*Word Game!*

[Snappy Joe]

Ok you know how this goes, someone writes something and you continue that sentence from the previous post!
I'll start  

Once upon a time a mermaid was playing Piano...

[bernhard]

Although her technique was peerless, the piano was suffering badly from the salty atmosphere. So she rang a piano technician...

[Antnee]

Who Agreed to come fix the piano, but only if she cooked him a steamed pig's brain for dinner as payment. Upon hearing this, the mermaid...

[Snappy Joe]

..remembered that they were under sea and couldn't cook anything! Still, the mermaid was anxious to get her piano tuned so she..

[bernhard]

she tried somehow to compromise with the piano tuner by offering him instead one year's free supply of crab meat.

To this he agreed.

However, when he arrived at the mermaid's music parlour and was shown the piano, to his big surprise...

[Antnee]

...Her pet crab was playing an amazing rendition of Chopin's Third Sonata... but the piano sounded bad. He walked up to the piano and...

[willcowskitz]

...criticized the mermaid for how could she eat and even serve him something that creates such wonderful music, then noticing that the piano sounded bad because it only had white keys on it, and he...

[bernhard]

...told the mermaid that he would have to go back to his workshop to get a supply of black keys.

As he left, the virtuoso crab was clearly worried. He had never heard of black keys. How would he play them?

So the mermaid, to calm him down, told him the famous Richter Anecdote:...

[Antnee]

..."more keys means more doors of opportunity to open."  The crab stood puzzled at this, partly remebering how close he was to becoming dinner when all of a sudden the house came under attack by Giant Squid! The mermaid then...

[Shagdac]

remembered how beautiful she would listen to beautiful music to calm herself down...and thought it might work as well on the Giant Squid. She told the little crab to play the most beautiful piece he knew...in hopes of calming down the Squid.

The little crab thoughtfully crept to the piano...heistated, then broke into the most beautiful version of.......

[Snappy Joe]

Ray Charles's: Georgia-piano version, the mermaid began singing with true beauty and power.
The Squid broke into tears hearing this and gave them all a hug;
But the technician had just returned with the black keys and misunderstood the situation completety and began throwing black keys at the squid!

The squid turned around and..

[donjuan]

ate the technician. Six hours later, the technician came out the other end of the squid.  To the surprise of the squid, the remains were nothing but steamed pigs brains and black keys.  

The squid proceeded to collect the remains and..

[Shagdac]

swam over to the piano where he did his best to put the black keys on the piano. He then turned to the little virtuoso crab and offered him the remains of the pig brains, if he would only play an even more beautiful piece than he was playing before. The little crab excepted the offer, gobbled the pigs brains and made his way over to the piano which was now had Black AND white keys....placed his claws upon the keyboard,
and..................

[donjuan]

remembered words of wisdom from the mermaid: "more keys means more doors of opportunity to open".  He stared at the new keys and hesitated a little bit.  with new chromatic possibilities, he went ahead to play "La Leggierezza".  The squid sat patiently, but refused to be touched like before.  All of a sudden, the crab made a mistake in a chromatic scale, and received an angry glare from the squid.  The squid stood up, and made his way over towards the crab....  

[Snappy Joe]

..Pushing the crab away from the piano as he sat down  and played La Campanella to show how it's done!
The crab shed a tear and sought comfort in the mermaid, without success, for she was now playing hard to get and all over the Squid at the same time.

All of a sudden a boat above throws down it's anker and hits....

[Tash]

the poor little crab on the head. It collapses onto the sandy floor and dies. The mermaid rushes over and starts crying hysterically whilst the squid changed what it was playing to Chopin's Funeral March.

But then, the mermaid looked up towards the boat...

[Will Millar]

and saw Chopin having a game of Shuffle Board with Mozart. The squid quickly thought that his rendition of the Funeral March was rubbish and decided to play something more replete with the wonders of the moment; and that piece of music was...

[Shagdac]

"The Dying Poet", by LM Gottschalk. As the squid continued to play, he did so louder and louder and louder....Suddenly Mozart and Chopin stopped playing..they HEARD the music, they looked around, then down into the deep, dark, murky water and leaned further and further over the boat to hear....until finally
..............

