Write a Haiku!

[pianistimo]

bodies floating
like cherry blossoms...
until mosquitos buzz

ok that's terrible and morbid and you have to read the haiku instructions to understand the meaning.

sorry to have confused georgia and lousiana.  this ones for pianohopper and family:

georgia pies
lousiana sunshine...
new orleans jazz

jelly roll morton
fats waller...
better times a comin

alligator swamp
catfish jumpin...
people bumpin?

don't look now,
look to later...
rely a lot on your creator

go to church
help a neighbor...
it's gonna get better

southern fried chicken
mashed potatoes...
peach pie for dessert

for now,
the basics...
clean water, toothpaste, toilet paper

don't feel bad
or worry or fret...
just try to avoid gettin wet

and LEAVE AN ADDRESS or e-mail so we can HELP OK

[pianohopper]

I feel compelled to point out that realitytest's haiku website is not correct in its entirety.  Haiku is not limited to the 5-7-5 format, as that is an outdated way of thinking.  Also -- haiku do not need to have a kigo, seasonal word.  If they do not, they are called senryu, still a form of haiku, just a subdivision. 

The description of the rules merely skims the surface.  In fact, there are about 50 odd rules.  Most of what this site says I do not agree with -- except presenting ordinary things in a new and unusual way.  Fold your hands, now unfold them and fold them the other way. 
More rules: do not use capitals unless for names, even at the start of lines.  Use specifics -- a tree becomes the tree.

having said thus:

Chinatown --
the cab driver
sucks a lemon drop

red dawn...
staring at coffee
with bloodshot eyes

hail storm --
I send another
email

winter air--
I bite the skin off my lip
again

after spring rain
a moment's silence
the robin sings

stalemate
two armies
play again

NYC...
blood red light
straight on through


I have spent much time on this.  There are, if anyone is interested, many haiku contests and journals to submit works to.   

Pianistimo, thank you for the tribute.

[pianohopper]

I feel compelled to explain that I have learned these rules from one of the top haiku poets in the country, and so I feel comfortable in saying these are absolutely correct.

I would suggest a few websites on haiku:
https://faculty.millikin.edu/~rbrooks.hum.faculty.mu/PEOhaiku.html
www.modernhaiku.org    (the Modern Haiku magazine site)
www.hsa-haiku.org    (the Haiku Society of America site, which publishes Frog Pond mag)
www.haikuguy.com    (David Lanoue -- author of several semi-"how-to" haiku books.
https://www.gardendigest.com/poetry/haiku6.htm   (on the Japanese Haiku Masters)

A more in-depth look...at some of the haiku rules and stuff posted here.

The most important rule (which I forgot to mention in my last post) is to SHOW not TELL.

For example:

I was sad
when I saw
the dead cat

This is a telling haiku.  However, take Michael McClintock's haiku:

dead cat
open-mouthed
to the pouring rain

A much more powerful haiku; it doesn't tell you what the emotions are, but lets you figure it out.

bodies floating
like cherry blossoms...
until mosquitos buzz

ok that's terrible and morbid and you have to read the haiku instructions to understand the meaning.

Bravo!  Very well done, especially the juxtaposition of cherry blossoms and dead bodies.  I rather like it, not terrible at all.  Quoth my teacher: "The only themes in great literature are death and sex."  FATAL ERROR:  NO SIMILES!!!! Haiku does not use similes or metaphors, so eliminate "like"   I would consider using a different insect than mosquitos, however, because mosquitos tend to prefer live people.  Perhaps a fly of some sort would work better.  "until flies buzz."  Typically, the elipse goes after the first line.  Maybe try rearranging it.  (Sorry for picking on you, but there's a lot of good material there.  It seemed most promising of the ones I have read.  But, what do you mean, leave address and email?)

Also, concerning your other haiku:  No rhyming in haiku, either.  And use two concrete images.  Your first haiku has the potential -- cherry blossoms and dead bodies are your two images. 

Keep going, everybody!  It's therapeutic.

[pianistimo]

you're welcome.  sorry i don't really know how to write a decent haiku.  those pointers give me a better idea of what it's all about.

bodies floating...
cherry blossoms without color
exposed to earth and sky

dust to dust...
womb to womb
one physical, one spiritual

if you allow us to know your e-mail through messaging, we could send something for your relatives in lousiana.  are you visiting them anytime soon?  are they coming to visit you?  hope that they find their insurance papers, etc.  fire and flood are really hard to cope with.  it's really good to make copies of these things and mail to a friend.

