A question?

[loonbohol]

I am 16 years old.

THis is what I have been doing for 2 years since I wished to be a composer.
My music creativity does not seems to develop.

According to the interviews of my favorite composers.
They all have the abilities to compose
By just simply reading books, novels and etc......
They have the hard time composing with music and with sounds.
And when melodies come into their mind, They just simply take out a piece of paper and write the notes.
I taught that it is a good idea.

While I am the opposite, I can only compose with the piano.
And when I hear melodies in my mind, I have to go to the piano.
I cannot write them down.
And Music starts to encircle my mind.
Everyday, Music keeps coming over my head even if I have never heard them before.
It drives me away into concentration on school and my GPA had decreased from 4.2 to 3.9.
It drives my attention away.
I have a hard time sleeping sometimes.

My head could have been bashed and the worst problem is that. There is no good space that separates my music from another.

My music started to sound like Liszt at first but later it sounded like Kajiura Yuki's compositions and then It sounded like Mozartish Kajiurish Lisztish Linkin Parkish.

I just simply obeyed the order of Thalbergmad to listen to a lot of music and I have listened to more than 5,000 and I counted them every time I listen. this is the effect of Thalbergmad's method that made my head very dizzy.

My music abilities are very wrong.
Even If I can make ladies blush with piano playing skills
My composition ability is very weird
But they can be appreciated and they are worth listening

Another problem is that sometimes I can hear beautiful music in my head then I forgot it one hour later.
It is really a bad problem when I was able to think of a good melody in my head and I cannot recall it later.   You may not understand what is this all about but every melody that comes into my head is a precious as Gold.

And since I am in school, I cant do anything about it.



Questions:
1.) Recommend me a book about composition that is really really thick?
2.) Tell me what are the activities of conservatory composing students look like?
3.) What's WRONG with ME?
          * should I go to the mental hospital
4.) Any solutions