Afraid of touching the piano

[xamybbx]

Hi, I'm 18 and will be taking ABRSM Grade 8 examination in a month and a half time.
My pieces are horrible, my sight-reading is terrible and my oral is even worse..
I know most of it is my fault for not practicing but I really can't bring myself to the living room and practice my pieces.
I really do want to and have cried many times at night because I know I'm wasting my mother's money .
I think it has been 10 years more already since I started learning. At first I was quite enthusiastic but then my mom kept demanding me to practice for her. I remember once I played for her and she complained and said it  was horrible. I never played for her again cause it hurt me and it slowly affected my  playing because I didn't want to practice anymore. it continued for years I just played mostly when my teacher came once a week for two hours and before my examination.my mom would often compare me to the neighbour's talented kid that plays every single night or when the tv shows a pianist.
Also, my housekeeper said few months back why am I playing the same songs throughout the year but not    improving. The one and only person that hears my playing (my mom works when I have my lessons) , it was a really hard hit for me.
The only time I can practice is morning or evening when no one except the housekeeper is home. I find it hard to drag myself out of bed and would procrastinate till times up. evening if my bro comes back early I won't practice either.
I'm not even sure I can perfect my pieces or not. do you reckon I can ? I really want to finish this then my theory . I think I'm slightly depress because I have family issues, low self esteem  and pressure.
I need help and suggestions badly please.. sorry for the long post and thank you for reading. I'm a person that care a lot even if it's a minor thing. I always do care about people'e opinion and I'm afraid my neighbours will hear my horrible playing too...
PS. I got distinction till Grade 4 then Pass for Grade 5 , failed grade 6 ..
PPS. I suspect a lot errors and I would have wrote more if I wasn't using my phone.. Thanks :]

[mozart_to_go]

Oh dear.  Music is about enjoyment.  Something's obviously gone terribly wrong down the line.  I hope you at least have the aural CDs to practice to.  I tell my students a few minutes a day on them and they're free marks!

[j_menz]

Hi

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

I'm 18

Now the rough bit. You're 18? Act like it. You know that the only way to play your pieces well is to practice them, so do it. If others aren't impressed by your early efforts, screw them. Just do your practicing.  It's the only way you'll ever get to play something that will impress them. And it's your pleasure in playing that counts, anyway.

[ajspiano]

I can only echo j_menz - if you're 18 then you're accountable - either you want to play or you don't.

If you do, get into it and screw what anyone else says. If you don't, either you need to source some more motivating material or leave it alone and find something else you actually enjoy doing.

Also, aural*.  The alternative spelling you provided leaves me with some awkward imagery.

[xamybbx]

I hope you at least have the aural CDs to practice to.  I tell my students a few minutes a day on them and they're free marks!

I don't.. My teacher has it and she said since I'm flunking that part we don't need to bother about that.. I should ask whether I can borrow the CD or just look around the internet then. thanks for the tip

Also, aural*.  The alternative spelling you provided leaves me with some awkward imagery.

haha sorry. Thank you to you and j_menz for replying.. I think I would still find it awkward to practice..but unless I can move my piano , that's the only place I can  practice then or fail.. screw people and judgement !

[pavb2]

Just remember you've come an awful long way and this is just another hurdle along the way to get over like all the others you've successfully negotiated.

Keep things in perspective you're doing great, remember all things are relative, I'd love to be in the position to sit a grade 8 exam.

[zezhyrule]

The alternative spelling you provided leaves me with some awkward imagery.

Mine is pretty good, on the other hand. Just in case you wanted a bit more of those images. Not afraid of touching at all :3

[pianoyutube]

I think you need psychological reinforcement. The self-esteem problems are common at your age, and all have suffered in one way or another. So don't worry.   
What do you think about reading a self-help book? I loved "Your erroneous zones" of Wayne W. Dyer.

Maybe it will help you talk to an expert or a family member with some psychological experience. Talking to a good friend can do wonders also.

[kclee6337]

growing up i was always compared to one of my dads friends who has been playing for 50+ years now and is exceptionally good, because of this i never felt like i measured up. when learning a piece i would try to place it fast and generally muddied it with the pedal to make it sound as good as i could but still, my dad would unknowingly put me down by saying how good his friend was and how I'm not there.

So what i started doing was putting the metronome to an unbearably slow tempo and practice my music it would be so slow the music wouldn't make any sense at all. but when it came time to perform them i would play up to tempo and all my articulation would be good dynamics were spectacular and i would never lose the tempo sense then i stopped getting compared to my dads friend because my parents wouldn't hear the process of learning the piece but rather just be introduced to the final product... it worked for me and i started getting my passion for music back.

[roseamelia]

Don't give up. I almost did one time when I got overwhelmed by the pieces I was playing. Finally said to myself to be confident and learn what I wanted to learn. Sometimes I also don't want to practice...and when my piano lesson comes I feel bad that I'm not good for my teacher and she can tell when I don't practice as I said before DON'T give up.

[chopin2015]

I feel like having a bad attitude about something that we all know can be very difficult, is what is bringing you down. My mom always tells me things about my practice too. If you love the art, just forget what everyone says to an extent and see the truth in what you can bring to the table. Sight reading is very difficult. I had not read much music for 5 years. Then I decided I wanted to learn Ballade no 1. I did it! I am still working on tempo but hey! Maybe you need a better teacher. That helped me! Right now I am working on a couple pieces at a time and the progress on most of them(they are also difficult!) is VERY slow at times! You will not be dead on each and every moment of your piano career. not even pros have this! I always encourage people to stick to it, not matter what. And if you truly love it then remember, its always too early to quit. also, I recommend a electric piano 88 key weighted, i have the casio cdp 120 and it is nice and below 400 dollars(keyboards can help you learn the notes, not dynamics ofcourse). that way you can throw those headphones on and go at it! just make sure you take breaks and make acoustic piano practice part of your regime. I do this and play on the acoustic preferably when noone is home but if they are, I make sure it is for the enjoyable part of practice to save everyone the stress!

