Idiot neighbor claims I'm blocking driveway.

[faulty_damper]

Our neighbor has a problem.  He puts print-out notes claiming that his driveway is blocked when clearly it is not.  I've let it go in the past but this is getting on my nerves.

According to the driveway printout:



My car is only slightly over the curve, a lot less than the flyer shows.  His garage door is much smaller than the curb.

What the hell do I do about this ass*?  He moved in relatively recently.

The previous neighbors who moved in across the street are just as obnoxious painting the curb red.  The new neighbors called Parking and Traffic because they didn't like that an old car was parked in front of their house for a few days and wanted it towed.  If it were a brand new Mercedes, I doubt they'd have a problem.

I've lived here for 20 years and the people who moved here show no respect for the community.  They have money; the houses they bought were over $1,000,000.  They have expensive cars to park in front of their house.  They think they can throw their weight around because they have money.  I want to egg their houses.

[clavile]

Sorry to say, but he's right, although it seems quite picky...

I found this on the SFMTA website.

"A driveway begins at the curb cut, or the point at which the curb begins to slope downward toward street level. A vehicle parked within curb cuts can be cited and towed. Even partial encroachments into the driveway area can result in a tow."

[faulty_damper]

That means he has over 2 feet of extra space in front of his garage.  Other neighbors have less than 6 inches and have never complained.

He's still a jerk for only 2 inches over.  TWO FREAKIN' INCHES!

Thanks for finding that information, clavile.

[clavile]

That means he has over 2 feet of extra space in front of his garage.  Other neighbors have less than 6 inches and have never complained.

He's still a jerk for only 2 inches over.  TWO FREAKIN' INCHES!

Thanks for finding that information, clavile.

Yeah.. I think he is being a bit of a jerk about it.

Just tell your lawn workers to blow your leaves into his yard one day....

No prob!

[faulty_damper]

We don't have lawn workers.  There are no front yards where we live.

What really sucked was that meeting our neighbors for the first time was with a piece of paper stuck to the windshield.  Imagine all the subsequent interactions as we pass by each other... trying to be friendly makes me a fake person because he's a jerk.  The only close to friendly reaction I'd ever gotten from him was when the UPS guy left my package as his house so he had to ring our doorbell to give it to us.

[nyiregyhazi]

The previous neighbors who moved in across the street are just as obnoxious painting the curb red.  The new neighbors called Parking and Traffic because they didn't like that an old car was parked in front of their house for a few days and wanted it towed.  If it were a brand new Mercedes, I doubt they'd have a problem.

I've lived here for 20 years and the people who moved here show no respect for the community.  They have money; the houses they bought were over $1,000,000.  They have expensive cars to park in front of their house.  They think they can throw their weight around because they have money.  I want to egg their houses.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but you sound bitter and jealous. And I'm not a remotely rich person- arguing for that side due to being a part of it. I'm a low earner and rent a dirt cheap house. If someone's a dick then that's because they behave like a dick. It doesn't matter a jot what their house cost and it shouldn't be an issue. Sometimes poor people are dicks and sometime rich people are dicks. How much money they own is not the issue. If it is for you, you're making your own unhappiness by allowing yourself to be jealous- and you also risk making yourself look like you may well be the one who's truly in the wrong on the whole drive issue, when you broadcast that jealousy.

As I say, that may not be what you were hoping to hear, but please don't shoot the messenger. All I'm saying is that if the guy's genuinely being a dick, you owe it yourself to keep it clear who the dick is here by not coming out with a load of inverted snobbery about money. Otherwise, to an impartial observer, it automatically begins to appear less about the drive issue as about generic resentment towards people who have more wealth than you. Once the floodgates have opened, the question instantly arises as to whether the guy was perfectly polite, yet you started on a big victim complex. I'm not saying that IS what I believe. I really don't know. But once you expose evident jealousy about a totally separate issue to the parking, who knows what they should believe?

