One day you'll look back on this and laugh !

[m19834]

I'm curious.  How often has that actually happened for you ?  Something seems serious at the time, only to have you move beyond it and some time later you can laugh about it all ?

Or, how about "Don't sweat the small stuff ... and it's all small stuff" ?

How often does something feel like a big deal only to have you look back on it and think you were silly to be in turmoil about it or that it really wasn't a big deal at all ?

I would just like to know the reality of it for people from all across the globe .

[Petter]

Mostly things from my younger years. Self goal in soccer at the age of 11, I wanted to die. Blushing and stuttering when talking to pretty girls when you were a teenager. Awww those were the days.

[m19834]

Self goal in soccer at the age of 11, I wanted to die.

Oh man, yeah.  I will admit I chuckled a little when reading that, but only because I know what that is like !  I remember in basketball, even in in highschool, there would sometimes be a moment of confusion for somebody who made a steal or so on, where they would get excited and make a run (and a dribble) for the wrong basket and score against their own team ... hee hee.

[concerto_love]

I like to kissing the mirror when I was a little girl, awww...

[Petter]

I like to kissing the mirror when I was a little girl, awww...

hehe

[m19834]

Well, I am not actually just asking about things people did when they were little that they now think is cute.  I am curious if people ever had what felt like true problems at the time, but which did actually fade into something funny years later ? 

The "sayings" are supposed to imply that whatever you are experiencing is not as bad as it actually seems, and that one day you will see this.  But, how many times does that actually happen ?  How true are those sayings ?

Personally, for some things, that has been true and for others it simply hasn't been.  For example, my first boyfriend and I, when we broke up (when I was 18) after dating for two years, I was absolutely crushed.  I don't laugh about it now, but I definitely don't feel the same pain and I definitely wouldn't wish for that relationship to have gone differently.  However, as I said, there are other things in my life that were indeed life altering, only to have somebody say to me "don't sweat the small stuff" -- and even though I am not in the same place with that stuff, it still doesn't seem like "small stuff" to me.

[general disarray]

Well, I am not actually just asking about things people did when they were little that they now think is cute.  I am curious if people ever had what felt like true problems at the time, but which did actually fade into something funny years later ? 

Yeah, I'm remembering when I only won the bronze medal at the Cliburn four years ago, third place in the Leventritt the year before, and only second at the Chopin and Tchaikovsky just last year.  Seemed tragic then.  But now?  Seems downright delusional!

[m19834]

Yeah, I'm remembering when I only won the bronze medal at the Cliburn four years ago, third place in the Leventritt the year before, and only second at the Chopin and Tchaikovsky just last year.  Seemed tragic then.  But now?  Seems downright delusional!

er... is this some kind of joke ?  Either that is all made up stuff and you are just making light of the topic, or that is all real and you are bitter (which is actually exactly what I am curious about).  Either way, it seems you are mocking what I am asking (please feel free to show me that I am wrong about that).  I hold out a chance that it is all true and you have come to terms with whatever was upsetting.

In any case, what are people's problem with this topic ?    People don't have to spell out whatever the thing was that was difficult, I am just genuinely curious how "true" those "sayings" have been, and what validity/wisdom there actually is in saying them to other people and taking that attidtude with other people regarding their lives (people say those things to others as though it is the most wise thing they can say in a circumstance that is very troubling for another, and as though that is what the fruits of their own struggles in life have been).

At this point, my impression so far is that it seems people do not "get over" whatever seems like a big deal at an earlier time; it never quite becomes "small stuff" -- and if that is generally the case, I guess I have a better idea in what to look forward to  (and perhaps what I need to do to make sure I am moving forward with things (and how to help my students do the same)).

[m19834]

ha ha ... I just realized that I skipped out on putting the word "look" in the topic heading ... now that is funny  .

[general disarray]

Sorry, not mocking you.  

Of course, it's a little levity, but, it's my way of expressing what you are looking for in a response to this thread.  In short, I'm not sure what you are asking.

Are you asking why is it that we can't let go of disappointments, mistakes, humiliations, etc?  Well, when you think about it from an evolutionary standpoint, our species -- and other species -- remember the painful more readily because it's a warning sign.  The first time you touch a hot stove as a child and get burnt, the act becomes an indelible/painful memory.  The memory stays with you as a protective mechanism so you don't touch hot things thoughtlessly again.

Now, psychologically, we also remember more readily the painful over the pleasurable.  The mechanism is the same  -- to protect us from future pain.  But, it doesn't work as well in the psychological realm because it can inhibit our growth by making us Chicken Littles.  We never take risks again.  That's not good.

