Please continue your story, It's excellent.
Well, if this so far relatively short thread has demonstrated anything at all, it would appear to be that forum members' capacity to tell good stories is vanishingly small...Best,Alistair
It's been ten years since I had a try in a similar previous thread so I'll post this again.Jimmy's Schooldaze (A Joycean Reminiscence)By Ted Jones Intransigenitally clockwise ran the way of the goodness, in the dear old dumpy days of Jimmy's insaucience. The way there was was the way there is and ain't no more. And what a shocking tapestry for all to eye-to-eye was the day the arrival at Jimmy school first at number one was. Thumpdown went the teacher and crumpdown went Jimmy and liedown went Marymummy with Bongodaddy. Wise old Nanniegran sungsong just yesterdreams about how it would be and that's the way it goes. No good never came of it and none would never neither. Mary's draws are so tight-tempered it's damn downright dangerlusty for anybooby crucifixes her when the tweeds come off. Cap it all Jimmy ablaze the shelter-sheds. What a crunchtime! And what inflammatory suggestibles the headmaster came off with just in time too. And such sillyballs were coarsely stuttered as would be respiterated aeons down the line for all to smell. And in front of the motor-mower too! If that wasn't stuffed enough raindown on Drumday cost the mixmaster a leak. Trouble all started Grand-daddy Booby rude it in the dunny paper Jimmy and Mary were having a hairy. Embracing igominy him being a Justice of the Piss at the bridge club. Almost as bad as the yonks Bongodaddy drove us all in the Dilaptomobile to buy Mary a new banana. Don't talk to me about Mr Holditup! Said to Mary are we going to coopterate or are we going to capitulate or are we going to copulate? Nix, nope, nogfist, neverall! Never did go much on the octopus at the rooster show anyway. Jimmy with his tantrum and Bongodaddy with a tight one. All I could do to get my hand to it in the ghost-train with all that elastic and no buttons. Dullday morning the hole in the class went outside to pee in the rain. The shavemaster scraped up the sums and Jimmy carried the digits. We all said our loudprayers over the Lord's speaker. Bongodaddy was still in bed with the budget when it came over the news Jimmy had a tinkle and a plop. Anyhow the bell for showtime soon flew by and we all exposed ourselves to the Queen Mother. The purpose of the penis was funereally eluxidated by the Nanniegran and the Dux of Edinburgh. The porpoise of the bag of raisins remaind rusty for many a strop thereafter. Which brinks me to the posture in the nick for the class party-pick. Caused no end of flagellation her with a bun in the oven saying what right Mary had when she'd fingered it herself for four hours with no bugger lending a hand. First time she ever upshut without a dicky-bird. Rooted it herself she did - her and Nannie's little Tom-Tit! Good Gum! Don't bell me Jimmy's gone and got the music-mother in the hole for a year again! If it's not a sing-song it's a ding-dong! Bongodaddy'll hit the floor when he funds it. Straining his spuds on the squeakybed week-in week-out for nary a divvie. Epidiascopically pungent was how the last recorded concertina night wrote off in the write-up. It has come to my notice Mrs Ramsbottom. I'll give him his notice where the thingummy puts his whatsit! Lunchday morning the babies helped roll up the sandwich ladies. Jimmy's having had his hole filled in the murder-house merely exacerbated the marmite meeting. Having a baby at her age! - and a fish pasting so greedily scrumpted and meticulostically spread was more than a body could butter. All sorts of complications and itchiness could bother the beetroot not to mention the size of the carrot. Lettucelaughs and cheesygrins and an ample bosom of luncheon stoppage constipated the jam session long before the bad boys' bags were into the good girls' boxes. Just heard it on the gaumless. Bongodaddy's got the first leg of the bubble at the wrestling and Mummy's got a free ticket and a new date. Krushchev and Eisenhower are expecting a happy event and Polly Parsons did a sausage behind the incinerator. I was just saying while the butcher cut it off the other day what a merrisome twosome nobody wasn't on knives and forks night. Jimmy upwent a trouser rocket, Listerine lit up a lovely and Bongodaddy banged his bulge. After the melting we all stood down and studied the bottle and watched Daddy Davey expostulate a crouchdown. We reliased a big bang and cascaded a Chinese candle only monuments before Uncle Lentil blew out his double-happy. Diddley Divey was tiddled as a farthingale (such embarrassings for his wipe-up!) Hanky-Panky and Hocus-Pocus tumbled a big one all down the burn hole and frighterised the Nanniegran (Pon me word!) Jimmy botherdated a lightup to Mortimer's purple whopper and soon the whole copulation ejaculated prematurewise, but then there occulated the mostest hideonormous fizzerflop (much to the conflagration under the Nanniegran!) and Dinky-Donkey dunk the dawk in the dark! Teddy had a waspstung