Greatly requesting assistance.

[setutritem]

Right then, the following post is quite extensive, and may appear to ramble and deviate from the point, however I feel it is imperative that I explain everything in order for anyone trying to help me to fully understand my position.

I am 19 years old, and have been playing piano for a few years, since primary school in fact.  I originally began by 'learning' the keyboard, however the keyboard did all the work, all you had to do was press a single note and it would change what it was playing.  There was no skill involved.  My parents believed that I was probably better than this, so got in touch with a proper piano teacher who sometimes played at our school.

Thus I began to have lessons (which my parents have kindly paid for all these years).  I was told, along with my brother, that we were supposedly talented.  I advanced at roughly a grade a year (I do not know if this is a 'good' rate or not, but that is irrelevant).

Anyway, music tended to be a mere side-interest for me for some reason.  Computers took a more important role in my life (in particular playing computer games).  My piano did not fall by the wayside, it merely felt like a chore.  It was not that I did not want to play.  My parents said that if I did not want to play, I should give up my lessons.  Some part of me did not want to, so I stayed.  However it still felt like a chore in some way.  Sometimes I would lie that I had practised in order to stop my parents asking me (a terrible thing to do, I know, I regret this).

Still, I took Music at GCSE, but I did not fully put the effort in that I should have done I suppose.  Distracted in class by talking to others.  It did not seem to matter so much as I felt I would get a job 'in something with computers'.  Music was a mere small hobby, nothing more.  So I got a C at GCSE, which I was probably lucky on.

Before the GCSE, I had been learning music theory, of which I got up to Grade 5, which I achieved in 2005.  I needed to in order to advance in my piano grades.  I was lucky my parents helped organise me or I might not have got through them, I don't know.

Anyway, I passed my Grade 7 piano in the Summer of last year.  Since then, I have shall we say, stagnated, drifted.  To begin with, it did not matter.  I was 'sure' my future was something in computers (notice how vague my aim was, I was so blind).  I have since become aware of how foolish I was.  I have been unemployed since taking my A-Levels, having failed to get a job in anything.  I began looking to other horizons, as in different job fields.  You may be wondering why I did not go to University.  There are a few simple reasons for this.  First, I was put off by the debt.  Second, I was not sure how well I would do in University education, and thirdly, my aim was to learn whilst in employment (an apprenticeship or something of a similar nature).

So the job hunt went on.  During these past couple of months, I came into contact with the brother of a friend I know.  It turned out they could play piano, I heard them play over the internet.  Self-taught, obviously musically talented, and also having an ability known as 'absolute or perfect pitch'.  Since learning of him and his skills, what he can do, I have experienced feelings that I can barely describe.  Strong sorrow, and a strong yearning to be as good, with his skills, what he can do.  Maybe this is envy, but I do not hate him in any way whatsoever.  I just see him as what I could have been, I feel I have wasted the most important years of my life...

As you may gather, I have had serious confidence issues in myself.  The one thing I have not done however is given up all hope completely.  For one, I am not suicidal (the thought had crossed my mind), I simply wish to make myself better.  I realise this is a piano forum and not one for thoughts such as these, but please, I must speak my mind, you have to understand.

I have been forced to admit to myself, that I have been lazy, and I am lazy.  If it was not for my parents helping to organise my revision for my exams (including piano) I would not have done as well as I did.  But, part of me feels I still could have done better if I myself had put the effort in.

Anyway, basically there are several key points right now.  First of all, is motivation.  Wanting and feeling the need to do things, and actually motivating yourself into actually them are two entirely different things.

I have decided I want to recover myself on piano.  I am still having lessons, but I do not feel I am progressing.  I feel I have become sloppy, there are areas which I myself notice that I want to improve, but I do not know how.

For example, I tend to look at my hands whilst playing.  My sight reading is far too slow.  Whilst playing something, I tend to 'go automatic', this includes sight-reading sometimes, and I will make foolish mistakes.  I am not fully certain on posture.  I also have very few pieces under my belt (I can only play a mere two from memory, that being Fur Elise, and one of my Grade 7 pieces called Giga), but I do not fully know quite what I want to play.  I feel I need to genuinely like something in order to play it, or I will take ages.  When I try to learn a piece given to me, it does not take a week, or two, it takes months, and still I do not have them fully grasped (maybe because I have not practised as much, I don't know).

I have been told I need to play for at least an hour a day by my piano teacher.  I do not do this, but I probably should.  I find it difficult to sit and play for long periods.  And I hate the structure that I am supposed to follow for a practice (scales first, then pieces).  I do not exactly play for recreation. 

