humour please

[gorbee natcase]

tell me a joke, I am falling asleep.

[minimozart007]

I am the walrus

[haydn]

Don't fall asleep...Don't fall asleep ! lol

[minimozart007]

hey moltar, moltar.....   YOUR BRINGING ME DOWN MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pianonut]

you misspelled 'humor.' ok. now you can go to sleep.

ps don't feel bad.  you're probably correct in england or canada.  color, colour, etc.

[pianonut]

say, gorbee, where did you come up with that name?

[gorbee natcase]

I got it from Dennis Pennis, Too rude to live.
" The pennis is a good boy, he dont wana hurt nobody, a gorbee natcase, a menace.
But instead of interupting why dont you listen to what I wana do now! (In a realy loud crazy voice) and this spelling of humour is in ENGLISH

[JamesS]

HumOUr NOT Humor!
ColOUr NOT color!
In the same way we learn to play THE piano NOT we learn to play piano !
And we study mathS, not math, (this one is actually logical as it comes from mathematics...!)!

jk, Hehehehe 

[pianonut]

is anyone falling asleep yet? 

[rhapsody in orange]

ZZzzzzz

[Tash]

i'll tell you something humourous. about the 4 humors that was made up by Galen or someone- where fluids are fundamental to living things, consisting of blood, yellow bile, black bile (possibly dried blood but they're not too sure what the ancients were talking about there), and phlegm- and basically when you unbalance that you need to let it out, so with phlegm you release it with a cold, they believed you needed to release an overload of blood by cutting you, which of course will make you feel dizzy and appear that something is happening to you.
Now each of these humors are associated with a time of the year when it was most commonly found- so Spring is blood, summer is yellow bile, Autumn is black bile and winter is phlegm. and then they're all associated with the good old hot/cold/wet/dry theory.
And then these humors come together to form tissues, which combine to form organs, which unite to make the body. so it all works you see.

and that's my study for history and philosophy of science. i hope you all learned something and haven't fallen asleep (it really is quite interesting!)

[Torp]

OK, now for some auditor jokes, hold your breath, here they come....

How can you tell if you're talking to an extroverted auditor?












He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own!!!  (Insert laugh track here)


Why did the auditor cross the road (and no, it's not because he had a chicken stapled to his face)












Because he looked in last year's workpapers and that's what it said to do.  (insert real laugh track here because I'm sure no one got that one unless they're an auditor)



Not quite as funny as Tash's treatise on bile, blood, and phlegm, but it was worth a shot.


Jef

[Torp]

Now for some religious humor...as told in a comedy club by a Mormon Comedian.

You know, in the Mormon religion it is forbidden to have:

Caffiene,
Alchohol,
Tobacco, or
Pre-marital sex











I understand the part about caffiene, because without alcohol, tobacco, or pre-marital sex, who would want to stay awake?!

[Bouter Boogie]

Lol, I agree with Torp 








  ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz..

[Nightscape]

Some memorable quotes from Will and Grace's Karen Walker:

Karen: That's just a figure of speech, like "Oooh, that sounds like fun!" or "I love you!"

Karen: Sorry I'm late. Oh God, that sounded insincere... I'm late!

Karen: Whaddaya mean you brought me in here to tell me my kid's on the honor roll?

Karen: It's a cult, like the Moonies, or the homeless.

Karen: Well honey, look on the bright side.
Grace: What bright side?
Karen: Jeez Honey it's just an expression.

Karen: You know what else is sad? Poor people who have dreams.
[pause]
Karen: Well that's not sad as much as it is extremely funny.

Karen: OK, rule number one. Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.

Karen: How did you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?

Karen: Honey brace yourself. Stan is having an affair. He was caught red handed.
Jack: He was by himself?

Karen: Grace. It's Christmas, for goodness sake. Think about the baby Jesus: up in that tower, letting his hair down... so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.

Karen: [Grace enters wearing a cow-print skirt] Woah. Got skirt?