is it important for your partner to be a musician or music lover? and where....

[stevie]

...do you randomly find them

i am randomly looking to find members of the opposite sex that are into music as much as i, and maybe an accomplished pianist, or maybe any type of musician or even just a big music lover(same type as me , naturally).

how damn rare are people like this? and is it even desirable for you musicians to have your partner be a musician like you (danger of competitiveness and jealousy)

not being part of a music school, or anything like that, the only place ive found fellow piano enthusiasts are online(friends i talk to on forums and msn) and at recitals.

since i live in a random place, recitals are fairly few and far between, and most of the people are really old, very few people under 30, let alone females under 30.
luckily i randomly met one once and really liked her, BUT it randomly was awkward because her mother was there and may have randomly noticed my 1337 skillz at charming her daughter and took her away.

anyway, to be concise - 2 main points -

how do we meet these people?

and is it even desirable and necesarry for us pianists to narrow our love lifes to just dating fellow musicians?


randomly, sincerely, and provocatively,

your friend, rob

[prometheus]

It's kind of strange that, out of all the 'properties' humans can have, one would put priority on an irrelevant property like 'being a pianist' when looking for a life partner. Let's face it, if one is a pianst or not does not really have any influence on how succesful two people can share their lives togehter, right?


People have all these stupid long lists that are only problematic.

As for limiting yourself to dating a selective group of people, there are dating services and such.

[Derek]

It is fairly important to me that they at least appreciate the fact that I am a musician and enjoy my music. However I do not require it to be the focal point of the relationship.  It would, of course, be NICE, I suppose, to share my life with a fellow musician, but that could, perhaps, put other strains on the relationship not immediately evident when one anticipates it.

[prometheus]

What if this person is a musician in a bad hard rock band and doesn't have the perspective to see the band sucks while they thing they are 'going to make it'? And then lets not forget the total ignorance of everything beyond their little niche of that hard rock genre.

Is that a must?

[pantonality]

...do you randomly find them

i am randomly looking to find members of the opposite sex that are into music as much as i, and maybe an accomplished pianist, or maybe any type of musician or even just a big music lover(same type as me , naturally).

how *** rare are people like this? and is it even desirable for you musicians to have your partner be a musician like you (danger of competitiveness and jealousy)

not being part of a music school, or anything like that, the only place ive found fellow piano enthusiasts are online(friends i talk to on forums and msn) and at recitals.

since i live in a random place, recitals are fairly few and far between, and most of the people are really old, very few people under 30, let alone females under 30.
luckily i randomly met one once and really liked her, BUT it randomly was awkward because her mother was there and may have randomly noticed my 1337 skillz at charming her daughter and took her away.

anyway, to be concise - 2 main points -

how do we meet these people?

and is it even desirable and necesarry for us pianists to narrow our love lifes to just dating fellow musicians?


randomly, sincerely, and provocatively,

your friend, rob

Hi Rob,

I've noticed you like the word random. I don't believe anything is truly random. Life isn't random, life is what you make it. Your life is an amalgam of every choice you make and as such is a creative effort far more than a random one. So when you stop looking randomly perhaps you'll find something perfect.

Now let me tell you my story. I'm a musician who's played classical and rock for decades, I've also been married for >17 years. I ran into many issues when I was "in the market." Many women got jealous of the time I would spend with the band rehearsing or practicing. Then it dawned on me that what they were interested in was what I could do for them. Yet I've been in relationships with women who were/are musicians, let's just say it's a challenge to avoid things getting competitive. So either situation can work out well or not. It's more what you bring to the relationship. FWIW, my wife plays piano, but that doesn't make everything perfect, nor does it mean she's completely understanding of the effort I put into it.

For example, when one is in a relationship for what the other can do for them there will be disappointment because expectations will go unmet. From my experience relationships are healthier when both parties take a "what can I do for the other" attitude. This makes the doing for another a matter of choice and it's voluntary. I do believe that men who take this attitude find themselves highly prized, especially if they're open minded and sensitive about what their partner might want them to do for them. Just don't become a slave to it, because no matter how sensitive and caring you are every man disappoints his woman on a regular basis.

Based on what you've written I wouldn't expect you to be searching for a long term partner. That's good because in my experience women don't want to be put in the "I'm going to marry her" category early in a relationship. Why not just meet whoever comes along and develop friendly relationships. If you're honest about who you are the musician thing will take care of itself. Besides you're more than just a musician aren't you? The less categorizing you do, the more accepting you are of who others are, the more likely they are to accept you as who you are.

Good luck,

Steve

[Tash]

well i thought doing music at uni would be a good way to meet guys who are into music, except there's only about 6 guys in our course out of 34!!and i wouldn't date any of them. hmmm the 3rd yrs are all right, not sure if i'd date them either...but now i'm engaged to e60m5 so it's all good for me:) otherwise everyone in this forum should congregate to sydney and we'll do some matchmaking hahaha

[ted]

No, it is definitely not essential that one's partner be a musician. Obviously, a considerable degree of tolerance is necessary and if he or she likes your music so much the better. Music is not quite the same as, say, an obsession with sport, in that it takes place in the house and makes a noise. If a spouse found the noise actively irritating, then that would obviously put strain on the marriage. If the partner found it easy to ignore, the only problem is one of time spent in a solitary pursuit. If, on the other hand, your music was enjoyed and intelligently discussed, that would be a bonus. Most strong marriages seem to require a healthy balance of shared and individual activities, time together and time apart.

