Suicide

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Friend wants to commit suicide after she graduates. 

What do I do.

[Bob]

Tell her family.  Call the police. 

[iansinclair]

hoo boy.

Get help.  NOW.  Both for her and for yourself.

I don't care whether it's a school counselor, a doctor of medicine, a clergyman, a teacher.  Doesn't matter.  Get help.  Tonight if possible.

If you can't think of someone specific, there are in many places help telephone lines for just this sort of thing.

[maul]

Friend wants to commit suicide after she graduates. 

What do I do.

You mean you, not her.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

hoo boy.

Get help.  NOW.  Both for her and for yourself.

I'm not the one with suicidal thoughts.

[maul]

No, no. It's your friend. Yeah. Deny it to the death.

[ajspiano]

when is graduation?

[rachmaninoff_forever]

when is graduation?

Last day of school for me is May 31 and graduation day is June 9

But she's a Junior so she has another year.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

No, no. It's your friend. Yeah. Deny it to the death.

Dude I'm really not suicidal.

Wanna know why?

Because I will win the heart of Valentina Lisitsa.  Then with her by my side, I will revive Scriabin and fulfil his destiny by performing his Mysterium on the top of Mt. Everest and end the world!!!  You Ditz!

[maul]

Dude I'm really not suicidal.

Wanna know why?

Because I will win the heart of Valentina Lisitsa.  Then with her by my side, I will revive Scriabin and fulfil his destiny by performing his Mysterium on the top of Mt. Everest and end the world!!!  You Ditz!

Case in point.

Oh, and "she" is full of sh*t. Anyone who says they're planning to commit suicide at some fixed point is grabbing for attention. Nothing more.

[ajspiano]

Last day of school for me is May 31 and graduation day is June 9

But she's a Junior so she has another year.

Not to detract from the seriousness of such a comment, it still needs to be addressed as a matter of priority, but you don't plan to commit suicide a full year into the future immediately after a significant life achievement.

If what you say is true she is seeking attention, and is not suicidal.

But thats also not something you can mess around with, you still have to address it seriously.

[j_menz]

Dude I'm really not suicidal.

Wanna know why?

Because I will win the heart of Valentina Lisitsa.  Then with her by my side, I will revive Scriabin and fulfil his destiny by performing his Mysterium on the top of Mt. Everest and end the world!!!  You Ditz!

So you're going to end the world, but survive?

On the serious issue, go and have a chat with one of the school counsellors. The matter doesn't appear urgent, but it seriously does need to be addressed.

Whilst it is generally true that people don't plan to commit suicide a year in advance, people who talk about committing suicide are at higher risk. She needs help.

[ajspiano]

Whilst it is generally true that people don't plan to commit suicide a year in advance, people who talk about committing suicide are at higher risk. She needs help.

Indeed, looking for attention in that way suggests a level of depression that is real and needs to be addressed.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Case in point.

Oh, and "she" ...

You honestly believe I'm gonna kill myself.  -_-

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Well how exactly should I go about telling someone?

Because I don't think she wants a bunch of people like freaking her out with like therapy and pills and stuff all of the sudden.  Because she only told me and someone else and I think she'll feel like she was betrayed or something.

That may be in her best interest, but...  Ugh,

[j_menz]

You do have to tread carefully, but betrayal in this context is not something that should be your primary concern.  My suggestion as to talking to a counsellor was to preserve some confidentiality and so you could discuss what needed to be done with someone who knows the resources available in the area, may have some personal influence, and probably has some experience.

You do not have to shoulder all this yourself, and nor should you try.

[piano_nurse]

Okay... a couple of things to say.

Maul, whether it be her or her friend, making accusations and trying to force someone to admit to something that you don't know to be true is not helping.

Ajspiano... what you say seems logical... but I don't think it needs to be discounted. She could be attention-seeking. She could not be.

To the author of this thread, I have but one question. Does she have a plan? If you don't know, ask her.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

To the author of this thread, I have but one question. Does she have a plan? If you don't know, ask her.

Well she said she was gonna do it with her friend. 

I don't know if that's suspicious or not.

[ajspiano]

Ajspiano... what you say seems logical... but I don't think it needs to be discounted. She could be attention-seeking. She could not be.

