Down in the dumps. coping.

[becky8898]

Hi everyone. I was just wondering how all my fellow students handle things on one of those bad days when you feel like a total failure.  You know when nothing is going right.  Not only in piano, but life as a whole.  Your Brother is bugging you , your mom is yelling at you, your grandma things your being selfish, you playing just sucks that day.  Maybe your head hurts, or something. I think you get the idea.  Or maybe your playing is just really off that day and it just makes you feel awful.  Just wondering how everyone else handles those kinds of days.   I have a little story behind this, but I wanted to see some responses before I told it. 


Thanks alot in advance for any advice. 

Cheers, Becky

[deejeff442]

hey becky ,its funny that you wrote this today because.i have been keeping saltwater fish and corals for over 25 years and i am on a saltwater fish forum and posted on there the other day the same thing.i have been sick since september with mono.i am still sick from it.i get sore throat ,ear ache and body aches even today.mono is really bed when an adult gets it.last week my main truck blew the transmission $2700 to fix it.i have a customer that wants to sue me for some work i did .even though it turned out exactly the way i planned but he apparently thought it was going to be different.anyway ,some of my internet friends posted some things they do like exercise,play music,build a fire and smoke a cigar or of course watch their fish tank.
i feel down and out but today i picked up a bunch of work for my company and just got home from a good piano lesson.
i guess we have to take the good with the bad.
i try to remember there are alot of people that have it way worse than me.

[brogers70]

Hi everyone. I was just wondering how all my fellow students handle things on one of those bad days when you feel like a total failure.  You know when nothing is going right.  Not only in piano, but life as a whole.  Your Brother is bugging you , your mom is yelling at you, your grandma things your being selfish, you playing just sucks that day.  Maybe your head hurts, or something. I think you get the idea.  Or maybe your playing is just really off that day and it just makes you feel awful.  Just wondering how everyone else handles those kinds of days.   I have a little story behind this, but I wanted to see some responses before I told it. 


Thanks alot in advance for any advice. 

Cheers, Becky

Sorry you're down. This isn't profound or anything, but when I feel like that I just watch a funny movie or read a bunch of Calvin and Hobbes - definitely improves the mood to laugh.

More seriously, though, when you are thinking like that, think about this. You do a lot of things and a lot of things happen to you in your life. But when you are thinking about who you are and whether you are OK, you focus on a tiny, tiny fraction of those acts and experiences. When you are down, you focus on a few seconds when you screwed up a piece, a few moments of unpleasant interaction with someone, a bad grade or a bad performance. But that handful of events you focus on may not at all be representative of your life. What you think about yourself depends a lot on what you focus on - there are so many events and actions to choose from that just by changing which ones you choose to think about you can go from thinking of yourself as a miserable failure to thinking of yourself as great.

I'll tell you, this happens to adults, too. I'm a scientist, and I know a lot of other scientists. There's a pretty common syndrome among successful scientists that they feel like they are just faking it. They have degrees and plenty of scientific, academic publications, but they start feeling like they are no good and everyone else is smarter than they are and their publications are no good and on and on and on. Yet if you ask them what they think about a fellow scientist with a similar publication record, they'll say, "Oh, yeah she doing great; she's really smart and successful." It's weird, and I think it comes from focusing on a tiny subset of failures and negative experiences. There's no easy answer to this - you feel whatever it is you feel and you can't just wish it away. But it's not permanent.

Hope things get better soon. You're a great addition to this forum and your posts are great. Mature beyond your years.

Bill

[ted]

The more talented somebody is, the more they seem to experience these brief but intense episodes; and you have bags of talent. In a certain sense you wouldn't be any good if it didn't happen, especially with a finely tuned artistic temperament. As you get older you will cultivate your own appropriate defences and procedures to handle these times. You are very lucky in that you have a stable family and musical community, and you can communicate. These count for a lot.

[scottmcc]

everyone has off days, in whatever field they pursue.  all of the great musicians had at least one concert where they didn't perform up to their usual level (although I'd love to have even a 10th of the ability of Richter on his worst day!). 

for me, the key is to recognize that you're having an off day, and to not try to push through it but just let things play out, relax, and then start over the next day.  often times I even find that an off day is a prelude to a period of rapid learning and progress.  if, however, I try to force myself to perform at the usual level, it only leads to frustration and further degradation in my (already limited) abilities.

