advice on misdirected anger?

[Bob]

Someone at work.  I can figure out a few thing they're upset about.

But once in a while their anger gets directed at me.  Really no great reason for it.  More like venting.  I just happen to be in the way.  It happened again, but I didn't just sit there and let them spew.  I did xyz, but you're talking about abc.  A 'what the heck is this person talking about?' reaction at first.  I didn't say that.  But then I realized they were just ticked off about something else, and I happened to be in the way.

Any advice for that situation?  It's happened twice now, so I'm pretty sure it will come up again.

[outin]

Someone at work.  I can figure out a few thing they're upset about.

But once in a while their anger gets directed at me.  Really no great reason for it.  More like venting.  I just happen to be in the way.  It happened again, but I didn't just sit there and let them spew.  I did xyz, but you're talking about abc.  A 'what the heck is this person talking about?' reaction at first.  I didn't say that.  But then I realized they were just ticked off about something else, and I happened to be in the way.

Any advice for that situation?  It's happened twice now, so I'm pretty sure it will come up again.

Unless you're the boss, just walk away if you can or do what you did (nothing) and let them vent...If they behave really badly you could try to go to someone on top, but that doesn't often do much good if the dynamics at the workplace are a mess as they often are.

[josh93248]

Unless you're the boss, just walk away if you can or do what you did (nothing) and let them vent...If they behave really badly you could try to go to someone on top, but that doesn't often do much good if the dynamics at the workplace are a mess as they often are.

Yeah, that can be an issue. I agree with outin though, if you can do any of those things it would probably be best. Or you could be a bit more confrontational and just tell them to stop and that you've had enough but this most likely would make things worse, but it could work depending on the situation.

[Bob]

I'm stuck in the same room.  We're on the same level professionally but I've gotten the impression they think they're above me or slightly my supervisor.

This most recent time I ended up stopping talking.  Nothing to argue with that way.  If I said something, they would just dive into that.  One thing I noticed was saying, "This is the only thing I'm focusing on for this little project..."  This person was looking other elements/directions.  Saying, "That's a good idea.  That's a possible future direction," seemed to calm them down.

I just think it's going to come up again. 

Another idea is keep them uninformed.  What they don't know is stuff they can't start arguing about.  Just leave them out of the loop.  That can be come back to haunt me, but it might not matter in this case.  If they need to know something, they can ask.  I can feed them only info they need to know so they have less chance to complain or argue about it.

[timothy42b]

You can only control your own emotions, not your coworkers - but you can control your own.

I think you did the right thing disengaging.  I have found that being calm and reasonable with someone who doesn't have the capacity to do the same sometimes enrages them.  It's like fighting an unarmed child, and they realize it subconsciously.

[Bob]

I'm working with idiots... 

Staying calm seems to drive them more towards frustration.  I think I'll stick with that though, but level back on the understanding.  By that I mean going back, step by step... "When you say this, you mean..., right?"  Build it up and figure out where they're getting off track.

Different worker today.  The idiot supervisor.  We ran out of something.  I asked for more, a usual amount.  Supervisor says no, we don't have space.  Presents a different strategy for determining how much we need (without details, that was what I got).  It ends up being more than ten times the amount I asked for.  A ridiculous amount.  And that's what I have to present to the supervisor.  I can imagine the response.  Haven't found out, but I can imagine.   "You sure you want that?  Really?  Ok..."

[outin]

I'm working with idiots... 

Staying calm seems to drive them more towards frustration.  I think I'll stick with that though, but level back on the understanding.  By that I mean going back, step by step... "When you say this, you mean..., right?"  Build it up and figure out where they're getting off track.

Different worker today.  The idiot supervisor.  We ran out of something.  I asked for more, a usual amount.  Supervisor says no, we don't have space.  Presents a different strategy for determining how much we need (without details, that was what I got).  It ends up being more than ten times the amount I asked for.  A ridiculous amount.  And that's what I have to present to the supervisor.  I can imagine the response.  Haven't found out, but I can imagine.   "You sure you want that?  Really?  Ok..."

One thing I have learned:

There are always things you cannot change in work environment, even if they are totally ridiculous.  People and organizations are faulty by default. If everyone were like me things would run smoothly and efficiently all the time. But they are not.

So to maintain my sanity, I will always try my best to not think too much about those things I cannot change, but instead concentrate on things that are in my power to change. Yes, I do often get annoyed with some of the sillyness, but I make sure process my frustration fast and get back to business...

[Bob]

I need to figure how to turn my brain off.  I keep running through scenarios like that in my mind.  Ends up making me more stressed out and frustrated.  It's the part that wants to wrap up projects, be done with them, and move on I think though. 

[outin]

I need to figure how to turn my brain off.  I keep running through scenarios like that in my mind.  Ends up making me more stressed out and frustrated.  It's the part that wants to wrap up projects, be done with them, and move on I think though. 

It's hard to turn your brain off really, can't you should just make it busy with something productive?