[Tash]

chopin lost his balance and fell into the water, grabbing mozart in an attempt to not fall in but took mozart down to the bottom with him, where the squid and mermaid decided to make them play against each other and see who the better pianist was.

so chopin started off...

[xyxyxyxyxy]

..... playing "Great Balls of Fire" Having completed his impromtu performance he turned round to find Mozart in a somewhat  "amorous" position with the mermaid (whose name was Shernice by the way).
              "Wow whoever wrote that piece Chopin just played must have been inspired by you Wolfy!" she said
             "Any chance of  a threesome?" asked Chopin
         "Hey make that foursome!"  said the squid popping out from under Mozart's velvet trousers
            "Go f**k yourself Fred" Mozart replies, which Chopin interprets literally, on top of the piano, made possible by the fact it was not only his fingers which were exceptionally long and supple and capable of a great range of movement.
                           

[donjuan]

The End!

cmon, now lets start another one- the other one was getting stale anyway..

One day, Mark was playing piano when all of a sudden the fall board fell.  Mark had his hands caught under the fall board.  Because his piano is so crappy and old, he cant lift the heavy fallboard off his hands.  he.....

[Snappy Joe]

... shouts out "B----AAAAAAACH!" and slams his head on the keys, and by doing so, has a memory collapse and completely forgets how to play piano!  :-/
Suddenly, a dog who just ate a  white hamster, smashes through Mark's bedroom window and lands on the fall board, break-opening it and getting Mark free. He gets up, looks around for a second,   then....

[Clare]

realises his hands have remained on the keyboard, while in contrast, the rest of his body is now by the window. This presents a problem.....

[janice]

but there is a problem....the dog suddenly regurgitates the white rodent on the freshly-cleaned white shag carpet.  Then Mark's wife cam home from work, and after walking in the door, she said......

[Tash]

'mark stop making such a bloody racket and help me get the groceries out of the car.' she then proceedes to walk into the room with mark and the regurgiatated hamster and...

[Shagdac]

Once again yells at him, "Mark, can't you even lend me a hand"...to which Mark replies, "I lend you 2, but at the moment I haven't any!". To disgusted by the remains of the hamster on the floor to comment on his missing hands, she proceeds to the closet to get the dirt devel to clean it up, when all of the sudden they are both taken by surprise when the hands magically begin playing on their own.....

[bernhard]

...but although the hands' technique was flawless, there was something terribly wrong! the piano was completely out of tune! So Mark’s wife (Mark could not dial since his hands were furiously playing away – without a connection to the ears, they did not realise the piano was out of tune) rang a piano technician...

[BajoranD]

who looked shockingly like a cross between a crab and a giant squid. "I got the idea from Spiderman 2," the technician told Ethel (Mark's wife). "If Doc Ock thinks fusion is a delicate and dangerous process, he should try tuning a piano for someone with perfect pitch!" The technician walked over to the piano, and was dismayed to find . . .  

[janice]

a peanut butter sandwich and a half-eaten bowl of ice cream and a spoon laying on top of the strings inside of the piano.  To which Mark sheepishly said "Um, I told Ethyl that I was playing some of John Cage's music for a prepared piano.  But really, I was just hiding my bowl of ice cream from Ethyl, because she gets on my case about my eating habits."  Ethyl screamed, "You liar!" and then she.....

[Shagdac]

hurridly ran into the kitchen to start preparing her new
"CHILI" recipe for dinner. The technician, shaking his head at all the confusion, walked over to Mark and looked at him, his hands playing by themselves, and back at Mark. He thought for a moment, reached in his piano tool bag and slowly brought out a..................

[bernhard]

...Mermaid! who used her superior teaching skills to try to get the hands to play properly. The hands, however (since they had no connection to the brain) refused to accept the need for a teacher and kept jumping around the piano, playing chopsticks and behaving as if they were saying: "Look at me! Look at me! I am a good student!" Actually they could not really say anything, after all they were just hands. And they were botching chopsticks to the mermaid's despair. So Mark suddenly had enough of it. He served divorce papers on his wife and...

