Let's Go Primitive Backpacking

[m19834]

*hikes 12 miles into deep forest with everything I need on my back*
*finds great spot to set up private shelter, in tree-sheltered area near lake shore*
*builds shelter out of bark, mud, moss, sticks and twine* (takes a couple of hours)
*lays branches inside shelter for bedding*
*unrolls sleepy bag*

*gathers pine needles, kindling, and wood for fire and starts it ... makes coals for cooking dinner*



I see that Bob has managed to carry in a radio, TV, and microwave ... not cool Bob, not cool at all.  What are you going to do without electricity, Bob ?  If you are lucky, I will teach you some survival skills.

*pats 3-inch-bladed knife, nestled on hip*

[goldentone]

She was dedicated to her art, and then one day she left it all behind. . .

. . . Disappearing from civilization to brave the elements in search of life's hidden mysteries which one day she will bring back to the piano bench. . .

Survivorwoman!

[m19834]

Thanks for throwing me a bone, Goldentone  .  But, c'mon, doesn't anybody *ever* backpack or camp ?

On my very first backpacking trip, I had no idea what I was getting into and literally packed in rubber horse shoes ... amongst other ridiculous things.  My pack was about 75 pounds or even more than that, which is at least 40 pounds more than one generally aims for.  We had to dig a shelter for half my stuff somewhere along the trail, and came back for it days later.  My horse shoes stayed in the dig-out along the trail, but I still brought my mitts and softballs (they are not actually soft) as we trudged along.

*watches sunrise and goes fishing for breakfast* (I did bring my fishing pole)

[thalbergmad]

**digs hole to have a crap**
**Gets attacked by Grizzly Bear**
**Dies**

[db05]

*tries to pack a piano*
*gets crushed under the weight*

Last words: Maybe I should have packed the ELECTRIC piano and the ACOUSTIC guitar, not the other way around!

[pianowolfi]

**digs hole to have a crap**
**Gets attacked by Grizzly Bear**
**Dies**

If Thal would have had a Swiss army knife....I never go backpacking or camping without it.

[m19834]

**digs hole to have a crap**
**Gets attacked by Grizzly Bear**
**Dies**

Yes, but he didn't chew very well and you are still alive and in reasonably good shape when he digs himself a hole for his business and you come out the other end !     You're not off the hook, you have to camp. 

Since I believe in low impact camping and leaving no trace, I use a little shred of Thal for fish bait. 

*casts line back into water with high hopes*

[minor9th]

* hunts for leaves to use as toilet paper
* mistakenly uses poison oak
* wishes he were dead

[Bob]

(Makes note not to let minor9th prepare the food for sure now.)

*brings electric keyboard and solar power collecting sheets, has sled dog team haul everything (How?  I'm not sure, but they can do it.)

12 miles?  (Bob let the dogs carry him along for awhile.)

[m19834]

*Finally* somebody has managed themselves past dying and going number 2.  Your dog sled is doable, Bob, you just put all-terrain wheels on it and there you have it.  I am not camping near you and your dogs though, and btw, you have to prepare your own food unless you can con somebody else into.  But, everybody else is too obsessed with what happens after you eat it...

*moves camp*

[go12_3]

Go12_3  gets her backpack ready, put the necessary items into the backpack, (especially the Swiss army knife), she loads up her gear upon the Llama, and rides her horse, and looks back at Thal(thinking, hum....the dog sled team are mainly being used in the Winter season), as she  forges up and onward.....

[thalbergmad]

I have never thought of myself as fish bait.

I am prepared to try anything.

Thal

[Bob]

*tests out exoskeleton that allows efficient walking and movement, so the 12 mile hike is effortless

*tells the newly hired Sherpas to get the air conditioning in the tent complex set up.

[Bob]

*has a "port-a-potty" with compositing technology so digging holes is not a problem*

[m19834]

*finishes up breakfast, finishes resting for awhile, goes for 4 mile day hike*

[thalbergmad]

**Takes out banjo and sings old Appalachian Songs**

[m19834]

**Takes out banjo and sings old Appalachian Songs**

Oh, that sounds nice !  I will stay to listen before I go on my hike .

[thalbergmad]

Come to think of it, I don't know any.

Thal

[Bob]

How about a string quartet with banjo?

* Determines the temperature is slightly higher than is comfortable, has Sherpas construct massive air conditioning units to begin cooling the air outside. 

Ah....

[Bob]

* spies a flock of wild [organically raised] turkeys.  Shoots them and eats them. (without the skin, and cooked first... roasted over a fire.)

[m19834]

Come to think of it, I don't know any.

Thal

Oh, well, too bad.

Bob, I don't know the ins and outs of Sherpahood, but I am pretty sure I said pecan sandies ... I mean, I am pretty sure it's not slavery, actually.

*counts heads*

Thal
Wolfi (?)
Go
Db
minor9th
Bob
Me
Sherpas

Llama
Horse
Dog team


I had a wonderful hike where I got well away from Bob's blaring style of camping, and I ate wild berries, saw bear tracks, found a fossil, spotted some Elk, saw an Eagle, sat in deep silence, swam in a hidden lake ... ahhhh ... took a nap under my hat.  So nice.