[clavile]

We don't have lawn workers.  There are no front yards where we live.

What really sucked was that meeting our neighbors for the first time was with a piece of paper stuck to the windshield.  Imagine all the subsequent interactions as we pass by each other... trying to be friendly makes me a fake person because he's a jerk.  The only close to friendly reaction I'd ever gotten from him was when the UPS guy left my package as his house so he had to ring our doorbell to give it to us.

.....You're joking about the front yards...right...

[j_menz]

.....You're joking about the front yards...right...

I'm guessing you come from the suburbs. Get out more. 

[clavile]

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but you sound bitter and jealous. And I'm not a remotely rich person- arguing for that side due to being a part of it. I'm a low earner and rent a dirt cheap house. If someone's a dick then that's because they behave like a dick. It doesn't matter a jot what their house cost and it shouldn't be an issue. Sometimes poor people are dicks and sometime rich people are dicks. How much money they own is not the issue. If it is for you, you're making your own unhappiness by allowing yourself to be jealous- and you also risk making yourself look like you may well be the one who's truly in the wrong on the whole drive issue, when you broadcast that jealousy.

As I say, that may not be what you were hoping to hear, but please don't shoot the messenger. All I'm saying is that if the guy's genuinely being a dick, you owe it yourself to keep it clear who the dick is here by not coming out with a load of inverted snobbery about money. Otherwise, to an impartial observer, it automatically begins to appear less about the drive issue as about generic resentment towards people who have more wealth than you. Once the floodgates have opened, the question instantly arises as to whether the guy was perfectly polite, yet you started on a big victim complex. I'm not saying that IS what I believe. I really don't know. But once you expose evident jealousy about a totally separate issue to the parking, who knows what they should believe?

Rich people have a different snobbishness;  they also have a reserve and extra propriety which can also appear as snobbishness.

If she lives in the same neighborhood with these people who's to say she's not just as wealthy as they?

I didn't take it as jealousy. I took it as frustration.  Gee, can't a person say anything anymore without people making assumptions and jumping all over them?

I complain about my neighbor's dogs barking. Does that make me jealous that she has three dogs and I only have one?

[clavile]

I'm guessing you come from the suburbs. Get out more.  

Nope! Smack-dab in the middle of the urbs!!! I don't live in SF, btw...

[nyiregyhazi]

Rich people have a different snobbishness;  they also have a reserve and extra propriety which can also appear as snobbishness.

If she lives in the same neighborhood with these people who's to say she's not just as wealthy as they?

I didn't take it as jealousy. I took it as frustration.  Gee, can't a person say anything anymore without people making assumptions and jumping all over them?

I complain about my neighbor's dogs barking. Does that make me jealous that she has three dogs and I only have one?

That depends whether you write two additional paragraphs that are concerned with openly complaining about the fact that she has two more dogs than you, following a single paragraph regarding the issue of the barking.

Call it jealousy or frustration or whatever. The exact term does not matter. While I will make no assumptions either way about the reality of the situation, it never adds to the integrity of somebody's story if they go off on a rant about completely external issues to what they said the complaint was about. There's no better way to diminish your credibility in a story that will obviously have two sides than to expose bitter jealousy towards a person. If a person is clearly jealous of another person, I automatically suspect that their assessment of that person's nature and behaviour in general will be grossly biased. Without the last two paragraphs, the impression would be totally different. My suspicion is that those last two paragraphs may reveal substantially more about the situation than anything written about parking.

[faulty_damper]

I'm speaking as a psychologist when I mention money.  Money causes people to behave badly.  It's not that they were dicks before they had money, it's money that provides a psychological sense of entitlement that results in dick-like behavior.

https://www.livescience.com/18683-rich-people-lie-cheat-study.html

[nyiregyhazi]

I'm speaking as a psychologist when I mention money.  Money causes people to behave badly.  It's not that they were dicks before they had money, it's money that provides a psychological sense of entitlement that results in dick-like behavior.

https://www.livescience.com/18683-rich-people-lie-cheat-study.html

So, it was supposed to somehow "prove" that the guy must be a dick- based on the logic that if someone's rich they must be a dick? This is doing nothing to change the impression i received and a good deal to reinforce it.

