to give her power over you. 

And you can choose to take it back. 

There are some tricks that will help, I'll suggest some approaches if you want.  But you have to decide that she can't control you.

She can affect some things about your life, like the grade in your class. 

But your emotions?  Never.  Not unless you give her permission. 

[popdog]

Just go up and punch her.

[bonjing]

Just go up and punch her.

right, this will make me feel much better

[keypeg]

Bonjing, her mannerisms suggest that she does not know how to teach.  That is not professional behaviour.  Yelling shows lack of control.  When she says "I don't know what to do with you.", if you take that literally, she is saying "I don't know how to teach."  If she is a teacher, she should know what to do with you.

But let's take this a step further.  She may not be behaving professionally, but you can keep your dignity by always being the "professional student", the future professional musician. I understand that in the prof. music world there is often unfairness.

You're in college?  The college has supplied her with students who do not have the prerequisites for the course.  She is teaching how to do modulation, and the students taking the course should have been taught modulation in theory because that is what she is counting on.   She should not have to teach the theory prerequisite.  She may not even know that you haven't been prepared.  That is her dilemma as a teacher.

So .... the college should have given you the prerequisite.  If you come from a different country and education system, they could have given you those courses that you don't have yet, in order to prepare you for this class.  In other words, you should have been taught about modulations and other things in some kinds of preliminary courses, and they didn't.

If she does have good points, and actualy knows things that she could teach you, then maybe (?) you can turn this around.  If you have not been prepared properly, that is something that affects both of you - you as a student because you don't have what you need to follow her course, and her as a teacher because she cannot base her teaching on what you havn't been given.

Could you approach her privately, tell her that you don't think that you have been taught everything that you need to help with her course, and ask her what kinds of things you should be learning right now so that you can better prepare yourself for what she is teaching?  Mention modulation in particular.

This would show you as a willing student who is ready to do what is necessary, and that you are sincere about learning what she has to teach.  Her attitude toward you might shift.  The thing is that you are not taking this course for her, but because you want to learn the material.  The situation is making it impossible for you to do so.

It's a long shot, but I know somebody who was in that situation (minus the screaming teacher, just not having the prerequisites or something similar) and talking privately to the teacher about how to solve what was missing made a difference.

Do not let that negativity affect you!!!!

[bonjing]

yes i'm in college right now. Well she taught me how to do the modulation yesterday but i was just pissed with her actions. My private piano teacher won't even say negative things about my performance or playing. I'm actually got the chord modulation now and keep practicing on different keys so that i will be prepared next time. She always get mad to the students especially to the piano majors when they don't know everything about theory. And when she try to explain it to the students, she murmurs and blah blah blah. She really thought that I know everything about theory that's why she was upset yesterday.

[keypeg]

It sounds like this teacher does not know how to handle the situation.  You say that she is also from another country, since she has a strong accent?  It may be that she comes from a country where students are taught what is needed in theory, so that teachers only need to teach the practical part.  She may not know how to handle it.  That shows her weakness, and she cannot affort to show that she doesn't know how to handle that part, so she yells and screams.  It's like a cornered cat puffing up its hair to look like a giant tiger, ubt it's just a little fluffy cat, and it knows that it's a little fluffy cat.  Students are in situations, and teachers are in situations too.

It may be possible for you to tell her that you are concerned about possibly not having learned the theory that you need, and that you want to fix that.  You might ask her what theory you will need to know in the future for her course, so that you can get a professor to help you.  She may be favourable to it.  Also, you said that she thought you had learned it.

Or.... since you have a private teacher, tell him the situation.  Do you have an outline of what you are studying with the first teacher?  If so, your private teacher might be able to look at what you're doing practically and be able to guess what theory you will need.  He might be  able to advise you what you should be studying and where to get help.  After all, your private teacher needed theory too when he was studying.

I actually like criticism from a private teacher.  It's nice to know I'm doing well, but I need to work on what I'm not doing well.  I have started asking for more criticism.

[momopi]

hello bonjing!

How are you now? I hope you won't be stuck with a loony for a long time! Find someone else! 

momopi

[a-sharp]

All I can say is I'm sorry! Sometimes you just have to suck it up & deal with getting through a course with a bad teacher. Try to focus on what matters - just try to learn the material despite the poor instruction, be as civil and polite in class as you possibly can and do your absolute best on exams. Pray you never have to take another class from this person again, but just get through this one. In the scheme of life, it's just ONE class, and it will be over soon, I swear (not that I swear...).

I got lucky - All my instructors are great, save for one, and I ended up getting permission to drop the class!!! Turns out I was an idiot and enrolled in the wrong class (I had tested out of it but didn't realize it & now it's too late to enroll in the one I *should* be in b/c of my schedule). The bad new is, there is a class I'll have to take later that is ONLY taught by this person. Eek!

I'll tell you what I AM going to do... After the semester is over, I'm going to formulate an intelligent & logical letter spelling out my complaints about this instructor ... I know there are other students who feel the same, and I what I think is no one says anything. I'm going to interview a few students, and then write a letter ANONYMOUSLY to either the music dept. chair or the dean of students... This person isn't rude, but really does not know how teach - IMO, shouldn't be teaching at a university... BUT, I'm going to wait for the end of the semester so I can be sure this si really something I want to do. Anyway - you could consider something similar. If no one speaks up about poor quality teaching, well, nothing changes.... KWIM?