*back at camp, stirs coals, rebuilds a fire, fishes for dinner*

[Bob]

Oh it's all right.  They want to.  Right Sherpas?

(Sherpas all nod heads in agreement.)



Blaring?  I'm just trying to bring myself, indoors, to the outdoors. 


(Bob radiates food to decantimate it.)  Watch out for all the wild berries and fresh caught fish.  You never know what could have come in contact with it.  A bear could have peed on those berries for example.  You know the fish are doing that in the lake too.

[Bob]

Let's roast marshmellows!



(Bob makes a pyramid stack of marshmellows and lights them on fire.)   

Not quite as exciting as I thought.  There's something a little off here.


(Bob glances at the "wild turkey pyre" and thinks the marshmellow burning pyramid kind of compliments it.)

[Bob]

  Yuck.  No.  (Bob firmly decides not to eat snails.)  Although they probably are low in cholestrol, sodium, calories.... But high in snot value and general grossness.   

[m19834]

Well, first of all, I didn't catch any fish this evening.  So, I had some this morning, and a few wild berries, and that's it.  I'm absolutely starving.  *eyeballs Bob's wild turkey situation*

Bob, can I please have some wild turkey ?  If not, that's fine, I will just nab one of your dogs and eat that  .  *evil laughter*

But, seriously, Bob, please sir, can I have some more ?

Also, I think a camp fire is an excellent idea.  Perhaps Thal will join us with the banjo, maybe Go brought her violin, maybe Db actually brought her guitar, and ... what else ?  Let's do this thing right.

*carves a stick with her knife for skewering marshmallows*

*claps hands and orders Sherpas all around*    Su Sherpa es Mi Sherpa ?? 

[Bob]

(Bob shooes a flaming turkey in Karli's direction.)  It's a little crisp.  But very fresh.

Ok.... (Bob shooes a second flaming wild turkey in Karli's direction.  Bob wonders how someone can eat two entire turkeys but doesn't say anything.)


(Bob raises eyebrow.)  Join with string instruments?  You're not suggesting we burn those instruments are you?  How dare you?  How dare you I say!


(Bob connects to the internet via a laptop and wireless connection.  He needs to see what's going on on the PS site.)

[m19834]

MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm !!!!   *eats turkeys in practically one gulp*  Thanks, Bob .  I honestly wasn't sure you would share.

*feels inner struggle about the laptop situation*

See, my primitive setup over yonder is all eco friendly and such, but I am getting jealous of your comforts around here.  I can't believe (!) you brought your laptop, How DARE you !

No, I am not suggesting we burn those instruments.  But, here's a good joke (I made this up, you're gonna love this one).

Okay, what's the difference between a cello and a violin ?  Yes, one burns longer.

But, what's the difference between a French horn and a cello ?

[Bob]

No, no, Sherpas.  The grand piano is going back to the top of the mountain again.  I know I told you to bring it back down, but it's got to be at the top of the mountain again.  Sorry about that.  (Sherpas begin hauling the grand piano back up the mountain.)

Difference between a French horn and a cello?  The cello doesn't try to stic... Nevermind.


(Bob hears wolves howling in the distance and creatures rustling in the forest nearby.)  Hmmm..... Pile of dead turkeys and a pile of marshmellows.  Hmmmm.

(Bob seals several Sherpas on guard of the campsite and seals himself in a portable metallic igloo.)

[m19834]

No, no, Sherpas.  The grand piano is going back to the top of the mountain again.  I know I told you to bring it back down, but it's got to be at the top of the mountain again.  Sorry about that.  (Sherpas begin hauling the grand piano back up the mountain.)

Somehow, I think you are not actually too sorry about this, Bob.  *Claps hands and has Sherpas carry her on the bench, while they carry the piano, so I can play whilest we venture*

Difference between a French horn and a cello?

Well, one is a brass instrument and the other is stringed.  *almost dies laughing*

(Bob hears wolves howling in the distance and creatures rustling in the forest nearby.)  Hmmm..... Pile of dead turkeys and a pile of marshmellows.  Hmmmm.

(Bob seals several Sherpas on guard of the campsite and seals himself in a portable metallic igloo.)

Bob, see, there you go with that crazy talk again.  No !! Bad Bob.  DO NOT go in that igloo.  Who cares about the wolves, man !?  This is nature and stuff, and we are here, and they are here, and it's cool man ... we are one with nature and stuff.  *feels the nature vibe*

I HATE MY STUPID SHELTER !!   I have TEN spider bites ... stupid nature.

[db05]

Also, I think a camp fire is an excellent idea.  Perhaps Thal will join us with the banjo, maybe Go brought her violin, maybe Db actually brought her guitar, and ... what else ?  Let's do this thing right.

Yes, I figured out how to bring a piano AND an electric guitar. I got my band on a tour bus! Sorry about the few extra people. But I'm not sleeping in there myself. Got me a tent. Now we're all set, let's jam!

[pianowolfi]

Wolfi (?)

Yeah I'm back Just got so attracted by that huge rock over there so I went for a little climb.