Try the very second paragraph for an illustration of how bogus and irrelevant such logic would be:

These new findings do not mean that everyone of high status behaves unethically, nor that everyone in lower society behaves ethically, scientists cautioned.

So (unless you wish for everyone to be judged rigidly upon general stereotypes rather than on a case by case basis) it still boils down to either the guy's a dick or he's not. But seeing as you make it clear that you are resentful towards people with more money than you (and wrote more worrds to illustrate that than you did regarding the of source what was supposed to have been the complaint), I'm unlikely to trust your version of events, sorry. If you want sympathy, bitterness and jealousy is not something that attracts it.

[faulty_damper]

If a person is clearly jealous of another person, I automatically suspect that their assessment of that person's nature and behaviour in general will be grossly biased. Without the last two paragraphs, the impression would be totally different. My suspicion is that those last two paragraphs may reveal substantially more about the situation than anything written about parking.

The correct term is envy, malicious envy.

These parking spots have just enough space to fit one vehicle between houses with only a couple of inches leeway, if any.  Everyone who has lived in this neighborhood knows this and no one has ever done what these neighbors have done.  They do this for every car they see if it overhangs just a tiny bit.  Their own vehicle is longer than the space in front of their house so they overhang the front fender by about a foot.

My point is, these new neighbors move in, throw their weight around without any consideration to the people already living here.  I am not the only ones who avoid them if possible because of their behavior.  It's like an American going to France and expecting the locals to speak English.

[nyiregyhazi]

The correct term is envy, malicious envy.

These parking spots have just enough space to fit one vehicle between houses with only a couple of inches leeway, if any.  Everyone who has lived in this neighborhood knows this and no one has ever done what these neighbors have done.  They do this for every car they see if it overhangs just a tiny bit.  Their own vehicle is longer than the space in front of their house so they overhang the front fender by about a foot.

My point is, these new neighbors move in, throw their weight around without any consideration to the people already living here.  I am not the only ones who avoid them if possible because of their behavior.  It's like an American going to France and expecting the locals to speak English.

Had you phrased it that way (without complaining about how long a person has lived there or how much money they own), it would have read far more favourably. As it is, my opinion is going to be permanently clouded by cause for suspicion that you dislike richer people than yourself and that your view of a person who your perceive that way is likely to be shaped accordingly. You already made it literally impossible for me not to at least suspect that they may have behaved perfect reasonably and that you became annoyed out of a deep-rooted disdain for those richer than yourself. How would you have responded to the same situation from a poor neighbour? Seeing as we're not going to be getting their side of the story, revealing generic resentment regarding monetary issues (in a situation that is completely unrelated to money) cannot help but influence a person's view. Had you given the impartial and topically relevant description above at the outset, it would have read as a different message altogether.

[faulty_damper]

I'm a psychologist.  It's my job to understand behavioral causality so I provided one.  There are more details to the story but they would also turn the neighbors into racists.  I'd rather just stick to snobbery.   

[nyiregyhazi]

I'm a psychologist.  It's my job to understand behavioral causality so I provided one.  There are more details to the story but they would also turn the neighbors into racists.  I'd rather just stick to snobbery.  

The fact that you would feel a need to explain bad behaviour with specific reference to a person's level of wealth (without reference to a single other factor) is precisely what troubles me so. If you hear of a murder, is the first thing you ask how much the killer earned per annum? I don't think you're even beginning to get my point here (and mention of racism is particularly ironic, given that racism is a direct equivalent- based upon applying similar generalisations rather than operating on a case by case basis)...