So, "don't sweat the small stuff" takes on significance here.  We must learn to allow mistakes to be our friends. Mistakes, in fact, are HOW we learn.  When you attempt your first scale, you make mistakes.  Teacher steps in, advises; you correct mistakes, you learn and grow.

Seeing mistakes in this way gives the glib saying "don't sweat the small stuff" some meaning, I think.

Is this what you are asking?

[general disarray]

ha ha ... I just realized that I skipped out on putting the word "look" in the topic heading ... now that is funny  .

Well, there you go.  A "mistake."  Don't sweat the small stuff, right?    Just learn from it.  And the lesson?  Proofread your posts in Preview mode.  It will only improve the accuracy of your communication . . . and we'll esteem you even more than we already do!

[m19834]

Well, there you go.  A "mistake."  Don't sweat the small stuff, right?    Just learn from it.  And the lesson?  Proofread your posts in Preview mode.  It will only improve the accuracy of your communication . . . and we'll esteem you even more than we already do!

Well, sometimes I do proofread them in preview mode and don't catch the mistakes even then -- that is why typically a person with a written work will send it away to other eyes to be edited. 

In any case, I often do amend my posts in some way, after they have been posted.  I will add things to it that I just didn't think about before.  That is my every right .  And, just for the record, my aim is not just to have people "esteem" me, of which I truly have no idea if "you" do or not (or ever will).  That being said, I do believe there are common courtesies that every person can afford another person, and if nothing else, I certainly appreciate those people whom actually treat me just as a person in that sense.

[general disarray]

And, just for the record, my aim is not just to have people "esteem" me, of which I truly have no idea if "you" do or not.  That being said, I do believe there are common courtesies that every person can afford another person.

I think I manage to accord those common courtesies to others -- including you.  But, perhaps I don't need to mention this since the insinuation (in your post) that I don't do that for you, may not actually be what you are expressing here at all.

You might also allay my suspicions of this by responding to my "serious" post just above on the topic of mistakes.  That would be a courtesy you could extend to me, since I went to the trouble of responding to you as you requested.

[m19834]

You might also allay my suspicions of this by responding to my "serious" post just above on the topic of mistakes.  That would be a courtesy you could extend to me, since I went to the trouble of responding to you as you requested.

Thank you for your courtesies to me .  And, my courtesy to you is that I am genuinely thinking about what you have communicated and am forming my thoughts.  When I have something to say that I feel is reasonably coherent and up to your standard, I will do so.

*gracefully bows*

[general disarray]

Thank you for your courtesies to me .  And, my courtesy to you is that I am genuinely thinking about what you have communicated and am forming my thoughts.  When I have something to say that I feel is reasonably coherent and up to your standard, I will do so.

*gracefully bows*

At your leisure, m'lady, at your leisure.

[thalbergmad]

When I have something to say that I feel is reasonably coherent and up to your standard, I will do so.

OK, see ya next year.

Thal

[Petter]

At your leisure, m'lady, at your leisure.

Knight Disarray? Chivalry lives. 

[m19834]

OK, see ya next year.

Thal

ha ha ... all that means to me is that you have been paying close attention 

[thalbergmad]

Do i get a doggy biscuit??

[m19834]

Oh, well, actually that depends ...

[thalbergmad]

On what?

[m19834]

Whether or not you want one .

[thalbergmad]

Yes please.

[m19834]

Okay, but you have to be gentle !

*trustingly hands Thal a delicious doggy biscuit*

[general disarray]

Okay, but you have to be gentle !

*trustingly hands Thal a delicious doggy biscuit*

[promptly gets bitten]

[ahinton]

Why all this dogs and biscuits business? (I know that no one is offering me either a dog or a biscuit and I do not in any case want either, but)...

Best,

Alistair

[m19834]

*offers Alistair a delicious, irresitible treat*

heeeerrrreee kitty, kitty 

[ahinton]

*offers Alistair a delicious, irresitible treat*

heeeerrrreee kitty, kitty 

Well, many thanks, of course, and I have duly passed on whatever treat it my be to my two cats who have, not unnaturally, much appreciated it, but I should perhaps point out that I am not a cat and that it was not one of my cats that contributed to this thread, so...

Ah, well...

Best,

Alistair

[m19834]

hee hee 

[concerto_love]

  OHOHOHOHOHO....!!

[m19834]

Sorry, not mocking you.  

Of course, it's a little levity, but, it's my way of expressing what you are looking for in a response to this thread.  In short, I'm not sure what you are asking.

Well, in short, as I stated above, I was asking if people really feel as though these sayings are true in their lives.  I was asking if people really feel that they actually "get over" whatever it was that was upsetting at one time (and perhaps to the point where they can laugh about it years later). 

