reviving romance with your partner

[pianistimo]

i've been married 21 years and i can say right now it's the best ever.  but we went through a lot of ups and downs getting here.  the 'seven year itch' movie is kinda funny but accurate that people start taking their mates forgranted sometimes and you ahve to make an effort to reconnect at times.

for us it has been a complete revamping of the bedroom.  it used to be a sort of catch all and magazines were stacked in there.  finally, one day - i refused to sleep in it.  it felt like sleeping in an office.  revolt is good sometimes.  then, one by one i got rid of some of th clutter.  we have been redoing the closets and trying to stuff more things in there.  now we actually have room for adding more attractive things that look bedroomish.

sorry to go on - but i find bedrooms should have a sole purpose of looking like a bedroom.  i think women in particular need a 'mood.'  perhaps some couples figure this out sooner.  for us - it has been a slow gradual decline and then sudden jump.  now we are getting a new recliner (for my husband) which he's excited about all the positions.  i want to get a massage table. 

anyway - we are regaining our youthful passion for each other.  it never really died - it was just not pumped up.  maybe it's children inbetween allt his.  they alwasy slept in the bed - and now they are getting older and don't always. 

any more ideas?  things that you do to make the other important person in your life feel special?

[pianistimo]

i thought a few years back that this one guy that had his wife's face as a computer screen saver was cool.  no other person in the office would bother him if his wife was looking on.

[le_poete_mourant]

maybe it's children inbetween allt his.  they alwasy slept in the bed - and now they are getting older and don't always. 

As long as you don't wake them up.     

"The roof may be snowy, but there's still a fire inside," as my middle-aged writing teacher likes to say.  Ironically, he shaves his head. 

On the rare occasions when I go into grocery stores, I get a chuckle out of the "50 ways to turn up your sex life" magazines.  I'm sure their readership probably consists primarily of the married-21-years-but-still-not-satisfied-women.   

[thalbergmad]

any more ideas?  things that you do to make the other important person in your life feel special?

With my ex girlfriend, i used to give her £10 and tell her to bugger off to the cinema.

Thal

[BoliverAllmon]

With my ex girlfriend, i used to give her £10 and tell her to bugger off to the cinema.

Thal

hence the reason why she is your ex.

boliver

[thalbergmad]

hence the reason why she is your ex.

boliver

That is not the reason.

Thal

[pianistimo]

what is?  what is the reason thal.  i cannot guess.  it would be too hard to guess. 

what you need is some lessons in romance.  you cannot just throw little bits of money at women.  it has to be a lot.

[BoliverAllmon]

what is?  what is the reason thal.  i cannot guess.  it would be too hard to guess. 

what you need is some lessons in romance.  you cannot just throw little bits of money at women.  it has to be a lot.

nah, a little money and a left hook always gets my woman to do what I want. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pianistimo]

boliver, i'm shocked. 

[zheer]

i've been married 21 years and i can say right now it's the best ever. 

  Am happy for you.

[thalbergmad]

what you need is some lessons in romance.  you cannot just throw little bits of money at women.  it has to be a lot.

Little bits.

If only it was.

I bought the fat pregnant dog a car.

Thal

[berrt]

(yes a dancer pole).  then he starts talking about a stage and lights.  i say - whatever makes it look like a bedroom.

A pole, stage and lights? I'm impressed, but are you sure it will look really bedroom-ish??

B.

[pianistimo]

thank's zheer. 

thal, did you really buy her a car.  no wonder you're mad she left.  why did you make it so easy for her?

[pianowolfi]

what is?  what is the reason thal.  i cannot guess.  it would be too hard to guess. 

what you need is some lessons in romance. 

Btw playing Schumann maybe increase romantic feelings. 

[thalbergmad]

Btw playing Schumann maybe increase romantic feelings. 

Not even i would be that cruel.

Thal

[BoliverAllmon]

boliver, i'm shocked. 

awesome. I find shockery hilarious.

boliver

[pianistimo]

i think you , thal and bernhard are in some sort of secret sorority.  bernhard must be mad about something, too.  the last i heard he was treating his wife and daughters nicely.  what changed.  too much time on the computer?  ok.  i confess to that myself.  it is a common problem.  probably many psychs and counselors are working on that one right now.

[thalbergmad]

thal, did you really buy her a car.  no wonder you're mad she left.  why did you make it so easy for her?

I sent round a couple of my friends with sledge hammers, so the car was not a lot of use to her.