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Our neighbor has a problem.  He puts print-out notes claiming that his driveway is blocked when clearly it is not.  I've let it go in the past but this is getting on my nerves.

According to the driveway printout:



My car is only slightly over the curve, a lot less than the flyer shows.  His garage door is much smaller than the curb.

What the hell do I do about this ass*?  He moved in relatively recently.

The previous neighbors who moved in across the street are just as obnoxious painting the curb red.  The new neighbors called Parking and Traffic because they didn't like that an old car was parked in front of their house for a few days and wanted it towed.  If it were a brand new Mercedes, I doubt they'd have a problem.

I've lived here for 20 years and the people who moved here show no respect for the community.  They have money; the houses they bought were over $1,000,000.  They have expensive cars to park in front of their house.  They think they can throw their weight around because they have money.  I want to egg their houses.

You live in America don't you...

Yeah, I know...  We suck.

[clavile]

You live in America don't you...

Yeah, I know...  We suck.

Even bigger suckers because we have time to sit around and read an argument like this.

[faulty_damper]

The fact that you would feel a need to explain bad behaviour with specific reference to a person's level of wealth (without reference to a single other factor) is precisely what troubles me so. If you hear of a murder, is the first thing you ask how much the killer earned per annum? I don't think you're even beginning to get my point here (and mention of racism is particularly ironic, given that racism is a direct equivalent- based upon applying similar generalisations rather than operating on a case by case basis)...

If I hear a murder, I'd want to know the race of the perpetrator and victim and the circumstances involved.  From these two variables, I can reasonably make other predictions such as wealth, status, group affiliation, etc.  I am making a statistical evaluation.

However, when individuals are known, based on past behavior and affiliated behavior, the accuracy of identifying traits greatly increases and predicting other behavior greatly increases. 

BTW, I just wanted to rant, not make a scientific argument as to why my neighbors suck.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Even bigger suckers because we have time to sit around and read an argument like this.

Well it doesn't really take a lot of time to read. 

[j_menz]

I can reasonably make other predictions ....  I am making a statistical evaluation.

As in Lies, Damned Lies and...?

[clavile]

BTW, I just wanted to rant, not make a scientific argument as to why my neighbors suck.

The *man* has a point!

Like I said before, can't a person say something without a person jumping all over them?

Well it doesn't really take a lot of time to read.  

True, but the fact that I even spent time to read it is sad.

As in Lies, Damned Lies and...?

-still laughing-

[faulty_damper]

I'm a man, btw.  I hope you don't have some bias against me.

[clavile]

Ogeez. Sorry! I suppose I should bother to look at profiles more often!

Many apologies!!!

Do YOU think I have a bias?

[nyiregyhazi]

The *man* has a point!

Like I said before, can't a person say something without a person jumping all over them?

Nobody jumped over anybody. I politely pointed out that when a person exposes blatant jealousy and resentment of a person's wealth, they bring into doubt the credibility of their assesments of that person's behaviour in general. If a person is looking for sympathy about something, exposing bitterness and resentment about completely separate issues to those that they are supposedly aggrieved by does nothing to make them appear to be in the right and much to create the very opposite implication. Nobody gains happiness through jealous resentment of others. You simply create your own misery.

[clavile]

Nobody jumped over anybody. I politely pointed out that when a person exposes blatant jealousy and resentment of a person's wealth, they bring into doubt the credibility of their assesments of that person's behaviour in general. If a person is looking for sympathy about something, exposing bitterness and resentment about completely separate issues to those that they are supposedly aggrieved by does nothing to make them appear to be in the right and much to create the very opposite implication. Nobody gains happiness through jealous resentment of others. You simply create your own misery.

He didn't appear to expose blatant jealousy to me.