I didn't mean to imply that such statements should be discounted. No balanced person confides to another that they are going to kill themselves whether they genuinely mean it or not.. As j_menz pointed out, while its unlikely she is currently suicidal she would be high-risk to go that way it the cards fall in a less than desirable order.

[maul]

ajspiano is not saying that they should be discounted - I am. Overpopulation is a serious problem, you know.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

ajspiano is not saying that they should be discounted - I am. Overpopulation is a serious problem, you know.

There's enough food on the planet to feed 11 billion people.

There are currently 7 billion people.

1 billion is starving.

Overpopulation is NOT a problem.

[ajspiano]

Overpopulation is a serious problem, you know.

I think there are more effective ways to combat it than allowing depressed people to end their own lives.

Rach -
The fact that we as a species can sustain the current population right now doesn't mean that we are not over populated in many areas. Resources get depleted over time, and the population continues to grow..

..nor can you really argue that the balance between human consumption and the rest of the worlds organisms is sustainable.

[Bob]

See if you can get into her will.  Call dibs or stick "property of ____(me)____" on the bottom of some of her nicer things.

Watch if you give her any gifts.  Give something you want. You might be able to get it back later.

Drop some hints about not being able to take things with you and how you're a bit in debt, could really use such and such, etc.  People aren't always mind readers though.  You might have to flat out tell her an iPhone 7 would be a great way to remember her.  Of course it's nice to be able to afford the data plan to make a phone like that worthwhile too....

[maul]

Bob, I like your style.

[ajspiano]

See if you can get into her will.  Call dibs or stick "property of ____(me)____" on the bottom of some of her nicer things.

Watch if you give her any gifts.  Give something you want. You might be able to get it back later.

Drop some hints about not being able to take things with you and how you're a bit in debt, could really use such and such, etc.  People aren't always mind readers though.  You might have to flat out tell her an iPhone 7 would be a great way to remember her.  Of course it's nice to be able to afford the data plan to make a phone like that worthwhile too....

If you're going to be that callous wouldn't it make more sense to take out a life insurance policy..?

[pianoplunker]

Well how exactly should I go about telling someone?

Because I don't think she wants a bunch of people like freaking her out with like therapy and pills and stuff all of the sudden.  Because she only told me and someone else and I think she'll feel like she was betrayed or something.

That may be in her best interest, but...  Ugh,

Tell her, and only her about how you feel about her.  just tell her that life is going to get better , even though she may not see it, just tell her that.  Life does not get better if we are dead.

[maul]

Tell her, and only her about how you feel about her.  just tell her that life is going to get better , even though she may not see it, just tell her that.  Life does not get better if we are dead.

Seeing how life objectively is a random mess of unaimed subjective suffering stemming from the very roots of nature itself, life in fact does get "better"... when it doesn't exist anymore. Of course, your brain does an excellent job of making you forget that, seeing as we are all hardwired to survive.

"It'll get better, I promise!" says the DNA molecule. Of course, "getting better" means slowly deteriorating into an old decrepit creature that society doesn't give two shits about. Produce offspring however and your mission is functionally complete - then you can die. Or you could stop being ruled by your genetic code and opt out at the time of your choosing.

No one chose to be forced into this life, but they should be able to choose when to leave it.

[ajspiano]

They should be able to choose when to leave it.

Yes, but suicide is rarely going to be a decision made with a rational thought process.. and the majority of the time, if it were possible to re-think that decision later in a more emotionally stable frame of mind you are 100% of the time going to say that living is a better choice.

Euthanasia to prevent terminal disease based suffering is really the only example that falls outside of this..

Rach's friend is also no doubt ~16 yrs of age..  Society doesn't consider her ready to take responsibility for drinking alcohol yet, its a bit of a stretch to then consider her capable of making this decision.

[j_menz]

No one chose to be forced into this life, but they should be able to choose when to leave it.

I have sometime in the twelfth millenium pencilled in. Only provisionally, mind you. I reserve the right to postpone.

[ajspiano]

I have sometime in the twelfth millenium pencilled in. Only provisionally, mind you. I reserve the right to postpone.

For your sake I hope we see some significant medical advances over the next few decades.

[j_menz]

For your sake I hope we see some significant medical advances over the next few decades.

Failing that, there's always the vampyre option.  I am rather fond of garlic, though, so that may have a downside.

[ajspiano]

Failing that, there's always the vampyre option.  I am rather fond of garlic, though..