Thalxx

[pianistimo]

but if you're still making payments on it, she still won.  thal, you have to find honest women.  i don't know where they are- but there must be a few.  you have to ask a few questions first. 

#1 do you typically steal from men?
#2 do you enjoy it?
#3 would you steal from me? 

if she cannot look you in the face and answer these questions - she's probably not the one.

[le_poete_mourant]

A pole, stage and lights? I'm impressed, but are you sure it will look really bedroom-ish??

B.

Sounds more like a firehouse.


....
....a firehouse with a stage and lights that is.  Yeah, don't mind me,.I have a dumb sense of  humour. 

[pianistimo]

.

[timothy42b]

pianistimo,

From what we know about you, there is just no way you are comfortable with turning your bedroom into a strip club. 

I hate to criticise your hubby, but his request doesn't sound that respectful of you.  Now I understand why you didn't like the shaving bit in the other thread.

Is this a cry for help? 

Tell him you're redoing the bedroom in modern Scandinavian and he can like it or lump it. 

[pianistimo]

you'd have to meet my husband to understand his strange requests.  he simply wants variety.  just having a pole in our bedroom might be enough.  i say, whatever makes him happy.  it's not that it bothers me.  in fact, i offerred to take lessons.  strangely, all of a sudden he said 'i think i should jsut get you a book.'  i said, 'i can't learn to do that from a book.  i'm taking lessons.'  then, he tried to stop me.  it was funny.  i think he was going to run to the front door and stand in front of it.  anwya, i had this look on my face that i was really going to - and then went out and watered the flowers. 

it's been this way with belly dancig and other things i've attempted to think about.

basically - i just want him to take ballroom dancing with me.  i think it would be very romantic. 

[pianistimo]

the scandinavian idea isn't bad, too.  it reminds me of a bed and breakfast idea.  we could set up a little corner with a coffee pot and danishes.  i'm trying to make it look relaxing - is my point.  my husband wants the 'fredericks of hollywood' look.  we'll probably combine the two.  the massage table was my idea.  i think that massages are almost a necessity after a dya of work.  tension.  etc.  why pay someone else $30.  i'd give him a massage, no problem.  i just wondera bout most tables.  they are like cheap piano benches and don't look sturdy.

[Siberian Husky]

your wishy washy sugar coated ambiguity in regards to your relationship in addition to the hours you spend on the pianoforum indicate that you are indeed experiencing a significant degree of dissatisfaction in your relationship with your husband and i'll also be so bold and audacious to assume that the majority who read this would agree...

its okay though...once you stop going back and forth with things and begin to be in persuit of your own personal desires you might actually achieve euphoric satisfaction..or the like...

you'd have to meet my husband to understand his strange requests. =

i've been married 21 years and i can say right now it's the best ever.

Is this a cry for help?
 

my thoughts exactly..


your certainly a PianoNut..
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GET IT??!
PIANONUT!!!!!
hhhhahahahahadljfasdlfa!!111!1!!oneone!!!eleven!111!!!!onehundredandeleven

[zheer]

you are indeed experiencing a significant degree of dissatisfaction in your relationship with your husband and i'll also be so bold and audacious to assume that the majority who read this would agree...

  It has an element of truth.

[Derek]

That's cool pianistimo. I always find it inspiring when people relate stories of an intact marriage that grows closer and stronger as time goes on. My parents were like that and I have every intention of building such a marriage with my future wife as well.

[pianistimo]

i will admit to occasionally wondering about the wires and electronic equipment and the stacks of magazines, etc.  (oh, and the stacked dishes in the sink)

but, generally - i would say i am quite satisfied.  i think it is because he is a thoughtful man and works very hard for the family.  he works long hours and usually by 6-7 and sometimes 8 - he comes home and i'm somewhat tired.  i think it is a fairly normal thing.  we try to make up for our tirednesses by cycling as much as possilbe in the good weather.  it changes our personalities.  he (and i ) can be grumpy and really in bad temper - and as soon as we get some exercise we don't feel it.  i think people take out their stress and problems accidentally on their mates sometimes. 

i may not be any kind of sterling example of perfection - but all i'm saying is that 'why look elsewhere if you've got the best.'  i really do think my husband is the best.  sincerely.  i used to think about one or two problems and blow them out of proportion but the fact is there is no perfect person.  you are always going to find a fault with whomever you are with.  noone is going to fulfill ALL your dreams and fantasies unless you are quite specific in what you want and go into detail.  women and men think differently. 

