Please help, I am in an emotional crisis.

[faa2010]

It has passed 5 years since I decided to take seriously improving my technique, even I decided to take exams for a music school admission, but this week a teacher give me a honest criteria:

My level is basic, very basic, below the average despite my years of playing (I have played piano for more than 13 years), and that is because I haven't had a good instruction.

I am right now thinking why I want to go to a music school, and my reason is not to be a concert pianist or to have a paper that shows my level. My aim all this time has been to be better at playing, increase my level, fix errors and mistakes in my technique because I love music and playing music for me shouldn't stress me or taking it seriously (I mean in not getting worried with time)

I think I forgot why the importance in getting to a music school, in part because I got too stressed that I have forgotten the joy of playing.  Also, I am afraid to tell to one of my current teachers, with whom I made a kind of pact 2 years ago to prepare me to enter, that I have changed my mind.

I am worried to say "I see that I am not good enough to enter to the music school so I bail, I prefer to play increasing my level on my own rhythm".

I am afraid to face the reality because I don't want to disappoint people who have showed me that they care for me. In fact, the current teacher I have has been very nice and patient to me, I trust him despite lacking knowledge in other topics.

How can I tell it?

[mussels_with_nutella]

Hi fa

If you are being honest, fact which i don't doubt, and you only want to improve and play better for your own joy (and the ones who hear you), then here is my advice:

Advice for technique:
If you play romantic pieces, take your time trying to master the "touch", how soft you play things, the switch from piano to forte, and try to express what you feel/music makes you feel. That's the most important thing. And play pieces that you love, not only as aim itself but also as practice. Take "easy" pieces like Beethoven's 2nd movement Moonlight sonata and try not to "play it", but to really feel it and make it wonderful.
In my student residence there is a man who plays very well and fast, complicated pieces. However, he does not notice, but he cannot do the things I said in the previous paragraph. One day, a girl sat and play a very simple melody, with just a finger accompanying. But i knew, she played much, much better than him. And I asked her: I was right, she was a very good pianist. But she demonstrated it in a very, very simple melody.

If you play classicismus and baroque, try to stick to a metronome hahaha I don't like it much, so i cannot tell you well.

BUT
concerning your studies and the issue with your teacher...

...I have a german language teacher who does not know much about the rules of german grammar. And i haven't learnt much with her. HOWEVER, I AM THE CULPRIT: Because i know it, and the grammar can be studied from a german book, but what cannot be learnt by books is "the opportunity to speak with a native german speaker", "to know how often use some expressions", "the correct and natural way to say things", and so on.
The same happens with your teacher: He may not teach you well some things... but if he is a good player, you can learn from his way of playing, his music sense, the movements, and so on: All the things "normal classes"/books cannot teach you properly. If he takes care of you and he is really concerned about your learning, you will never have an ally in your music learning like him.

I would have very clear that he does not give you what you require before telling him "farewell". As i told you, he doesn't have to know "everything" or even most of things! to be a good teacher: A good learning comes from three things: Good teacher, good student, and concernment from both sides.

[bernadette60614]

If I understand you correctly, you and other people in your life have been working towards the goal of your entering music school as a piano major.  You've decided that this is path you don't want to follow, but you don't want to hurt people who care about you. 

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do.  I would say:  I so much appreciate everything you've done for me, and I hope that you will not take this personally. Rather than studying music in school, I would like to take some time in school to explore other interests. This doesn't mean that I'll stop being serious about piano, but I want to take some time to explore other interests.

That way, you're leaving the door open to returning to majoring in piano, but you're just chosing not to go through that door now.