Ways to politely decline things?

[Bob]

Specifically invites and food.

"Hey, come over to a party." 
Me, thinking:  No, go away.

"Here.  Take some food.  You have to take food."
Me, thinking:  No, I don't know you.  I don't want your food.  It might be contaminated.  I'm only going to throw out it later anyway.  Or I'll be forced to eat it here -- and it might give me food poisoning depending on how you prepared it.  I don't know how clean you are.  Plus, I don't want to eat that because it has a lot of calories.   "Oh, that looks good.  I think I'll save it for later though." 

"Oh, taking it home?  Here have some more.  We have so many leftovers."
Bob, 


Plus an hour of time lost.  *Bob is thinking being a recluse isn't so bad....*


So the questions....
How do you politely decline an invitation without insulting the other person?  I could flat out say no, but it's kind of rude. 
And how do you politely decline food? 

Any ideas are good.  I have some.  "I'm going to something.  Have an appointment.  Just ate."  I'm just looking for more ideas.

The catch in the scenario is that sometimes the other person knows if I'm actually going somewhere. 

I suppose the idea is also to "imply" to them not to invite me or offer me food, but to do that without directly insulting them. 

[quantum]

Maybe try something like this

[thalbergmad]

The word bollox works fine for me.

Thal

[ahinton]

The word bollox works fine for me.

As so often and so famously it does! Can't say that I'm in much disagreement here, though.

Best,

Alistair

[perfect_pitch]

The word bollox works fine for me.

Problem is, you spelt it wrong.

It's 'bollocks'.

[mjames]

Don' say anything, just stare. Keep staring. They'll get creeped out : D

[ahinton]

Problem is, you spelt it wrong.

It's 'bollocks'.

He always does - and you're correct, of course - but then I suppose that there's no need to deny him that one small indulgence!

Not only that, though, the OP's boldly gone and split the infinitive.

Best,

Alistair

[chopinlover01]

I find a good rule of thumb to be "no thanks", or "I'm gonna be busy that day, sorry!".
If they persist, "up thine arse" also works.

[Bob]

Not only that, though, the OP's boldly gone and split the infinitive.

Yeah, I split infinitives.  That's how I roll.

I was thinking.  After I've gone to the first thing I was invited to, I'm done.  I can probably decline the rest.  I did my part, and they shouldn't be insulted.  Then I can decline, and it becomes obvious it's not a regular event that I would attend their stuff.

Still stuck with the food I guess, but as long as I can take it with me, I can toss it later.

[perfect_pitch]

Don' say anything, just stare. Keep staring. They'll get creeped out : D

Two can play at that game...

[rachmaninoff_forever]

POLITELY??

Dude just say no.  If they think it's rude that's their problem.

[Bob]

Then I'm stuck with a disgruntled person to deal with.

[musikalischer_wirbelwind_280]

Then I'm stuck with a disgruntled person to deal with.

Aren't we all at one point in our lives? 

I've got to agree with rach on this one, mate, just say 'no', or 'no, thanks', if that works better for you (it usually does for me, anyway ^^).

I mean, if someone's ready to invite you to a party, or to offer to share some of their food with you, or to ask you to marry them, or what not, they should also be ready to get either a 'yes' or 'no' as a reply, and not feel offended if they get the latter. If they do, then they weren't 'offering' or 'sharing' anything, they were trying to impose it on you, and that seems much worse to me than speaking your mind and just saying honestly that you don't feel like doing something.

It's like those idiots who do ask someone to marry them, and when they get a 'no' for an answer, they just drop the ring and slap the guy or the girl they "loved" so much only seconds before...

M.W.

[rachmaninoff_forever]

Then I'm stuck with a disgruntled person to deal with.

You don't have to deal with them

If they're upset it's their problem.

They asked you if you wanted something and you said no. If they can't handle it, then it's on them.

[bernadette60614]

What a wonderful invitation, offer!

I wish I could take you up on that now, but I'm afraid it will have to be another time.

People want their hospitality or generosity to be appreciated...whether or not you accept is somewhat moot!

[Bob]

Haha.  That may be part of it, and I'm not great at that. 

[quantum]

The one that annoys me is when people shove food in your face and expect you to take a bite.  No, asking if I would like to eat that, no asking if I am allergic to something in that food. 

[Bob]

Haha... Just tell them you have a peanut allergy?  Haha.  Or start going through a list of ingredients you might have an allergy to.

I wasn't fortunate enough to avoid that.  "Thanks.  I just ate.  Too much.  I'm still full."  "Oh... Yeah, I guess I can take some of your food home and throw it out there person-I-don't-know."  "You made how many?  Well... I guess that's 1/xth of the time wasted a bit then, isn't it, when I toss this one, right?"

[swagmaster420x]

He always does - and you're correct, of course - but then I suppose that there's no need to deny him that one small indulgence!

Not only that, though, the OP's boldly gone and split the infinitive.

Best,

Alistair

What are you even talking about, have you gone senile?

Just tell them they are the reason why you think about putting yoru head in a noose every day.

[visitor]

**works every time
 
 

[bernadette60614]

I'm a fairly private person who is happy in her own company.  I'm not anti-social, I just need a fair amount of solitude.

I've realized somewhat later in life than average, that people want connection.  It doesn't have to be a deep bond, but just to connect.  Life can be scary, life is hard (even privileged lives are both) and having a "tribe" /community eases the anxiety of those facts.

When people extend themselves they aren't looking for anything other than someone saying: Yes, I find you a worthy person and I will connect with you. 

There is a saying:  It is not what you say or what you do, but how you make people feel.  Making people feel connected isn't that hard and it just makes life nicer.

[Bob]

So far no more invites.  I thought I had it figured out -- Just decline.  But now I'm thinking I might still be stuck if they invite me to something far in advance.  I can't say I'm tired and it's obvious if I say I have other plans but don't follow up on anything.  Although it would be tough for them to schedule in advance too...  Maybe I do luck out.  "I'm sorry.  I'm really tired tonight."  "I'm sorry.  I have some other things I need to get done tonight."  And if they keep asking, they should get the idea after a few responses like that.

Maybe they read this post.  Haha.

[timothy42b]

Say no, subtly and politely, then deflect with a quick change of subject.

Oh, hey, thanks, wish I could, but sorry.  Hey, did you see the game last night? 

Or something to that effect.

You can be more assertive if you feel the need, but this gentle manipulation will work 99% of the time and leave you both feeling winners. 

My answer is no.  and so that you know it is final, I'm not going to give a reason.  Works every time, but a little on the harsh side.

[ted]

What I would do is heavily dependent on the occasion and the person. In general, unless it involves too much trouble or expense, I take the soft option and try to please people. Of course this does not apply to unsolicited phone calls, advertisements, requests for donations and the like from strangers. A polite "no thank you", without explanation, must be acceptable in those cases.