How do I ask her out?

[unravelled]

Hey there!

So, I'll just provide you with a brief context for my situation. I won't be specific, for obvious reasons, but anyway I'm currently in my first year of university and I really like this girl. Really. She's just so happy and kind all of the time and everytime I talk to her I like her more and more. It's driving me a bit mad if I'm honest!

Anyway, I'll say it - I've never really had a proper girl friend - so this whole thing is all a bit alien to me. I don't know what to do, and I'm also worried that she may consider me a friend at the present time.

Basically I know her through a musical society (piano) - we're in the same year - and we sort of play music together sometimes and we sort of talk to each other in general too. It doesn't seem like she doesn't like me at all. I mean, she always seems to do little things, really small things, like asking me whether I want to share her umbrella, or finish the last bit of her shortbread, or listen to a piece of music that she wants me to listen to with her. I don't know, but it seems like I'm at least in with a chance.

Any advice? Because I need it I'm very nervous. I don't show it, but inside I'm so nervous around her 

[j_menz]

After one of your meet-ups through your music, just ask her if she'd like to grab a coffee, or lunch or whatever and take it from there.

[Bob]

Yes, just go ask.  Ask for small. 

Just assume you end up not liking her.  It's not such a big deal then, is it?

Otherwise, consider it networking.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Ask her if she wants to go to a Valentina Lisitsa concert.

[49410enrique]

before you proceed, you might wanna spend some time (or more than 'some' ) reading "Dr Love's" articles/answers to letters on askmen.com , it's savy advice, and as long as she is not crazy, and has grown up in a modern western society, he is pretty spot on damn near all the time.

just sayn', it's good info, it's 'free', just 'arm yourself' with the right attittude (not saying dont' be yourself, unless 'yourself' doesn't have enough confidence let her feel (notice i didn't say think), you're not a 'challenge').

there's a bunch to read, i'm sure some of the questions will relate to your situation or be close enough for you to go in with a 'clear head about you'.  you don't have any 'do overs' if you go in and she smells you're already falling for her.
https://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/

just sayin. (do some homework, arm yourself, be confident, have some 'swag' about you). you can do it. good luck!

[davidjosepha]

As someone with considerable experience being rejected, I can tell you that it's gonna suck if she says no, but that's a risk you take. You can't tiptoe around for the rest of your life and assume a girl will eventually fall into your arms. If you want it, you gotta take a chance. And if she says no, she says no. It sucks, you might even be depressed for a while. But if it's comforting, every time you get rejected, it hurts a little less.

But when she says yes...that feeling is heavenly.

Think about it this way--either way, you'll have plenty of emotion to channel through the piano

Besides the mental preparation (which is easily the most difficult part), what do you have to do? Just say, "Hey, do you wanna go get lunch this Friday?" Tip: Don't say "sometime". Choose a time. If you say "Wanna get lunch sometime", sometime could end up being never.

[j_menz]

before you proceed, you might wanna spend some time (or more than 'some' ) reading "Dr Love's" articles/answers to letters on askmen.com

What did he have to say about your penchant for long dead 19th century beauties?  

[j_menz]

Ask her if she wants to go to a Valentina Lisitsa concert.

Well, that explains why you're single. 

[perprocrastinate]

Well, that explains why you're single. 

He probably did succeed in taking a girl to a Valentina Lisitsa concert, but then got ditched when he suffered from a nervous breakdown and tried to ask the pianist out.

[49410enrique]

What did he have to say about your penchant for long dead 19th century beauties?  

still waiting for my letter to get answered!

[Bob]

But when she says yes...

... then you have another set of problems.

If the answer is no, then you're done.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Well, that explains why you're single.  

I'm single because I play piano all day.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

He probably did succeed in taking a girl to a Valentina Lisitsa concert, but then got ditched when he suffered from a nervous breakdown and tried to ask the pianist out.

Sadly I haven't been to one of her concerts before.   

[49410enrique]

fyi, just a few i found right away that may relate to you. some of the information may be hard to swallow, if it is, all the more reason you need it.
it really will depend how long you have known the chick and whether or not you already 'friendzoned' which is issentially a 100% dead on arrival deal

https://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_400/455_relationship_expert.html

https://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_150/162_dating_advice.html

basically she needs to not have you 'figured out ' yet. if you still have some mystery about you, and you havent' completely given yourself up (i.e. you're into her more more than she's in to you, and she KNOWS IT), and if you havent done all the 'friend stuff' then you may have a fighting chance if you  proceed  properly.

[j_menz]

If nothing else, this thread should explain to the girls/women reading it why men are so useless at this. 

[clavile]

If nothing else, this thread should explain to the girls/women reading it why men are so useless at this. 

L  O  L  .

[chopin2015]

Do you know if she has a boyfriend? or a sax player?
 But ya, idk-if you guys spend so much time together doing the music thing, maybe you should ask her out outside of the professional environment. If it gets awkward it might make things complicated. Invite her to a classical concert is a nice suggestion, and you wont have to talk much except before and after, and just sit there and think while she thinks, and then after the concert you walk outside and to the river and hang your feet off into the water that glistens with the sweet yellow of the moon...umm...so yeah think about not doing it at school.

[ajspiano]

I'm single because I play piano all day.

I do that and I'm engaged. Burn.

To the OP. Enrique is right (though I didnt read the articles) in that you need to have a bit of mystery about you, that creates attraction..  but I wouldnt be overly concerned about that at this stage.

as far as whether she likes you, there are signals, body language and such..  like say if you have just been talking and are walking away from each other and she has to turn and look over her shoulder to see you one more time..   laughing at your jokes is a winner too..  especially if they are bad jokes..   you can probably google "how women flirt" (or something of that nature) and figure out how to read her since you lack experience there.

