Idiot neighbor claims I'm blocking driveway.

[faulty_damper]

.....Really....-facepalm-

What has astonished me is that students and adults think that I am intelligent and smart just by meeting me.  I have tried to figure out how people come to this assumption.  I don't even have to say anything to be perceived this way.  So it has come down to facial expression, body language, and reactivity to stimuli.  The combination of the above influences their perception of me, at least, that's my best deductions.

[nyiregyhazi]

Yes. ABOUT the same.  Not cost the same.

Have you considered that for them to cost literally the same, we'd be taking down to the exact number of cents that changed hands? You felt that's what I meant? You feel that I wished to imply that every house on the street would necessarily have cost the exact same to the nearest cent? Sometimes the word "about" doesn't need to be included, in order for it to be understood. I'm not typically a big pedant- unless it's necessary to defend myself against pedantry.

[outin]

You're a sociologist?!  We'd have lots of interesting conversations.

I'm sure about that...I did do some psychology too, enough to see it's not my thing

I would say that it is indeed upbringing (exposure to media, parental desires) that causes people to behave badly when it comes to wealth.  However, it is the drive for conformity which is human nature; those who stick together are more likely to survive, just as fish school, and lions pride.  Humans do the same things.

Don't you think human nature might be changing because conformity is not necessarily required for surviving anymore? Deviants have always existed, but in today's society they can actually thrive and "spread their genes"...

[nyiregyhazi]

What has astonished me is that students and adults think that I am intelligent and smart just by meeting me.  I have tried to figure out how people come to this assumption.  I don't even have to say anything to be perceived this way.  So it has come down to facial expression, body language, and reactivity to stimuli.  The combination of the above influences their perception of me, at least, that's my best deductions.

If that's your version of being humble, I think you'd do well to study a lot less scientific studies on psychology and a lot more everyday books on how to carry out social discourse. I feel as if I'm reading the words of a real life David Brent from "The Office" here.

PS. It's not uncommon for people to assume that I'm intelligent- but nothing would ever have led to me to feel that I ought to declare that on the internet, other than the present context of the fact that I would never otherwise have felt any reason to declare that.

[clavile]

Have you considered that for them to cost literally the same, we'd be taking down to the exact number of cents that changed hands? You felt that's what I meant? You feel that I wished to imply that every house on the street would necessarily have cost the exact same to the nearest cent? Sometimes the word "about" doesn't need to be included, in order for it to be understood. I'm not typically a big pedant- unless it's necessary to defend myself against pedantry.

No, I didn't think that.

I believe you misunderstood me from before.

What I MEANT was that I doubt there is a 150,000 dollar house on the same street with 1,000,000 dollar houses.

[faulty_damper]

Unfortunately you are not completely wrong. While you attitude may be annoying to some simply because in many cultures being humble is considered a virtue, being too smart can also get you in trouble in especially with people who have self confidence issues. But it is also easy to misjudge motives behind people's behavior, sometimes people do things without even thinking about it. Oh, wait, since you are a psych, you will probably say they have motives hidden also from themselves

My parents are immigrants.  As such, my cultural upbringing has been very confusing.  Some things I would never do because it is rude but is considered normal in the dominant culture.  This drove me nuts when I was a teenager and I am still learning how to work these things out.

Yes, people often have misconstrued ideas about how they are perceived.  Most people think of themselves as smarter, better looking, attractive, etc. than other people perceive them to be.  Dunning-Kreuger effect also in play here.

Envy is a strange emotion. I seldom say it because no-one ever believes me, but I can't remember ever feeling envious...maybe that's why I don't get good in things that require ambition

It's easy to deny that you are feeling envious.  It's looked down upon and it tells others that you have low self-worth.  Even in this thread, I sense envy in the expression of disdain for my blunt statements about myself.  

[nyiregyhazi]

No, I didn't think that.

I believe you misunderstood me from before.

What I MEANT was that I doubt there is a 150,000 dollar house on the same street with 1,000,000 dollar houses.

