Calling a woman for a date

[pianolearner]

How long before a woman loses interest?

[stevie]

once a woman has met me, a seed is planted in her, (no, i do not meen my man-seed) and she never forgets the moment our eyes first met, the touches, the glances, the girlish glee with which i prove my manly charms.

they never forget, though they may want to, since they cant have me, they may pine....they may dream, but to most women i am but a distant fantasy, and i have to admit.....it breaks my heart thinking of how many women are missing out on my wonderous manhood....ahhhh, such is life.

[prometheus]

Looses interest? There is no interest. You only have your number and you still have to organise the date. How can there be any interest?

[pianolearner]

Looses interest? There is no interest. You only have your number and you still have to organise the date. How can there be any interest?

Why would a woman give out her number if there is no interest?

[prometheus]

Oh, you already call that interest. Well, then I don't know.

[pianistimo]

remembering back to when i wasn't married- if i really liked a guy, i'd want him to call right away.  somehow, for  a woman it's like a test of how much you think they like you.  the more days they wait - the less important you think that they think you are.  maybe it's not the same as you get older.  things don't seem so hasty and needful - but more relaxed and patient.  more how they treat you on the date.

[prometheus]

Well, anyway. The story is that you don't call the first day because you will look desperate. So you call the third day. If you call any later the person may suspect that she/he is second pick or something.

But all this is just silly and should be done away with. If you want to call some person now then you should be able to.

[thalbergmad]

remembering back to when i wasn't married- if i really liked a guy, i'd want him to call right away.  somehow, for  a woman it's like a test of how much you think they like you.  the more days they wait - the less important you think that they think you are.  maybe it's not the same as you get older.  things don't seem so hasty and needful - but more relaxed and patient.  more how they treat you on the date.

How many weeks did you have to wait??

[6ft 4]

just be cool

[stevie]

Well, anyway. The story is that you don't call the first day because you will look desperate. So you call the third day. If you call any later the person may suspect that she/he is second pick or something.

But all this is just silly and should be done away with. If you want to call some person now then you should be able to.

true, if you truly like the person and theyre on your mind, then call right away, its not a sign of desparation,  midlly.

[Tash]

well i personally get impatient, so either the evening of the next day or the day after that is good. if it's any longer then i'd get pissed off and lose interest. who wants to wait?! but thne you just have to make sure the woman actually gave you HER number- there is a tendency to change one digit, and i feel sorry for those guys who have to experience wrong numbers awwww

[gilad]

How many weeks did you have to wait??

haha. lol.

i agree with prometheus about 3 days. it seems fair.
i hate these conventions and games they're all so stupid, yet we all play them.
actually i dont, guess that explains why i'm nl casanova.
what choice do we have,either/ or, goodluck with it.

[e60m5]

Depends on the girl.

[galonia]

Yeah, I agree with tash, who wants to wait?  If I don't get called a day or so later, then I get the impression that either I don't interest him that much, or that he's one of those frustratingly slow-moving people who drives me insane.

[pianolearner]

Yeah, I agree with tash, who wants to wait?  If I don't get called a day or so later, then I get the impression that either I don't interest him that much, or that he's one of those frustratingly slow-moving people who drives me insane.

But you only have yourselves to blame! Why give out wrong numbers when you are not interested but expect a call the next day when you are? Do you think men have short-term memories?

Besides, if you give out the right number and the waiting drives you insane, it probably means you are interested enough to wait more than a couple of days for a call. Men have nothing to lose by waiting.

[galonia]

Who said I'm not interested?  The question is, is he?  If he's making me wait, then that means he can't be that interested.

Besides, if you give out the right number and the waiting drives you insane, it probably means you are interested enough to wait more than a couple of days for a call. Men have nothing to lose by waiting.

The whole point is, it's not waiting for that one phone call that drives me insane.  I'm just not good at waiting in general, so if I have to wait from the very beginning, then this does not bode well.  So I prefer not to wait at all.  The longer it takes for a guy to call me, the more likely it is that I'll have filled up my diary already.

[pianolearner]

Who said I'm not interested?  The question is, is he?  If he's making me wait, then that means he can't be that interested.

The whole point is, it's not waiting for that one phone call that drives me insane.  I'm just not good at waiting in general, so if I have to wait from the very beginning, then this does not bode well.  So I prefer not to wait at all.  The longer it takes for a guy to call me, the more likely it is that I'll have filled up my diary already.

Ok, but here is my theory, which may contradict what I wrote in an earlier post.