[pianowolfi]

I HATE MY STUPID SHELTER !!   I have TEN spider bites ... stupid nature.

*Hands icepack to Karli*

[furtwaengler]

Are the bugs humming George Benjamin's Piano Figures, or am I just really tired?

[Bob]

zzzz....

(Bob is not waking up at the crack of dawn.  Crack of dawn, noon... Almost the same thing.)

[m19834]

Are the bugs humming George Benjamin's Piano Figures, or am I just really tired?

Well, you are either really tired, or you packed in a little sumpin' sumpin' with you. 

*wakes up, crawls out of shelter*
*french presses some coffee*

*sees the commune about a half mile away*  That's right, my shelter is on its own, well away from that Disney-type camp over there.

*beholds nature and relishes the silence*


*eats a scrambled eggs and bread ration*

[pianowolfi]

*escapes and returns with mountainbike*

[go12_3]

Go gets out her violin and plays some tunes.....as the sounds eoches through the forest.....

[db05]

*gets electric guitar and plays Love Song*

Hooooowevaah far awaaaay, iwell alwiys loooveyooo...
Hooooowevaah longai staaaay, iwell alwiys loooveyooo...
Whaddevaah wuhds I saaaay, iwell alwiys loooveyooo...

*plays the solo part*

Wha? Aym nod druwnk!! I can sdillll pleigh, honnn!

[ahinton]

I have to say (sorry if it spoils anyone's possible fun, although I very much doubt that it could) that I can work up less than no interest in going backpacking, primitive or otherwise, with anyone.

Best,

Alistair

[m19834]

I have to say (sorry if it spoils anyone's possible fun, although I very much doubt that it could) that I can work up less than no interest in going backpacking, primitive or otherwise, with anyone.

Best,

Alistair

Really ?  Then what's your tent doing here ?  And, what's with all the fun we will be having at the campfire tonight then, hmm ?

*swims across lake, sits on far shore for a while and ponders her spider and mesquito bites (which now are 19 when added together)*

*spots huge boulder on the shore, climbs it and jumps off 35 feet into the lake*

*repeats*

[thalbergmad]

And, what's with all the fun we will be having at the campfire tonight then, hmm ?

Indeed, we can all sit around the fire singing Sorabji songs.

Information of which can be found at..................

Thal

[thalbergmad]

**cooks some beans**
**Invites everyone to campfire for beans**

[go12_3]

Go got her three Dutch ovens  out:  one, with the scalloped potatoes with lots of cheese and bacon bits.  Then in the other oven,  chicken and barbecue sauce simmering along.....and in the third oven, for desert, is the peach cobbler.....my, that sure smells good.
Hey, guys, in 45 minutes, dinner will be served!    woo hoo!   

[m19834]

*slinks around campsites, sniffing food and making small talk ... trying not to be too obvious*

Hey, Thal, I will be happy to blaze some saddles with the best of 'em 

Go, your food sounds *delicious* to my ravenous tummy *salivates*

Listen, whomever shares your grub with me, I will be more than happy to fry up some grubs for one and all in the morning ... there are plenty hanging out in the fallen tree I built my shelter against.

*considers disassembling shelter and putting up pup tent*

I wonder if Bob is actually awake yet ?  What's up with that guy, sleeping all day long ?  Perhaps I will go tap loudly on his magic igloo.

[Bob]

Go got her three Dutch ovens  out: 

(Bob raises eyebrow and shakes head.) I think I know what means but it doesn't sound right.

[Bob]

(Bob is working on projects now in his metal igloo hut.)

[m19834]

.

[Bob]

I thought they were something else.

(Bob sniffs the air.)  ssssssfffff!   Yuck! 

(Bob pushes a pile of trash out of his hut.)  I'll take care of that later.

[ahinton]

Really ?  Then what's your tent doing here ?

I don't know; perhaps Thal stole it - Thal, that is, of rare 19th century piano music fame, of whom details can be found at pianostreet, pianophilia, Gravesend Council and divers other places...

And, what's with all the fun we will be having at the campfire tonight then, hmm ?

One man's fun may be another man's - er - well, you get my drift, methinks.

*swims across lake, sits on far shore for a while and ponders her spider and mesquito bites (which now are 19 when added together)*

Didn't you bring any treatments for those in your backpack?

*spots huge boulder on the shore, climbs it and jumps off 35 feet into the lake*

I thought that you'd been enjoying yourself; it now seems like the opposite.

*repeats*

Must have been that turkey...

Best,

Alistair

[ahinton]

Indeed, we can all sit around the fire singing Sorabji songs.

I didn't realise that all you backpackers were sopranos. Anyway, I suppose that this might be something for people to try if they don't know any Appalachian ones. By the way, did you know (sorry, wrong thread, I know) that the score of Copland's Appalachian Spring was written on the Carters' dining room table? (just thought I'd try to draw Carter into a thread where he doesn't really belong, in order to see if I can do it, just to please Sir Thal)...

Information of which can be found at.........

Thal

Not "of which", Thal; "on whom". Anyway, it's most gratifying to see that you are a source of that information (as it would appear from the way you write here).

Best,

Alistair