A Question About LOVE...

[jhon]

Back in college, I remember pondering this question in our Philosophy of Love subject and I just wanna share it with you guys:

"Which is HARDER - to make somebody love you OR to make yourself love somebody?"

The former case occurs when you love someone who does not love you in return while the latter is when someone loves you who you do not love in return.  As it seems, the former uses heart over mind (emotional) while the latter, mind over heart (rational).  Also, the first case assumes that true love is natural and instinctive (something spontaneous and voluntary); on the other hand, the second case assumes that true love is learned and discovered (something taught and realized).

We discussed this question in our philosophy class to find out whether such thing as "SOULMATES" indeed exists - wherein BOTH parties love each other "at first sight!"

BTW, all love being talked about here is purely romantic love.

Anyways, what do you guys think?  You can speak from experience if you like...

[Dazzer]

doesn't exist.

[thalbergmad]

doesn't exist.

Must admit, I think like this nowadays.

[BoliverAllmon]

doesn't exist.

love doesn't exist? or soulmates? Both of which I demur.

boliver

[klavierkonzerte]

to me it's ALWAYS like this

i LOVE someone who doesn't like me
or i HATE persons CRAZY about me, i really tried hard and i mean hard to atleast like them but i just couldn't.

and i must say there's no true love there's lust and there is intrest.

[klavierkonzerte]

oh i forgot to answer your question

from my experience i think it's ALOT harder to make yourself love sombody because i manged to make someone who didn't like me at first love me (well not exactly love me but i'm REALLY close) but COULD NOT make myself love someone who really loved me.

[Siberian Husky]

The Time Is Now

[pianonut]

well, i'm coming up on my 20th wedding anniversary on june 23rd.  it happens to be my husband's birthday (mine is the next day).  i think communication is the key to love.  we sometimes fight like those italian families you see in the movies (not with a knife in hand) but you know, the glare.  then, other times we are passionately talking or emoting and it's almost one and the same.  you love them when you're angry and you love them when you're passionate. if you come to a point where you cannot forgive and you cannot stand the sight of the person, i'd say that's probably a big problem.

as the bible says, don't let the sun go down on your anger (and you'll be in love forever).  the times my husband and i don't do this, it really can get bad.  i give him the silent treatment and he works late.  we just end up hurting ourselves, because we like to be around each other.  it's really like children pinching and slapping each other.  when you stop, it feels good.

another thing...lust and love can go together!  i do believe in learning to love, though.  i would say my husband taught me how because he was more patient in the beginning when things didn't always go the way i thought they should.  he was more careful with his words and actions (he was older, too, maybe that helps?)  i was very physically attracted to my husband (as well as liking his singing)...and still am, but what turns me on now isn't him walking in tight jeans - but rather, calling me during the day (as often as he can).  talking nice, talking sexy, talking about when we're getting together.
 

[ted]

The trouble is that the word "love" covers many things. Difficulties occur when one person thinks in terms of one meaning and the object of the love thinks in terms of another. There are ten thousand essays about sex but very little insightful comment about love and the various meanings people attach to it. The only outstanding work I have read which is objective enough not to be influenced by its author's stance is a little book called "Lovestyles" by J.A. Lee. 

He assigns the labels storge, eros and ludus to the three commonly found types and proceeds to discuss other consequences and hybrids such as mania and pragma. People are not, of course, fixed into a pattern of loving in one way all their lives, although at any given time most do show a preference for one way and commonly believe this to be the true meaning of "love".

Seen in this light, the original question is really quite complicated.

Happy anniversary Pianonut ! Ours will be twenty-five years in August.

[pianonut]

interesting, this subject!  was watching a show the other night about what makes each sex attracted to each other.  one idea was pheromones.  they had women smell t-shirts from a bunch of different guys and figure out who's smelled the best.  that was funny!  also, symmetry (facial, bodily) is supposed to be a turn on.  but, being that my husband and i are sort of average and not models or anything - we don't care so much about this.

then there's the show 'room raiders' where a guy checks out a girls room to see if she's neat, has decent clothes, etc. etc.  i watch this sometimes  i don't know why, and think it's kind of funny too.