It doesn't matter whether other houses 150,000 or 850,000. The jealousy and bitterness was unmistakable and there is not a single contextual reason why the poster would have cited the million pound house unless that was the case. If all the houses were relatively similar and nobody resents more expensive houses, arguments would have been kept to the parking issue. They would not have spilled into house prices.

When a person complains about a person's behaviour alone I presume they have a problem with the person's behaviour. When they follow it up with reference to what a person's house cost, I presume they have a problem with inverted snobbery and are simply very bitter.

[clavile]

It's easy to deny that you are feeling envious.  It's looked down upon and it tells others that you have low self-worth.  Even in this thread, I sense envy in the expression of disdain for my blunt statements about myself. 

WHAT is WRONG with you?

You are SO stuck up and don't even realize it. I think I can safely say you aren't impressing me with all your "great" knowledge. GET OVER YOURSELF. You're THIRTY not ten.


I'd rather be stupid than smart and stuck-up like you.

I don't believe crap, I've never believed crap, and I will never believe crap like this.

I'm finished here.

[faulty_damper]

Don't you think human nature might be changing because conformity is not necessarily required for surviving anymore? Deviants have always existed, but in today's society they can actually thrive and "spread their genes"...

No, humans evolved over hundreds of thousands of years to stick together.  Our social interaction system hammers nails back down.  If anything, considering that intelligent and smart people get married later and have fewer children, well... the human population recently surpassed 7 billion.  Not all of them when to college.  Any change in society occurred only within the past century or two.  So... too soon to say.

[faulty_damper]

It doesn't matter whether other houses 150,000 or 850,000. The jealousy and bitterness was unmistakable and there is not a single contextual reason why the poster would have cited the million pound house unless that was the case. If all the houses were relatively similar and nobody resents more expensive houses, arguments would have been kept to the parking issue. They would not have spilled into house prices.

When a person complains about a person's behaviour alone I presume they have a problem with the person's behaviour. When they follow it up with reference to what a person's house cost, I presume they have a problem with inverted snobbery and are simply very bitter.

I only tried to offer one reason for bad behavior that is shown in studies to exist.  Clearly not everyone with money behaves badly.  But most do.

[outin]

My parents are immigrants.  As such, my cultural upbringing has been very confusing.  Some things I would never do because it is rude but is considered normal in the dominant culture.  This drove me nuts when I was a teenager and I am still learning how to work these things out.

Yes, people often have misconstrued ideas about how they are perceived.  Most people think of themselves as smarter, better looking, attractive, etc. than other people perceive them to be.  Dunning-Kreuger effect also in play here.

It's easy to deny that you are feeling envious.  It's looked down upon and it tells others that you have low self-worth.  Even in this thread, I sense envy in the expression of disdain for my blunt statements about myself.  

As I said, no-one believes me, because it's not normal...but then again, I am not

I sometimes say that I envy something, but for me it's just an expression, not an emotion. I am honestly just glad if someone has things/talent/looks whatever, because they didn't take it from me so it doesn't affect me in any way. I've never learned to see life as zero-sum game. Or a game at all really...I live in my own bubble and what others do/have little affects me.

[nyiregyhazi]

I only tried to offer one reason for bad behavior that is shown in studies to exist.  Clearly not everyone with money behaves badly.  But most do.

Well, relative to the world at large, you as an American are doubtless among the top 5% of the world's richest, yes? Probably higher still, I suspect? So, would you be happy for me to state that I might therefore assume that you must be among the top 5% of the biggest tools on the planet? (while that was hypothetical, based on some of the posts in this thread I'm not going to go too far to distance this extrapolation of your own logic from my own personal suspicions).

So, are you happy for me to extend the logic that you consider a worthy basis for judgements, or do you only apply statistical trends when they happen to be convenient to your blinkered views?

[faulty_damper]

WHAT is WRONG with you?

You are SO stuck up and don't even realize it. I think I can safely say you aren't impressing me with all your "great" knowledge. GET OVER YOURSELF.

I'd rather be stupid than smart and stuck-up like you.

I don't believe crap, I've never believed crap, and I will never believe crap like this.