[janice]

served Chinese food along with serving the divorce papers because, after all, since Chopsticks was playing, all he could think about was food.  Ethyl screamed "All you think about is food, you fat cow!".  Then Ethyl......

[bernhard]

...started feeling really hungry. Suddenly she rememberd the chili in the cooker and run to the kitchen, but it was too late: the chilli had burned and smoke was everywhere. She started crying; everything had gone wrong that day: the piano was out of tune, Mark was not following his diet, the piano tuner was hopeless, there was a mermaid making passes at Mark's hands, and to top it all she was now a divorced woman. That is when she had a brilliant idea...

[janice]

"Maybe I will surf the web and see if there are any piano forums where I can pick up a man? I wonder if there are any men who would want an obese, chili-burning woman like me?"  At that thought, Ethyl sobbed uncontrollably.  Then, there was a knock on the door, and to her dismay it was....

[f0bul0us]

Barry Manilow, with a kiss on the cheek and a smack on the ass, his Bugs Bunny-like character provided entertainment throughout the night. Not a single bottle of liquor remained unopened, "wanna go to the bedroom" she said. "Why? What are we gonna do up there?" he said...

[BajoranD]

"I thought we'd, you know," said Ethel with a wink and a sly, come-hither glance, "play a little patty cake." "Patty cake??!!" exclaimed Barry. "That's it," he stormed. "These pop-culture references are getting out of hand. Do you really think that even half the people reading this thread are old enough to remember 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?' You're going to have to clean up your twisted little chili-burning, divorce-paper-serving, mermaid-instructing, bodiless-hand-piano-playing freak show of a universe without me. Tell Vegas to forward all my mail to Boca Raton, Florida, because I QUIT!!!" Amidst Ethel's hysterical sobbing, Barry stormed out the door, and ran right into . . .

[m1469]

The Twilight zone, with the theme song twanging over the loud speakers (what loud speakers?).  With that he kneeled down and wrote on the ground as if he heard it not.  But the song grew louder and more persistent as though it were a small child crying to be fed.  So, he stood up, put the index finger of his left hand in his mouth, took it out and felt the wind, and began to walk East, "to the ocean" he thought... but he needed  a new nap-sack for the journey, so he...

[Tash]

went to the supermarket and bought a new napsack as well as a shaver, some chocolate and a pair of gloves (to keep his hands warm in case he needed to play a piano somewhere along the way). But as he walked out of the supermarket, he remembered...

[Shagdac]

The pair of hands that were magically playing by themselves!!! Being termed somewhat of a "has-been" by his former manager,(whom he fired), he realized if he had the hands secretly playing for him, maybe he could make a comeback!!! Barry quickly snuck back into Ethyl's, grabbed the pair of hands from the piano and put them in his nap sack. He was off to Boca Raton to regain the fame and fortune that was once his....

[bernhard]

Meanwhile, Mark had alerted the police about the kidnapping of the hands. Soon the house was swarming with FBI agents bugging all telephones and awaiting for the kidnapper to make contact. The piano tuner was in despair, how did they expect him to tune the piano with all the mayhem going around. At that very moment, Ethel's divorce lawyers, barged in the house, and the telephone rang...

[janice]

Ethyl picked up the phone and, using a seductive and throaty voice, said "Good evening" (is it evening folks?!), and who else should it be but.....

[f0bul0us]

a Buddhist priest...

[Poland]

.....who said "well, it is a good evening indeed!" "What do you want?" demanded Ethyl rudely. The priest, seemingly a bit taken aback by her manner, said ".....