If a man asks a woman for her number, there are 3 outcomes:

1) She says “No”
2) She gives him the wrong number
3) She gives him the right number

From a man’s perspective number 1 is very clear and obvious, she isn’t interested. However, there is nothing to distinguish between numbers 2 & 3 until he actually calls the number. So in reality, there are only 2 outcomes, he either gets a number or he doesn’t. We know what not getting a number means, but any man who has been given the wrong number before knows that getting a number is not a definite sign of interest. If women ONLY gave out their number when they have high interest it would make things easier for us. But women, usually because they are too weak or polite to say “No”, think that giving a man ‘A’ number when they are not interested is a nice way of letting him down gently. It’s only when we call that we find out her REAL interest level. We will either get the wrong number OR a load of excuses if she has low interest.

So why should a man wait before calling?

Simple, to find out a woman’s REAL interest level!

If I call a woman for a date after waiting 5 days and she has an excuse like “[Her] diary is full” then I would say her interest level was low to begin with. It has nothing to do with how long I waited. If she accepts a date after 5 days then I would say her interest level is high because she will be willing to rearrange her diary for me. I don’t want to get a date simply because the woman had nothing better to do and I managed to call before she pencilled into her diary,
Fri: 8:30pm – Wash Hair.

[pianistimo]

this seems so funny now - but a reality when you are going through it.  thal is very funny.  ok.  there was this guy that called me very unexpectedly one day (was a chef) and i really liked him - so, forget the diary idea - i just said 'yes.'  that was one and the same day (the call/the date).  but, he was working long shifts and said he'd come at a certain time and came like an hour or two later.  i must have been out of my mind, but went on the date with him.  come to find out he was just too short.  i should have saved time and asked him how tall he was.  and, a workaholic.  work first, play later.  but, he did have money to burn. 

well, it was from that date that i learned that the dirt cheap poor guys are probably more fun when you're just 'dating.'  they're right on time.  not easily distracted.  and, even though you end up at dairy queen - you're having a good time and they pay attention.

in college, i had a tremendous crush on a guy that looked like antonio banderas (in my mind).  he had dark hair, dark eyes, and very good looking.  he played classical guitar, too.  but, he was the silent type.  so, if i wanted to get things rolling - i'd show up at his dorm or look for him all over the lunch room.  we'd end up eating lunch together and going to the pub on friday nights.  but, he was hopelessly on the phone at other times with this lady in california (we were in fairbanks, alaska) and one time i caught him talking - and told his best friend i'd had it - and went outside and screamed.  this is not to mention the 'cheryl tiegs' swimsuit poster in his dorm room - though i was never sure if it was his or the roomates.  then, i realized - maybe i'm trying too hard - and should just let things happen naturally.  sure enough - he would appear unexpectedly (peeking in window of my college classes).  once it was a piano lesson - and i got really distracted.  finally, i said 'i have a major crush on that guy that peeked in the window).  but, as luck would have it -

at the last year of college, i began a long distance writing campaign with my husband.  it was then that i realized i had a lot in common with him and he was 'into' my piano and classical music (he had lots and lots of records and liked to go to concerts).  the other fellow like classical guitar and jazz - which i liked but not limited to.  what i thought was interesting, is that the first date i went with - with my future husband - he asked if i had a boyfriend.  not knowing him very well, i said 'yes'  even though the guy was a 'boy' 'friend.'  i never expected him to call or write again.  that's when he wrote a letter back within a week or two and we started talking more on the phone.  when i left for california (he bought a two way ticket of which i only used one - as we got married within a three weeks) - the guy i dated in alaska was at the airport.  i have no idea how he found out i was just leaving on a short trip - but it ended up being a long one and i'm glad he said goodbye.  (he didn't hug me - so he must have been trying to make a silent statement - get your *back here).  sometimes girls need to hear the words or they don't think that it matters.  who knows?  maybe he was glad for me.  he was always a good friend.

[galonia]

If women ONLY gave out their number when they have high interest it would make things easier for us. But women, usually because they are too weak or polite to say “No”, think that giving a man ‘A’ number when they are not interested is a nice way of letting him down gently. It’s only when we call that we find out her REAL interest level. We will either get the wrong number OR a load of excuses if she has low interest.

Actually, just because she gave you her (correct) number, does not mean her interest in you is "high".  It could just mean she doesn't think you are a complete creep, and that she wouldn't mind getting to know you better and giving you a chance to get her to become interested in you.

I have this approach to all people I meet - there is no reason to be unfriendly towards anyone until you know for sure you don't like them.  And I generally don't like people who drag their feet, so the guy who waits has just weeded himself out.

PS I don't fill my diary up with things like "wash my hair" - I work full time and study and practise two instruments and teach and then actually have to live a life - so usually it's first in, best dressed.

