Hi,
I enjoyed listening to your recording as you played this piece very nicely. I had a couple of thoughts while I was listening and one of these was that you are sitting so close to the keyboard that you may be restricting a flowing movement and therefore losing some control over the pressure you put into notes and phrases. For instance, you tend to lose some control as you move down through the last notes of each main phrase, particularly on the G sharp. If you were sitting a little further away from the keyboard, your fingers would move more smoothly over the notes as you move down through the keyboard. A good angle between the shoulder and elbow would be 45 degrees or so, which would allow your arms and wrists to follow through a little more.
The other thought I had while listening was right at the beginning where I felt a certain intensity in the opening notes which I feel could be more relaxed.
Did you change key at the end? Maybe it's just me but the ending didn't seem to belong to the piece.
Just a couple of thoughts worth consideration there