Are you asking why is it that we can't let go of disappointments, mistakes, humiliations, etc?

 

Well, no, actually.  In order for me to ask that, I would first need to be assuming that people don't let go of these things.  I wanted to know if people really do let go of those things (if the problems really become "the small stuff") and I guess I can see more clearly now that they in fact do not.  So, my question regarding that along the lines of the thread topic is, if people don't actually end up letting go of these things, why would people toss around a saying like "don't sweat the small stuff" if it holds no actual value ?  People say it as though they themselves have managed to work every little problem in their lives out and as though they have reached the conclusion that all problems are not worth the worry and that -- in the big scheme of things -- the problems wind up amounting to next to nothing, when in reality, I guess people don't actually let things go at all !  So, I wonder, why in the world a saying like "don't sweat the small stuff" would even come around in the world ?     

Well, when you think about it from an evolutionary standpoint, our species -- and other species -- remember the painful more readily because it's a warning sign.  The first time you touch a hot stove as a child and get burnt, the act becomes an indelible/painful memory.  The memory stays with you as a protective mechanism so you don't touch hot things thoughtlessly again.

Now, psychologically, we also remember more readily the painful over the pleasurable.  The mechanism is the same  -- to protect us from future pain.  But, it doesn't work as well in the psychological realm because it can inhibit our growth by making us Chicken Littles.  We never take risks again.  That's not good.

So, "don't sweat the small stuff" takes on significance here.  We must learn to allow mistakes to be our friends. Mistakes, in fact, are HOW we learn.  When you attempt your first scale, you make mistakes.  Teacher steps in, advises; you correct mistakes, you learn and grow.

Seeing mistakes in this way gives the glib saying "don't sweat the small stuff" some meaning, I think.

Is this what you are asking?

Well, this is something along the lines.  I guess in some sense, what I am asking is what that saying is supposed to mean.  While you have managed to attribute it a bit of worth, I don't get the impression that this is what most people mean when they say it (as I described above).  I have always been under the impression that people who say that are basically belittling whatever the worry or trouble seems to be for another.  Treating everything, no matter what it is, as though it is the equivalent to "Oh, you broke a nail.  Well, honey, don't sweat the small stuff !"  Very glib, indeed !!

However, I will take your thoughts into account in my life from now on .

[general disarray]

However, I will take your thoughts into account in my life from now on .

I'm quite flattered you should say that.  (I think.)

[m19834]

I'm quite flattered you should say that.  (I think.)

Though I cannot answer for you as to whether you are in fact quite flattered or not (), I can say that I do mean my words in a good way, so if you wish to be flattered, please feel free .

[m19834]

Well, when you think about it from an evolutionary standpoint, our species -- and other species -- remember the painful more readily because it's a warning sign.  The first time you touch a hot stove as a child and get burnt, the act becomes an indelible/painful memory.  The memory stays with you as a protective mechanism so you don't touch hot things thoughtlessly again.

Now, psychologically, we also remember more readily the painful over the pleasurable.  The mechanism is the same  -- to protect us from future pain.  But, it doesn't work as well in the psychological realm because it can inhibit our growth by making us Chicken Littles.  We never take risks again.  That's not good.

I have been thinking about this a bit and weighing it in my life.  I won't say that I don't remember the stuff that hurts, and I am not just talking about touching something hot, but, I generally tend to look for the good in things.  This doesn't mean I always succeed at doing this, but it's safe to say that I have stayed in many a situation too long because I magnified those things which were positive about the situation or the people involved, and did not give enough emphasis in my thought to those things which needed changing.  I suppose eventually, if it is a matter of particular situations and relationships and not just a matter of learning where to put my hands or not, there is something that finally helps me see that it is truly unhealthy for me.  In my past, that has sometimes taken *way* too long.  I am not sure what the point of me remarking on this is, other than I just don't think this stereotype about people is altogether true and that makes it tough to use in the reasoning process regarding the topic.

[quantum]

Hmm.  What about running cross the field with the soccer ball.  One kick away from goal, and slipped on a patch of mud. 

[db05]

Er... When you're a kid, everything is either serious business, or just a game. My childhood was serious business. But I was tough. What I didn't know couldn't hurt me. So, in some ways, "One day you'll look back on this and laugh!" is the opposite of the truth. I look back and say, sh*t, shouldn't have done that. There are things I cry about now but not when I was younger. Some bad decisions were made...

On the lighter side of life, I think of my former "ambitions" - they seem crazy to me now.
1. to be a soldier
2. to be a priest
3. to make video games
4. to be a jeepney driver
5. for a while, to be a farmer