I really encourage you to stick it through, I have had many times when people would compare me to others and tell me someone else is better than me but just focus on the positives!

Good Luck!

[scherzo123]

...I'm touched...sniffle...

[chopin2015]

How are your pieces coming along?

-J

[roseamelia]

Are you OK scherzo123?

[danhuyle]

What you do is find and write down as many piano pieces you want to play.
Do you like playing piano, assuming that we're not going for any degrees?

And I'm afraid of touching virtuoso Liszt pieces. The reason is I'm too worried that I won't make demands meet and I just can't seem to get them perfect. Like you, my energy decreases rapidly and the need to impress takes over.

My goodness, I dare not touch Liszt Sonata.

Sit down, play the pieces that make you want to play piano. Interact with other pianists, on the internet or in your area who will support you.

[chechig]

hello. I'm sorry to hear you feel that bad. the only thing I can recommend you is practice. dont pay attention to the housekeeper, is she an expert? I imagine you knwo a lot more than her about piano, people sometimes is very envious about others abilities. I will never forget when I was studying to pass the proficiency exam in english (like thousand years ago) I use to spend hours and hours doing previous exams to learn because I was SURE to fail. one of those days my teacher asked me why was I working such long hours. I told  him that I wanted to do my best. he went into laughs and said: I'm CERTAIN you are going to pass the exam. that moment was like a revolution to me, my self-esteem raised to the moon in seconds. Finally I passed the exam. it served me well. Can you understand what I mean, or is it confusing? sorry my english is not that good anymore. dont' allow people to make you fell down, be sure of yourself. I'm CERTAIN you will pass your exam. best regards

[camille101]

I should tell you, I have met many, many people who have regretted quitting piano, but absolutely none who were happy to.  If the housekeeper is telling you off, then tell the housekeeper off!  And tell your mother to calm down and back off.  How can you expect to become an accomplished pianist by being compared to other people?  Everyone has their own pace, some quicker than others, but learning a piece or mastering a piece in a very short time is no measure of a musical pianist.  If you want this, if you love music, then definitely continue with piano.  Practice slowly and deliberately, study the score, miss no details, go over difficult passages in slow time, then speed up until it is good.  Don't bother what housekeepers and others say, what do they know about music?  Ask them to practice an instrument for ten years!  Just be optimistic, prepare well and be confident in the knowledge that you have prepared for a pass, and you will get it.  You can't take things too seriously in music, you have to have enjoyment or you will suffer.  Try to remind yourself that you have the opportunity to play brilliant pieces of music that many others don't, and aim high with a smile.
Best wishes,
Camille

[danielekstrom]

Don't do those stupid grade exams. They mean nothing. They take the art out of it and make it into BS academic test taking nonsense. Unless your family plays piano, they probably don't know anything about it and don't have any basis for their opinion. Focus on what you want to do, not them. Find your own love for piano. I know everyone wants their parent's approval, but you can't be a slave to it. To many people do that and it ends up wasting so much of their lives.

[piano_vs_science]

I have the same problem except my dad hardly ever compares me to anyone else when it comes to piano, for some unknown reason, I have a phobia of playing when people cn hear me play

[roseamelia]

@ piano_VS_science: Do you want to learn piano all that much?

[chadbrochill17]

I have the same problem except my dad hardly ever compares me to anyone else when it comes to piano, for some unknown reason, I have a phobia of playing when people cn hear me play

I have a similar fear except its when I'm practicing. I'm fine playing in front of people if I know the whole piece but I cannot practice new material or sight read if I know someone is listening. I assume people care as much as I do about it being perfect.

[teosoleil]

Low self-esteem caused by verbal abuse, definitely. You need to go out there and PLAY regardless of who's listening. Only then will you recover...don't be afraid of opinion. Music=enjoyment. I believe in you!

[liszt85]

I second what somebody said about these exams being stupid. I did these exams and I did very well. I got distinctions in every exam, and I completed the 6th grade and was preparing for the 8th (my teacher let me skip 7th) when I realized that it was meaningless. Why was it meaningless? I had no repertoire to speak of because I had spent all my time preparing just for these exams. So I did not bother to keep anything old in my repertoire. Secondly, I only knew the limited scales and arpeggios that were required for these exams and almost never did any other technical exercises. Fortunately I loved ear training and did more than what was required for those exams (I always scored a full on that part). That was the only thing that was useful.

So quit taking those exams, start enjoying the music. Pick pieces that you know you like. Go onto youtube.. watch and listen to all that wonderful music. Pick the easier ones and get a teacher who will work with you on repertoire, technique and all those good things. Forget those exams. Forget what the housekeeper says. He/she has no business telling you that your playing is bad. Tell him/her that their housekeeping is bad the next time they tell you that. Trust me, you'll get better. I did (I was around 16 when I made the decision not to take those exams ever again). So can you. If you don't believe me, check out some of the recordings I've posted here in the recordings forum. I believe those are decent for an amateur. Believe me, I was MUCH worse.