Nervous and feeling inadequate

[davidjosepha]

On Sunday, I'm going to play Rachmaninoff prelude no. 5, op. 23 for the head of piano music at my school so she can decide where to place me. As I was signing up for a time on Sunday, she casually asked me what else I was playing, and I mentioned I had been working on Liebestraum no. 3, Scriabin 11/6, and I also mentioned I'd been working on Prokofiev's 7th sonata, mainly the third movement. When I said this, she got an almost dirty look on her face, and asked in a somewhat condescending voice if I had played between the other pieces I had listed and Prokofiev 7 since it was quite a jump in difficulty. I listed a couple other things I had been working on, but nothing to the level of Prokofiev 7, and she asked if I had played many early 20th century pieces (to prepare for Prokofiev 7, I'm assuming). I answered that I hadn't played very many, and sorta tried to change the subject. Anyway, this whole time we were walking and this was where I had to turn off, so I luckily escaped any further conversation.

Now I still have to play the Rachmaninoff prelude for her on Sunday, I won't have practiced it for a week prior (no access to a piano here until lessons start), and I think she's already predisposed to thinking I'm just trying to play really difficult pieces to think I'm cool or something, so I don't see how this could possibly end well. I feel ashamed, and I think it's cause I'm worried what she said/implied might be true. And I'm nervous, because even if I play the prelude the best I've ever played it, I still think she'll think I'm some sort of "wannabe virtuoso", and if I play it mediocrely, which is much more likely given how nervous I am and how I haven't been able to practice, I'll just look and feel like a huge idiot. I wish I'd never mentioned the stupid sonata.

What can I possibly do?

[49410enrique]

all normal feelings and reactions.  i wouldn't worry about what she thinks or doesn't think. try to find a piano, anywhere, does your school have a chapel or church? i used to duck into the a chapel between classes next to one of the academic buidlings or when the practice rooms were full.

if not just try to study the score, think about the fingerings, listen to reacordings, look at the score and 'play it in your head' then just go in and know you are just bench marking, nothing more, yes you'll be nervous but consider it a no pressure situation, you are just showing htem where you are on the pieces so that they can know were to put you lessons/teacher wise. the good thing is that this will help you end up the with best teacher you need relative to your ability and experience. if you strolled in 'off the street' with these works mastered or almost mastered, what would you need them for?

remember, at the end of the day they need you as a student more than you need them as a teacher, you have a reason to be there, if you don't study with them what are they being paid for?

[rachmaninoff_forever]

When I said this, she got an almost dirty look on her face, and asked in a somewhat condescending voice if I had played between the other pieces I had listed and Prokofiev 7 since it was quite a jump in difficulty. I listed a couple other things I had been working on, but nothing to the level of Prokofiev 7, and she asked if I had played many early 20th century pieces (to prepare for Prokofiev 7, I'm assuming). I answered that I hadn't played very many, and sorta tried to change the subject. Anyway, this whole time we were walking and this was where I had to turn off, so I luckily escaped any further conversation.



What can I possibly do?

Be prepared to feel salty.

But that comes after you play the Rachmaninoff prelude.

[quantum]

There are some people out there that think one needs to follow the worn out path to achieve virtuosity, and to them anything diverging from that path is blasphemy.  Skipping rungs on the ladder would be outrageous.  After all, their teachers and everyone they know always took the step-by-step approach.  You can't possibly comprehend grade 6 material if you haven't first studied grade 5, ad nauseam.  Pay no attention to this way of thinking!  Study in a manner that is true to yourself.  If you believe the Prok 7 is the next logical step in your development as a musician, then carry yourself with conviction.  Don't act apologetic when you detect others disagree with your choice in repertoire.  It is best to get these things out in the open from the start.  You may be placed with a more appropriate teacher because you made your wishes known.  

To those who have taken the very long road to playing the difficult stuff, it can sometimes be discouraging for them to encounter a younger, less experienced musician take on the big rep at such an age.  This feeling of inadequacy is not in any way limited to the younger music student.  In any case, making comparatives like this is not constructive, especially for people that are newly acquainted with one another. She may have taken on a condescending stature, but don't let such attitude drag you into the same hole.  One needs to take one's own path of development.  It may not be the same as one's neighbor, but who said it ever had to be such way.   

At your placement audition, do the best you can.  Don't play to your jury what you think would please them.  Play the music as you would like it to be communicated.  Give your interpretation and stand your ground if they ask you to defend choices you made.  