He's LIVING in the SAME neighborhood with people who pay $1,000,000 for houses. Unless he bought the only shack on the street, I'm guessing his house cost about the same as theirs. He didn't complain about the fact that they have money; he complained about how they think their money makes them better than everybody else. And hey, I may be middle-class, but I've seen how people who are  higher-class sometimes act that way. I've also met down-to-earth rich people, who are some of the sweetest people I've EVER met.

It seems to me he's sharing with us the frustration of rude neighbors. He didn't say he didn't like the old neighbors; obviously he's been here longer than the *new* neighbors have, and it sounds like he was fine with everything before they moved in.

[faulty_damper]

Ogeez. Sorry! I suppose I should bother to look at profiles more often!

Many apologies!!!

Do YOU think I have a bias?

We all have biases.  That's why you thought I was a woman.  That's why I think everyone on this forum is a man, including you until I read, "Joy".  I don't know any man named Joy.  I thought m1469 was a man...

People I'm confident are men, nyireghazi, rach_forever, outin.  Everyone else, I think is a man unless proven otherwise...

[outin]

We all have biases.  That's why you thought I was a woman.  That's why I think everyone on this forum is a man, including you until I read, "Joy".  I don't know any man named Joy.  I thought m1469 was a man...

People I'm confident are men, nyireghazi, rach_forever, outin.  Everyone else, I think is a man unless proven otherwise...

To be honest, sex is irrelevant to me in this context. But I guess you have to excuse me for thinking you were a woman since I am not a man (at least not in the conventional way) 

[faulty_damper]

Yeah, I live in the same neighborhood.  The people who rent a floor next door are nice.  They moved in most recently.  They have two young children, one whom was born recently.  They are respectful and I enjoy seeing them, even though I'm a shy person.  They don't throw their weight around like they own the entire block.  They seem to be aware that they are new here.  The other neighbors that I've mentioned don't seem to care what they do or who they offend.

When the neighbors across the street had the curb painted red, it was disrespectful and an eyesore.  The spot in front of their house is large but they felt the need to have it painted after living there a few months.  It's the only painted curb in this neighborhood.  They moved out after three years.

The new owners who moved in called Parking and Traffic because they didn't like that an old car was parked in front of their house.  The notice on the vehicle stated that the car would be towed if not moved.  They drive new model luxury cars and like to park one of them in front.  For an old car ('87 BMW with obvious body damage) to be parked outside, I guess they didn't like it so they wanted it towed.

[faulty_damper]

To be honest, sex is irrelevant to me in this context. But I guess you have to excuse me for thinking you were a woman since I am not a man (at least not in the conventional way) 

Oh, sorry... Outin sounds masculine....

[outin]

Oh, sorry... Outin sounds masculine....

I get that a lot for some reason

BTW. The only reason I thought you were a woman was because of something you told about being bullied by a dance teacher (that was you, was it?). I just couldn't think of any reason why a female teacher would feel the need to bully a guy... I must be really biased 

[clavile]

We all have biases.  That's why you thought I was a woman.  That's why I think everyone on this forum is a man, including you until I read, "Joy".  I don't know any man named Joy.  I thought m1469 was a man...

People I'm confident are men, nyireghazi, rach_forever, outin.  Everyone else, I think is a man unless proven otherwise...

Actually, usually I think of people as being men first.

This time, it was somewhat like your psychiatric assumptions. I assumed because of a few things you said that you were a woman, and was wrong.

[nyiregyhazi]

The new owners who moved in called Parking and Traffic because they didn't like that an old car was parked in front of their house.  The notice on the vehicle stated that the car would be towed if not moved.  They drive new model luxury cars and like to park one of them in front.  For an old car ('87 BMW with obvious body damage) to be parked outside, I guess they didn't like it so they wanted it towed.

Or then again, perhaps they were actually annoyed by the fact that someone was parked in their space and wouldn't given a damn what car was taking up their parking space? Speculations based on inverted snobbery seem to a be a running theme here.