[Bouter Boogie]

Back in college, I remember pondering this question in our Philosophy of Love subject and I just wanna share it with you guys:

"Which is HARDER - to make somebody love you OR to make yourself love somebody?"

The former case occurs when you love someone who does not love you in return while the latter is when someone loves you who you do not love in return.  As it seems, the former uses heart over mind (emotional) while the latter, mind over heart (rational).  Also, the first case assumes that true love is natural and instinctive (something spontaneous and voluntary); on the other hand, the second case assumes that true love is learned and discovered (something taught and realized).

We discussed this question in our philosophy class to find out whether such thing as "SOULMATES" indeed exists - wherein BOTH parties love each other "at first sight!"

BTW, all love being talked about here is purely romantic love.

Anyways, what do you guys think?  You can speak from experience if you like...

I guess it counts for both sides  Interesting question though!

[Dazzer]

if love means having to face that great big excuse for a purple dinosaur, i'm out.

[prestoconfuoco]

It's harder to make ureself love sum1

its even harder to STOP urself loving sum1

but itz easy to make sum1 fall in love wit u..... well, easIER

[dave santino]

I think that love is a real, if abstract, concept that most of us adhere to in order that we do not feel alone, when in fact it is normally better to be alone. Real love, as opposed to strong feelings and lust, takes years to develop, but I'm too impatient to wait years for anything, so I long ago settled for lust and passion any day. That's just my shallow, pessimistic 2 cents!

[gee]

klavierkonzerte , that is usually the case. I think it's because we are attracted to something that we can not obtain. You can be with the people who like you anytime you choose, so why settle?

[Siberian Husky]

im so deeply in love with someone....

MysteriousWoman...will you marry me?...reply with "yes"..and we will live fruitfully together in heavenly bliss as our synertically amalgamated souls will become one..tightly knit..in such a wonderfully orchestrated state of unionship...the beauty..the effortless art...the love circulating between us cannot deny our solidified faith...please take my hand in marriage...for i promise to devote my every ounce of efforts into your being...to ensure the equilibrium that IS our kinship..that IS our innevitable passion and forthgoing lust...

we musn't remain opressed by our irrational doubts and fears..we must allow ourselves to experience the freedom our LOVE direly yourns for...our tears express need...they express our lack of conclusive faith...our love..our firey passion...your essence promises such completion to my soul...

my devotion exceeds tangible and obligatory expectations..my devotion exceeds your notion of required fondness and affinity...my devotion is ever growing..a growth that stems from inpiration and amorousness compounding...our involvement will not fail to captivate the world..for our togetherness makes the world ours my love...

our tenderness and enchantment shall not be misinterpreted as mear infatuation or lustful fixations...our passion reflects the greater truth of the honest purity that lies within the crevaces of Love and Human emotional ability...our beings compliment one another in ways that only the Gods could comprehend...

your embrace promises warmth and endearment...my embrace welcomes your every theory of mind..your every attribute..your every piece of being...my embrace will sustain you in the highest esteem...you are the pinnacle of my purpose..you represent the climax of my life's ambitions...you animate such vigorous and tranquil variations on Love in ways i couldnt possibly firmly grasp hold of through calculation in order for me, as a limited human, to verbally express...my inner-self voices a never ending desire for you...our spiritual inner phantoms defy jurisdiction as their arms distance in seemingly impossible ways to conjoin..and be ONE....

My Immortal Beloved...we belong...

-Luis

[Jacey1973]

I reckon getting someone to love you is harder...

Just a question do you think on the whole that relationships can last if there is a big age gap?

[prestoconfuoco]

I reckon getting someone to love you is harder...