I also, since learning of perfect pitch, feel an incredibly strong urge to learn it.  I put hours of effort into searching on how to.  I believe there are far too many examples on the internet of people having learned it for it to be unachievable.  However, I know there are many scams out there, so I 'acquired' a course that seemed to have the most repute, 'David Lucas Burge's Ear Training Super Course'.  Needless to say, I had little luck with it, so I deleted it.  I do not care whether relative pitch is of more use, or that perfect pitch has disadvantages with being annoyed when music is in a different key, or whatever.  I simply want to have it, being able to know what notes are just by hearing them (and not thinking of other tones in your head to work it out). 

More recently I came across this rather interesting website:

https://www.pianofundamentals.com/

This website appears to have quite a bit of information about piano (and also says that perfect pitch can be learned, and it also talked about something called 'mental play').  However the book is complicated for me, maybe I am just slow or missing the obvious, who knows.


To conclude, I realise that was quite a lot of text to read.  Hopefully some of you will have taken the time to read it.  I am in need of answers, I am not fully sure quite what specific answers I am looking for, but I want to improve my musical ability and my piano playing.  I fear my lack of effort and drifting may have lost me something.  As it is I can remember little of the music theory I learned, and I have the problems explained above.

Please help, anyone.  I do not want to give up piano, but I need to do something, more than just 'sitting down and relentlessly playing', as I can't.  I might have passed Grade 7, but I certainly do not feel at that level.

[m19834]

Good for you for wanting more from yourself !  It's *very* easy to get comfortable, isn't it ?  What I would recommend is either having a talk with your teacher, or finding a new one that is a better fit for you.  Also, be prepared to go back through areas such as theory, which you may have ventured into but perhaps only shallowly.  And, lastly, think of any footsteps from here as a brand new start, not (just) as some continuation of the past.  Could have been, should be, it just won't fly.  Find something that grounds you so that any other studying you do, reading, listening, watching, so that you can bring this kind of work back to some centre without getting yourself all turned around within seas of information.

[setutritem]

Distraction is my worst enemy.  I am a terror for not sticking to things.  I realised I needed to do more other than just playing computer games and just using my computer.  I hope I have it in me to stick to 'restarting' my piano, as it were.  I have at least managed to stick with trying to learn German for more than a week, so hopefully I can do the same here.

I have understood that I need to start from scratch somewhere, but I do not know how to go about this.  I am not sure quite what 'level' I have slipped to, is there any way of finding out?  Hopefully then I can build from there.

[m19834]

I have understood that I need to start from scratch somewhere, but I do not know how to go about this.

What I would recommend is either having a talk with your teacher, or finding a new one that is a better fit for you.

[setutritem]

What I would recommend is either having a talk with your teacher, or finding a new one that is a better fit for you.

Oh sorry, I meant apart from that. ><

My piano teacher is a good teacher and quite nice, but I am not keen on saying these things to my teacher that I have posted to everyone else here.

I would not have posted here if I wanted my piano teacher to give me these answers (although I am not sure if she can anyway).

[m19834]

Which is why the second half of my suggestion is "OR find a new one that is a better fit."  Have you ever tried talking with her though ?  Anyway, I am not saying that one should change teachers at the drop of a hat, but I definitely believe in finding the right one.

[db05]

Are you Indian? Your kind of formal tone leads me to believe that you are Asian. Well the trouble with most of us Asians is that we are pressed to focus on academics and have much less interest in sport and art. Even as a music student, I kick myself sometimes for treating my studies like acads, and competing with classmates.

As you may gather, I have had serious confidence issues in myself.  The one thing I have not done however is given up all hope completely.  For one, I am not suicidal (the thought had crossed my mind), I simply wish to make myself better.  I realise this is a piano forum and not one for thoughts such as these, but please, I must speak my mind, you have to understand.

I have been forced to admit to myself, that I have been lazy, and I am lazy.  If it was not for my parents helping to organise my revision for my exams (including piano) I would not have done as well as I did.  But, part of me feels I still could have done better if I myself had put the effort in.

Lack of confidence. Laziness. Sounds a lot like me. 

The antidote to lack of confidence is the knowledge that you have done your work. Regardless of talent and what other people think, you know when you have done your best, and you should congratulate yourself for it. Or rather, for every baby step, you must reward yourself.

The antidote to laziness is desire. Or you can call it passion. Something that makes you WANT to do music, and not feel like it's a chore. Please stop beating yourself up, saying "I am lazy" isn't of any help except that it's a realization, all right.

Your wanting to be better in piano is so vague. What are your goals? What pieces do you want to play? Do you plan on performing, or teaching? Write them down. It would be a lot easier to move when you are organized. But I think the main thing is to get you to enjoy piano. Drop the technical stuff for a while, learn a short piece that sounds good and master it. Then schedule a performance for your friends, and/ or record your work. Having an audience is very inspiring. And when you get the hang of practicing for performance, you'll never look back. 