[nyiregyhazi]

He's LIVING in the SAME neighborhood with people who pay $1,000,000 for houses. Unless he bought the only shack on the street, I'm guessing his house cost about the same as theirs. He didn't complain about the fact that they have money; he complained about how they think their money makes them better than everybody else.

How would that make any sense- if the houses all cost the same, as you hypothesised? I fail to see any coherent logic behind your theory. When a person singles out how much someone's home cost and rants about how their money supposedly makes them act differently to everyone else, that tells me both that the person being ranted about is indeed richer and that the person mentioning it is indeed jealous and bitter about it. If they were all living in houses of the same cost, the argument would logically have been restricted to the parking issue- without extending into a rant about how much money someone spent on their house. When I hear such talk the first thing I wonder is why the person is so intent on making themself unhappy by resenting what other people have, rather than concentrating on themself. Some people are just dicks, but when the supporting argument for that is based around how much money they own, you've lost any moral high ground and exposed generic bitterness on your part. Rich people aren't the only ones who try to take charge of the area in which they live. The money issue means nothing- unless you're jealous of it.

[faulty_damper]

I get that a lot for some reason

BTW. The only reason I thought you were a woman was because of something you told about being bullied by a dance teacher (that was you, was it?). I just couldn't think of any reason why a female teacher would feel the need to bully a guy... I must be really biased 

I'm a very good dancer.  I'm good at a lot of things including piano.  People become envious of what I can do because I can easily surpass most people in skill and knowledge.  The key difference is that I know what to focus on when practicing.  I out-practice this assistant teacher by a wide margin.  She sees that I'm doing something but, because it's different from what she was taught, she doesn't know that I'm actually practicing.  She won't dance with me because she's scared that I'd find out she's not very good.  She has good reason to be scared - she isn't very good and I sometimes have to re-explain to the other students how to do something.

[nyiregyhazi]

I'm a very good dancer.  I'm good at a lot of things including piano.  People become envious of what I can do because I can easily surpass most people in skill and knowledge.  The key difference is that I know what to focus on when practicing.  I out-practice this assistant teacher by a wide margin.  She sees that I'm doing something but, because it's different from what she was taught, she doesn't know that I'm actually practicing.  She won't dance with me because she's scared that I'd find out she's not very good.  She has good reason to be scared - she isn't very good and I sometimes have to re-explain to the other students how to do something.

 

*palms face*

Perhaps people are less envious of what you can do and more dismayed by such statements as "I'm good at a lot of things including piano". That kind of manner has never been much of a friend-winner, you know (especially when you also declare how jealous everyone is of you). That whole paragraph made me cringe. Even if everything written above is objectively true, what makes you feel a need to openly state it rather than merely think it to yourself but convey it in a manner that displays at least some iota of modesty? Did nothing in your psychology training teach about how poorly most people will respond to such outwardly boastful language?

[faulty_damper]

. Rich people aren't the only ones who try to take charge of the area in which they live. The money issue means nothing- unless you're jealous of it.

This is incorrect.  The research suggests that it is money that causes people to have a sense of entitlement.  People who don't have as much money are generally more community oriented.  As a person accumulates wealth, their attitudes change.  They think they deserve it and look down upon those who don't have what they have.

You can see this money bias in media about jobs paying $100K, denigrating fast food workers, denigrating janitors, how to rich live, the cars of rich people, etc.  This is prejudice against the poor while promoting a lavish lifestyle.  These superficial things are promoted as the thing to have.  When you have them, you become a jerk.

It's the same for grades.  Pretentious or not?  Good grades are the thing to have in school.  It is praised by parents and teachers.  For a student to get good grades, he begins to brag about it.  He didn't brag about it before he got the grades, only after.  

[nyiregyhazi]

This is incorrect.  The research suggests that it is money that causes people to have a sense of entitlement.  People who don't have as much money are generally more community oriented.  As a person accumulates wealth, their attitudes change.  They think they deserve it and look down upon those who don't have what they have.

