Why did I say that??!!

[donjuan]

..have to get some stuff off my chest..

Have you ever said something mean to someone else and you know it was uncalled for?  You see the consequences for your actions as the person now does not talk to you or see you, even long enough for you to make an apology.  Now I am sure it upsets me more than the person I said it to in the first place.  Oh how I hate being so impulsive with my words and having such a noisy conscience to bug me afterwards day and night. 
What do I do to set this straight and rid myself of this horrible feeling?  Am I just a mean person?  Please - jerks like me out there, IF YOU HEAR ME, please tell me Im not alone here.  I have been bullied my whole life, why oh why have I started to bully others? Now I feel like such a jerk whenever I am around people, and yet when I am alone with my thoughts I dont feel any hatred or contempt for others.  After all, why argue? they are just people, like me..  There is just something about actual human contact that brings out this ghastly side of myself that sickens me with every stifled breath.

donjuan

       

[lagin]

Yah, I was quite the jerk, too.  God's really been changing over the past years since I've gotten to know Him, but before that..........  I sassed, I insulted, I even punched!  Could you maybe grab the person by the sleeve and say really fast,  i'm suchan idotplease forgive meplease, I'm so sorry, that wasuncalled for?  (yes, i did type it that way on purpose to illustrate my point)

[donjuan]

im so ashamed now to do that..  it was like, a personal attack in a professional situation..
if you know what I mean.. 

[lagin]

I know it's hard, but generally people will respect you for your courage, and maturity if you do.  It takes a real man to admit when he was in the wrong.  So maybe don't grab his sleeve and beg, but be sincere, and if he doesn't listen, then you have the peace of mind in knowing that he's the one out of line then.

[lagin]

Besides!  Think how good you will feel after.  It's worth it!  Trust me, i've been there.

[Tash]

i once wrote this really abusive letter to a friend back when i was 15 after she suggested having pre's for our school formal and not inviting the 3 of us who had moved into their group at the beginning of the year (it was then september, so you know a decent amount of time we'd been there!) so i got really pissed off and told her how rude it was and that she was the lowest person in society. or whatever, it was really quite harsh for in reality such a non-event. and then she read it out to the entire group and that was embarressing. and then i realised how irrational and moronic i had been and apologised and we went to her pre's. ah the mature age of 15....
and many other moronic irrational things i've said in my lifetime. but yeah, just say sorry and be nice to them and they'll forgive you, and soon enough it will just be another silly thing you did that nobody really cares about!

[janice]

Tash--what is a "pre"?

[Tash]

pre-formal party- like the after's- after formal party, except it's before and it's just like one massive photo session and by the end your mouth feels like it's had a coathanger shoved inside it. and parents come and look at how beautifultheir  children look and drink champagne. it's great. and then you get a limo or taxi to the actual formal together

[Torp]

Don Juan,

I came across this quote in another forum.  Don't know if it will help or not.

"It's better to eat crow when it's warm; it's a lot harder to swallow when it's cold."

Being ashamed is understandable, but not a reason to avoid what you know you should do.

Being able to recognize a mistake is very important.  Being able to learn from the mistake is even more important.  You'll know you've learned something when your behavior changes.

Your apology does not have to be complicated.  A simple, "I screwed up, I'm sorry," will open the door.  Maybe not right away, depends on how serious the offense was.  Just say, email, communicate in whatever form you can, those simple 5 words and then let time work out the rest.

Human nature, being what it is, will probably make this other person engage in all sorts of vocalizations about how terrible you are.  This is where you have to sit and take it all, this is eating crow.  Let them speak.  When they're done, repeat the above 5 words.  Then ask, "What can we do to move beyond this?"

Don't know if any of this helps or not.  Just remember, the sooner you confront your problems the sooner they'll be behind you.

Jef

[donjuan]

Ok, thanks everyone for your help and suggestions.  I have to get this thing sorted out and then Ill feel better.