I am not stuck up.  If you knew me, if you were a student of mine, you'd like me a lot because I am incredibly caring.  Most of the students I've had like me but when they give an explanation, they say that I'm smart.  They didn't always say this years ago.  Years ago, it was, I'm nice.  It's just that recently, I've gotten hecka smarter and they learn a lot from me.  They want me to be their teacher in the next grade.

One of the biggest differences that I have identified between me and other teachers is that I view intelligence as fluid and dynamic; you can increase it or decrease it.  According to a recent study, 90% of people think intelligence is fixed.  As such, there is nothing you can do to increase it.  If you were born dumb, you'll remain dumb.  If you are smart, you were born smart.  This idea becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[faulty_damper]

Well, relative to the world at large, you as an American are doubtless among the top 5% of the world's richest, yes? Probably higher still, I suspect? So, would you be happy for me to state that I might therefore assume that you must be among the top 5% of the biggest tools on the planet? (while that was hypothetical, based on some of the posts in this thread I'm not going to go too far to distance this extrapolation of your own logic from my own personal suspicions).

So, are you happy for me to extend the logic that you consider a worthy basis for judgements, or do you only apply statistical trends when they happen to be convenient to your blinkered views?

It doesn't really matter to me.  Go for it!

[faulty_damper]

Taming the green-eyed monster

This leaves us with a problem. The first choice is to give in but feel good. The second choice is not to give in but to have the emotion eat us up inside and perhaps inspire us to destructive actions.

Is there a third choice? Perhaps there is. Psychologists have suggested there are two types of envy: malicious envy and benign envy (van den Ven et al., 2009). We tend to feel malicious envy towards another person if we think their success is undeserved. This is the type that makes us want to strike out at the other person and bring them down a peg or two. However when another's success feels deserved to us, we tend to feel a benign envy: one that isn't destructive but instead motivates.

It was these two types of envy that were experimentally tested by van de Ven et al. (2011). They found that benign envy was a powerful motivating force. Benign envy encouraged people to perform better on measures of intelligence and creativity, when compared with both admiration and malicious envy.

So it seems there is a way out of the envy dilemma. When we feel benign envy towards another, this social comparison can provide a motivating force, pulling us on. Our heroes may well motivate us, then, as long as we don't just admire them but are benignly envious.

[edit] The passage was taken from PsyBlog.
https://www.spring.org.uk/2011/05/why-envy-motivates-us.php[/edit]

[nyiregyhazi]

It doesn't really matter to me.  Go for it!

That is a pathetic answer. It's okay for you to berate someone for being richer than you based on their wealth, but you are happy to casually ignore that your own logic would also "prove" that fewer than one in every twenty people in the world could compete with you, when it comes to being an utter cock?

I suppose it's easy to judge those RICHER THAN YOURSELF upon your own methods, but then to ignore what extrapolation of your own arguments would say about yourself. Cognitive dissonance is a term that you no doubt know- even if you clearly don't have it in you to stop and think deeper into the extent to which you are guilty of it here. Well there's a lesson here. Studying psychology doesn't make people any less resentful or any more able to view themselves through the same eyes through which they view (and then pass judgments upon) others.

[outin]

^^ So how does penis envy fit in to the picture?  

[nyiregyhazi]

Taming the green-eyed monster

This leaves us with a problem. The first choice is to give in but feel good.

I beg your pardon? Jealousy makes us feel good? Are you being quite serious?

[faulty_damper]

No, I didn't think that.

I believe you misunderstood me from before.

What I MEANT was that I doubt there is a 150,000 dollar house on the same street with 1,000,000 dollar houses.

Most of the houses here are in the $900,000 USD range.  Some are over 1 mil.  This is not considered a wealthy neighborhood, however.  It's normal for this city.  In the lower density cities south, $600,000 - $800,000 is the normal range.  This may seem like a lot especially if you live in a non-metropolitan area but an $800,000 house is much smaller than a $150,000 mansion in Missiouri.  But most things cost more here.

[clavile]

Most of the houses here are in the $900,000 USD range.  Some are over 1 mil.  This is not considered a wealthy neighborhood, however.  It's normal for this city.  In the lower density cities south, $600,000 - $800,000 is the normal range.  This may seem like a lot especially if you live in a non-metropolitan area but an $800,000 house is much smaller than a $150,000 mansion in Missiouri.  But most things cost more here.