So why did the link you quoted earlier specifically declare that there are no firm rules in the very second paragraph? The standard deviation here is is HUGE. If you want to make a point about a person's character, make it with reference to their character- not how much their house cost. I'm only the messenger- regarding how bitter that makes you or anybody else sound, if they talk that way.

It's the same for grades.  Pretentious or not?  Good grades are the thing to have in school.  It is praised by parents and teachers.  For a student to get good grades, he begins to brag about it.  He didn't brag about it before he got the grades, only after.  

So your hatred extends to anyone who does well at school? Everyone who succeeds in getting good grades is obviously going to be a dick? Also, have you thought of referencing it with your assertion that you're great at everything and everyone else is jealous of you? I honestly think you should seek counselling and find help with whatever it is inside yourself that makes you so resentful towards others- and that's not a flippant remark.

The more you write, the more you expose your deep-rooted bitterness. You don't seem to understand that there are no hard and fast rules but only trends. For that reason, you can never assume correlation- unless you are simply a small-minded bigot who can only function with reference to cliches and stereotypes and who cannot understand that every tendency has exceptions.

[outin]

This is incorrect.  The research suggests that it is money that causes people to have a sense of entitlement.  People who don't have as much money are generally more community oriented.  As a person accumulates wealth, their attitudes change.  They think they deserve it and look down upon those who don't have what they have.

You can see this money bias in media about jobs paying $100K, denigrating fast food workers, denigrating janitors, how to rich live, the cars of rich people, etc.  This is prejudice against the poor while promoting a lavish lifestyle.  These superficial things are promoted as the thing to have.  When you have them, you become a jerk.

It's the same for grades.  Pretentious or not?  Good grades are the thing to have in school.  It is praised by parents and teachers.  For a student to get good grades, he begins to brag about it.  He didn't brag about it before he got the grades, only after.  

I don't doubt that such research exists and is valid, but I bet it's mostly (if not all) done in US? Because I cannot recognize such models at all (living in a different kind of society). As a sociologist I am prone to explaining this type of behavior more with the environment and upbringing than psychological basis.

[faulty_damper]

Perhaps people are less envious of what you can do and more dismayed by such statements as "I'm good at a lot of things including piano". That whole paragraph made me cringe. Even if everything written above is objectively true, what makes you feel a need to openly state it rather than merely think it to yourself but convey it in a manner that displays at least some iota of modesty? Did nothing in your psychology training teach about how poorly most people will respond to such outwardly boastful language?

No, on this forum, I feel free to say it as it is.  In life, I have tried to hide my strengths because of people like this dance teacher.  She is not the first person I've come across who behaves as she does.  I am very intelligent and very smart.  I could not ever say this confidently until recently.  Even more important, I know how to become smarter and more intelligent.  Few people know how.

People can become envious of such traits just as there are piano students in conservatories envious of others' talents and skills.  Envy is a real emotion.  You've experienced it yourself.

Envy takes two forms: benevolent and malevolent.
Benevolent envy drives you to practice and work hard at something.  For example, attending a recital by a really good pianist compels you to want to practice.
Malevolent envy causes you denigrate the person by a variety of ways.

Here's a article on PsyBlog about envy.
https://www.spring.org.uk/2011/05/why-envy-motivates-us.php

[clavile]

How would that make any sense- if the houses all cost the same, as you hypothesised? I fail to see any coherent logic behind your theory. When a person singles out how much someone's home cost and rants about how their money supposedly makes them act differently to everyone else, that tells me both that the person being ranted about is indeed richer and that the person mentioning it is indeed jealous and bitter about it. If they were all living in houses of the same cost, the argument would logically have been restricted to the parking issue- without extending into a rant about how much money someone spent on their house. When I hear such talk the first thing I wonder is why the person is so intent on making themself unhappy by resenting what other people have, rather than concentrating on themself. Some people are just dicks, but when the supporting argument for that is based around how much money they own, you've lost any moral high ground and exposed generic bitterness on your part. Rich people aren't the only ones who try to take charge of the area in which they live. The money issue means nothing- unless you're jealous of it.