Be prepared to feel salty.

It would be better to go in with the conviction in being prepared to make them feel salty.  Why give up before the games have even started.  

[rachmaninoff_forever]

It would be better to go in with the conviction in being prepared to make them feel salty.  Why give up before the games have even started.  

From what I've heard from Davidjosepha about his new potential teacher, she sounds like she's the kind of teacher that likes to flame their student.

[quantum]

From what I've heard from Davidjosepha about his new potential teacher, she sounds like she's gonna flame him a lot.

A healthy student-teacher relationship is not a lopsided dictatorship.  Both parties can learn from each other.  Just as a teacher may pose questions to a student's execution of music, a student has every right (I would go so far as to say a responsibility) to question the knowledge that is being passed on to him/her. 

After all flames can backdraft.  If you get my drift 

[rachmaninoff_forever]

A healthy student-teacher relationship is not a lopsided dictatorship.  Both parties can learn from each other.  Just as a teacher may pose questions to a student's execution of music, a student has every right (I would go so far as to say a responsibility) to question the knowledge that is being passed on to him/her.  

After all flames can backdraft.  If you get my drift  

But that still doesn't have to do anything with his teacher trying to flame him.  I think she sounds like one of those jerk teachers who rages as her students for hitting a stray note or something.  

All I'm saying is, be prepared to feel salty.  So when (if) the saltyness comes, he won't feel as salty as he would be if he wasn't prepared.

[j_menz]

After all flames can backdraft.  If you get my drift 

And it's such fun when they do.  

I love the smell of burning music teacher in the morning.

[davidjosepha]

From what I've heard from Davidjosepha about his new potential teacher, she sounds like she's the kind of teacher that likes to flame their student.

Just to clarify, this woman will not be my piano teacher. She's merely the person who assigns me to a piano teacher. If I thought I'd be dealing with passive aggressive comments like she made all term, I would quit lessons.

Thank you, 49410enrique and quantum, so much for the help. You've made me feel much better, and have been helpful in preparing physically and mentally for Sunday. I hadn't considered the idea you mentioned, quantum, but it certainly makes sense. Once my initial emotional reaction subsided, I realized that she is right--it is a huge step from what I was playing 6 months ago to what I'm playing now, but given that I've practiced more in the past 6 months than in the 2 years before that, it makes sense that I would progress a huge amount in that time. If I were more confident in myself and my playing, I would have taken her incredulity as a compliment, although my insecurity got the best of me. I guess the thing I'm most upset about is the idea she might think I'm trying to play hard pieces just to be cool or something, which really hurts, given that I honestly don't value technical ability for anything other than increasing my options when choosing pieces.

I'm going to show up Sunday and play the Rach prelude the best I can, and there's nothing I can do other than that. If I mess up royally and she gets her fix of "I told you so", so be it. The worst thing that happens is I get placed with a teacher who initially thinks I'm a lower level than I am, in which case it should be very obvious in a short amount of time what my actually abilities are, and we can move from there.

Also, I heard someone else call her a pregnant dog for something completely unrelated, so it makes me happy to know I'm not the only one who finds her distasteful.

College is pretty great, by the way, although I'm feeling a tad homesick. It's a weird feeling--I feel a little weird not going to sleep in my own bed until I realize that the bed I'm going to sleep in will now be my own bed more than the one at home, at which time I feel even weirder.

Thanks everyone for cheering me up, you guys should be therapists or something

Edit: I didn't type "pregnant dog", damn language filters.

[perprocrastinate]

Tell yourself one day you might surpass her.

After you've tried and done your best, all that's left to do is wait and hope.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Just to clarify, this woman will not be my piano teacher. She's merely the person who assigns me to a piano teacher. If I thought I'd be dealing with passive aggressive comments like she made all term, I would quit lessons.

Thank you, 49410enrique and quantum, so much for the help. You've made me feel much better, and have been helpful in preparing physically and mentally for Sunday. I hadn't considered the idea you mentioned, quantum, but it certainly makes sense. Once my initial emotional reaction subsided, I realized that she is right--it is a huge step from what I was playing 6 months ago to what I'm playing now, but given that I've practiced more in the past 6 months than in the 2 years before that, it makes sense that I would progress a huge amount in that time. If I were more confident in myself and my playing, I would have taken her incredulity as a compliment, although my insecurity got the best of me. I guess the thing I'm most upset about is the idea she might think I'm trying to play hard pieces just to be cool or something, which really hurts, given that I honestly don't value technical ability for anything other than increasing my options when choosing pieces.

