The Artistic and the Asinine.

[Essyne]

I was thinking today about rhetorical devices/strategies in Literature, and wanted to hear a few of the best/worst similes, metaphors, aphorisms, analogies, etc. that you've ever read/heard/made up. Anything particularly potent, poignant, or just plain dumb goes.

Could be fun, in a nerdy sort of way.

[pianochick93]

How about oxymorons?

I like 'Microsoft works'

[thalberg]

The seals jumped out of the water like self-propelled bars of soap.

(worst simile)

[mike_lang]

The seals jumped out of the water like self-propelled bars of soap.

(worst simile)

That is AWESOME!

[pianochick93]

Agreed

[kony]

She walked into the room like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

[communist]

knowledge is power is the stupidest thing out of everything 

[thalberg]

That is AWESOME!

Okay next bad one:

He was so honest you could play checkers with him over the phone.

[pianochick93]

How about:

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

or

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

[pianolearner]

Shut up! He explained.

(Not as good some of the others so far...stapled tongue  )

[0range]

Here's a good one...

"Make morning into a key and throw it into the well."

One that's always irritated me:

"I literally killed myself!"

[alessandro]

I believe Oscar Wilde wrote a lot of witty one-liners...
Only one comes to my mind now;

"I can't resist anything but temptation"

In another register, not Wilde I presume, a more common one ...

"I saw her tits arriving and five minutes later she was there"

[ahkow]

Pretty Ugly?

There's a famous joke to go with it

A: Do you think i'm pretty or ugly?
B: I think that you're a big of both. You pretty ugly

[goldentone]

How vain it is to sit down to write when one has not stood up to live.

(Thoreau)

[pianochick93]

How vain it is to sit down to write when one has not stood up to live.

(Thoreau)

Oooh. I like that one.

[chopininov]

True friends stab you in the front.