Looks like we "girls" need to talk (the married ones especially!)

[dinosaurtales]

I am getting the picture that I am not the only one that seems to have "strife" when it comes to finding practice times when the husband is around.  He's also against building a sound-proofed studio, which would a: solve the problem, and b: save the marriage (only half kidding).   

It not only affects my practice mentality, but my performances, which are rare.  I feel like nobody would ever really want to sit through any of my pieces.   

I am totally jealous of: single people, and people who are married to musicians that understand and actually are positive about practicing. 

[pianonut]

i'm surprised that he wouldn't want to sound-proof since you mentioned that he doesn't like to hear the practice as much. (my husband and kids don't like to hear my practicing a piece over and over either).  now, i don't know about the neighbors - but you kind of tune out the extra noises once you're into practice. 

i think the secret must be to get as MUCH practice in before hubby gets home.  this is hard (unless i resist the temptation to do other things in the morning).  that's the best time to practice anyway!  now if your husband is retired, send him out to run an errand.     he's probably jealous over your time because he loves you (good thing).  maybe you have to make time for him just like practice time.  i have to slow my husband down sometimes.  a good meal usually does it.

i complain a lot sometimes, but i really have a great guy.  he's understanding more about what i need because when i turned 40 i let everything out on the table.  i said 'will no longer be a maid to everyone's mess...i am taking time out for myself for piano lessons/practice...i will go to concerts with or without (thankfully he's going)...and things like this.  surprisingly, everyone pretty much accepted things and if i'm gone to practice they have to make dinner, clean up (hahahah), and take care of the three year old for a few hours.  it's more refreshing to also 'have a life' outside the one you have as a family, too.

[BoliverAllmon]

being married to a musician isn't a walk in the park either.

[dinosaurtales]

being married to a musician isn't a walk in the park either.

uh oh.  this had the soiund of "experience" in it.  do tell!

[BoliverAllmon]

well I am not married, but might as well be. (not saying that that is a bad thing, I love my fiance with every ounce of love I can muster). she is also a pianist. I have to be careful of what repertoire I play. I can't play anything she has done or is similar to something she has done. If I do it will look like I am competing against her. Yesterday, I was working feverishly on chopin 10/1 (with deadline approaching). I didn't have too much left, but she felt like she needed to go home. We got into a fight somewhat because she wouldn't just be still for a little longer and let me get things done. I have done the same thing to her. I want to go do something, but she is not done practicing for the day. We haven't fought over pianos yet, seeing that we usually practice at school and there is more than one piano. We have fought over which piano we were going to use. i remember saying once that I was going to play on a certain piano that she started playing on. We started going at it and before I know it she was saying something along the lines "oh am I not good enough to compare to you? Do I have to bow to your wishes and give you the piano of your choice because you play so much better than I?". Oh and never ask her what she thinks of your playing. If I am doing good, she will let me know. If I suck and ask her what she thinks she will tell me I suck. I may feel that I am doing just fine, but she will get rude. I do the same to her. I mean her good. I may say something like well it was good but, you got a little bit out of beat at this point, or this could have been better. She will take it personal and BOOM!!! in the doghouse I go.

It isn't impossible. It just takes an extra amount of effort.

boliver

[galonia]

My parents and siblings aren't musicians, and yes, my practice is really really irritating to them, so I try my best to be considerate and not practise during people's favourite tv shows, etc.

Because I also work and go to uni, I try to get to work really early, then I can leave work early and come home to do my practice before other people get home.  Or else I do my practice in the morning, when everyone is too hectic to care, and I go to work late.

My bf, however, loves my practice.  He's a mathematician, and an academic, and he somehow finds he thinks better if I'm making a ridiculous amount of noise.  So he likes doing his reading and thinking in the same room where I'm practising.  In fact, he used to ask me to do my practice so he can do some thinking!!!

[Brian Healey]

Wow, Boliver, that sounds pretty brutal. Pardon my saying so, but I think your girl being a psycho isn't directly related to her being a musician. I've dated pianists before, and it was never like that. Although, both of the pianists I've dated were "classical" pianists, and even though I play classical, I mostly play jazz, so I classify myself as a jazz pianist. So, I guess the competition element isn't as high. Good luck buddy.



Peace,
Bri

[BoliverAllmon]

Wow, Boliver, that sounds pretty brutal. Pardon my saying so, but I think your girl being a psycho isn't directly related to her being a musician. I've dated pianists before, and it was never like that. Although, both of the pianists I've dated were "classical" pianists, and even though I play classical, I mostly play jazz, so I classify myself as a jazz pianist. So, I guess the competition element isn't as high. Good luck buddy.



