Need help for first lesson w/ a 5yo?

[arabesquedcr]

What do you do (or, how do you proceed) to give a first beginner lesson to a small child?  I tried to give a 5 year old a piano lesson, but he was totally shy, turned into a ~baby~ and wouldn't cooperate.  It took the whole lesson to ~break the ice~.  (I was fully prepared with the right materials and I know to take it slooooow.)  My question is: how do you break the ice with a small child so s/he will trust you, warm up to you (appropriately, of course), so that you can proceed with the music lesson?

and, yes, the child is ready and normally quite confident.  He is involved in several after school activities.  I just felt like the whole lesson was wasted in trying to gain rapport.  I have never had this happen at a first lesson and I have been teaching for many years.

thanks for your replies.

[honeywill]

Did you manage to talk to the parent after the lesson and find out how they thought it went? I don't think I would be too concerned about a 5 year old who takes a while to settle down. You probably need to have 4 or 5 sessions before you will know for sure if this is going to work or not. So many factors can affect the behaviour of a small child, and you may find that you get a completely different reaction from him next time. Perhaps the excitement of the first lesson was just too much for him if he has been looking forward to it for a while. Or maybe is isn't really ready for one-to-one lessons after all, despite coping with other activities.

[arabesquedcr]

Thank you honeywill.  Those are my conclusions exactly.  I spoke to the mother and she would like  me to give him a few more lessons before we make a decision.  I agree. 

But, I would really like to know from the collective forum here, if anyone has ideas I can use that will either calm a child, or how I can give him the ~okay~ that this situation is ~safe~ and he can relax and enjoy the lesson.  I am trusting that it will come naturally as we get to know one another, but it would be nice for me to be able to say/do (fill in the blank) to win his confidence from the start. How have you all handled this kind of situation?

thanks.

[fleetfingers]

What do you mean by "turned into a baby"? Do you mean that he won't pay attention, answer questions, look when you say look, play when you say play? Are you saying that he is refusing to participate?

If so, my advice is to avoid any power struggles. I would treat the lesson as if we're just hanging out at the piano making music. Ask him what songs he wants you to play. Play something and see if he can guess the tune. If he won't even participate in that, just keep playing and keep asking. Play something 'happy', then something 'sad'; something fast, something slow. If you are interesting enough, he will be enticed and will eventually want to submit an idea. Like you said, the whole idea initially is to get him to warm up to you and trust you.

[m1469]

But, I would really like to know from the collective forum here, if anyone has ideas I can use that will either calm a child, or how I can give him the ~okay~ that this situation is ~safe~ and he can relax and enjoy the lesson.  I am trusting that it will come naturally as we get to know one another, but it would be nice for me to be able to say/do (fill in the blank) to win his confidence from the start. How have you all handled this kind of situation?

thanks.

Well, it's different with every child, of course.  Some warm up right away, others take quite a bit of time.  I never actually force them, but I have a kind of inner radar that is trying to feel what they are feeling, and it's actually a very good thing for them to be really feeling a situation out.  I honestly get the feeling that sometimes a very perceptive child is looking right into me and sometimes some of them see different facets of me than other children do.  I know there are things about me that need warming up to, and I am not a dangerous person to them, but I think some of them can actually see some of what I would call my complexity.  I give those kids *plenty* of time to figure it out, though I am constantly treating them as though there is nothing to worry about.  So, patience is definitely a plus.

But, tone of voice can do a lot.  Facial expressions can do a LOT.  Your own breathing can do a lot, and what you pay attention to in them and what you do or don't emphasize in their behavior.  If they have a really difficult time speaking because they are too shy, ask them something very neutral about themselves, like how their day was at school or how they liked the (specific) weather of the day.  Sometimes I'll let a child be quite wild, and sometimes I'll just kind of ride that with them, and other times, if I can tell it's something different, I'll put the kaibosh on it and let them know that I really mean business.  Just this evening I had my four year old, who was extremely talkative and very dramatic (doing a lot of acting) and I was a kaleidscope with her because she needed it.  She was pretty wiggly for awhile and I needed to be sure she really knew something at the instrument, and so to make a "game" out of the situation, I had her stand up and told her to shake and wiggle and twist all around, and she would, and then I'd ask her to go back to the piano and find what I had asked her to find for me.  I did this about three times and that helped her realize it was a game, it gave her a chance to wiggle, she was really focused when she went back to the piano, and I knew for certain she could find what I wanted her to find.  