[franzliszt2]

I would need a musical girlfriend, I coul'd tolerate someone who didn;t understand how much music means to me, and they would have to share that enthusiasm. I can't see any non-musical girlfriend listening to Liszt or prokofiev being practiced for hours.

All my good friends are musical, so I can't imagine spending hours away from a musical person, I just need musical company, even though I don;t talk about music all day long, its nice to be able to, and with non-musical people I can't. Also a major part if partnership is sharing, and with musical parteners, you can share experiences, play chamber music.

Also when kids come along, the musical one will wnat them to play, maybes not seriously, but they still want them to play. Non-musical person may not want them too, and decide upon a more academic route like doctor, lawyer etc..

[pianistimo]

tash, are you seriously engaged to e60m5.  in that case, congratulations!  everyone has said important stuff.  especially people who've been married have good advice.  i liked the advice about what you can do for the other person.  my husband sings, but doesn't play piano.  we never fight over the piano and over pianistic interpretations.  i don't know why i would have a problem with agreeing to disagree over piano stuff - but it simplifies things dramatically to not quibble over minor stuff like music.  pretty much, what i think of piano concerts is the gospel truth to my husband.  and, what he thinks of symphonic stuff and vocal is the gospel truth to me. 

same as political type issues.  some couples can be completely at odds and really enjoy the relationship.  (must have a good sex life to carry this off, i think).  anyway, my husband and i enjoy good sexual relationship, too - and it seems that if i were to list priorities it would be #spiritual #2 physical #3 music #4other    for physical - i think you should be really attracted to the person physically over other people.  you never hear of people resolving conflict by 'making music' at the piano together.  (although, it might work now that i think about it).

what makes me the most happy is not having a pianist for a husband, but a very attentive and loving man.  he asks me very freqently questions that make me feel like i'm important to him.  if i'm not happy about something - i might makea small complaint and he's on it.  of course, you don't always get everything you want.  when he first started looking for a wife (casually very casually) he told all the girls he dated that he wanted a good cook that would get up at 5 and make fresh bread.  of course, they all ran away from him.  he said that by the time he met me, he had given up on that idea.  he was surprised to learn after we married that i COULD make bread - though never at 5 in the morning.  apparrently his mother would cook bread, sweet rolls, pie, etc. and have it ready for breakfast.  that would be in his dreams now - but, i have to cook when i'm awake.

i think he's happy because he never had to pay for childcare unless we were going out or decided to do preschool for a couple of hours.  i never made him pay for stuff that we could use the money for elsewhere.  it seems that when both people have talked about what they really want and what is important to them - they get it .  but if you marry without discussing a few topics like:
religion, sex, finances, children (how to raise, how many or none at all), if the wife will return to work full time or stay with children, etc.

women's day, i think, has a column 'can this marriage be saved.'  often the difficulties are dividing up of responsibilities.  for us, he makes the money, and i spend it.  BUT, i also do a lot.  i keep the house, cook, write out bills, laundry, shopping, take care of errands, most doctor appt's for kids, the yard, and school function things that he might not get to (although he tries to attend everything).

on the other hand, he takes care pretty much of the car maintenence, household appliance maintenence, finances and sometimes shops on the weekend, he takes the kids to church (i get a break to get things done around the house), he takes the kids to the park sometimes - and/or magic mountain or vacations.  sometimes we go together, but lately, there's been projects that i can't get done with all the kids around.  once i painted the walls that were getting dirty when he was gone and saved probably over $1000. worth of painting.  because i'm at home so much - i hate it when the house looks bad.  when everything is somewhat together and running smoothly - then we go out on one or two day excursions/vacations together.  but, the times he takes the kids give me some sanity, too, since i'm with them all week.  he takes my son for haircuts.  goes and plays a game of volleyball with the kids and to the park.

the things we do together (besides the obvious) would include making time for each other (yes, sometimes you have to plan ahead for when you will have time together alone and we've found exercising together has been fun as well as concerts and movies), major purchases, celebrating holidays, decisions about children on 'next level' if they are doing really well, or poorly, home improvement projects, resolving conflicts between ourselves or children.  he's willing to compromise sometimes if i'm sick or tired - and cook and/or clean up - and he always makes breakfast on the weekend either saturday or sunday.  same for him, if he's tired i make more concessions taking the kids out of the house so he can rest.  it really helps to have give and take when you have children becuase usually one or the other needs a break sometimes.

[pianistimo]

*** ok last thought.  my hubby has also travelled internationally on company ticket and reimbursed for expenses.  i realize this type of travel only gives one so much time - but i don't think we could personally afford to travel that much internationally or even within the states.  for someone who wanted to play concerts or see the musical sites - this is a way (unless you are independently wealthy) to do several things at one time.

[Mozartian]

but now i'm engaged to e60m5 so it's all good for me:)

*cough*

Meet your adversary.

[Tash]

yes i am 'seriously' engaged to e60m5, in 2022, see the bottom of this thread for details https://www.pianostreet.com/smf/index.php/topic,15298.0.html

*cough*

Meet your adversary.

ooooh e60m5 just has all the ladies after him now!! but i don't see you as a threat haha, it's all set, provided we are both still unmarried by 2022!!

[Mozartian]

but i don't see you as a threat haha, it's all set, provided we are both still unmarried by 2022!!

Ah, but he won't be!

[prometheus]

Good luck finding someone that will still be unmarried in 2022.