Just a question do you think on the whole that relationships can last if there is a big age gap?

depenz on wut u mean by "big"

obviouzly 20 and 60 is debatable!

but, 15 and 20 wud b ok. or 20 and 30. but it variez; different fo every1

[6ft 4]

I reckon getting someone to love you is harder...

pfttt........easy peasy!!!!

Just a question do you think on the whole that relationships can last if there is a big age gap?

If the woman is older than the man then she must be REALLY immature

[prestoconfuoco]

pfttt........easy peasy!!!!

If the woman is older than the man then she must be REALLY immature

age gapz usually only work if da woman is younger

but, obviously, it variez

[6ft 4]

"i is da very da stupid

is likez statingz the obviouz

is gotta realize he waz jokinz"

[Siberian Husky]

Immortal Beloved?....

[BoliverAllmon]

Immortal Beloved?....

yes?

[Siberian Husky]

from my recollection..you sir, Boliver, have a wang..a tallywacker..a little soldier..a sargent pickles..a lutenant dangle...a lizard...a pogo stick...a meat missle..a johnson...a woody wood pecker......*cough*...my point is...my Immortal Beloved is of the female gender..and i await her calling...


*sights down*

*plays romantic flamenco guitar music*

sigh...

*waits*

[m1469]

depenz on wut u mean by "big"

obviouzly 20 and 60 is debatable!

but, 15 and 20 wud b ok. or 20 and 30. but it variez; different fo every1

Hey well, 40 years is not really so much.  Sure, between the ages of 20 and 60 it may seem like a lot but the difference between say 358 and 397 (roughly 40 years ) is not really that bad at all.   

[janice]

"i is da very da stupid

is likez statingz the obviouz

is gotta realize he waz jokinz"

I have a pet peeve, and I know that other forum members agree.  I know that this is the "Anything but .." thread, but still................could we all PLEEEEEEASE  speak in English around here and not this "slang" (whatever it is called)?!?!  Let's keep this forum professional please.  Sorry 6 ft 4, but I was just using your post as an example.

[Dazzer]

from my recollection..you sir, Boliver, have a wang..a tallywacker..a little soldier..a sargent pickles..a lutenant dangle...a lizard...a pogo stick...a meat missle..a johnson...a woody wood pecker......*cough*...my point is...my Immortal Beloved is of the female gender..and i await her calling...


*sights down*

*plays romantic flamenco guitar music*

sigh...

*waits*

that was quite amusing lol

[6ft 4]

I have a pet peeve, and I know that other forum members agree.  I know that this is the "Anything but .." thread, but still................could we all PLEEEEEEASE  speak in English around here and not this "slang" (whatever it is called)?!?!  Let's keep this forum professional please.  Sorry 6 ft 4, but I was just using your post as an example.

You think i was being serious?!?!

Who do u take me to be?!?!?!?

[mikeyg]

Today is my parents aneversary.  My dad got her diamond earings.


There is no love, only mutual benefit.

[janice]

You think i was being serious?!?!

Who do u take me to be?!?!?!?

Relax!  I had stated that I was using your post "as an example".  So no offense, it wasn't anything against YOU and I was not thinking that you are someone else.

[Jacey1973]

age gapz usually only work if da woman is younger

but, obviously, it variez

Oh that's ok then  do you reckon 11 years is an alright age gap? 

[solange]

11 years, eh?

dat depenz on how old u are..... and whether or not he is older

[Derek]

I'd say its harder to make someone else love you. I like a few others here believe its possible to learn to love within reason pretty much anyone.

[6ft 4]

Oh that's ok then  do you reckon 11 years is an alright age gap? 

If the woman is mature enough and sensible enough.....so in your case:

no   <3

[Siberian Husky]

my immortal beloved..only a few words today..and that written in pencil...ehem..where the hell are you?

[Jacey1973]

If the woman is mature enough and sensible enough.....so in your case:

no   <3

Oiiiiiii!!  Picking on me again!! I can be mature when i want, well i'm not as immature as i used to be...growing up is kinda sad.

I'm 21 he's 32...

[6ft 4]

growing up is great!