[Dazzer]

man you take it wayyyy to seriously.

[nanabush]

        one two three four five

            two three four five six seven
       
       eight nine ten eight nine



edit:  It didn't go 5-7-5

   

[pianistimo]

are we talking bodies?

[Dazzer]

its the new "Haiku" method of teaching, as seen on Sesame Street.

[gkatele]

Mwuuaaahhhh!


to correctly play
the harmonious blacksmith
is within my grasp

[arensky]

We wait all alone
For the moment of our doom
Alone yet alive

Yo cheer up charlie
Concerto gig is waiting
They always love you

Death is always there
Waiting lurking biting now
But this time I win

Ah my hotel gig
Place of peace and happiness
I love to be there

Death will strike again
Maybe I will win again
Maybe not who knows?

Jamaica sunshine
Happy reef of manta ray
Spotted flounder too

Seawind calling me
Such a happy memory
Someday I'll return

I am not afraid
Death will win evantually
'Till then we're alive

*** you mister death
I won't let you take my breath
You'll have to fight me

          again

[Dazzer]

This thread bumped
A small brain explodes.
Lock this now.

[arensky]

Clairvoyant dazzer
hates this thread
but why we wonder...

[Dazzer]

just a joke.
hate here there is not.
yoda has speaked.

=D

[Torp]

motorcycle ride
in wind, change blows silently
no destination

This is my first haiku so go easy on me pianohopper! 

[fumblethumb]

any yo-yo can write
haiku you just write until
you have seventeen syllab

[Torp]

Fumblethumb
syllables lacking
attempts wit

[pianohopper]

any yo-yo can write
haiku you just write until
you have seventeen syllab

Not exactly.  You need to understand more than that ridiculous 5-7-5 rule.  As I think I said, Japanese syllables are not at all like English, so it's not stapled down.  If you're so concerned about syllabics, try writing sonnets in iambic pentameter.   

man you take it wayyyy to seriously.

In Japan, a man is (or used to be) judged by the quality of his haiku.  So, if you wanted a good wife, you had better write her some good haiku. 

motorcycle ride
in wind, change blows silently
no destination

The idea is commendable.  The problem remains with the language.  It is very tricky at first, but should come naturally with practice. 

Now, I notice that you have three seperate images here: one on each line.  It is preferable to have only two.  So, to combine the idea of wind and a motorcycle ride, we might say:

windy motorcycle ride

[/i]

It is unclear what you mean by "change blows silently."  Until you clarify this, I can't really help with it, but if you mean it in a sense like "changing to a new life," it could go something like this:

changing lifestyle...
windy motorcycle ride
to nowhere

[rob47]

all i know is the 5-7-5



Smoking weed is bad.
For some people it is good;
my brain stopped working.

[stevie]

mildly, but barely, and if at all possible, only fairly.

[da jake]

obviously true
predicktably pozzible
hahahahaha

[Torp]

Now, I notice that you have three seperate images here: one on each line.  It is preferable to have only two.

Ah, ok, I think I see what you mean.  I'll think through that on my next attempt.  Though, part of what I was trying to do here was create a question in the reader's mind about whether the ride had no destination or the change had no destination.  Perhaps I need to be more literal?

It is unclear what you mean by "change blows silently."  Until you clarify this, I can't really help with it, but if you mean it in a sense like "changing to a new life,"

It was my intent to create ambiguity.  I do this in my photography a lot too.  It is how I like to engage the viewer (in this case reader) in the creative process.  I know what I meant by "change blows silently," but I wanted the reader to have to interpret it for themselves.

Thanks for the feedback.  It is always interesting to attempt to create within a certain set of confines.

[realitytest]

Haiku Title Here

five syllables here
seven syllables right here
five syllables here


(I'm sorry to say this is credited to Jeff Goldstein, aka protein wisdom)

[arensky]

Year is ending soon
Time is like a river wild
Running fast and free

Best go with the tide
Or it will drag you under
In the deep it's dark

Darker than the night
Of the longest winter night
Still the sun comes up

This time I was spared
This year was the worst and best
Hope the next one's calm...

(to be continued)

[Dazzer]

like a little fly
returning, buzzing always
why why why why why

[m1469]

tippy tippy toe
glass, shattered on wooden floor
cold wind, freezing blood

[henrah]

Just a little thing,
That ceases everything else.
Mind wandering home.