If you believe that you'll have to avoid garlic surely you also believe that your tastes may change a little..

..or do you already order your steak blue?

[j_menz]

..or do you already order your steak blue?

If it doesn't moo when you stick the fork in, it's overdone.

[ajspiano]

Failing that, there's always the vampyre option.  I am rather fond of garlic, though, so that may have a downside.

If it doesn't moo when you stick the fork in, it's overdone.

Perhaps you're already there and the reason you're body is deteriorating is due to over consumption of garlic, and under-consumption of human..

[j_menz]

the reason you're body is deteriorating

Who says it is? All those preservatives in my diet must be good for something, surely.

[ajspiano]

Who says it is? All those preservatives in my diet must be good for something, surely.

vampires don't age..   you've admitted to being fairly old.

[j_menz]

vampires don't age..   you've admitted to being fairly old.

I've admitted to having been around a while. That's not quite the same.

Besides, vampyres clearly age a bit:

[maul]

PULL THE STRING, PULL THE STRINGGG

[ajspiano]

I've admitted to having been around a while. That's not quite the same.

Besides, vampyres clearly age a bit:

I guess it depends on which account of their existence you believe to be the more accurate.

if you have been around for "a while" it is fair to describe you as old, especially for me since I'm "young" comparatively.

I've also come to enjoy calling people who are not really old, old. It's one of the most effective troll comments in existence and requires minimal effort.

[thalbergmad]

If I did know someone who was planning suicide, the last place I would go to would be an internet forum full of people I don't know.

Beyond daft.

Thal

[faulty_damper]

I've researched suicide and here are some things that may be of interest to you.

In 2000, 1.6% of all teens (age 15-19) killed themselves.  That's 1 in 63 people you know.   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414751

She's emotionally isolated and has no friends.  Even though you indicated that you are friends and that she told you she'll kill herself, she is not emotionally close to you.  She feels alone.  As a result of such emotional isolation, she feels depressed and thus, her suicidal thoughts.

What she needs is a strong connection to others and she does not have that, neither to you, her family, the school, nor church if she is religious.  Someone must accept her for who she is.
Researchers Outline Effective Strategies to Prevent Teen Depression and Suicide
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/121115162132.htm

She may also have problems that you don't know about.  Does she have a stable home environment?  She may be in a sexually abusive situation that has continued for years.  These are some things you may want to know to clarify her situation and put it into better context.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

If I did know someone who was planning suicide, the last place I would go to would be an internet forum full of people I don't know.

Beyond daft.

Thal

I went here because it's anonymous.

[timothy42b]

There's enough food on the planet to feed 11 billion people.

There are currently 7 billion people.

1 billion is starving.

Overpopulation is NOT a problem.

Suicide is not a solution for overpopulation.

But, your figures are wrong.

There is enough food, energy, and raw materials to support 40 billion people - at the standard of living of Bangladesh.

Or 1.2 billion people, at the standard of living of the US.

We currently have about 8 billion. 

Do the math. 

[oxy60]

As a society and individually we must stop making death an answer. We also must stop glorifying death; "they are in a better place,"  "this world is not my home," etc.

If you preach constantly about how the afterlife is so fantastic, someone (like the son of Rick Warren) might just take you seriously and want to find out for themselves!

[rachmaninoff_forever]

We currently have about 8 billion. 

Do the math. 

Dude we like just got 7 billion like last year.

[j_menz]

I've also come to enjoy calling people who are not really old, old. It's one of the most effective troll comments in existence and requires minimal effort.

Try it in real life. You may find it's also one of the most effective ways of preventing your own old age.

[ajspiano]

Try it in real life. You may find it's also one of the most effective ways of preventing your own old age.

I pick my targets with the use of at least a little intelligent thought.

[emill]

Many suicides are preventable ....  many shooting rampages are also preventable.

Trouble is many dismiss traces or tell tale signs of of these impending human catastrophes at a time when something can still be done. 

Whatever is the real case with Rach's friend needs someone with "PRO" level experience and training to handle as already advised by some.  Rach now assumes a moral duty to inform someone who can handle this professionally and often that is the school guidance counselor.  Have it done soonest before regrets become the order of the day. Never believe a time frame given because in an unstable person this can change the following day.