[bernhard]

“I am surprised at my own reaction at your brusque manner. After all these years of meditation I should have learnt to be more detached. From which recesses of my mind did this “being taken aback with your seemingly rude manner” came from? Even though I am now an ordained Buddhist priest, quite obviously I have not yet been able to shake the delusions of Maya, and I am far from enlightenment. Yes, I had something of great importance to tell you, something that might make the whole difference between your happiness and your misery, something that might have been the answer to all your dreams. But I cannot do it now. I must go back to the monastery and meditate on the impermanence of all things. Thank you for your rudeness.” And saying that, he hung up. Ethel started sobbing uncontrollably since she had lost her chance to have the last word on an argument, and she hated that more than anything else. Meanwhile the FBI was furious with her for not staying on the phone long enough for them to trace the call. At that very moment the doorbell hung. A couple was at the doorstep. “We heard that a pair of hands has been kidnapped by a nose. We heard a mermaid is teaching the piano. Someone brought your case to our attention. We are special agents Scully and Moulder…”

[janice]

.....and coming up the driveway now are Crime Scene Investigators Gil Grissom and Sara Sidle (from the tv show, CSI).  The CSI's will take a look around your property to see if they find any clues as to who took the hands.  But first, they must put yellow crime scene tape around your property.  While they are doing that, would you care if we came in for a bowl of chili?  That is, if your husband hasn't eaten it all."  Ethyl said "that pig, he inhales food like he's a Hoover vacuum cleaner or something, but there is alot left."  The men sat down at her table.  With that, Ethyl dished up two bowls of chili, after having warmed it up on the stove.  Ethyl fussed with her hair, smoothed her clothes, and handed them each a bowl of chili.  She moved slowly, hovering seductively over each man. She placed one hand on each man's shoulder when she was placing a bowl of chili in front of that man.  She touched each man a moment longer than necessary.  She was now an available woman.  She spoke in a deep, raspy voice, half-whispering "Hot enough for you?"  One of the men turned to her and said........

[BajoranD]

. . . "Why do you keep referring to me as a man? Don't you know I'm Dana Scully, from the X-files? Had my ovaries stolen? Had a baby anyway? You know, the cute redhead with whom the Lone Gunmen were all in love?" Overcome with confusion and embarrassment, Ethel plopped down in the nearest chair. Suddenly, the lights in the apartment all went out, except for one giant spotlight right above Ethel. Spooky music started playing. Mist started to creep around her feet. "Psychic phenomena! Psychic phenomena!" screamed a hysterical Mulder [or Moulder, if you prefer] as he started running around the apartment like an idiot. "Finally, the proof I've been looking for! Wah-hahahahaha!" Ethel watched as her ceiling dissolved into the blue of the sky, and got an extraordinarily clear vision of good ol' Barry. Much to her surprise, he was . . .

[bernhard]

...dressed in an orange robe, and had shaved his head, except for a braid at the top of his skull. He was singing Richard Clayderman's version of “Hare, hare, hare Krishna”. He came to Ethel and offered her the complete collection of the writings of Sri Aurobindo, plus the pocket Baghavad Gita. “All I ask you is that you give us something in return, anything…” Ethel saw a whole new universe of dating potential opening before her eyes. “Will a bowl of chilli do?” she asked. Barry thought for a moment and said “I am hungry, so I guess I could use some of your chilli, as long as it is vegetarian. Is it?” Ethel twitched uncomfortably in her chair. She was now faced with a deep moral dilemma…

[janice]

. . . "Why do you keep referring to me as a man? Don't you know I'm Dana Scully, from the X-files?

Duh on me!!! Sorry.  That tells you how much tv I watch (but I DO watch CSI!).  I'm busy practicing!! hehe

(Sorry for the interruption here.  Carry on....)

[bernhard]

But they were rudely interrupted by Mark who shouted: "This story is about me! We are not even married anymore! as if it was not enough that she gets the house the car and the children, now she takes over my story as well? And you there!, Yes, I am talgking to you, Dalai Nose! Where are my hands? If I remember correctly, the last I saw you you had kidnapped them..."

At this point the piano tuner said: "Sorry folks, but I have to go now, here is my bill..."

Everyone looked in shock at him and said in a chorus:

"This is very GOOD piano! We expect you to tune it for free!"

The piano tuner had heard this one many times before. So he smiled and...

[Tash]

proceeded to take a giant hammer out of his pocket and smashed the piano to bits. whilst laughing hysterically the others in the room looked at the smashed piano in total shock. Ethel fainted to the ground and the piano tuner raised his voice in hysterical insane laughter and cried...