"A Musical Hiatus of sorts"

[essynia]

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[essynia]

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[emill]

Hi!!

I had my low and "hopeless" points in my life decades ago which lasted for over 10 years. It was really that bad that I just wished then that the world would end soon. But it did not, and life went on and slowly things changed for the better .... in fact it has become so worth living for.

One thing not clear though was why did your adoptive parents give you an ultimatum to transfer music schools? what was wrong with your school then?  Was your dad with the military? 

As music had changed your life then .... I am almost sure it will also help you change your life now for the "better" ....  just allow it to slowly come back without pressure or demands. As they say -

"with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams .... it is still a beautiful world. Strive to be happy".

Welcome back to the world .... try to ease out the hate and the regret ... it is so much easier to face life without those.

[essynia]

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[fleetfingers]

Nice quote . Striving to be happy is an interesting concept. There are a few moments in life where I have been truly happy, and they have been most unexpected, haha. Striving to get to that place... well, it will be an odd thing to learn how to do.

How about this quote: "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise man grows it under his feet"

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Start with little things. Get your foot in the door of the music world, if you can, by volunteering or applying to be an assistant teacher or accompanist at a school, church or music studio. Visit a piano showroom or music/instrument store and chat with people who are there. Get to know the people in your community who are involved in the music world. Attend shows and recitals. If nothing else, it will help you feel connected to music in a healthy way and you will get to know musicians who inspire you. But who knows? Maybe you will start getting paid for little things, which will eventually lead to bigger things, etc. In my own life, music has sort of found me while I was busy doing other things and, when it did, I was ready and willing to jump in and embrace the opportunities.

[Bob]

Back?  What was your previous name here?

We've had lot of hoaxes here lately.  How do we know you're really who you say you are?  I had to guess, I'd say this is another hoax member profile.

[cherub_rocker1979]

I think it's our old friend E * s * s * y * n * e.

Is that you?  We've missed you!

[ongaku_oniko]

I'd have to say that I too, find this story is too fantastical. Like something from a movie or a dream, perhaps an adventure you would day dream about while taking a break from reality.

I won't say it's impossible, but I can only agree with bob.

No offense.

[essynia]

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[essynia]

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[ongaku_oniko]

What can I say?

If you're real, I'd practically give anything for your talent and experiences in life. It's much more than I can ever possibly dream of.

[Bob]

one of the top females in her class with a flawless GPA and much promise, \

I was writing theses my sophomore year and debuting lecture recitals that would begin my dissertation and an investigative study abroad program that I was working on getting funded.

High performing.  Flawless.  Doing a thesis (or really more than one [thesis, singular; theses, plural)?  Already getting ready for a dissertation...

Pretty impressive.  Pretty unusual.  

I quickly learned that there was no way that I could single-handedly fund my university life, and in the United States, until you turn 25, you are still considered a dependent unless you're married.

I don't think this is true.  You just declare you're independent and that's how it is. Your parents can't control you, except for controlling any money they might offer.

Even then, there are still places to get student loans for college.  They're very willing to loan out money.  If that didn't cover it, then the school this person is attending must be pretty expensive (but woulnd't be for someone in this scenario?).

I was never "allowed" to have a job because employment was labeled as a distraction in my household. Despite the bills that were stacking up, I enrolled in a 20 hour schedule and got a job working nights....

Never allowed?  But then did anyway?  Why would this person really need a job if they're getting money from their parents?  And if the school is so expensive whatever they're doing for a job isn't going to bring in much to cover expenses anyway.

I am in counseling, therapy, whatever you wish to deem it, but honestly, I would like a few musicians' input on having to deal with this particular issue. My musical friends at the University act like I have died, and I cannot bear to show my face on campus because they tip toe around me. I am their leper.

Cousenling and therapy?  Treated as a leper?  ... An outcast.  Pretty dramatic.  Reminds me of the tone of someone on here who had TB and was sent away....

An angsty

Angsty?  And melty too?  And... what else?... shapety?

I am no longer immobilized by depression (I have always been hyper-proactive,

A high and a low... Bi-polar...

Greek ethics and morality, but basically classical studies in general. I had worked said minor into my schedule already, and had plans to integrate it into my musical scheme. It was a huge part of the lecture recital I was completing for this semester.... I was working on a bit of an integration study with the arts and the classical ideas, particularly with the Greeks. The literature covered in the program was the fundamental aspect of the prospective dissertation....

I was logging about 5 to eight hours of practice every other day in my high school years, and I wasn't even concentrated piano.

High achieving again.  Music major?  Singer, right?  And adding a minor to that?  That's possible.  But already looking down the road to a dissertation?  For what?  Do you have your bachelors yet?  Most bachelor-level students aren't doing a thesis.  That's masters level.  But some do... Maybe not as a sophomore though.  And then a dissertation before completing a bachelors?  Come on.  