This evening though, I could spend about 1-2 minutes per subject and used a kind of spiral format, where we'd spend 1-2 mins. on something, I'd feel her getting antsy, I'd promise her we'd move on to something else as soon as she did this one thing for me, and then we would do something else and eventually return back to the subject we left, later in the lesson.  Sometimes my lessons with these youngies will be like that, the spiral lesson where we are juggling about 5 or 6 subjects throughout, but spending very little time on each at a given time, but each time we revisited it, it would get better.

I don't know if that helps, but I wish you the best .

[mcdiddy1]

You start with the easy stuff....Introductions....ask him/ her name.
Get their attention by playing games that transfer the child from playtime to musical skills you want to teach them. For example having them put a bubble in their mouth. Be very dramatic and animated and make it fun.

 The first thing they should learn is how to create silence in a music class. Silence should begin and end everything in music.

Once they can do that have and you have their attention tell them their going to play simon says type game where they echo patterns. What they are learning are rhythm patterns they will play, how to follow instructions, how to repeat, the structure of learning with you as the teacher and them as the follower, paying attention. Kids like to imitate, play games, and use their bodies so you engage in developing their cognition.

After that give them praise for paying attention and doing well at the echos. A warm, friendly but firm tone will go a long way. Then you can create activites that will help get them ready to play piano such as hearing high and low sounds, seeing difference between black keys, posture, hand positions and finger numbers. I like to have students pretend to play piano on their knees first. You would want to model first. They are less likely to bang on themselves, they cannot make a "mistake ", and it is very easy to correct hand position and show them things about their hand ( fourth finger weakness, using curved fingers, relaxed hand).

I have had success with this but their is no fool proof way because every kid comes from a different background with different behavioral problems but most of it can be easily be avoided. It is better to be more strict in the beginning and more loss loose as times goes on. You start of friendly to establish a relationship with the kid , get to business and end with continuing the relationship afterwords. If the kid tries to tell you a story about their day, you have to say "thats wonderful " and inturrupt and immediatly go to the next thing. Kids will try and redirect your plans when they feel it would be too hard.

[dbmusic]

Isn't it wonderful how we can teach forever and still not know everything!  I read somewhere once that if "one wants to teach, one  must never cease to learn."   The most difficult students demand that we keep learning and that we dredge up our best teaching skills so take heart - students such as your 5 year old hone our talents!  Humour aside - one on one situations can be a challenge for some kids because when you ask a question or expect a response, it's directed straight at them.  There is safety in a group or class in that respect because they can flick pass the responsibility of responding to someone else.   Perhaps sharing something away from the piano could kick start the rapport that was so elusive at the first lesson. If you have a short story you can share when he first arrives it can be a good lead into music making and less 'threatening'. Perhaps something like Possum in the House by Kiersten Jensen. A possum runs riot through the house in and out of rooms and places - even the loo. It wouldn't take much to add a page to the story [I'm sure the author wouldn't mind] 'There's a possum in the house and he's hiding in the bookshelves. "Help, help!" screamed Mum, "Oh drat!" yelled Dad. Rustle, rustle went the pages. "Screech, screech!" went the possum as he ran onto the .... PIANO! From there you can decide what sorts of noises the possum might be making - high/low, loud/soft, fast/slow etc. Where might it be on the piano??? Sitting on three black keys or two. The aim is to encourage the child to share the piano space with you in a non-threatening way so that you can then begin to use the resources you have prepared for the lesson. Good luck - looking forward to your sharing all the great ideas that evolve from ensuing lessons with your young student.