I'm going to show up Sunday and play the Rach prelude the best I can, and there's nothing I can do other than that. If I mess up royally and she gets her fix of "I told you so", so be it. The worst thing that happens is I get placed with a teacher who initially thinks I'm a lower level than I am, in which case it should be very obvious in a short amount of time what my actually abilities are, and we can move from there.

Also, I heard someone else call her a pregnant dog for something completely unrelated, so it makes me happy to know I'm not the only one who finds her distasteful.

College is pretty great, by the way, although I'm feeling a tad homesick. It's a weird feeling--I feel a little weird not going to sleep in my own bed until I realize that the bed I'm going to sleep in will now be my own bed more than the one at home, at which time I feel even weirder.

Thanks everyone for cheering me up, you guys should be therapists or something

Edit: I didn't type "pregnant dog", damn language filters.

You got it in the bag dude.

[j_menz]

I'm going to show up Sunday and play the Rach prelude the best I can, and there's nothing I can do other than that. If I mess up royally and she gets her fix of "I told you so", so be it. The worst thing that happens is I get placed with a teacher who initially thinks I'm a lower level than I am, in which case it should be very obvious in a short amount of time what my actually abilities are, and we can move from there.

Very wise. And perfectly correct.

College is pretty great, by the way, although I'm feeling a tad homesick. It's a weird feeling--I feel a little weird not going to sleep in my own bed until I realize that the bed I'm going to sleep in will now be my own bed more than the one at home, at which time I feel even weirder.

Haha, you brought back some memories there. If it's any help, you'll get over that amazingly quickly.

[ajspiano]

Just as a teacher may pose questions to a student's execution of music, a student has every right (I would go so far as to say a responsibility) to question the knowledge that is being passed on to him/her.

This is pretty on the ball, not that you shouldn't listen to your teacher but you shouldn't be fearing their opinion or regarding them as all-knowing.

If I have any significant annoyance as a teacher its probably students who fail to question my advice. Especially when I can see that what I've said isn't working for them and they just try to bang on through it anyway..

[rachmaninoff_forever]

College is pretty great, by the way, although I'm feeling a tad homesick. It's a weird feeling--I feel a little weird not going to sleep in my own bed until I realize that the bed I'm going to sleep in will now be my own bed more than the one at home, at which time I feel even weirder.

Thanks everyone for cheering me up, you guys should be therapists or something

This would be the PERFECT opportunity to learn Rachmaninoff prelude Op. 32 No. 10!!!

Thanks everyone for cheering me up, you guys should be therapists or something

Already thought about it.

[49410enrique]

edit

[j_menz]

not all things should be done like a boss however...

Good grief! 

** wonders where decency kitty has gone

[49410enrique]

Good grief!  

** wonders where decency kitty has gone

wonders why the kitty is the only one that can be 'not amused'

[j_menz]

wonders why the kitty is the only one that can be 'not amused'

LOL, I have an aunt who looks disturbingly like that. I will now have to supress a giggler every time I see her. 

[chopin2015]

You are not the only one. Next Thursday I get to meet with the director of the music program at the University. All I am willing to play is a Ravel piece. My teacher totally did not like my Chopin nocturne attempts so I haven't really finished either. She also said the Chopin Ballade is too long ((((( I don't know what to do, I really hope I do not have to play and we can just discuss what I have been working on.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

You are not the only one. Next Thursday I get to meet with the director of the music program at the University.

I love being under pressure.

You wanna know why?

Because you get more motivated to practice!


As long as you have your swag in the bag, you should be all right.

So ANYWAYS! Practice practice practice!  You only have a week left!

[chopin2015]

I know it! I am going to brush up the ballade tomorrow. It is weird, I did 3 hours today,  but I didn't feel good because when my parents are home I do not get to play the acoustic piano, so I don't actually know how well practice went because it was on the keyboard.  But yeah to the other dude that has to play next week...it is best to go find a church nearby. It is even better than having to practice at home. It will be kind of like playing on stage!

[j_menz]

I find it difficult to believe that any prospective teacher is going to be looking for you to play anything perfectly. If you could do that, you wouldn't need a teacher.

[outin]

Glad you are feeling better already! The people here know what they are talking about.

