bleep

[pianistimo]

bleep.  (In free speech, one is allowed to use any word.  Apparently swear words are ok - but G-d is not. New Internet rules.  Btw, trolling is a word used for anyone you don't like.  It kind of groups people into 'us' and 'them' meaning Christians and non-Christians.  Call a Christian a troll and you've done your duty for the day).

Americans are not unaware of how the new internet laws will affect freedom for everyone.  In fact, the new administration plans to use it 'more effectively' - to route out those who disagree fundamentally with the 'system.'  Wonder why they disagree?  Maybe because they've seen it before in various guises. 

Do you remember the story 'the King and I' - you have this plot where a woman is forced to flee rather than be part of a harem - and the visitor is allowed to influence the king and helps the victim escape.  Nowdays, it's much more difficult for some women to escape oppression because they have been pulled into it by the internet and hollywood.  What about privacy.  The freedom to HAVE IT?  Shouldn't G-d be the only one to see into our private lives?

How about turning another direction?  How about the battle cry of Patrick Henry.  'Give me liberty or give me death!'

[pianistimo]

Oh.  I forgot - I wanted to ask about the answers to my prayers for all those that asked for prayer.  If there's any way to prove to anyone G-d exists, it's through answered prayers.  Guess it's been a few months - but I'm still curious.  I think because the prayers were answered, I was banned.  Could be wrong - but look who should be afraid.  Very afraid.

[opus10no2]

[pianistimo]

That about sums it up.  At least you don't have a tamborine fettish like Thal.  He thinks that everyone who praises G-d needs a tamborine in their hand.

[cmg]

That about sums it up.  At least you don't have a tamborine fettish like Thal.  He thinks that everyone who praises G-d needs a tamborine in their hand.

I don't know if prayer works, but I do know that another person's kindness and good intentions do indeed work.  To know you are thought of with compassion is a miracle in this world.  That strikes me as being the definition of love.  And if "God" is love, then, the the riddle is solved.

Thank you, pianistimo.  My prayer, for what it is worth, has been answered.

[tds]

welcome back pianistimo

[thalbergmad]

Thanks for taking almost 2 lines before mentioning God.

Your return was predictable.

As soon as their is a post in one of the tambo threads, back you come.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

#3 you're a woman so you'll get a bit of sexism on this forum - please expect it. 

Bollox, that is completely untrue.

Thal

[db05]

Oh.  I forgot - I wanted to ask about the answers to my prayers for all those that asked for prayer.  If there's any way to prove to anyone G-d exists, it's through answered prayers.  Guess it's been a few months - but I'm still curious.  I think because the prayers were answered, I was banned.  Could be wrong - but look who should be afraid.  Very afraid.

Oh, I thought you were away because you were on a praying marathon and wouldn't be back until they were answered. Well I don't know if this is the answer to my prayers, or proves there is a God, but I'll tell you what happened to me since you left. January, right? Words in parenthesis are my thoughts now.


Jan 8.
Shaun is pissed with me. Paige is worried. I feel terrible... I can't help but tell the "inconvenient truth". (I don't remember what that is.)

Jan 9-10.
Some things I realized:
- to be able to do something I normally wouldn't have is a sign of love
- that being said, I have to choose between music and a special person... or do I?
- There is science and art in everything. Does this mean that we are obliged to follow a certain way or law? Or are we all born to be free? Why do people limit themselves like they do?
- Can I still make up for past mistakes? ... Consider the "old dog" saying. Consider Raul's reasoning.

Jan 20.
Raindrop prelude. I will play it for him, and then die. For which is a bigger fantasy - my love for him, or my love for music? How dare I say, I love this, and not practice it for days in a row?

Feb 6. (My will, written on the back of my diary)
If you're reading this, I must be dead, literally or figuratively... Nobody wants to be unwanted... But I am not alone. On the contrary. There are many people like me... trying to live normal lives, will never know what it means to pursue their dreams... and be truly happy... The only way would be to destroy the society that keeps this potential locked up... I am not strong enough... It would require someone truly gifted, a genius maybe, who has transcended all fear... For all my life, I've tried to survive the outside world while being true to myself. Now I can't, and I lost the battle...
I am Jack's wasted life. If I had been less nice, not a sellout or a pushover, I would be able to do what I want.

