Ladies: would you walk with a stranger at night?

[db05]

It's happened with me the second time today. Though totally different from the first time, and not as serious, I'm creeped out. Especially since I seem to be really attractive to guys lately LOL.

It's not exactly really late here, right now it's 7:45 pm, so this must have happened around 7:00 pm, but it's already dark outside by that time. I was asked to go out and buy something, so I went to a store. They didn't have it, so I was leaving but this guy said he knew a new store along the main road and would take me there. So he did, I said I'd be fine alone (it's not a long way anyway and it was a bright, familiar place with lots of people), but he accompanied me to and fro.

It was a very short walk, but he still had the nerve to talk. Asked me if I'm okay walking out at night; I said I'm fine. Asked if I go to school, if I'm in high school; I said college. Asked what year; I answered second year. (Not lying here, but it's not the whole truth either.) And that's it. Now I'm home safe. 

I'll tell you about the other time. I met somebody and dated him that same night, it was way later than 7 pm, maybe 9 pm, and I was in university. He had a car, and even brought me back to my dormitory. I didn't think much of it until I told my friend the day after and she said that was creepy. So it was. I ignored all of that guys messages from then on, turns out he fell in love with me at first sight. Ridiculous. Total turn-off. And I don't know what I was thinking.

The problem is I don't know how to shoo people away or to lie to them. If you stayed with me long enough, and asked the right questions, you'd know enough about me to go knock on my door sometime. Or visit me in school or something. Maybe even be friends with me. 

[db05]

More on the subject of not being able to shoo some guys away...

These past few months, some friends had kissed me, some with permission, others without. I didn't think much about it then, since they're friends. But isn't it annoying that no one is even trying to be in a relationship with me? Just stealing kisses with no commitment at all... I don't know what to make of it.

[thalbergmad]

More on the subject of not being able to shoo some guys away...

These past few months, some friends had kissed me, some with permission, others without. I didn't think much about it then, since they're friends. But isn't it annoying that no one is even trying to be in a relationship with me? Just stealing kisses with no commitment at all... I don't know what to make of it.

Do you want people to fill out an application form in order to kiss you??

I kiss a few of my friends just because i like them.

Unless someone attempts a game of tonsil tennis, i would not be worried. Perhaps it is because you are a lovely attractive young girl.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

The problem is I don't know how to shoo people away

With men, a kick in the gonads usually works if all else fails.

Thal

[rc]

Well, from a guys perspective, it takes some balls to approach an attractive stranger...  Sometimes there's just a vibe that's picked up, and it's the only way to find out what she's like.

About the guy whose messages you ignored, he must have been confused when you gave him contact info then ignored his messages.  It's one thing if you found it creepy, but if you decide it's creepy because your friend said so that's another matter.  For all you know, you could have let pass somebody who was a perfectly decent fellow.  You could have both enjoyed each others company, given the chance...  Or he could have been crazy.  You could only know by hanging out.  I was listening to a podcast interview with Michael Cain (I didn't know his real name was Maurice Mickelwhite!), and one of his closing remarks was that he only regrets the things he's done, but never things he hasn't done.

and yeah, sometimes I've needed a kick in the nads to get the hint

[G.W.K]

Do you want people to fill out an application form in order to kiss you??

Unless someone attempts a game of tonsil tennis, i would not be worried. Perhaps it is because you are a lovely attractive young girl.

LOL, such a way with words! But I agree with thal, db05...unless the male is either doing that or acts very suspiciously, you should be fine. You're just a bit paranoid because people are taking an interest in you.

But if they don't touch you or anything, don't knee them in the nuts...it's very painful and should only be used if you are in danger! LOL

G.W.K

[sharon_f]

Didn't your mother tell you not to talk to strangers?

[thalberg]

.

[lostinidlewonder]

I wouldn't put myself in dangerous situations. It might seem harmless but it only has to go wrong one time doesn't it.

[db05]

Do you want people to fill out an application form in order to kiss you??

I kiss a few of my friends just because i like them.

Unless someone attempts a game of tonsil tennis, i would not be worried. Perhaps it is because you are a lovely attractive young girl.

Thal

LOL about boys answering my thread. I hope they're cute at least. You're adorable, daddy. Thanks 

About the guy whose messages you ignored, he must have been confused when you gave him contact info then ignored his messages.  It's one thing if you found it creepy, but if you decide it's creepy because your friend said so that's another matter.  For all you know, you could have let pass somebody who was a perfectly decent fellow.

It was really creepy in hindsight because it was late at night at an undergroud music organization meeting (we were applicants from different schools) and he thought I was drunk. -No, LOL I don't drink, that was iced tea.- And then his car - more like a jeep - had no decent seatbelt (just pulled it in front for props), he sucked at driving, and the reason I agreed to go out was to see this mall I haven't been to before.

Plus those guys that had kissed me... Either they're not decent, or they're really desparate.

It's tempting to want to spare our feelings with nice words, but anything nice you say to us will only make us believe that we do have a chance and we should try harder.

Thanks for the suggestion. I'm usually nice ( ) so that IS a problem. I can say "No" but I don't seem to get the exact tone to get the point accross. Maybe louder. "NO!"

[morningstar]

Maybe start with 'no' then 'NO'?
Or just walk away...