my dreams and fantasies are sort of free flowing and revolve around things that put us together in close proximity.  ballroom dancing, clearing up the dishes together, going for a walk, listening to music (which we do), eating out together..etc.  seems that his are more involved with the novels he reads.  the woman suddenly takes off all her clothes and jumps on the man.  or, does assundry surprise moves that make her totally in charge (i've never really been like this - why do men like this?)  i mean if i bought a whip tommorrow, he'd probably like it.  that's why it's a fantasy to him.  something he thinks will never happen so it's interesting.  men are always exporing the boundaries and women are content just to have a few bases hit.  i mean like  kisses and hugs.

[pianistimo]

thanks derek!  it's easier the more years you are married.  the first few years can be rough because it's a sort of tandem thing.  you make up for the lows of them and they make them up for you.  but, never think 50/50.  it's a wrong assumption.  sometimes it's 100/0 and you have to make it through the day or couple days and then they come and apologize.  the thing that's tempting is to just tell them you want a divorce.  but, it's better to suffer for one you love.  they end up loving you more.  my husband did this first and taught me.

siberian, what is this one hundred and eleven thing?  i don't get it.  can you explain?

[ada]

I find this obsession with pole dancing, brazilians, dildos and whips together with religious fundamentalism and outdated theories of wifely duty, premarital chastity and monogamy just plain weird.

Just an observation 

[pianistimo]

i don't own any of the forementioned - but subscribe to keeping a husband happy by any means within reason that he desires.  i was joking about the whips.  as for dildo's, i think a man invented them to get out of manly duties.  the pole seems harmless to me.  what is it that makes you bring in brazilian.  is it the dancing?  are brazilians the best pole dancers?  you might be right. 

the only reason i happened to bring all this up was boredom.  sometimes i am bored.  tonight, they all went swimming.  i watched some tv and practiced piano - but the youngest wanted too much attention so i quit practice and fell asleep watching 'noddy' with her.  also, i have a bad sunburn.   

[ada]

ok pianistimo. fair enough 

The term brazilian describes a certain cosmetic modification you yourself mentioned in an earlier thread in relation to your husband's, er, "quirks"

 

[pianistimo]

oh.  that. yes. 

despite various attempts to just think about that one - i vaguely promised something or other might happen (but last night fell asleep again).  i don't always follow my own advice.  you know, to please the husband.

it's really an ungodly thought.  i mean, most women don't even like waxing their eyebrows.  in fact, i'm not sure exactly how waxing works.  i'm afraid of getting everything really jumbled up.  and, i'm certainly not going to a salon to get it done.

why is it so important?  i just don't understand.  i guess some things are just not something one 'reasons' out.  maybe it's just a sort of random 'let's see if she's stupid enough to do it.'

[pianistimo]

dear me.  i just googled brazilian wax and found out 'it is definately not something you want to try at home.  look for a salon that does brazilian waxing.'  good grief.  how much does that cost and why should i pay someone else to hurt me.  i need a drink thinking about this.

[timothy42b]

Waxing is extreme.

But there are two separate ways to, ahem, look at this area.

It may be a coincidence that there are two genders talking about it.  It sounds like we have a woman who values romance and a man who values sleaze.  (may be too harsh, but I wanted to save typing.)

Hair care can be either one.  It can go part way toward the brazilian direction, which may just be a close shave with hubbies electric razor or the wax.  Either way it sounds like the motivation is sleaze.  Or it can be just part of good hygiene, making a little variety in positions more aesthetic, in which case it doesn't need to be anywhere near close enough to need wax, but does need some attention.  In this case the motivation is romance.

The fact that you disliked the compromise idea suggests that you see it as sleaze, and I tend to trust your perception here.  I admit I see pole dancing as sleaze, too. 

Of course to some extent all men are hardwired in the sleaze direction and all women in the romance, but most men compromise pretty far over to the romance end, and if he's heading the other way something is going on. 

[pianistimo]

sorry to ask pointed questions about brazilian waxing.  your answers have been most helpful, though.  i never thought of an electric razor.  of course, i'm not sure if it would be free of terror - but may elimnate a slow painful procdure.