Feb 6. (quotes from Fight Club)
"You have to consider the possibility that G-d does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you... This is not the worst thing that can happen... We don't need Him!... We are G-d's unwanted children? So be it!"

Feb 11. (from the back of my diary)
Please. Don't settle for anything less than true love.


After this, I've been going to my counselor and a bunch of doctors, and found little time to write anything. We ruled out neurological problems first, then went to a psychiatrist who prescribed some meds, I've had them for only 3 weeks; I haven't met him for a month now. That is because, right after the tests ruling out neuro, I was suffering from vertigo and had to see an ENT doctor about it. It was an ear problem, it eventually cleared up but she had me take a hearing test.

The result of the hearing test is that my ears have a big discrepancy in hearing. The doctor told us there may be a tumor around that area of the brain, and I should get an MRI to check. MRI done, no tumor. I had hoped for one. I hoped to die, and expected to. The hospital with the MRI was the one my late godfather interned in, and where my grand-aunt would get her check-ups.

It felt like a sort of premonition, since 3 dead relatives were mentioned that day, on top of that, there was a grand piano for sale in the lobby. For sale but no details on the brand and model, and it's locked so no one can try it. I thought of playing piano in my next life. Of starting very early and playing really well. I will be my loved one's student, and we will feel very familiar with each other. I thought of leaving all my possessions in his care and discretion. I gave him a letter explaining my will.

All this... and I am not dead...

[db05]

On the day I got the MRI results, I received my favorite book from my aunt (I had left it with her) - The Temple of the Golden Pavilion. It has been in my mind since, along with Fight Club, and I apologize for the confusion that I may cause here.

It was around this time, also, that I found a group of friends that met in chat regularly. btw, go12_3 is our new mom now...


Mar 20.
Had a dream... Why should I put up a poster when I have the real thing?

Mar 21.
What I am sure of, either you destroy the cat or destroy yourself. One cannot live with the other, but the self definitely doesn't last. What if neither lasts? Why make this choice, any choice?
"Maturity is... practical limits." But everything has a limit. What about freedom?
Freedom = uncertainty
Love = certain destruction (of one thing or another)

Mar 22.
This is the meaning of Bach as explained to me in a dream... (specifically, Bouree in Em) 2 voices that are seemingly moving without reason, and yet one is harmonizing with the other. While the 1st voice is the main melody, she is the confused one, the 2nd knows what he is doing...

Mar 24.
Morning. A terrible dream. Arguing with him... What about Lang Lang...?

Mar 29.
"Will I wake to find you waiting by my bedside?
Will I wake to find you waiting by my side?"


I told you I had problems with my love life. I still don't get along well with people. Plus I discovered recently that people put on facades even among friends. I got pissed at myself because I am honest by default, and don't expect to be deceived by people I consider friends... especially since it takes me so much effort and time to find and keep them. Now I guess that love is just a bunch of nothing. Certain people I loved are now lost to me. Having given up on the idea is perhaps the best thing that's ever happened to me.

 K. was one of the people who helped me realize this. I know she's not going to believe me, but I thank her very much. I needed those two words.

Thank you too, pianistimo, for praying for me.

[pianistimo]

Dear Cmg, Thal, Db05, and Tds,

Good to hear from you all again.  As this forum has shown me - we all come from different viewpoints and perceptions on many things.  The following is my personal belief: bleep. (omits anything that could be non-conformist - which is basically everything).

[db05]

pianistimo,

I don't think you read the whole thing I wrote. I had realized before that we don't need G-d. And if G-d is love, all the more so! Love is certain destruction. Love is nothingness, the void.

Welcome back.
db05

PS. Either your prayers or your G-d must have screwed up, since I lost the belief I had.

[pianistimo]

Dear Db05,

Contrary to what you may think, I read your posts very carefully.  Also, bleep.  (it's my way of being friendly).

[db05]

That just made no sense whatsoever.

