How many ... does it take to change a light bulb?

[belvoce]

A missionary friend of mine gave me this. I think it is funny.
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How many ... does it take to change a light bulb?


Charismatic: Only 1
       Hands already in the air.



Pentecostal: 10
       One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit
of darkness.


Presbyterians: None
       Lights will go on and off at predestined times.



Roman Catholic: None
       Candles only.



Baptists: At least 15.
       One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.


Lutherans: None
       Lutherans don't believe in change.



Episcopalians: 3
       One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about  how much better the old one was.



Mormons: 5
       One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.


Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you  have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to  write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next   Sunday service, in  which we will explore a number of light bulb   traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and   tinted, all of
which are equally valid paths to luminescence.


Methodists: Undetermined
       Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.  You  can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered  dish.



Nazarene: 6
       One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.



Mennonite:
       What's a light bulb?



Evangelical: None
       Jesus is the light of the world!

[Tash]

we have that for half the high schools in sydney and they very accurately capture the reputation of each school! but sadly ours wasn't on there...

[thracozaag]

How many Juilliard Students does it take to change a lightbulb?

One hundred.  One to do it, and the other ninety-nine who say that could have done it better.

koji

[ahmedito]

How many Maxim fans??

1000001

1 to hold the light bulb.... 1000000 to turn the house around

[squinchy]

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high!

How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to complain that they could have done it if they had the high notes.

How many chang players does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them. One to twist the bulb for several hours, and the other one to decide that it's as good as it's going to get, and that they might as well flip the switch.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

I credit all of these to https://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/#violin.

[I would have put the viola lightbulb joke here, but I couldn't tell if it was offensive or not..and I didn't understand it either.]

[clarinetwife]

How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she'll go through the whole box trying to find just the right one!