But, I would really like to know from the collective forum here, if anyone has ideas I can use that will either calm a child, or how I can give him the ~okay~ that this situation is ~safe~ and he can relax and enjoy the lesson. I am trusting that it will come naturally as we get to know one another, but it would be nice for me to be able to say/do (fill in the blank) to win his confidence from the start. How have you all handled this kind of situation?
thanks.
Well, it's different with every child, of course. Some warm up right away, others take quite a bit of time. I never actually force them, but I have a kind of inner radar that is trying to feel what they are feeling, and it's actually a very good thing for them to be really feeling a situation out. I honestly get the feeling that sometimes a very perceptive child is looking right into me and sometimes some of them see different facets of me than other children do. I know there are things about me that need warming up to, and I am not a dangerous person to them, but I think some of them can actually see some of what I would call my complexity. I give those kids *plenty* of time to figure it out, though I am constantly treating them as though there is nothing to worry about. So, patience is definitely a plus.
But, tone of voice can do a lot. Facial expressions can do a LOT. Your own breathing can do a lot, and what you pay attention to in them and what you do or don't emphasize in their behavior. If they have a really difficult time speaking because they are too shy, ask them something very neutral about themselves, like how their day was at school or how they liked the (specific) weather of the day. Sometimes I'll let a child be quite wild, and sometimes I'll just kind of ride that with them, and other times, if I can tell it's something different, I'll put the kaibosh on it and let them know that I really mean business. Just this evening I had my four year old, who was extremely talkative and very dramatic (doing a lot of acting) and I was a kaleidscope with her because she needed it. She was pretty wiggly for awhile and I needed to be sure she really knew something at the instrument, and so to make a "game" out of the situation, I had her stand up and told her to shake and wiggle and twist all around, and she would, and then I'd ask her to go back to the piano and find what I had asked her to find for me. I did this about three times and that helped her realize it was a game, it gave her a chance to wiggle, she was really focused when she went back to the piano, and I knew for certain she could find what I wanted her to find.
This evening though, I could spend about 1-2 minutes per subject and used a kind of spiral format, where we'd spend 1-2 mins. on something, I'd feel her getting antsy, I'd promise her we'd move on to something else as soon as she did this one thing for me, and then we would do something else and eventually return back to the subject we left, later in the lesson. Sometimes my lessons with these youngies will be like that, the spiral lesson where we are juggling about 5 or 6 subjects throughout, but spending very little time on each at a given time, but each time we revisited it, it would get better.
I don't know if that helps, but I wish you the best

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