Hi, I was very happy to hear your piece.
So for critique:
1. i felt that you became fatigued after the last grand pause. When you practice, is that because you play it through from beginning to end or is it that you have learned it in sections and have less play at the end? Regardless, You should play the last of it more when you are not fatigued from the beginning, and get good at it too. When you play this you should play in its entirety as well as work in smaller sections, and back to front as well.
2. I would like to hear more or exaggerated dynamics, after all it schubert: tell the stories, and emphasize the contrasts and drama.
3. Work on bringing out the left hand when the melody is there, th inner voice would be very interesting , and I hear more of the right hand octaves.
4. Don't be afraid to speed up a little in the bouncy parts and slow down and emphasize those big chords. You did it a couple of times and I really liked that.
5. The ending...make it big. It should say THE END (taa daa!!!!) Don't chicken out there. It should have completion in a big way
6. You have done some really nice work on this piece . A few wrong notes are correctable if you mark each place when you play with a pencil, then later working out each one individually. Additionally, this is painful, but very effective: record yourself, and listen to the recording while you look at your music make notes as you hear yourself regarding things that you need to improve, change, and pay attention to.