Hello! I am brand new on this board, but I was seeking other piano teachers with whom to connect. I have been teaching piano for almost 10 years and I have had probably over 150 students in that time, as I taught around 45 students/week for a few years and have lived in three different towns. This year, however, I am feeling a little frustrated by some issues I have been facing:
1.) I have never, in all 10 years, had a student flat-out refuse to do something. This year, I have two young boys (seven and eight) who have crossed their arms and said "no" to doing something. Let me clarify first: I'm not a super strict teacher. Yes, I expect results from my students, but mostly because I tailor each lesson to each student, and I have grown accustomed to receiving results since my techniques have really worked well. What I mean by "not strict" is that I try to use positive language, start each critique with encouragement ("You did so well with your timing this week! I think we can work on making those notes a little more legato"), and if I feel push-back, I try to make it into something enjoyable or even a game. But never have I had anyone just sit there and say "No."
A few weeks ago, a student of mine who is generally able to be reasoned with but is not particularly the easiest student I've ever had, flat-out refused to count out loud. "I can't do it. And I'm not going to try."
Well, how about I count with you?
No.
Can we clap it first, and then work on that timing?
No.
Well, I can count it, and then you can count this section. Only a few bars at a time. No need to rush, just take your time.
No.
After about five minutes, I finally said that his timing in this piece (and actually every piece, he is three years into piano and has excellent potential, but his timing in every piece is all over the place) would really benefit from counting out loud, and that since we had tried all kinds of other things, this was really the only thing left, and it was an excellent skill to learn if we wanted to tell the same story as the composer wanted to tell through his music. He crossed his arms and refused to talk to me. Honestly, I was about done...... and I'm not sure if I handled it well enough, but I said that he had two options: We could end the lesson and we could discuss with his mom his participation in lessons, or he could count out loud. He got up and went downstairs.
He has counted out loud several times before. Overall, he is very oppositional if he has his mind set on something and it is very frustrating to deal with. Does anyone else have any other ideas? I did have a chat with his mom, and he was very cooperative the next week... it isn't so much a confidence issue because, again, he has done it before and has done it since... but there's another boy who crossed his arms, and smacked them down on the piano when I asked him to repeat a scale so I could make sure he was comfortable with it before sending him home. It had completely new ideas, I said, and I didn't want him to get home and be unsure of how to perform the "tuck unders" and "cross overs". Fortunately, this other boy did repeat that scale after a few times of asking him why he didn't want to do it etc... but it wasn't an unreasonable request. I told him I really appreciated him giving it that effort.
I'm not sure what has changed, that students flat-out refuse to do something? I've never run into this - any thoughts as to how to make that a little easier? They are never unreasonable requests... and yes I've had students complain, but never out-right refuse.
Anyway....
2.) I have another student who cannot seem to play soft, legato notes. Her go-to dynamic is forte... very stiff fingers, and she strikes each note like she is angry with it. She is starting Grade 2 RCM and is a very driven student; she isn't angry with the music, but I have been working with her to "feel" the music and listen to what it's saying when it says "p" or even "mp", but her hands will not relax. Any particular technique books you have found to help with this? She tends to pound on each note, and it's just not conducive to the lullabies she is wanting to play this year
3.) Just looking for what other teachers do for practice-time incentives. I have done practice records, depending on the student, occasional rewards if it's warranted (maybe once or twice a year kind of thing)... but I have two students (sisters) who come and will not practice. Their parents are tight on money and scrounge up enough to pay for lessons (I don't charge that much, but I'm sure you know what I mean), but while they enjoy the idea of music lessons, they cannot be bothered to put any effort in at home. Then they're frustrated when they have a song for six, seven, eight weeks, because they won't even put it hands together. They always have excuses... busy, forgot, can't seem to remember at a good time...
-I've gone through their daily routine and had them pick the best time of day, set an alarm, and encouraged them to practice then.
-One of the girls suggested she wake up early and practice in the morning (that didn't last lol)
-Practice records go unfilled
-I've talked to the parents, and they say "Well, if they want to keep taking lessons, they better practice!" and then the girls look scared and make empty promises...and the parents never do anything about it.
-The latest thing I've tried, and it is a last resort, is making it a competition between the two of them, but only because they're older and I know them well. Whoever practices the most in the next so many weeks (and they must practice a minimum of 4 days per week to even qualify) will get a prize. It will probably be a slurpee or something small like that... but I said that when they begin to practice, they will feel a sense of accomplishment and really see improvement in their music. They came last week and both practiced three or four days, which was a 300%-400% improvement

. . . and they felt so proud of themselves and were excited to tell me all about the accomplishments they had made in their pieces.
Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that will be short-lived... what do you use as a practice incentive? Especially for students who get to lesson and go "oh, I forgot" (again)...?
Thanks in advance! Sorry for the exorbitantly long post.