Elegy for Eileen

[furtwaengler]

A blank spot, all of 3 minutes and 22 seconds, picked up on a recording, 20 November 2007, one which may pass by unnoticed, but has become very deep and special to me.



A picture of the imprint of a leaf, 18 September 2009, which I knew when it was taken would be paired with this blank spot from 20 November 2007.

I had thought this would have been a thought of a soft winter wind blowing fall away...the path of a solitary leaf which could have passed by unnoticed, but was imprinted in the ground by the rain, and frozen in an image. Instead I apply it to the memory of a holy woman of God who passed by. There are people you and I will never meet or know about who live lives of self sacrifice and service to whom they are in contact, people whose good deeds and kindness quietly transform the world. I was so fortunate and blessed to know one such, Mrs. Eileen, of whom there's not much I need say. But this I will say this, that in 1969 when she was 23 years old she was diagnosed with brain cancer and given 6 months to live. Although she outlived that prognoses by over 40 years, she was left without the ability to have children, so she and her husband helped raise many foster children, eventually adopting four children from horrible and abusive circumstances. One of these children has become the best friend I've ever had. 40 years after that bout with cancer, she underwent a different battle with two forms of cancer gripping her at the same time. In October this year, they gave her a prognosis of 6-12 months - she died November 8th, faster than anyone could have imagined. That last week a tumor pressed hard against her spine, paralyzing her. It's a tough life and hard to comprehend. My friend, Eileen's son, is a preacher of the gospel. I don't know if anybody here believes in a gospel - I try not to involve myself in those threads here - but there are certain things nobody can deny: that all flesh is grass, and the grass withers...In the morning it flourishes and grows up; in the evening it is cut down and withers...One generation passes away, and another generation comes.

We're not here very long and we die, and while we're here death is very, very hard.

I know nobody here knows me, and I probably should not have written so much...I do hope you get something out of the music, (the blank spot) whatever it says to you. Obviously I was not thinking anything like this when it was improvised two years ago.

[pianowolfi]

Often when I find myself thinking about life along these lines, I ask myself what good deeds we as musicians can do. Often this is a bit irritating to me because there is so much to do and I can do so little. And often I need to say to myself that I can't do anything but play. Play in freedom, live my music.

I think that's the best deed you can do, Furtwängler, for a friend like Mrs. Eileen. I am sure that, while physical conditions surely don't matter much anymore in that other realm, music can cross the border. That's one of the reasons why I still play. That's one of the reasons why I still love to live.

An intimate piece of music which makes me listen inwards.

A glimpse of an other reality.

[chopinatic]

This sounds like a fantastic piece and i can relate to it. Very expressive. However its ashame the quality of the recording effects it alot.

[littletune]

I just found this and listened to it a few times and i really want to say something but im not sure what... well.... maybe just..... for some time i was very very afraid of death but then some things happened well a lot of things have happened and now im not that afraid anymore.... i think that if someone really close to you dies then a part of them stays with you and a part of you goes with them.... and then you know something you didn't know before.... and you know that the time you had together is forever and it's a part of you. and you can see your life differently too... as if you were looking from somewhere else.... i better stop writing! probably noone knows what i wanted to say anyway... 
(i think its kinda funny that i found this just after posting a what if i was a ghost post. sometimes  i feel like i could be one because i feel kinda close to ghosts now... that sounds stupid i know but i don't know how to explain it better. im not at all as smart as some other people here  ).

[quantum]

A beautiful piece.  I think it relates very well to the story you have told as well as the picture. 

Music has that power to make connections.  Ones which sometimes we feel are there, but do not fully know how to explain.