[pianolearner]

Actually, just because she gave you her (correct) number, does not mean her interest in you is "high".  It could just mean she doesn't think you are a complete creep, and that she wouldn't mind getting to know you better and giving you a chance to get her to become interested in you.

I think we are agreeing, to a degree.

My question is: If you gave your number to a man that you were really interested in, would it make a difference if he waited 5 or even 7 days before calling? Be honest, think about it carefully. Think of a man who makes you go weak at the knees and makes your heart skip a beat every time you see him.

[pianistimo]

i think if a man really likes you - he probably already knows your telephone number (from your girlfriend or phone book).  i wouldn't worry about phone numbers and the time you wait or don't wait.  just talk about these things.  ask her when is a convenient time to call her.   women usually share these things and appreciate the consideration.  any consideration far outweighs little petty items.  if they know you're geniunely concerned about them.  most women like to be spoiled.  if you treat your pet better, you know she's not the one.  you have to want to treat her better than all the others (and still treat the others well).  you know - wait on her hand and foot.      

[pantonality]

i think if a man really likes you - he probably already knows your telephone number (from your girlfriend or phone book).  i wouldn't worry about phone numbers and the time you wait or don't wait.  just talk about these things.  ask her when is a convenient time to call her.   women usually share these things and appreciate the consideration.  any consideration far outweighs little petty items.  if they know you're geniunely concerned about them.  most women like to be spoiled.  if you treat your pet better, you know she's not the one.  you have to want to treat her better than all the others (and still treat the others well).  you know - wait on her hand and foot.      

Hey PP,

There's a danger to waiting on any woman hand and foot, it's the old trying too hard thing. Fact is every woman is different. Some like to be called ASAP, others will assume you're desperate if you don't wait a week. Every guy has experienced the wrong number thing, it's a fact of life.

Now here's a suggestion based on my experience. If you want to call right away go ahead and call. The fact is you can't change who you are. If she's put off because you called too soon, then it wasn't meant to happen. If you truly are desperate for a GF you'll probably call too much and she'll end up being put off. That's OK too because you'll learn from it. The more you put yourself out there the more you experience and the more you experience the more you learn. Sometimes I feel sorry for those who fall in love young and marry and are truly happy for the rest of their lives because they never have the experience of the chase. Simply put every life is different and the older I get the more important I realize it is to live it for all it's worth. Be who you are, put as much energy as you can muster into everything you do. It's the only way to figure life out.

[johnny-boy]

Honesty's the best policy!

Be yourself. Its better she discovers the real you before things heat up.

All you need to find is one woman who truly loves you for yourself - and one that you truly love. Then you can go on a lifelong adventure with this special person.

I never played this senseless dating game, thank God. Life's too short. Get on with it man! Call her!

Best, John

[pianistimo]

dear pantonality, agreed about trying too hard - and probably, as jonny-boy says, be yourself.  if you are doing things that you like to do and a girl comes into your life that way - then it's likely you'll still be doing things you like to do with this person later.  that's why i really like my relationship with my husband.  we share music.  he sings and i play piano.  maybe we don't share all piano stuff - but thinking about it - it might get competitive and sort of stressful.  this way- there's no competition. he can't play piano for beans and i can't sing (i have a very soft voice and his is this booming bass).  also, we never fight over ballgames - i let him tell me which side he wants to win and i root for that side.  just as when we go to a concert with a pianist - and if i say he/she is good - then that's what my husband thinks is true.  we never fight about major stuff.  it's always little things like - why did you look at that girl for more than two seconds.  do you think, now that i have had a broken leg that i'm just kind of back alley orsomething.  (i make him suffer all the time because of my jealousy).  basically, i still want to know i'm number one in his mind.  he always reassures me - but sometimes i want to kick him in the butt because his head turns sometimes.  i used to flirt too, but since all this leg thing realize that when you ahve the best - there's no need to look elsewhere.

[prometheus]

Actually, just because she gave you her (correct) number, does not mean her interest in you is "high".  It could just mean she doesn't think you are a complete creep, and that she wouldn't mind getting to know you better and giving you a chance to get her to become interested in you.

That was my point. You could get someones number with the intention to call in many different situations.

It could be a person you passed by at on the street, run into in a supermarked, sat next to in the train, met at a pup/bar, could be a friend of a friend or someone you have met and talked to a few times. It could also be someone you meet, and talk to, at a pup/bar every week or so.

I assumed that you didn't know the other person at all. So I didn't really understand the 'interest' and the possibility of losing it. But when you almost know someone, wouldn't it be harder for the other to lose interest?