Young girlies have crushes on you!!! 

[pianomann1984]

Ok..here's my story for the day!

In the past two weeks, it came to my attention that a girl I have known for 12 years as my sisters best friend (she is 16, I am 20) has fancied me for about 6 of those 12 years, as have I!  But, due to my sister's emotional problems, we lost contact for 18 months.  On recovereing from her problems, my sister and her friend started talking again, and here's where we are now.  We never told each other how we feel and now, because we haven't spoken for so long, we cannot entrust to the fact that we haven't changed in that time (plus there is another guy that she now really likes, so here comes the thing!): We have talked every day on the internet because I now live about 30 miles away, and am in a very busy stage of my music course, so cannot commute down to see her, and, although this has not rekindled those old feelings - neither of us would say that we love each other - we have decided to just meet up regardless of what happens with this other guy and go for walks in the countryside/talk/get to know each other again.  My point is love is instinctive and has to be nurtured and developed as time goes by.  We learn how to deal with our emotions, and this makes us better at communicating, but it is impossible to make someone love you, as much as it is just as impossible to make yourself love them.  There is no substitute for seeing the person in the flesh, and sharing your time together, and just enjoying the journey a relationship takes you on as it happens.  I have found that thinking about the past or the future is irrelevant, as there is nothing you can do about either, and so you do the best with the time you have with the people you care about!  Patients plays a large part, I think, but I agree that communication is the key!  Also, given the very difficult circumstances we have both been through, and the fact that we are still talking all the time (and that it wasn't even our actions that caused us to meet!) gives me fair reason to believe in the existence of fate and soulmates.  Love is a wonderful thing, and people dont enjoy it enough for what it is - just that!

I hope this little rant puts across my feelings on the subject, and I hope anyone who reads it gets something from it!

Ciao,

Chris x

[Jacey1973]

Aww Chris...nice story...there certainly isn't any substitute for spending time together (in the flesh  )

Shame that 6ft 4 thinks he's sooo attractive that "young girlies"  fall for him all the time...but then who know perhaps he is? Being tall is definitely a positive thing....(maybe more so for boys though?)

[6ft 4]

"young girlies" referring to you.
Getting old referring to your piano teacher.
Understand?

Tall women.....

Sharapova.....mmmmmmmmm

She's stupid....she makes stupid noises.....and she doesn't deserve to be as rich as she is.....but HEY SHE's GOT SEXY LONG LEGS so she is a godess.

So yeh tall women are hot generally.
Plus its easier to dance and kiss and talk with them. and they dont find sex painful

[Siberian Husky]

you know..i like 6ft 4...hes a dickhead...excercise your bluntness people

[6ft 4]

you know..i like 6ft 4...hes a dickhead...excercise your bluntness people

?

[Jacey1973]

"young girlies" referring to you.
Getting old referring to your piano teacher.
Understand?

Tall women.....

Sharapova.....mmmmmmmmm

She's stupid....she makes stupid noises.....and she doesn't deserve to be as rich as she is.....but HEY SHE's GOT SEXY LONG LEGS so she is a godess.

So yeh tall women are hot generally.
Plus its easier to dance and kiss and talk with them. and they dont find sex painful

Wha? I am older than you young man! 

[BoliverAllmon]

you know..i like 6ft 4...hes a dickhead...excercise your bluntness people

I agree.

[Jacey1973]

you know..i like 6ft 4...hes a dickhead...excercise your bluntness people

Awww no...he just has a habit of offending ppl (me included)....but he can be reeeally nice sometimes 

[Siberian Husky]

yes..he also has a sexy long neck...no this isnt a sexual innuendo..his neck REALLY is slender and long

[mikeyg]

hey six-four, you wanna join my club?

[popndekl]

doesn't exist.

i think i fall in romantic love - it's a pity it was only one-way...

[Siberian Husky]

im still waiting for my Immortal Beloved....

[6ft 4]

hey six-four, you wanna join my club?

What club?