Sometimes I like it.
Many times I feel I don't,
But I always think.


Future is so far.
Many ages will go by,
Before we die out.


Meaning is meaning.
But without substance they don't,
and they never will.


Here's one for the child in me:

I like potatoes,
but sometimes I also like
playing with the ducks.



Happyness

[debussy symbolism]

Greetings.

The coucou trills softly
Immersed in his rest,
And swift it flies softly
To it's own nest.

This is my own poem and not a Haiku.

I will try my hand at the Haiku

The jellyfish rests
All calm in its's haze
The jelly fish rests

I hope this worked. In a way it is poetic, but much different than to what I write. It is poetry to avoid embroglio, short verses of succouring consternation. Our poetry is far more expressive and descriptive. The Haiku, in my opinion lets you build the picture in your head. This is just my opinion.

[tac-tics]

　古池や
蛙飛び込む
　水の音

And for those without fonts or knowledge of Japanese =-)
furuike ya (Hark! The quiet old pond)
kaeru tobikomu (A small frog jumps into the blue)
mizu no oto (The sound of splashing water)

[nanabush]

Speed bumps in the road
Bumping, hit my head, ouch, pain
Get rid of speed bumps

 

read that in front of my english class haha

[Mozartian]

---

[thracozaag]

Juilliard students
everywhere I look
it sucks

koji

[jason2711]

Jason sits on forum,
pondering Haiku writing
while drinking water.

[jason2711]

More nitrates you say?
I can't think why you'd want to
have them in your pond.

Julliard worry;
your students are no match
for good old Koji 

[thracozaag]

Money's everything
Playing any gig that comes
Whores, we are all whores

koji

[ramseytheii]

Posting once again,
O, pianitisimo!
When will this all end?

[pianistimo]

write away
ramseytheii
writing away

[m1469]

Sleepy-head I am
sitting at piano street
I should be in bed

[jlh]

Sleep, little m1469
No more posts for you tonight
Your bed awaits you

[prometheus]

無限星奇怪な世界低い人



Ｗｅｌｌ，　ｔｈａｔ　ｓｕｃｋｅｄ．　Ｉ　ｃａｎ’ｔ　ｄｏ　ｐｒｏｐｅｒ　ｇｒａｍｍａｒ　ｗｈｉｌｅ　ｄｏｉｎｇ　ｐｒｏｐｅｒ　ｆｏｒｍ．

[m1469]

Sleep, little m1469
No more posts for you tonight
Your bed awaits you

 
 
 

[spaciiey]

grief

numbness that cannot
be fathomed unless one has
experienced it

[m1469]

the yellow brick road
under my feet and my eyes
*must make footies move*

[ramseytheii]

Chopin

I like Horowitz
Sometimes Paderewski too
And Ignaz Friedman
--
Beethoven

Arrau plays drily
Artur Schnabel tends to rush
Gould plays too heavy
--
Liszt

Brendel is boring
Horowitz - forever king
Cziffra's close second
--
Bach

Gould, Gould, Gould, Glenn Gould
Glenn Gould, Glenn Gould, Fischer, Glenn Gould
Gould, Gould, Gould, Glenn Gould

[m1469]

Hiding somewhere far
inside, outside, in between
chipping stones away.

rocks piled heavily
airless breath, lightless seeing
suffocatingly.

[ramseytheii]

I love Scriabin,
and also Rachmaninoff,
but not Tanyev.

------------------------

Schumann's Carnaval,
His Davidsbuendlertaenze,
What masterpieces!

-------------------------

Ligeti etudes,
Ceremony of Carols,
Catalogue d'Oiseaux.









Walter Ramsey

[goldentone]

The wait to ascend
The death behind me leaving
Two souls soon meeting

[gep]

The morning drips tears
Eyes unmist the lazy dew
A butterfly twinkles.

A soft tone rises
The sun casts shadows deeply
The soul cries silence.

[ramseytheii]

Bach takes off his wig
He writes down "Re, la, fa, re"
Die Kunst der Fuge

[concerto_love]

Rain in the outside
Hey you, my silver cellphone
Rainbow, will she come

[cai hong]

Firefly! Firefly!
The boy's eyes
Drowned in azure

------------------

The wisteria petals
Scattered
My heart ached

------------------

Scarlett and golden among
emerald, in the azure night
Tenkaiichi!

-------------------

O, snow white, snow white!
The fair lady
Nested in cherry tree!

--------------------