tash, are you seriously engaged to e60m5. in that case, congratulations! everyone has said important stuff. especially people who've been married have good advice. i liked the advice about what you can do for the other person. my husband sings, but doesn't play piano. we never fight over the piano and over pianistic interpretations. i don't know why i would have a problem with agreeing to disagree over piano stuff - but it simplifies things dramatically to not quibble over minor stuff like music. pretty much, what i think of piano concerts is the gospel truth to my husband. and, what he thinks of symphonic stuff and vocal is the gospel truth to me.
same as political type issues. some couples can be completely at odds and really enjoy the relationship. (must have a good sex life to carry this off, i think). anyway, my husband and i enjoy good sexual relationship, too - and it seems that if i were to list priorities it would be #spiritual #2 physical #3 music #4other for physical - i think you should be really attracted to the person physically over other people. you never hear of people resolving conflict by 'making music' at the piano together. (although, it might work now that i think about it).
what makes me the most happy is not having a pianist for a husband, but a very attentive and loving man. he asks me very freqently questions that make me feel like i'm important to him. if i'm not happy about something - i might makea small complaint and he's on it. of course, you don't always get everything you want. when he first started looking for a wife (casually very casually) he told all the girls he dated that he wanted a good cook that would get up at 5 and make fresh bread. of course, they all ran away from him. he said that by the time he met me, he had given up on that idea. he was surprised to learn after we married that i COULD make bread - though never at 5 in the morning. apparrently his mother would cook bread, sweet rolls, pie, etc. and have it ready for breakfast. that would be in his dreams now - but, i have to cook when i'm awake.
i think he's happy because he never had to pay for childcare unless we were going out or decided to do preschool for a couple of hours. i never made him pay for stuff that we could use the money for elsewhere. it seems that when both people have talked about what they really want and what is important to them - they get it . but if you marry without discussing a few topics like:
religion, sex, finances, children (how to raise, how many or none at all), if the wife will return to work full time or stay with children, etc.
women's day, i think, has a column 'can this marriage be saved.' often the difficulties are dividing up of responsibilities. for us, he makes the money, and i spend it. BUT, i also do a lot. i keep the house, cook, write out bills, laundry, shopping, take care of errands, most doctor appt's for kids, the yard, and school function things that he might not get to (although he tries to attend everything).
on the other hand, he takes care pretty much of the car maintenence, household appliance maintenence, finances and sometimes shops on the weekend, he takes the kids to church (i get a break to get things done around the house), he takes the kids to the park sometimes - and/or magic mountain or vacations. sometimes we go together, but lately, there's been projects that i can't get done with all the kids around. once i painted the walls that were getting dirty when he was gone and saved probably over $1000. worth of painting. because i'm at home so much - i hate it when the house looks bad. when everything is somewhat together and running smoothly - then we go out on one or two day excursions/vacations together. but, the times he takes the kids give me some sanity, too, since i'm with them all week. he takes my son for haircuts. goes and plays a game of volleyball with the kids and to the park.
the things we do together (besides the obvious) would include making time for each other (yes, sometimes you have to plan ahead for when you will have time together alone and we've found exercising together has been fun as well as concerts and movies), major purchases, celebrating holidays, decisions about children on 'next level' if they are doing really well, or poorly, home improvement projects, resolving conflicts between ourselves or children. he's willing to compromise sometimes if i'm sick or tired - and cook and/or clean up - and he always makes breakfast on the weekend either saturday or sunday. same for him, if he's tired i make more concessions taking the kids out of the house so he can rest. it really helps to have give and take when you have children becuase usually one or the other needs a break sometimes.
Topic: is it important for your partner to be a musician or music lover? and where.... (Read 1873 times)