I had a day a few weeks ago where nothing seemed to work right surgically.  surgery has a rhythm, just like music, but nothing was flowing, none of the tools seemed to work right, and the operations were just sloppy.  don't worry too much, no harm came to anyone, but it was still frustrating that things that should have been easy were anything but.  but the next day, I was operating as well as I ever have, and for the life of me I can't figure out what the difference was.

brogers, you're definitely right about scientists feeling like failures.  I think that it's common in any relatively solitary, introspective pursuit.  I know I sure feel like a failure when it comes to research, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not just making this up in my head--my publication record is terrible!

anyway becky, as far as piano-specific advice goes, during a bad day I do try to play just a little, but I stop when I feel myself getting frustrated and I don't really work too hard on challenging, new material, but instead back off and play a few easy, fun pieces, just enough to keep the fingers going.  I'm a little different though--piano is a hobby, and a luxury at that as I have so little free time in my life, so I especially can't afford to be angry when I'm at the piano--the time is far better spent on any number of other things.

[littletune]

Hi Becky! You know I was kinda surprised when I read this... I mean I couldn't imagine you having bad days and feeling bad about your playing and all that... with your perfect musical familiy and your perfect playing and knowing so much about music and everything. I guess I should have known that EVERYONE has bad days sometimes! I guess without bad days there wouldn't be any good ones either.
Well when I have bad days and feel really bad I usually go into my imaginary world and I try to forget about the problems in the real world for a while... and I just imagine some things that make me feel better... and also I have always tried to imagine as if I was looking on my life and this world from somewhere far away... and then you kinda see that all the problems are not really that big compared to the whole universe...  and you know that when you think back on your life later you won't even remember those bad days...
And I always try to think about what I reallly want and what I am and who I am cause it's really easy to forget that, and you can start feeling bad if you forget that and sometimes you don't even know why you feel so bad, but then when you remember it's just sooo good and it's like you just know who and what you're supposed to be and it's like that's the most important thing! And all the problems and everything are there just so that maybe you learn something from them and get stronger and so they help you become the best yourself you can be!
And I know it's easy to say all these things when you're not feeling bad and it's a lot harder to remember them when you are feeling bad but it still helps to remember that I think.   

[becky8898]

Hi All : thanks for all your advice. its really appreciated. I will try and remember all your kind words when I get that feeling.

Littletune you see you hit it right on the head.  Its My perfect musical family and to fit in I have to be perfect. My MOm and Dad both so knowledgable and such good musicans and the great violinist my Brother and stories about my Great grandfather who studied with Arthur Schanable. How every little mistake I make gets noticed and even when I play every note and phrase right, I hear my Grandmother say  " Rebecca your musical voice im not hearing it. " Most times it doesnt bother me, but sometimes I feel like i just going to let my whole family down.

Anyway I feel better now, getting that out and reading the stuff you guys wrote. 

Cheers, Becky

[gradedpiano]

it must be tough for you becky. Just keep your head up and dont get disheartened. Your family care about you and only want you to succeed im sure.

Take care.

[quantum]

Becky,

I find that bad days have the potential for really great improvisations / compositions.  I'd just turn on the recorder and start to play. 

Many times when other people give criticism on your playing, they are not paying attention to the same elements that you are paying attention to.  Its not that you were failing to phrase or whatever - you may have chosen at that moment to work on rhythmic accuracy, or articulation, or... The point is they are listening with a different perspective.

[jimbo320]

When things get bad for me at times the way I cope is by not coping. Refuse the dark forces that invade and just go in my room put on the headphones and listen to music. My taste varies according to the mood I'm in. What I don't do is let those forces win. I'm stronger than that. I stay in control by not letting outside forces control me. Like Yoda taught Luke. Learn the bright side then use the force that you built....

[omar_roy]

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."

-William James

Take that quote to heart if you're ever feeling down.

And also play/listen to some Haydn.

[any87]

Great, helpful topic! I experience these moments often.
What I do: I tell myself that I don't have to do anything, I'm not gonna die if I don't do this or that, world will still exist and life will go on.
And I watch some comedy or TV show or try to make up a parody of the situation I'm obsessing about in my head!  And I remember that I'm right where I'm supposed to be and I'm talented enough, I don't have to have everything. Everything will work out for me eventually.

Here's a quote from the movie Brief Encounter that's very dear to me:
"This can't last. This misery can't last. I must remember that and try to control myself. Nothing lasts really. Neither happiness nor despair. Not even life lasts very long. There'll come a time in the future when I shan't mind about this anymore, when I can look back and say quite peacefully and cheerfully how silly I was. No, no, I don't want that time to come ever. I want to remember every minute, always, always to the end of my days."

Unfortunately these dark moments come again and again...

[thalbergmad]

Strenous physical exercise always works for me. If I am down in the dumps I get on my bike and cycle 50 miles. By the time I am finished, I am too knackered to care about any worries.

Playing banjo and hitting my boss also helps.

Thal

[emill]

Strenous physical exercise always works for me. If I am down in the dumps I get on my bike and cycle 50 miles. By the time I am finished, I am too knackered to care about any worries.
Playing banjo and hitting my boss also helps.

