I'm stressed and need some advice (Tell the whole story in the post)

[pierusskiy]

Hi! I’m a 18 turn 19 years old piano student outside the music college, conservatory and any music school.

I have a private teacher, but I had to change them a lot because various reasons such as my financial problems, failure to treat students' feelings of the teacher or my unpleasant of their teaching style. I know sometimes I’m not a good student in their opinion. If I want to change them, the main reason is about feeling comfortable to mind.

I told that teachers often had to change because of financial problems. This is because I just took piano lessons earlier this year. In fact, before that, I had been self-training for a bit, but it doesn't work. I can't play it at all.

At first I went to school and was not satisfied with the teaching style. Because at that time, I still didn't know about my final goal for the piano. So I tried applying for the course in this school, but I found that the teacher and I might not get along very well. Because we're almost the same age. You may not understand. I'm a bit fragile with my feelings.
I’m a very overthink person and like to be excited when I learn it. It was because I didn't have a good piano for practice back then. (It was a semi-weighted)
When I go to school. The piano is a upright. The feeling when playing is very different. It has to adjust the weight when pressing the key. I studied there for a month (4 hours) and after that I continued my course here for another month but it was online because of the coronavirus.

I realized later that I wanted to enter conservatory in Russia or somewhere else in European countries. I want to be a pianist. It might seem impossible because I haven't been preparing for it throughout my childhood. And I’m in my bachelor’s degree now.
I have less time to practice than other and also the financial too. My parents told me it’s impossible that I can be a professional pianist or good piano teacher in the future.
I feel bad. I've loved piano since I was 10 but never had the opportunity to play or learn it.
I don't want to blame my parents for not supporting me to learn, they must have their reasons.

I contacted a teacher who I thought I would start studying with him when I was more skills or started learning with him when I was able to play some of the requirements program by the conservatory.

- one of J.S. Bach WTC I or II (I should able to playe it before met that teacher)
- a complete sonata by Beethoven, Schubert, Mozart or Haydn.
- two virtuoso pieces/etudes (I probably choose Chopin’s Etude and Rachmaninov’s Etude-Tableau)

At first I was going to start studying with him, but I couldn't pay for him.
I solved the problem by not going to learn with that teacher and practicing on my own way and studying a bit with another teacher that I can afford.

Sometimes I stress and put a lot of pressure on myself because my goals are too high.
I feel bad that in fact there’s no need to put so much pressure on myself, but I really want to study there. I’m like a fool. The skill is not enough to go to enter there in possibility.  There was not enough money to pay the tuition fees. (The tuition fee for international students is around ten thousands usd per academic year) and that’s sadly, there are no scholarships for international students.

Right now, I'm working on very basic technique exercises like scales and arpeggios, Czerny’s Etudes and the repertoire is focusing on J.S Bach’s three-part invention (also called Sinfonia). I think two-part and sinfonias are important basic before learning his Well-Tempered Clavier so I started practicing them.

My current teacher advised me to take the Trinity or ABRSM 8th grade.
Because it make me try to practice repertoire from other periods as well.
I think this’s a good idea, but it would be difficult for me to pay for the application fee for it haha.
Do you think it's necessary?
I asked the people who studied there. They said it wasn’t necessary in Russia.

I told a long story. I want to express my feelings. I'm too stressed and If anyone can tell me any experience that helped me figure out this career journey. 
I'd love to hear from you and thank you all in advance.

[keypeg]

I can't answer directly right now, but for feelings, here's food for thought.  Yesterday I read a letter that a famous piano teacher wrote to the mother of an adult son who wanted to switch from law to music. The adult son had taken some lessons with this teacher.  The teacher wrote quite cautiously about the young man:
He seems to think that getting great technique is all there is to being a pianist - he has a wrong idea.  Will he bother, day in day out, to slog out everything that needs to be done - or will he pop off mid-week to see his friends to impress them with his emotional fantasies, being fooled by their praise and encouragement?  Will this young man bother to study theory and all the things that  his own daughter had been trained in since early childhood?  And does he know that pianist can't realy make a living unless he also teaches?  In short, this teacher's letter was full of caution and doubt.  The mother gave the letter to her son to read.  The son moved to the city, and studied with the teacher.

Oh, and the young man was the famous Schumann.

[pierusskiy]

I can't answer directly right now, but for feelings, here's food for thought.  Yesterday I read a letter that a famous piano teacher wrote to the mother of an adult son who wanted to switch from law to music. The adult son had taken some lessons with this teacher.  The teacher wrote quite cautiously about the young man:
He seems to think that getting great technique is all there is to being a pianist - he has a wrong idea.  Will he bother, day in day out, to slog out everything that needs to be done - or will he pop off mid-week to see his friends to impress them with his emotional fantasies, being fooled by their praise and encouragement?  Will this young man bother to study theory and all the things that  his own daughter had been trained in since early childhood?  And does he know that pianist can't realy make a living unless he also teaches?  In short, this teacher's letter was full of caution and doubt.  The mother gave the letter to her son to read.  The son moved to the city, and studied with the teacher.

Oh, and the young man was the famous Schumann.

Thanks for sharing Schumann’s story.
Actually, I just read some of his biography from you.
It seems to me (like him) that I’m really reluctant to choose a main future career.
I don't know if my piano skills are good enough for a career as a pianist or not.
As far as I know. People around me who graduated piano performance from European conservatory or music university, most of them are music teachers and rarely to give recitals or concerts. 
I feel really hopeless