Either way you should just ask her out..  and when you do, don't think of it as if this is your one chance with this awesome girl (where you'll be nervous and worried about what you say). I assure you, you barely know her..  Rather, you are not that interested in her but want to get to know her better and this is your opportunity to do that, and for her to impress you. ...only don't be an ass about that, just be confident in yourself and focus on talking to her, about her...   and have a plan for the outing, so that it stays interesting.. and so that you know whats going to happen next and she maybe doesnt..  (creates mystery)  ..girls like to anticipate and guess what you're up to, the harder you are to figure out the more interesting you are.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

I do that and I'm engaged. Burn.

I'm a high school student.

[ajspiano]

I'm a high school student.

If you explain the joke it loses it's humour.

In anycase the situation is in your favour - you will be single, withdrawn from the world (mysterious) and have a skill that sets you apart from the pack of idiots in a really good way.. You should do really well if you stick you head up above the surface long enough to talk to a girl.. 

I on the other hand will be married, which statistically suggests I'm headed for celibacy, and may not even be allowed to talk to girls.

[costicina]

The rule is: there is no rule...Improvise!!!!

[outin]

I on the other hand will be married, which statistically suggests I'm headed for celibacy, and may not even be allowed to talk to girls.

Who needs sex when you can play piano all day long...and remember, there's always sight-reading 

OP, just ask her. But don't make it too heavy, rather a bit casual. It is possible that she really likes you as a person as opposed to a guy and wants to be friends. You don't want it to get too awkward for both of you if she needs to say no. On the other hand it doesn't really matter if she just says yes to hang out as pals, that may eventually lead to something 

I never really liked official "dating", it's much more fun to just hang out and see if something clicks... Then again I have always had a lot of male friends. A few times things have become awkward because of one-sided willingness to go further, but that's just life...

[johnmar78]

Unravell, tell you the secret, I have beenthru this. Ask her if she wants to come to the pratcice room-piano at teh Creative arts center at University to hear your playing. This is more private. This works for me very well 100%.  And when things works out,,,keep it flow and be generous to girls and dnt be a tight arse. $$. I hope this helps.

[oxy60]

I love this thread. I notice that things haven't changed much over the years.

I would suggest building the first non-public meeting/date around what it was that brought you together in the first place. What you both need here is some private talking time. Both of you know very little about each other.

At this moment in school or college you are exposed to more people than you will ever meet during the rest of your life. The potential for finding the right mate will never be greater.

While "hanging out" with a mixed group may be a lot of fun, you may wait a long time for something to "click."

[outin]

While "hanging out" with a mixed group may be a lot of fun, you may wait a long time for something to "click."

I guess if one is on the shy side and cannot really bring out one's personality in such situations. But I actually just meant spending time together in a meaningful way and get to know each other. I guess I just don't care for things people normally do on dates so it just feels like a waste of time.

[austinarg]

I'm single because I play piano all day.

Really? I thought you spent the day stalking her.

[Bob]

The funny thing is the answer is in the question, isn't it?  You just ask.

It wouldn't be unwise to be clear about a few things.  Make sure she knows you're asking as a boyfriend/girlfriend type of deal and not "as friends."  *Bob pulls out a thick packet of paperwork.*  I suggest a contract, signed in advance, so she can't back out and later claim she didn't know or something.  You could have her agree to financial restitution if she backs out of a date or she could agree to find a suitable replacement if she wants to back out of the whole thing.



(How do you resize these images?)



The whole contract thing is kind of overkill though of course.  That only comes if she passes the battery of pre-dating questionaires.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Really? I thought you spent the day stalking her.

If I want to win the heart of Valentina Lisitsa and carry on Scriabin's Mysterium plan, I'll have to be at least a decent pianist!

I'm giving Outin my hands fin exchange or one hour with her.  Then I will make my move and steal her heart!

Yeah, my hands aren't ready yet.  You might have to wait a couple years Outin...

[j_menz]

If I want to ... carry on Scriabin's Mysterium plan, I'll have to be at least a decent pianist!

There's a piano part?

[rachmaninoff_forever]

There's a piano part?

Yes, there actually is.

[49410enrique]

u just gotta show that swag. also a costume helps.

[Derek]

I sure can't provide any advice on this topic. For me it was ridiculously simple. Boy meets girl online. Boy goes to see girl in public. Sees girl already has male friend with arm around her shoulders. Gives up. Sees her again a few years later in a social situation that he is somehow miraculously comfortable in. Says: "Do I know you from somewhere?"  Begins talking about spiders and strange music. Goes to arts festival together. Then, here's the best part...talking to her online I was like  "I like you"  and she was like "I like you too"  couldn't get simpler than that. If only all men could experience the joy of meeting a woman who is both attractive and intelligent and so down to earth she'll just straight up tell you she likes you and won't run screaming when you say you do too.

In fact I'm sort of of the opinion that if the person you like reacts adversely to being told that you like them then it wasn't meant to be anyway. Of course, if they're already a friend and you want to maintain the friendship I can see the politics of that being a little more complex. So yeah...I don't really have any advice. lol

[ajspiano]

perhaps track down and talk to this guy..

NSFW -

[nyiregyhazi]

Just grow a beard and buy a cheap hat. It works wonders.

[49410enrique]

perhaps track down and talk to this guy..

NSFW -

his secret

https://9gag.com/gag/6014106