Did I even say they ALL payed the SAME amount for their houses? I used the price FD gave.

Oh. My. Word. This is futile.

[clavile]

I am very intelligent and very smart.  I could not ever say this confidently until recently.  Even more important, I know how to become smarter and more intelligent.  Few people know how.

.....Really....-facepalm-

[faulty_damper]

I don't doubt that such research exists and is valid, but I bet it's mostly (if not all) done in US? Because I cannot recognize such models at all (living in a different kind of society). As a sociologist I am prone to explaining this type of behavior more with the environment and upbringing than psychological basis.

You're a sociologist?!  We'd have lots of interesting conversations.

Almost all of the articles I have read were US subjects.  I am mostly ignorant about research done in Europe.

I would say that it is indeed upbringing (exposure to media, parental desires) that causes people to behave badly when it comes to wealth.  However, it is the drive for conformity which is human nature; those who stick together are more likely to survive, just as fish school, and lions pride.  Humans do the same things.

[nyiregyhazi]

Envy takes two forms: benevolent and malevolent.
Benevolent envy drives you to practice and work hard at something.  For example, attending a recital by a really good pianist compels you to want to practice.
Malevolent envy causes you denigrate the person by a variety of ways.

Precisely. Many psychologists believe that resenting those who have wealth specifically stops people from achieving it. People who do so get caught in a circle of permanently wanting what richer people have- while simultaneously preventing themself from ever achieving that, due to their utter contempt for such people and everything they stand for.

Ask yourself, which of those types of envy do you feel that you were displaying when you started a rant about house prices? A constructive envy? Or a worthless one that benefits nobody (least of all yourself)? Also, if you boast so freely on the internet, are you so sure that the same arrogant demeanour does not come across to anyone you meet in real life? Real confidence is when you don't have to prove anything- either to people in real life or on the internet. The only place where we should ever need to "boast" is in our minds- otherwise it merely reveals insecurity.

[nyiregyhazi]

Did I even say they ALL payed the SAME amount for their houses? I used the price FD gave.

Yes, you did indeed.

I quote:


I'm guessing his house cost about the same as theirs.

[nyiregyhazi]

.....Really....-facepalm-

Are you beginning to see the things that alarmed me now? I had a strong feeling that we were only looking at the tip of the iceberg, earlier on.

[clavile]

Yes, you did indeed.

I quote:


I'm guessing his house cost about the same as theirs.

Yes. ABOUT the same.  Not cost the same.

[clavile]

Are you beginning to see the things that alarmed me now? I had a strong feeling that we were only looking at the tip of the iceberg, earlier on.

Don't worry. I've been alarmed since the first conversation I had with him.

He knows >>>his own<<< facts, though, and uses them well, which makes it hard to argue.

[outin]

No, on this forum, I feel free to say it as it is.  In life, I have tried to hide my strengths because of people like this dance teacher.  She is not the first person I've come across who behaves as she does.  I am very intelligent and very smart.  I could not ever say this confidently until recently.  Even more important, I know how to become smarter and more intelligent.  Few people know how.

Unfortunately you are not completely wrong. While you attitude may be annoying to some simply because in many cultures being humble is considered a virtue, being too smart can also get you in trouble in especially with people who have self confidence issues. But it is also easy to misjudge motives behind people's behavior, sometimes people do things without even thinking about it. Oh, wait, since you are a psych, you will probably say they have motives hidden also from themselves

People can become envious of such traits just as there are piano students in conservatories envious of others' talents and skills.  Envy is a real emotion.  You've experienced it yourself.

Envy is a strange emotion. I seldom say it because no-one ever believes me, but I can't remember ever feeling envious...maybe that's why I don't get good in things that require ambition