Well, I sat through it, believe it or not. I kept thinking, "what is wrong with it?". Too slow, maybe. But that's not it. It sounds like a computer read-out. At a slow speed. But it could actually work, though, if there was at least, a minimum of phrasing. You make the second theme sound like a march! There's no direction. The lines don't go anywhere. They just "clump" along. It's boring. There's no life to it. A few glitches here and there (apart from some sort of misreading in bars 28-29 and 167-8) wouldn't have marred the performance if there had just been some sort of musical intention somewhere. At this same speed, play it, figure it out, follow the flow, colors, dynamics. DO SOMETHING TO IT!
(You asked for it.)