Yeah....California is ridiculously expensive...

Texas, however, is a different place all together, especially since the economy is great compared to most of the rest of the nation....

You pay 1 mil for a house, you have PLENTY of yard AND house to go with it. But then, we're the second largest state.

Even $200,000-$300,000 will get you a pretty good house.

I happen live in the heart of a metropolitan area.

[faulty_damper]

As I said, no-one believes me, because it's not normal...but then again, I am not

I sometimes say that I envy something, but for me it's just an expression, not an emotion. I am honestly just glad if someone has things/talent/looks whatever, because they didn't take it from me so it doesn't affect me in any way. I've never learned to see life as zero-sum game. Or a game at all really...I live in my own bubble and what others do/have little affects me.

It is my belief that those who view intelligence as fluid and dynamic experience significantly less malicious envy than those who view intelligence as fixed.  Those who view intelligence as fixed feel that they have no way to improve no matter what they do.  They fall into a cycle of trying and failing which ultimately leads to 'learned helplessness.'  In this condition, they give up before making any effort because they expect to fail.  This is a 'self-fulfiliing prophecy'.   As such, they view themselves as dumb.  They view those who are better than them as born, not made.   Feelings of envy take over.  And when the green-eye of envy takes over, incredibly malicious things can be acted out.

"Bertrand Russell said envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness.[2] Not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by his envy, but they also wish to inflict misfortune on others. Although envy is generally seen as something negative, Russell also believed that envy was a driving force behind the movement towards democracy and must be endured to achieve a more just social system.[3] However, psychologists have recently suggested that there may be two types of envy: malicious envy and benign envy - benign envy being proposed as a type of positive motivational force."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy

Those who view intelligence as fluid and malleable experience benevolent envy.  Since their disposition is dependent on their behavior, they feel a sense of control for their outcomes.  That control is the most powerful motivating force a person can have because he/she is not a victim of circumstance but a product of their actions.

[outin]

Not referring to Russell here, but I think many of the theories about "human nature" are quite convenient as means to justify social structures that create and maintain inequality. So I am usually a bit sceptic about them...

[faulty_damper]

I look at human nature in terms of individual behavior.  Any and all behavior that an organism expresses is normal.  If it were abnormal, that organism wouldn't express it.  Duh...

However, people do talk about behavior in terms or normal and abnormal.  Normal meaning behavior that falls smack dab in the middle of the curve; abnormal meaning behavior that is expressed at the tails.

The tyranny of the majority is quite real.  It has caused all sorts of evil acts inflicted onto others.  But, even though it is despicable, it is still normal for genocide, sexism and racism, elitism, etc. to occur.  Since the behavior happens, it is normal for the organism both at the individual level and at the group level.

[outin]

However, people do talk about behavior in terms or normal and abnormal.  Normal meaning behavior that falls smack dab in the middle of the curve; abnormal meaning behavior that is expressed at the tails.

Exactly, and that is how I use the word. For me labeling something normal or abnormal is not a value judgement.

Some of us just seem to be in the far end of the curve very often

[rachmaninoff_forever]

, rach_forever, outin. 

I'm a girl.  And isn't Outin a girl as well?

[outin]

And isn't Outin a girl as well?

A girl? I guess if there is no age limit

[rachmaninoff_forever]

can never assume correlation-

Don't you mean causation?  

We made a little chant in Psych: correlation does not equal causation!  


No but yeah, there probably is a correlation between arrogance and rich people, along with people with good grades and arrogance, but that's just a correlation.  

[rachmaninoff_forever]

A girl? I guess if there is no age limit

What the heck yo didn't say anything about me saying that I was a girl?!  That didn't throw you off?!

I tried to trick you guys, but apparently it failed...

[outin]

What the heck yo didn't say anything about me saying that I was a girl?!  That didn't throw you off?!

I tried to trick you guys, but apparently it failed...