You know she probably talks like that to students all the time without thinking twice.  I'm sure she has met a lot of students who think quite highly of their abilities despite their lack of skill. Those would just ignore her comment and go on in their own dream world. Those who are self critical cannot. They start doubting themselves.

I would guess you know yourself that the piece is difficult already. So you made her comment into much more than what it meant for her. Just remind yourself that there is nothing wrong in attempting something hard as long as you don't neglect the other steps. You'll surely learn something and if in the end it doesn't work you can just come back to it. The only ridiculous thing would be if you decided to play the Prok on Sunday

Instead you are playing something you can, and these are experienced teachers right? So they can surely tell your skill level even if you are nervous and not at your best. I guess that's when the foundation of skills can be best assessed anyway?

I'd say good luck, but I don't think luck is what it is about. You'll do fine. And if you are assigned to a teacher that is not the best one, it doesn't have to be forever, right?

EDIT:
BTW For the next 2 days I'll be interviewing applicants to a course. I am not looking for students who have all the skills already, but for students that can most benefit from the course. I would also imagine that the best piano teachers are not looking for virtuouses that are already perfect in what they do, but students that they feel they can help achieve a high level?

[ajspiano]

I would also imagine that the best piano teachers are not looking for virtuouses that are already perfect in what they do, but students that they feel they can help achieve a high level?

I remember nyiregyhazi once mentioning having had a friend who held an LRSM fail to pass an audition for a Bmus course while they accepted students of a much lower standard.

[davidjosepha]

Good news and moderately bad/neutral news.

I met with the head of piano music again today because she's also my academic adviser and I needed to get my schedule switched around just a bit. While there, she offered to have me play the piece for her then instead of waiting till Sunday, so I did. It went well! Plenty of wrong notes since the feel of her piano was much different than the one I practice on and because I was nervous as hell, but it worked out okay. She said I played beautifully, but she was concerned with my shoulders and upper arms being too tense. She also asked me to play some of the Prokofiev for her, and she noticed the same problem. She asked what my teacher had mainly focused on with me, and I said it was mostly interpretation. She said she could tell, because although I played very musically, my shoulders were again too tense and that was causing problems (I definitely agree with that). She said she'd like to teach me herself (perhaps that's a compliment, although I'd still prefer to have someone else ) and that she'd also like for me to start with new pieces since she said it's much harder to correct things after something has been learned than before you've started learning it. I'm cool with that. She'd like me to work on about 2 pieces at a time per term (she said some students do 1, some do 2, but because of the level of academic rigor at my school, it's very hard for non-music majors to find time to practice more than an hour and a half a day), and she'd send me a large list of pieces she'd like me to pick from.

Anyway, in some ways, I'm relieved (especially cause I got to play today instead of waiting till Sunday!) and in others, a bit disappointed. Either way, it's very exciting to start with new music, and although I haven't finished refining all the pieces I've been working on, I've learned a lot from them and have them in good enough shape I could easily come back to them in a year or so and refine them then. It's also somewhat nice to not be working on the Prokofiev, which, while very fun, is very difficult and I just don't have the kind of time needed to work on it at the moment.

To summarize, it went pretty well, I'm going to drop the pieces I'm currently working on and start 2 new pieces that I'll choose from a list she'll make.

Thanks for the advice and help, and I can't wait to see what this year holds for me. I'm loving college, by the way. I have not met a single person here who wasn't nice yet, and I've met a ton of people. I don't even understand how that's possible. Tons better than my rather poor high school experience. Having a ton of fun, I'll try to keep posting here regularly.

[49410enrique]

great news dja!

i felt as much would most likely happen and i'm relieved but not surprised my expectations of what might happen were met (i.e you played well, it's working itself all out).

i'd take full advantage of her offer!

glad you're enjoying the 'scene'. will hit you up later on the interwebs.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Good news and moderately bad/neutral news.

I met with the head of piano music again today because she's also my academic adviser and I needed to get my schedule switched around just a bit. While there, she offered to have me play the piece for her then instead of waiting till Sunday, so I did. It went well! Plenty of wrong notes since the feel of her piano was much different than the one I practice on and because I was nervous as hell, but it worked out okay. She said I played beautifully, but she was concerned with my shoulders and upper arms being too tense. She also asked me to play some of the Prokofiev for her, and she noticed the same problem. She asked what my teacher had mainly focused on with me, and I said it was mostly interpretation. She said she could tell, because although I played very musically, my shoulders were again too tense and that was causing problems (I definitely agree with that). She said she'd like to teach me herself (perhaps that's a compliment, although I'd still prefer to have someone else ) and that she'd also like for me to start with new pieces since she said it's much harder to correct things after something has been learned than before you've started learning it. I'm cool with that. She'd like me to work on about 2 pieces at a time per term (she said some students do 1, some do 2, but because of the level of academic rigor at my school, it's very hard for non-music majors to find time to practice more than an hour and a half a day), and she'd send me a large list of pieces she'd like me to pick from.