I also, since learning of perfect pitch, feel an incredibly strong urge to learn it.  I put hours of effort into searching on how to.  I believe there are far too many examples on the internet of people having learned it for it to be unachievable.  However, I know there are many scams out there, so I 'acquired' a course that seemed to have the most repute, 'David Lucas Burge's Ear Training Super Course'.  Needless to say, I had little luck with it, so I deleted it.  I do not care whether relative pitch is of more use, or that perfect pitch has disadvantages with being annoyed when music is in a different key, or whatever.  I simply want to have it, being able to know what notes are just by hearing them (and not thinking of other tones in your head to work it out). 

More recently I came across this rather interesting website:

https://www.pianofundamentals.com/

This website appears to have quite a bit of information about piano (and also says that perfect pitch can be learned, and it also talked about something called 'mental play').  However the book is complicated for me, maybe I am just slow or missing the obvious, who knows.

Look around this site on ear training:
https://www.aruffo.com/eartraining/index.html
Download the ear training game (demo version is available). It looks childish, but I find this program more useful the the Burge ones (I have the CDs on Perfect Pitch, and cassettes on Relative Pitch). And I haven't even finished the demo! Unfortunately, my ears still aren't good, and I play the games for fun. 

If Fundamentals of Piano Practice is a bit long and over your head at the moment, you might want to read The Groundwork of the Leschetizky Method by Malwine Bree. It includes several exercises and advice on performance.

I have understood that I need to start from scratch somewhere, but I do not know how to go about this.  I am not sure quite what 'level' I have slipped to, is there any way of finding out?  Hopefully then I can build from there.

Hmmm. Since you say you can only play 2 pieces from memory, that cannot be a reasonable gauge. What level/ pieces can you sight read? You can start from there, both sight reading and memorizing (but with different pieces).

[practice]

It seems to me that your motivational issues may be due to the possibility that you simply aren't all that passionate about the music itself. You seem to simply want to be this great pianist with a perfect ear for pitch; and so you practice in order to be successful, but are burdened by a lack of sufficient passion for what you are studying.

All successful people are passionate about what they do; and if you do not have passion in your life, then you will never feel successful. Simply wanting to be great at something isn't enough: you have to love that something as well.

You say yourself that you feel the need to genuinely like something in order to play it. I think you should sit down and just listen to a whole variety of piano music. Discover what you're passionate about and start learning it. If you actually have a strong desire to learn to play the music because you feel that it is beautiful - and not because you simply want to be a virtuoso pianist - then you will have a much easier time motivating yourself to practice.

I am by no means an experienced piano player (just picked it up about two months ago), but I hope this advice can be useful to you. Also, just out of curiosity, what sort of computer games did you play?

[end]

I think you might be suffering from depression and I urge you to look for help, because you talked about "suicide". I've been there and a psychiatrist helped me get back in two sessions and three months of medicine.

When I was depressed I didn't feel like doing anything. I'm not lazy, but it was as if I was. If the chemicals in your brain are working against you, it'll be difficult to get out of this well alone.

Make sure you're not suffering from clinical depression, just to be safe, OK?

Your parents are your friends and you should let them help you. They are the people in the world who will stand by you no matter what.

You're 19. You have all the time in the world to get things "right". Don't be discouraged. You haven't really lost all these years. Now you just need to identify your weak points to work on them. I guess on the piano front you need to sit down and talk to an experienced pianist who could help you build up a plan to get to your goals (as long as you know what they are...). If your teacher is not this person, then you could look for another one if only to have a few extra lessons to help you devise a plan.

The poster right before me had several good points. Try to find music you like and use it to motivate you.

Hard work (under the auspices of a good plan) is really the only way to get there (wherever "there" is). Hard work feels like fun when you're doing something you actually like. I can play the violin the whole day through, or the guitar, but I play the piano a lot less, because I like it less than the other two instruments.

What music ticks you? What are the things in life in general that get your heart beating faster? What brings a smile to your face? Surround yourself with these things. Forgive yourself for whatever you regret and give yourself a "real" second chance. Time is on your side.

[communist]

Here are a few suggestions:

for posture; sit straight up.

follow a routine, if you can't practice for a long period of time, than practice scales, take a break, practice a section of a piece, take a break etc...

get motivated; find a piece you love to death, than keep striving until you can play it.


good luck!

[setutritem]

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

To db05:  I am in fact English, I simply try to spell things correctly.

I'll try to be more satisfied with what I do, one of my main problems is looking to others and thinking how much better they are than me.

I will check out that aruffo website, it looks interesting.

To end:

I am not suicidal.  It had crossed my mind but I did not consider it.  I have mood swings, but I have never gone 'over the edge'.  I probably shouldn't have mentioned it, don't worry about it.  As I said, I have not given up.


Anyway, to summarize, from what I can gather, I need to talk to my piano teacher, find some sort of piano music that genuinely inspires me.  A passion is needed, and I believe that comes with a want to play something that inspires me.  If anyone wants to recommend something to me feel free.

A different practice routine is also needed, I'll try and break things down as you suggest, communist.