[chopin2015]

Suicide is not the worst that could happen! inform her! Suicides that go wrong can have a terrible effect...she could end up seriously hurt, disabled, regretful....
She will be taking a stupid risk and wasting a perfectly good life.
Suicide is not easy, and it is not guaranteed to help you! Most people are "punished" for such selfish acts and are devastated with the consequence and have to live with the misfortune that they brought upon themselves...she has a choice!
Tell her she should not risk mutilating or paralyzing herself, there are people who are born disadvantaged like this and it is selfish to take for granted and destroy what someone else would cherish and use for good instead of wrongdoing. Because others cherish life and think it is a chance to do good, we all should think of it as much as possible and be thankful.
Also, this is how I feel:
Jesus died for our sins, so take this life and live like he would, because you love the spirit of god, respect and honor the spirit.

[andy1973]

Case in point.

Oh, and "she" is full of sh*t. Anyone who says they're planning to commit suicide at some fixed point is grabbing for attention. Nothing more.

You're correct only up to a point. But there's a different between looking for attention and a cry for help. Obviously there's some anxiety about how her life will change after she graduates. Often uncertainty about the future and major changes can cause anxiety and depression.

Fortunately the fact that she has no immediate plans indicate she's most likely not in immediate danger.

As for "reporting" it, that can be a tough decision. That she felt like she could talk about it indicates some trust, and some level of rapport, so sometimes it's better to maintain that than risk a sense of betrayal. However, in situations where there seems to be more of an immediate danger or current self-destructive behavior, then the decision to "report" it might be the better option. No matter what, it's still a tough decision. But I mostly agree with faulty_damper, connections are important.

Most unfortunately, professional help is by no means a guarantee that someone will actually recover.

I seem to recall some national news a few months ago; two unrelated stories, one about combat veteran suicides and the other about teen suicides. If I recall correctly, some 50% of the people who committed suicide had been getting treated at some point before the suicide.

For instance, this article:
Veterans' Suicide Rates Going Up Despite Efforts to Address Mental Health Issues

...The majority of veterans who have a suicide event were last seen in an outpatient setting, with a high prevalence of nonfatal suicide events resulting from overdose or other intentional poisoning...

And this one (Jan 2013):
Study Shows Many Teens at Risk for Suicidal Behavior Despite Mental Health Help

A major new study released today concludes that one in eight American teens has had suicidal thoughts. One of every 25 has attempted suicide.

Those findings come from a survey of nearly 6,500 teens published in the journal JAMA Psychiatry, the largest in-depth analysis of teens on this subject.

More than half of the young people who planned, thought of, or attempted to kill themselves had received at least some treatment. Nearly 1,400 between the ages of 13 and 18 took their own life in 2010...

I had depression when I was a kid, and it got worse in my early twenties. But I hadn't tried to commit suicide. It wasn't until about 2 years after I started seeing therapists and taking meds that I had my first suicide attempt.

Sure, I know that doesn't prove anything; just my personal experience with it.

When I was a kid, my dad committed suicide. He just started seeing a doctor for his depression and problems sleeping, and was started on a med. (Here's a quote from WebMD about the drug he was prescribed:

Tell your doctor right away if you have any serious side effects, including: memory loss, mental/mood/behavior changes (such as new/worsening depression, abnormal thoughts, thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, confusion, agitation, aggressive behavior, anxiety).

He committed suicide shortly after. I think it was a week later, but not sure. Never saw it coming. Didn't have a history of suicidal behavior. Maybe he talked about it with my mom, or members of his family, but 30 years later his brother still says "suicide is the coward's way out." So I can only imagine what his brother would have told him had he talked about his feelings with him prior to his death.

But I digress... not a simple issue. Connections to friends and family is the most important thing I think. Sometimes I think seeing a therapist once a week is like seeing a prostitute for sex. If you can't find a friend or family member to listen and be supportive, you have to pay someone $100+ dollars for 45 minutes to do the job.

I wouldn't say therapists have never helped me. I'm frequently reminded of helpful things I've learned from some of the many therapists I've had. Whether or not I'd be better off today if I just dealt with my problems without therapy and meds like many people do I couldn't honestly say.

And I've "heard" many people have been helped by the medications available today. I don't feel they helped me, but many people will say that a psych med helped them.

Not an easy issue for sure. I'd suggest getting as much information and points of view as you can about it, and watch for the warning signs. Then make your decision based on your conscience, and what you feel you'd be able to live with.