[rc]

Well all I can say is that if a man you have never met is trying to make conversation with you, it can only be because of one thing -- your looks.  If he has never met you, that is all he knows!  I believe relationships go better when someone asks you out because they know a lot about you and believe you'd be a good couple -- not just because they like how you look.  So to shoo away all strangers is not a bad policy. 

Yes but remember that there's all that non-verbal bodylanguage.  I've seen plenty of good looking women who wore perma-scowls that I had no desire to get to know.  Maybe she's smiling and looks fun and friendly, or is wearing a shirt from a band I like.  There's quite a bit we can infer from looks.  From there, the only way to know more is to meet her.

It was really creepy in hindsight because it was late at night at an undergroud music organization meeting (we were applicants from different schools) and he thought I was drunk. -No, LOL I don't drink, that was iced tea.- And then his car - more like a jeep - had no decent seatbelt (just pulled it in front for props), he sucked at driving, and the reason I agreed to go out was to see this mall I haven't been to before.

Reminds me, one day I'm out at a bar waiting for friends and some older guy starts telling me his way or picking up women (THE way, as he put it): drink a lot, so that I get a high tolerance for alcohol, then buy a girl some drinks and get her drunk.  Smooth operator!

Back OT:  really, ya don't have to spare a guys feelings.  Start nice, then get more and more blunt.  Sometimes women can be too vague and it doesn't get across.  The last time I was rejected, I knew because she started playing with her cellphone.  That was her nice way of saying "go away", so I did no harm done, but it could easily have been interpreted as 'she got a text message, I will hang around'.

[tds]

Maybe start with 'no' then 'NO'?
Or just walk away...

NO NO NO

walk away... walk away... walk away...

[timothy42b]

seriously, I think you would benefit from one of those classes on assertiveness.  You seem to be very unassertive, then spend a lot of time later feeling guilty about it.  Don't feel guilty, you're just lacking some of the skills.

Take the class, available at any uni counseling center, then if you're still unassertive you at least have the right to feel guilty. 

I don't think you have been so much at physical risk as you have been acting powerlessly then obsessing over it later. 

[db05]

Yes but remember that there's all that non-verbal bodylanguage.  I've seen plenty of good looking women who wore perma-scowls that I had no desire to get to know.  Maybe she's smiling and looks fun and friendly, or is wearing a shirt from a band I like.  There's quite a bit we can infer from looks.  From there, the only way to know more is to meet her.

I guess I look nice. A bit too nice. I don't exactly emit a "I hate boys" aura, like some girls do. But then I'm so boyish I wonder why anyone would want to meet me? Are they gay?

seriously, I think you would benefit from one of those classes on assertiveness.  You seem to be very unassertive, then spend a lot of time later feeling guilty about it.  Don't feel guilty, you're just lacking some of the skills.

I haven't been obsessing about it, just thought about it lately. I think I've been taking this too lightly, actually. Besides the topic, people DO push me around.  You are spot on with the assertiveness! Problem is, I DON'T feel guilty about not being assertive, and would probably do anything to avoid conflict irl.

[morningstar]

I guess I look nice. A bit too nice. I don't exactly emit a "I hate boys" aura, like some girls do. But then I'm so boyish I wonder why anyone would want to meet me? Are they gay?

Just a random thought...maybe post up a pic so we can see why all these guys are after you? I'm curious as to why.

[db05]

Just a random thought...maybe post up a pic so we can see why all these guys are after you? I'm curious as to why.

Already got pictures here, if you haven't seen them:
https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,8621.msg361234.html#msg361234
https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,8621.msg361256.html#msg361256

[morningstar]

Already got pictures here, if you haven't seen them:
https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,8621.msg361234.html#msg361234
https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,8621.msg361256.html#msg361256

Gah. I dunno, maybe it's a phillipines thing

[rc]

ahhh I see, as a pretty and friendly girl, I guess it's your curse to have boys always want to meet you. I am sure that in no time you will be an expert in letting guys down

[G.W.K]

I am sure that in no time you will be an expert in letting guys down

Is that a good or bad skill to have? 

G.W.K

[rc]

Is that a good or bad skill to have? 

G.W.K

A good problem to have

[db05]

ahhh I see, as a pretty and friendly girl, I guess it's your curse to have boys always want to meet you. I am sure that in no time you will be an expert in letting guys down

[pianochick93]

ahhh I see, as a pretty and friendly girl, I guess it's your curse to have boys always want to meet you. I am sure that in no time you will be an expert in letting guys down

I've had a few I've let down, and I'm still not better at it. Most of the time they'e friends so I don't want to alienate them.

When I started dating mum told me, 'Your job is to find as many ways as you can to say no.'

[db05]

I've had a few I've let down, and I'm still not better at it. Most of the time they'e friends so I don't want to alienate them.

When I started dating mum told me, 'Your job is to find as many ways as you can to say no.'

This is really weird for me because most of the time, I'm considered "one of the boys". But lately, I'm in a world of my own. 

[pianochick93]

This is really weird for me because most of the time, I'm considered "one of the boys". But lately, I'm in a world of my own. 

Likewise. I'm one of the only girls in our group at school, and I guess I was seen more as one of the boys because I was dating one for a year and a half, but now I'm single again and they all seem to be after me (seriously, no exxageration. It's really frustrating)