on the grapesquash while chasing a steeplejump up the tyrefart. What a hullibollicus! The Marymummy stuffed a bluebee on the stingbag but Teddy faintpuffed a footfat. Jimmy nettled a nasty prickrash during a bus-drivers' innings last Tumbleday and nesticated a rushbum in the horsepiddle. Three shillings went to buy us. It's just aired on the witless. Daddy Davey's divvies have sunk a blockage down the lavatorials again. Mr Miasma was prostituted for homo-spotting with no licentiousness. Mr Dopeup dumped dead-down just before Plopday. The lice in tobacco's going higher up the spout from Moanday. Bongodaddy passed a pissdated cheeky one out the backdoor trots last Fly-by-night. All of us had a bit of a Happysanta. Bongodaddy got three dozen studying bottles and a wipesack. Listerine got a knob for a hoseduck and I got an excuse for a turnup and an XOS lacyloose. Jimmy got a trueblue but jetted a scaryplane into the neighbours' dirtysoak and perished the rubberdangle. Listerine and Jimmy were jellypuke from too momentous a fizzypop suckdown. Daddy Davey got three flops and a showpoke and Uncle Lentil got three saddles and a rumpmount. The Nanniegran got a barbecue, a voucher for a new bosom and a chocolate finger. Grand-daddy Booby got a new bellowing bowl and a chocolate date. All in all for what I perceived may the lewd make me truly lustful. Last Raceday was witnessforth to the stompdown orgiastics after the Campbells were coming inelastic. Such a torrid hoaryshout and a rose before so much a climactic screwed up the tickets we lusted. Auntie Mary misted the bauble and Uncle Lentil mastered the Bible. The Marymummy tooled a tall one and Bongodaddy enjovialled a menial fingerfast on the lemons in the next gruntstand. It shudder be seesaid if Lentil was looser with lace he was willing with whatshername. Missey Davey no never couldn't bare the bump of looking up lating for the horrorsplash. Whole town talking about the singmaster showpopped a trouserbulge at Mrs Seeall during the descant. So good in the class yet so loose in the grass. Bit of a do-re-mi behind the accidentals if you pitch my phrase. Her at number nine wouldn't hear a bar of it. Wh0re at number four bored a year of it. Dotted his minim good and proper with no ties. Found her key signature in his corduroys. A sharp one in the flat with the organ and a natural at fingering on a grand scale. A virtuoso three moans short of a virgin. Just touched it up the tactless ! Polar bear's had a rub-a-dub-dub at the zoob. Hippo's had a hop-on, lizard's had a lazy one, tortoise had a troublesome try and all the chimps were chuffed. ZOO-DOOZ: ERRATA AND PUBIC NOTIFICABUBBLES MATING TIME FOR THE ORANG-UTANS IS NOW 3:30 PM EVERY THIRD SUNDAY. PIES AND DRINKS ARE AVAILABLE FROM THE CANTANKEROUS. BOOKINGS ESSENTIAL. THE ELEPHANT'S BOWEL MOTION HAS BEEN POSTPONED UNTIL THE SECOND WEEK IN SEPTEMBER TO COINCIDE WITH THE POINT CHEVALIER KINDERGARTEN FIELD-TRIP. THIS WEEK'S QUALIFYING ROUND OF THE NATIONAL PRIMARY SCHOOLS "GUESS THE LENGTH" COMPETITION WILL TAKE PLACE OUTSIDE THE GIRAFFE ENCLOSURE AND NOT IN THE GOURAMI TANK AS PREVIOUSLY ADVERTISED. HODGE-PODGE O410E SUGGESTIVELY DELIGHTS ALL MEMBERS TO FLOP OUT FOR THE SERVICE AND STUFFING OF THE PEE-TARTY CHIMPS.
Is teds story about sexual acts?
And what inflammatory suggestibles the headmaster came off with just in time too. Jimmy and Mary were having a hairy. Said to Mary are we going to coopterate or are we going to capitulate or are we going to copulate? Jimmy with his tantrum and Bongodaddy with a tight one. The purpose of the penis was funereally eluxidated by the Nanniegran and the Dux of Edinburgh. Caused no end of flagellation her with a bun in the oven saying what right Mary had when she'd fingered it herself for four hours with no bugger lending a hand. First time she ever upshut without a dicky-bird. I'll give him his notice where the thingummy puts his whatsit! Jimmy's having had his hole filled in the murder-house merely exacerbated the marmite meeting. Lettucelaughs and cheesygrins and an ample bosom of luncheon stoppage constipated the jam session long before the bad boys' bags were into the good girls' boxes. Krushchev and Eisenhower are expecting a happy event and Polly Parsons did a sausage behind the incinerator. Jimmy upwent a trouser rocket, Listerine lit up a lovely and Bongodaddy banged his bulge. Uncle Lentil blew out his double-happy. Jimmy botherdated a lightup to Mortimer's purple whopper and soon the whole copulation ejaculated prematurewise,Last Raceday was witnessforth to the stompdown orgiastics after the Campbells were coming inelastic.Whole town talking about the singmaster showpopped a trouserbulge at Mrs Seeall during the descant. A sharp one in the flat with the organ and a natural at fingering on a grand scale. A virtuoso three moans short of a virgin. Just touched it up the tactless ! Polar bear's had a rub-a-dub-dub at the zoob. Hippo's had a hop-on, lizard's had a lazy one, tortoise had a troublesome try and all the chimps were chuffed.
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