Anyway, in some ways, I'm relieved (especially cause I got to play today instead of waiting till Sunday!) and in others, a bit disappointed. Either way, it's very exciting to start with new music, and although I haven't finished refining all the pieces I've been working on, I've learned a lot from them and have them in good enough shape I could easily come back to them in a year or so and refine them then. It's also somewhat nice to not be working on the Prokofiev, which, while very fun, is very difficult and I just don't have the kind of time needed to work on it at the moment.

To summarize, it went pretty well, I'm going to drop the pieces I'm currently working on and start 2 new pieces that I'll choose from a list she'll make.

Thanks for the advice and help, and I can't wait to see what this year holds for me. I'm loving college, by the way. I have not met a single person here who wasn't nice yet, and I've met a ton of people. I don't even understand how that's possible. Tons better than my rather poor high school experience. Having a ton of fun, I'll try to keep posting here regularly.

Swag in the freaking bag!!!

[outin]

She said I played beautifully, but she was concerned with my shoulders and upper arms being too tense. She also asked me to play some of the Prokofiev for her, and she noticed the same problem. She asked what my teacher had mainly focused on with me, and I said it was mostly interpretation. She said she could tell, because although I played very musically, my shoulders were again too tense and that was causing problems (I definitely agree with that). She said she'd like to teach me herself (perhaps that's a compliment, although I'd still prefer to have someone else ) and that she'd also like for me to start with new pieces since she said it's much harder to correct things after something has been learned than before you've started learning it.

I guess things didn't turn out that bad... She might eventually be more pleasant when you get to know her. She is probably a capable teacher since you agreed with her assesment. And if your last teacher was focusing on interpretation it will balance things to work on the technical/physical issues. You might be in for a boot camp
I think it is generally agreed among teachers that you should take on fresh pieces when you start learning new things/focusing on new things?

But one thing...maybe you could talk to her a bit about your dedication and goals. You say you are not a music major. Maybe I'm wrong but I have a feeling that piano playing is very important to you. Maybe just as important as for some of the music majors. You have worked hard on it and you play well. Who knows what you end up doing eventually. Make sure she knows this and that you really are willing and able to work as seriously as if you were majoring in music, just maybe a bit slower because of your other studies...

[scherzo123]

On Sunday, I'm going to play Rachmaninoff prelude no. 5, op. 23 for the head of piano music at my school so she can decide where to place me. As I was signing up for a time on Sunday, she casually asked me what else I was playing, and I mentioned I had been working on Liebestraum no. 3, Scriabin 11/6, and I also mentioned I'd been working on Prokofiev's 7th sonata, mainly the third movement. When I said this, she got an almost dirty look on her face, and asked in a somewhat condescending voice if I had played between the other pieces I had listed and Prokofiev 7 since it was quite a jump in difficulty. I listed a couple other things I had been working on, but nothing to the level of Prokofiev 7, and she asked if I had played many early 20th century pieces (to prepare for Prokofiev 7, I'm assuming). I answered that I hadn't played very many, and sorta tried to change the subject. Anyway, this whole time we were walking and this was where I had to turn off, so I luckily escaped any further conversation.

Now I still have to play the Rachmaninoff prelude for her on Sunday, I won't have practiced it for a week prior (no access to a piano here until lessons start), and I think she's already predisposed to thinking I'm just trying to play really difficult pieces to think I'm cool or something, so I don't see how this could possibly end well. I feel ashamed, and I think it's cause I'm worried what she said/implied might be true. And I'm nervous, because even if I play the prelude the best I've ever played it, I still think she'll think I'm some sort of "wannabe virtuoso", and if I play it mediocrely, which is much more likely given how nervous I am and how I haven't been able to practice, I'll just look and feel like a huge idiot. I wish I'd never mentioned the stupid sonata.

What can I possibly do?

Show her what your made of! Show her that you're epic!