You have been acting like a girl lately, so you must be one 

[rachmaninoff_forever]

You have been acting like a girl lately, so you must be one 

I guess everyone forgot about my love for Valentina Lisitsa post...

[outin]

I guess everyone forgot about my love for Valentina Lisitsa post...

Hmm...Let me tell you a secret: There are actually girls who like other girls!

  Seeing these teachers are scary.

A guy would say:
"Like I care if she wants to see me??"

She freaking tore me apart!!!

I'm not going there again...

A guy would say:
"That woman is a freaking idiot! If I have to go there again, I'll punch her..."

[faulty_damper]

I actually say teachers are scary.  I tutored in a 6th grade class for a semester.  The teacher was sexist, mean, scary.  Her students were scared of her.  I was too.  She was scary.

[outin]

I actually say teachers are scary.  I tutored in a 6th grade class for a semester.  The teacher was sexist, mean, scary.  Her students were scared of her.  I was too.  She was scary.

I remember one or two teachers that did scare the pupils when I was in school, but I never understood why. Then again I wasn't really scared of much as a kid and questioned authority every chance I got...

I was kidding of course, R-4 is cool!

[unholeee]

if theres not enough room alongside the kerb you can just park on angle, just borrow the red paint and make yourself some stripes - that way it shouldn't matter you are taking up all the lane.

also maybe he needs the room for his driver to turn the stretch limousine

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Hmm...Let me tell you a secret: There are actually girls who like other girls!
A guy would say:
"Like I care if she wants to see me??"

A guy would say:
"That woman is a freaking idiot! If I have to go there again, I'll punch her..."

I am a freaking guy!!!

[j_menz]

I'm a girl. 

I am a freaking guy!!!

I'd pick one and stick to it if I were you.  Life's confusing enough.

Do you think you could learn to skateboard in heels? 

[outin]

I'd pick one and stick to it if I were you.  Life's confusing enough.

Some people have one identity in two individuals and others have two identities in one...what's confusing about that? 

[nyiregyhazi]

Don't you mean causation?  

We made a little chant in Psych: correlation does not equal causation!  

No but yeah, there probably is a correlation between arrogance and rich people, along with people with good grades and arrogance, but that's just a correlation.  

I did mean correlation. Any that does exist is slight and has too many counter-examples to be regarded as a serious correlation. The variance would go through the roof. It's too simplistic to think that rich people will be dicks and that poor people will be nice- and it's of particular interest that the poster evidently only applies such assumptions to those who are richer than himself.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

I'd pick one and stick to it if I were you.  Life's confusing enough.

You should take your own advice.

I'd pick one personality and stick to it if I were you.   

[j_menz]

Current repertoire:
Petrouchka
Gaspard de la Nuit
Beethoven Hammerklavier sonata
Rachmaninoff 3rd piano concerto
Prokofiev 2nd piano concerto
Rachmaninoff 1st sonata
Rchmaninoff 2nd sonata

You've been very busy in the last week, I see. 

[faulty_damper]

Idiot neighbor is blocking their neighbor's driveway.  Neighbors do not complain or put notice on their vehicle.

Their neighbor has a 1" slope compared to their own 9" slope at the curb and they are intruding into the driveway by 3".  Neighbors still do not complain even though car has been parked there for two days.

[nyiregyhazi]

Idiot neighbor is blocking their neighbor's driveway.  Neighbors do not complain or put notice on their vehicle.

Their neighbor has a 1" slope compared to their own 9" slope at the curb and they are intruding into the driveway by 3".  Neighbors still do not complain even though car has been parked there for two days.

So you're posting on a piano forum? Get off your arse and speak honestly yet without displaying anger to them about it and perhaps you'll achieve something. Do you think that writing about it in a piano forum is likely to achieve anything? Is this seriously your chief port of call? Allowing anger and resentment to build up inside is not going to help you. For someone who knows much about psychology you don't seem to be taking many appropriate measures to help your own mental wellbeing. Have you tried reading self-improvement books- with practical advice about how to deal with problems, rather than merely get annoyed about them?

Do you know of a single scientific survey that suggests there is value in bitching about people behind their backs to strangers, rather than confronting them openly and honestly?