Thal

50 miles!!!!!!!! .....   hitting the boss !!!

Maybe it boils down to ... how not to let your moods control you
and everyone has a favorite formula ....  but hitting the boss!!    
NICE ONE !!!!

[birba]

Becky!  You see how important you are here?  One little comment from you and everybody comes running!  I'm SO envious of you! 

[birba]

Woops!  I just noticed this is from 14 february.  well, I guess you're not THAT important.    

[littletune]

Oh Birba, of course she's very important!! Everyone is! And you are too!    and I think she got a lot of cool answers from people (and I'm not counting mine  ). I think it's so great that there are so many nice people here on Pianostreet who like helping others!! 

[jimbo320]

Everybody's that important. I know I am...

[rachfan]

All of "Becky's recordings" were removed from Audition Room. 

[Bob]

It must be pretty depressing to not actually exist.  That kind of sucks.

[rachfan]

Hi Bob,

For sure.  Evidently things were not as they seemed. 

David

[ongaku_oniko]

I don't agree. Isn't it a bliss to not suffer the various atrocities of this world?

[thinkgreenlovepiano]

I don't agree. Isn't it a bliss to not suffer the various atrocities of this world?

Suffering makes bliss so much more blissful

[ongaku_oniko]

bliss makes suffering so much more... sufferable?

XD

[birba]

OMG!  My stomach flipped when I saw this thread!  Then I saw it was an old one.  It should be burned!!!!

[rachfan]

Yes, I second that!

[ongaku_oniko]

Becky, I know you're having a bad day, and while some of the posters here may be a little bit rude, don't let that discourage you! I really like your writing and since of humour, please don't leave us just because a few people are being rude!!!


 

[Bob]

Hey, Becky's important.

Yes, there is a Becky.  She exists as certainly as dissonance and consonance and counterpoint exist, and you know that they abound and give to your music its highest beauty and joy.  Alas!  How dreary would be the world if there were no Beckys, LadyPianists, and Rogers.  There would be no gullibility, no "online prodigies," no "what/omg/how-did-they-get-that-good-that-fast?-I'm-going-work-super-hard-now/oh-well-I-might-as-well-just-enjoy-practicing" type of moments to make tolerable this existence.  We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and hearing.  The eternal light with which music fills the world would be extinguished.  (Or not, you know, whatever.)

Or Becky could be a common run-of-the-mill internet troll.  Either way.

[ongaku_oniko]

Oh I know!

Lady_Pianist must be Becky's Grandmother!

And Roger is her uncle.


That must be it... they aren't the same person...

[birba]

Hey!  What about if we coax this person back?  He-She might just be a schizofraniac - with a multiple personality disorder.  Who knows!  When you come down to it, their comments WERE quite on-the-spot at times.
Roger?  Roger1948?  Are you there?  I bet you are!  I think we met you last.  What do you think about what happened?  I would really be interested in talking to you further!  We ALL would.  I, personally, am beginning to think there was no malice behind this.  And I think a lot of us, here, agree with me.  I'm just dumbfounded!  Tell us more!

[stevebob]

He-She might just be a schizofraniac - with a multiple personality disorder.

I thought a "he/she" was a morphodite.  And I'm pretty sure there are multiple members with personality disorders.

At this point, I think that ch101 was also just a troll.  Becky's evil twin, maybe.

[ch101]

I am not a troll and Becky is not evil.

[stevebob]

I am not a troll and Becky is not evil.

Now you're resurfacing to defend "Becky" just as "she" once defended you?  Hmmm.

I'm not aware anyone accused "Becky" of being evil, but in any case how would you know?

You can claim you're not a troll now, but you unmistakably were one.

[ch101]

Becky did defend me. I made mistakes and I came to realise it. Now I would like to drop the subject because it is pointless. And by the way I do believe that Becky is a real person who should be respected and not be put into quotation marks.

[stevebob]

Henry, if you are truly an 11-year-old boy who has made a remarkable about-face from the style and substance of your earlier contributions here, all I can say is that I welcome that change, I look forward to your contributions, and I apologize for my allegations.

[birba]

I'm getting the goosebumps...

[littletune]

Why are you getting the goosebumps?

Oh I just wanted to ask Ch101 why did you first say you were 12 and then changed it to 11? I mean not that it matters that much I was just wondering... did you first wanted to say you were older than you really are? Or will you be 12 soon?

Oh and I also wanted to say that I think this thread is not like just made up! I think the person who was asking for advice really needed it! Even if Becky was real in a different way than most people are! 

[ch101]

I will be 12 in the beginning of April.

[littletune]

I will be 12 in the beginning of April.

Oh that's cool!