[BoliverAllmon]

sorry to ask pointed questions about brazilian waxing.  your answers have been most helpful, though.  i never thought of an electric razor.  of course, i'm not sure if it would be free of terror - but may elimnate a slow painful procdure.

or just pluck

[pianistimo]

well, the pain level is supposedly an 8 with brazilian (i'd think 10) but maybe one at a time is like scale of 2 or 3 x howver much repetition.  wonder if it is a sort of 'rite of passage' or something.

[BoliverAllmon]

well, the pain level is supposedly an 8 with brazilian (i'd think 10) but maybe one at a time is like scale of 2 or 3 x howver much repetition.  wonder if it is a sort of 'rite of passage' or something.

shave?

[ahinton]

well, the pain level is supposedly an 8 with brazilian (i'd think 10) but maybe one at a time is like scale of 2 or 3 x howver much repetition.  wonder if it is a sort of 'rite of passage' or something.

I don't know about the "pain level" or "2 or 3" repeated scales, but isn't the "rite of passage" by Stravinsky? - who was not, of course, a Brazilian composer...

Best,

Alistair

[pianistimo]

yes.  i should have done it in the spring.  it's fall now and i don't think it's a very good idea. 

[timothy42b]

Wax on, wax off.

No, wait.  Wrong movie.

Never mind. 

[BoliverAllmon]

good movie though

[thalbergmad]

good movie though

If you are 12

Thal

[lau]

Chicken with Rose Petal Mango Sauce
2 (6 ounce) boneless chicken breasts
2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
Rose Petal Mango Sauce (recipe below)

Place the olive oil in a heavy sauté' pan over medium high heat. Add the chicken breasts, salt and pepper and cook for three minutes on each side.

Serve the chicken over white rice topped with Rose Petal Mango Sauce.

Rose Petal Mango Sauce
1 ripe mango, medium dice
3 rose petals, finely diced
2 sprigs cilantro, finely diced
2 tablespoons onion, finely diced
1/4 tablespoon ground cumin
1/4 tablespoon dried chili powder
Juice of 1/2 lime

Combine all ingredients in a heavy saucepan and cook for 8 to 10 minutes over low heat


and for dessert....

Strawberries with Champagne Sauce

2 egg yolks
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons cornstarch
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup whipping cream, stiffly beaten
1/4 cup champagne
1 quart strawberries, washed and thoroughly drained

Combine yolks, sugar and cornstarch. Add milk slowly, stirring constantly. Cook over medium heat until sauce coats a wooden spoon. Refrigerate until cool. Add vanilla extract, then fold in whipping cream. Gently fold in champagne, then serve over strawberries.

this should revive your love life     

[pianistimo]

i think you are very dangerous.  did you say you are a chef?  those recipies look really good.  the thing is...i don't cook meat very well.  my husband might be better off to make the chicken.  i tend to just throw the chicken around a little.  he'll take it and put it in some kind of flour mixture with seasoning (such as you provided ) and sear it first.  he does this thing of making everything juicy.

it looks so good, i'm going to get the ingredients for next friday night. 

[pianistimo]

he's really taken off with the fredericks bottle 'kiss of fire.'  it's this lotion that you rub on.

[lau]

it looks so good, i'm going to get the ingredients for next friday night.

so, how'd it go? did it turn out alright?

[pianistimo]

i got sidetracked.  actually tonight we just had a sort of 'row.'  he's telling me things that are obvious to him about how to do something on the computer.  then he starts yelling at me for no apparent reason to hit this button or that button.  and, i'm very hurt.  so, i say - forget tommorrow, i'm going to go somewhere - and by the way - nobody is helping me with housework.  and, everyone sleeps in like i'm supposed to do everything.  litany goes on.  so then, he turns nice again.  it's his old routine.  the problem is - i love him and so he gets away with murder - i tell you.  but, he works really hard during the week - so i say - ok. so he reads and naps.  it's ok.  and, he sings.  but, really - his mother should have taught him better about cleaning. 

but, then - he knows about fixing computers and problems, and usually has the correct answers to anything - so , i say - ok. i might threaten to go off tommorrow somewhere's without him - but the likelihood is getting less and less that i have that kind of energy to waste on driving around looking for wal-mart or paint store to occupy time that could be spent with him.

this may sound very sad- but actually i am happy.  it's just- why do men take out frustrations on their partners.  once you are married - unless you stick up for yourself - you're often on the end of these stupid idiotic jokes.  i told him if he told another stupid joke to me (which he gets from this friend he has) i wouldn't talk to him anymore.  hmph.  but, then other times he's all sweet and very easy to talk to.  do men have moods just like women?