[pianistimo]

bleepity bleep bleep bleep.

[thalbergmad]

That just made no sense whatsoever.

Course it bloody didn't.

She is insane.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

In many ways, the physical universe is my consolation and I think it was Beethoven's as well.  He used to go for walks and just meditate.

I wish you would.

Greenland perhaps??

Thal

[db05]

Course it bloody didn't.

She is insane.

Thal

One can be insane and make some sense, though.

[thalbergmad]

we should be just like the animals we evolved from

Evolved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is heresy.

Life started with a naked man in a big garden and his name was Adam. This happened about 4,000BC. God then created woman and Adam got her up the duff (before they got married) and that is how the human race started.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

One can be insane and make some sense, though.

Pianistimo can't.

She is off the Richter scale when it comes to insanity. Proof indeed that Fundamentalism works best with the feeble minded.

Thal

[retrouvailles]

Here is a question for Thal:

Why do you keep feeding the (proverbial) troll? You're just encouraging her to crank out these massive, long, nonsensical posts that make us angry at her in the first place.

[pianistimo]

As i see it, nobody has really offerred any solid basis for not accepting the bibilical ideal of a shared community that works together in harmony. 

Acts 4:31 'and when they had prayed (hmm - prayer works?!)the place where they had gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and began to speak the word of G-d with boldness.'

In fact, their exact prayer is listed right before in Acts 4:23 'O Lord, it is Thou who did make the heaven and the earth and the sea, and all that is in them, who by the Holy Spirit, through the mouth of our father David Thy servant, dids't say,

Why do the Gentiles rage, and the peoples devise futile things?  The Kings of the earth took their stand, and the rulers were gathered together against the Lord, and against his Christ.'  For truly in this city there were gathered together against Thy Holy servant Jesus, whom Thou did annoint, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel (not just the jews!), to do whatever Thy hand and thy purpose predestined to occur.  And now, Lord, take note of their threats, and grant that Thy bond-servants may speak Thy word with all confidence, while Thou do extend Thy hand to heal, and signs and wonders take place through the name of Thy holy servant, Jesus.'

So...you see, they prayed for something precise.  It wasn't a 'blah, blah' prayer.  'Lord, i think you're there.  Can you do me a favor.'  It sometimes takes time to connect with G-d on His terms and level.  He comes to us - but we have to take some initiative to also go to Him and present our case.  He is said to be like a judge.  If He is OUR judge, then why worry about the unessential things to our lives as though they have first priority?  He tells us our first priority is to preach the gospel of the kingdom of G-d.  That's up here.  Fairly middle to low is extending music as a ministry and/or entertainment to people.  It certainly can't save them - but it can keep their spirits high.

You know, i think Orwell was somewhat right - waayyy back in 1984.  We have the coming together of a sort of g-d figure (could call it a Beast system if you want) and He likely wants to assess and judge people before their time.  Internet policing is becoming a high fashion way to say 'yeah, i'm part of this system...i can control these little computer chips this way and that to systematically control lives.'  But, can they?  G-d is in control ultimately, and when it all comes down - you ain't seen nothin yet.

[thalbergmad]

Why do you keep feeding the (proverbial) troll?

Because i am bored with scanning.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

As i see it, nobody has really offerred any solid basis for not accepting the bibilical ideal of a shared community that works together in harmony. 

Try visiting London.

There is a great concert taking place next month.

Thal

[ahinton]

Try visiting London.

There is a great concert taking place next month.

Only ONE? What is that, pray? If London could offer only one "great concert" in a whole month, things would surely have gotten to a pretty poor pass, would they not?...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

bleep.

[db05]

Not again, pianistimo.

[thalbergmad]

I don't think I've yet heard President Obama even say the name of Jesus - so i'm wondering what brand of Christian he is.  

Hopefully he isn't and it is a great sign that he has not mentioned the name of Jesus. Let us hope that his head is not full of that shite as the world does not need another tambo banging trigger happy warmonger.

Praise that sister.

Thal

[term]

He did mention god. And god is jesus.   

