Help me

[rachmaninoff_forever]

so I had a white poodle since I was a kid, and we were best friends.

She got old and my mom was like we need to put her down and I was like no.

So one day, I walk her before I go to school, and I come back home to find out that they put her down behind my back while I was at school.

So at first I was like where's muffy I gotta walk her.  Then mom was like shes dead.  Then I was like bullshit where's muffy I gotta walk her.  Then mom was like nah dude this is legit we actually put her down.

So I'm mad and I curse her out and I start crying and go to my room and cry the rest of the night.  I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye and it's not cause of natural causes, it's because my mom is an ***.  If you REALLY wanted to put her down you could've waited till I came home.  I didn't even get a phone call.  I still guilt trip her for that cause that's just a nasty move.  I just wanted to be with her when she died but my mom took that away from me.  And it's not like she had a heart attack or something and it was a spur of the moment and they had to kill her.  She was just chillin in the house and they took her to the shop to kill her cause she had a tumor.  That was a few years ago and I still have days where I cry about it.  It's still hitting me pretty bad.

So someone please tell me how do I deal with this.  I'm still mad at my mom
And I'm still sad.

[dogperson]

I can so understand your anger and your grief.  I can only tell you that i have been forced to put a dog to sleep as an adult and I was there.. she was my best friend.  I knew it was the right time and the vet did all she could say and do to make my dog comfortable and explain to me what would happen.  Regardless, near the end, my furry child seemed to revive and I wanted to scream, "NO, STOP".  My vet warned me it is an involuntary movement, but the preparation was not enough.  I sill picture it, and it brings me to tears to remember... even as I write this many years later, I can picture every small detail like a mental movie and I cry.

Please, please try to forgive and remember your beloved dog as she was.  I know it is difficult to accept, but I believe your mother was trying to spare you this experience.  If I had a child and a beloved pet in this situation, I'm not sure what I would do, because it was a horrible choice for your mother:  to honor your wishes or spare you the life-long image. 

I hope in some way my story will give you some peace.