Uhm, that's an affirmative on the military status. Highly decorated, of very high rank with a very fine education and the money to get whatever he wants. That's about as far as I will go with details, but let's just say the man has been behind more than a few key operations and has the badges and letters to prove it.

Military angle again... And the high acheiving element again...  So not just a high achieving member here, but her father is apparently high up in the military, a key player in vital military things that we probably can't mention here.

Striving to be happy is an interesting concept. There are a few moments in life where I have been truly happy, and they have been most unexpected, haha. Striving to get to that place... well, it will be an odd thing to learn how to do.

I know of someone else who is always striving here...


This quote might be better.  "Fool me once.  Shame on you.  Fool me twice.  Shame on me."


All right.  I'll go for broke here....


*"Clue" game style*

I accuse m1469, in the Anything But Piano board, with the keyboard.  More clearly -- Essynia is another creation of m1469.

And I predict essnia here will deny it (which would also be true if it really wasn't m1469), but I predict essynia will deny it, angrily or sadly, and then fade away.

If this is the same person (or at least member profile) I'm thinking of from the past, they were smart enough to get around school computer policy to get on here during the day but apparently they've been locked away and couldn't get back here... *dramatically* ... until now... ...but they couldn't get back here despite being at college?  College... a time when you're not more on your own, you don't have more freedom, you don't have more ability to get out or just get access to the internet... If this poster was doing research, they must have used computers that had absolutely no internet access....  

And now, despite all the upbringing and high achievement, they've dropped out of college?  And of course are depressed.


If you're really real essynia, sorry to insult you.  This sounds way too far-fetched to me.  Sounds more like someone *coughcoughm1469cough* is playing games here.


Is m1469 or K on right now?  That's easy to fake to but... It's also hard to put together intelligent posts at the same time -- Or to keep that up for very long.  You just put together the posts in advance and could post two long posts at the same time.  Maybe Nils can look into this?


I call Shenanigans.

[essynia]

Haha, Thanks for the ego boost, ongaku; however, I'm a mediocre musician at best. Only two years into University study, remember? Experience does not equate talent. Well, talent doesn't even necessarily lead to musicality, if that's the end goal. I really like fleetfingers' words here, and I think he summed it all up:

"In my own life, music has sort of found me while I was busy doing other things and, when it did, I was ready and willing to jump in and embrace the opportunities."

Being ready and willing. Maybe that's what matters.... Idk, haha. (obviously ).

[ongaku_oniko]

Bob, ism1469becky, ladypianist and roger too? Or is that just someone else?

[Bob]

*Bob is somewhat uber-pissed.*

[essynia]

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[emill]

I grew up on a farm. Entirely isolated. Three people on 600 acres, if it gives you any idea. I left pianostreet originally because I wasn't allowed to have an e-mail address and they found out I was talking about music with other artists instead of practicing all the time. I was logging about 5 to eight hours of practice every other day in my high school years, and I wasn't even concentrated piano.   x x x x x x x x  . . . . .. .

I would go out of their "radar" for a few hours at a time, not answer one of the 20 phone calls everyday, etc. A girl's gotta take a shower and go to the gym sometime. Everything, from what I ate to whether or not I was "allowed" to spend time dancing in the studio, was called into question. Like I said, ultimate control. I wasn't "allowed" to have friends of either sex. They were a distraction.

Maybe your dad truly believed that your were a soldier under his command rather than being his daughter.    "Over-protectiveness"  of parents towards their children really do more harm than good in the long term at the cost of independence, decision making and entrepreneurship. This is quite common in our country and in Asia in general where the family structure is strongly patriarchal .... what the father says is the "rule of the land" and everyone must follow... anyone who disagrees is deemed disrespectful. 

Even as married adults, many decisions in life have to be consulted with or must be taken with strong consideration for the feelings, attitudes and stature of one's parents and grandparents or relatives in general.  I never imagined that it can still be that pervasive in some American families ... I have always imagined Americans to be so independent minded and eventually just loosely connected to parents and elders... that parents expect their children to be on their own and fend for themselves early ... like 18?  So it is bordering on puzzlement why all this control (as if something in the past warrants it)?

It would seem that even if you decided to be a physician, your parents can easily afford your education so that I am bewildered at the insistence of 4 years against what you wanted, 6 years.
Surely the extra 2 years will not make anyone destitute. 

You also mentioned about physical and mental coercion, threats/violence.  Really??? 

Would you feel that being "adopted" rather than a "biologic" daughter has made a big difference in the attitudes of your parents?   Do they have "biologic" or other "adoptive" children?  Do they exert the same control?

Oh well, just thoughts and questions in my mind which you do not have to answer as they may require answers you would like to keep to yourself.  I am just surprised at your openness.

Ahhh it is good you took that first small step again ... 15 minutes with the piano .... as they say the long journey always starts with the 1st few steps.  Wishing sincerely that you will reach that place of harmony you wish for.