[pianistimo]

President Obama seems likeable, and his wife the same.  It's just that their policies speak for themselves.  If He really believed in G-d - he'd also believe what the bible says because it's G-d's word.  Abortion is killing what G-d has created.  Where would it end?  That is what i ....bleep-- bleepity - bleep - bleep (oh, i guess my time limit is up).

[thalbergmad]

If He really believed in G-d - he'd also believe what the bible says because it's G-d's word.  Abortion is killing what G-d has created. 

Horseshit. The Bible is the word of many men, most of which were probably baby killing sheep shaggers.

What is wrong with abortion?

You seem to be doing OK.

Welcome back.

Thal

[pianistimo]

bleep.

[shortyshort]

My, this is fun. 

Bleep. 

[pianowolfi]

bleep.

meep meep 

[thalbergmad]

Thanks for the welcome back. How's the girlfriend?  The one we prayed about.  What happened in those few months.   

I will tell you what happened. Absolutely bloody nothing as expected.

Now, if my copy of the Vianna da Motta piano concerto from the Bibleoteca de Nationale Portugale actually turns up, that will be a bloody miracle and i will believe.

So please pray for that instead.

Thal

[thalbergmad]

meep meep 

Captain Cuckoo has turned into Road Runner.

Thal

[pianistimo]

Meep, meep back to you, pianowolfi 
and Bleep to you, shorty       (yes, that is a nice bleep). 

[thalbergmad]

I think what happened is that you found her, you were scared speechless, therefore did not speak, and nothing happened.  The onus is all on you.

That is a load of panther piss.

Nothing happened at all.

Thal

[ahinton]

Bleeps? Meeps?? I have no idea what is being discussed here. What I do, however, recognise is the returned voice of Sister Susan doing her proselytising G-d bit yet again, along with associated or non-associated sentiments and, given her absence from this forum (at least in the form of contributions from her) over a period of several months, I cannot help but find it all deeply disspiriting. Please, please let's not have another series of doses of this kind of thing all over again; have not most if not all of those of us who have been here on this forum for more than the past six months or so already had far more than enough of it all?

Yours, sadly in the spirit of "oh, no, not again!",

Alistair

[communist]

Pianistimo, I assume you oppose stem cell research

[pies]

a

[pianistimo]

bleep.

[Bob]

*Bob is once again shocked, yet contemplates a deeper meaning and notes the use of black space around these minimalistic posts*

[ahinton]

I wish you would.

Greenland perhaps??

Thal

Are there direct flights there from Philadelphia?

Best,

Alistair

[ikedian]

Don't be a *** idiot, Susan.  Nobody cares about you spouting God-drivel into whatever thread you want.  We get pissed off when you start using God's name as a weapon to attack other people (for instance, I distinctly remember you almost getting banned when you told all of the gay members on this site they were going to hell), and then go into defense mode talking about persecution while you're persecuting other people.  Oh, no.  Excuse me.  God is persecuting people; you're just letting us know   Pretty ironic you also have some stupid topic about free speech when you don't seem to want anyone to have it except you.

[Bob]

bleep. 

It's language like this that gets you banned.  (Bob shakes his head.)  Take note young ones.  Pianistimo... (Bob shakes head again.)

[lucylucy]

i didn't read all your post (too long)
butt yesterday i was reading a magasine and THENNN !! i saw that pianistimo was a french word LOL !!
i didn't know ! i even don't know what does it mean
LOOOOOOOOL

[Bob]

In French, according to Babelfish, it means... pianistimo. 

Pianissimo is softer.  Maybe pianistimo means pianist-er or more pianist?

[retrouvailles]

Pianissimo is softer.  Maybe pianistimo means pianist-er or more pianist?

That's Italian, not French.

[Bob]

Lucylucy said Pianistimo was French, so I looked it up as French. 

Pianistimo in Italian means... Pianistimo.  This point to the undefinable, intrinsicalistical nature of Pianistimo that can either be put into words in a single "bleeping" word or in an entire page and yet still not capture that which is Pianistimo.  Maybe Pianistimo is Russian or German?  English?  (but then it would be spelled with a "u" if she were English.)