Peace,
Bri

she may go psycho at times, but I can go just as psycho. We are both extremely competitive. It can get ugly at times, but I wouldn't trade her for the world. She makes me a better person.

boliver

[pianonut]

notice how noone mentions a bf, gf, or hubby or wife that just comes and sits and wants to listen to you play.  i think the funniest thing that ever happened to me was when i complained one day of this and my husband peeked his head around the corner and 'listened' for two minutes.  he thought he was being really generous.  did he bring a chair?  of course not.

now what happens if i miss a note or play something incorrectly.  from way upstairs, 'that doesn't sound right.'  ok boliver, here's how it is - whatever traits your gf has now, they will just accumulate.  now, i'm not married to a  pianist...but this could be a scenario in ten years:

'move over and let me play it - (practices 2 more hours) you sit and listen and nod attentively (to keep the marriage going - claps occasionally).  she, being appeased - gets up and lets you continue your practice until the phone rings (1 minute later).  she jumps on the piano and practices 2 more hours.  pretty soon.  she takes the world by storm - leaving you in the audience wondering what happened.  ok.  this is conjecturing too far.  usually musicians are very sensitive to others needs.

i would say - if you get married - have one bedroom but two practice rooms (on either end of the house). 

[pianonut]

for the most adulation, i see galonia's situation as ideal.  who could beat someone who needs you to play so they can think better!  now i'm not complaining, but i do tend to like the romance in that.  i'm more like the mathematician because i feel assured of my husband's nearness when he sings to me.  i often ask him to sing songs over again or sing more (but i don't ever recall being asked to play a song again on the piano) - more likely a certain meal cooked over again.  so, i have this desire to find an audience, you see.  i once told my jury (for last semester) that i was enjoying the moment of having a captive audience.

[BoliverAllmon]

i would say - if you get married - have one bedroom but two practice rooms (on either end of the house). 

already on that issue my friend. I am currently a music minister at a church and therefore spend alot of time down there practicing. She can have the home piano.

boliver

[pianonut]

just remember home is where the heart is, so don't dawdle.  i used to practice too much, now i say 'just keep it in repertoire and work on a few new things.'  it's tempting to serve in church a lot when you're young and have energy, but it's good, just take a weekend every now and then to 'reconnect' and start working music to perform together.  the more stuff you do together, the more fun it is, and the more people see you together they see you as a team.  it pays off bigtime.  women get jealous of time spent whether at church or at workplace with other women or groups.  if my husband was a minister, i couldn't take it...but being that he is a singer, we practice together and perform a lot together.  we have made many car trips together going places to perform.  that has to be the highlight of our lives.

[SDL]

I practice on a Yamaha P50 Stage piano with graded (grand piano) action, which means I can plug head phones in and play as repetetive as I like.  And Im semi-professional classical.  I did have an upright but its so unsociable and by the time I get in from work and have had dinner its 8pm at night.  This way I get to play till 10.30 if I want.  Only problem is the knocking from the keys is admittedly a bit annoying for someone to listen to.  If I can sort the knocking noise out I could play whenever.  Does anyone know how I can soundproof this "key knocking" through the cieling?

[BoliverAllmon]

just remember home is where the heart is, so don't dawdle.  i used to practice too much, now i say 'just keep it in repertoire and work on a few new things.'  it's tempting to serve in church a lot when you're young and have energy, but it's good, just take a weekend every now and then to 'reconnect' and start working music to perform together.  the more stuff you do together, the more fun it is, and the more people see you together they see you as a team.  it pays off bigtime.  women get jealous of time spent whether at church or at workplace with other women or groups.  if my husband was a minister, i couldn't take it...but being that he is a singer, we practice together and perform a lot together.  we have made many car trips together going places to perform.  that has to be the highlight of our lives.

so noted.

[lagin]

That's why unless God is like, "Laura, you're getting married!" it's just not going to happen.  I hope   The single life rocks!

[whynot]

Gotta practice when at home alone.  It's the only way!!

[Bacfokievrahms]

Hahaha women, always fussin over their fingernail polish.

[tds]

Hahaha women, always fussin over their fingernail polish.

should we, men, start your own "looks like we "boys" need to talk"? tds

[lagin]

Get outta here you guys!

[dinosaurtales]

Egad!  How did a MAN get in here?!



eeeeeeeek!

[Bacfokievrahms]

Seeing as how boys rule, I'd assume that I was conveyed here by a transport worthy of kingly carriage. (girls drool btw).

[lagin]

That was soooo mature! 

[allthumbs]

I am getting the picture that I am not the only one that seems to have "strife" when it comes to finding practice times when the husband is around.  He's also against building a sound-proofed studio, which would a: solve the problem, and b: save the marriage (only half kidding).   

It not only affects my practice mentality, but my performances, which are rare.  I feel like nobody would ever really want to sit through any of my pieces.   

I am totally jealous of: single people, and people who are married to musicians that understand and actually are positive about practicing. 

Greetings

I have the opposite problem with my wife. Ah, if we only had met years ago.....

Cheers