Speaking of George Dubya Bush jokes:
These are ACTUAL quotes that the president of the USA have spoken:
"I like reading books, they have lots of pictures in them"
"It is an unimaginable honour for the American citizen to imagine prospering in this great nation of ours" (applause follows)
"I will meet with Canadian President Jean Poutine to discuss the situation on terrorism"
"Teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country
"That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental—supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel."
"Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."
"In the last 32 months, history has placed great demands on our country, and events have come quickly." —Carlisle, Virginia, May 24, 2004
"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."—May 25, 2004
"More Muslims have died at the hands of killers than—I say more Muslims—a lot of Muslims have died—I don't know the exact count—at Istanbul. Look at these different places around the world where there's been tremendous death and destruction because killers kill."
"In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences."
"There is no such thing necessarily in a dictatorial regime of iron-clad absolutely solid evidence. The evidence I had was the best possible evidence that he had a weapon."
"One of the most meaningful things that's happened to me since I've been the governor—the president—governor—president. Oops. Ex-governor. I went to Bethesda Naval Hospital to give a fellow a Purple Heart, and at the same moment I watched him—get a Purple Heart for action in Iraq—and at that same—right after I gave him the Purple Heart, he was sworn in as a citizen of the United States—a Mexican citizen, now a United States citizen."
"So thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well."
"I want to remind you all that in order to fight and win the war, it requires an expenditure of money that is commiserate with keeping a promise to our troops to make sure that they're well-paid, well-trained, well-equipped."
"[T]he best way to find these terrorists who hide in holes is to get people coming forth to describe the location of the hole, is to give clues and data."
OMG I LOVE THAT ONE! IT CRACKS ME UP!
"[A]s you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say."
"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the—the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."
"[W]hether they be Christian, Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, people have heard the universal call to love a neighbor just like they'd like to be called themselves."—Washington, Oct. 8, 2003
"[T]hat's just the nature of democracy. Sometimes pure politics enters into the rhetoric."—Crawford, Texas, Aug. 8, 2003
"Security is the essential roadblock to achieving the road map to peace.
"I think the American people—I hope the American–I don't think, let me—I hope the American people trust me."—Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2002
"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption."
"There may be some tough times here in America. But this country has gone through tough times before, and we're going to do it again"
"Do you have blacks, too?"
''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right."
"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods."
"They misunderestimated me."
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign."
"We ought to make the pie higher."
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."
"Gov. Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure."
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case."
"I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less...I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people."
"I think we agree, the past is over." WELL DUH!
"This is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of...You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for...We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles and I'm certain of this, too: I'm certain to maintain the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low."
"He has certainly earned a reputation as a fantastic mayor, because the results speak for themselves. I mean, New York's a safer place for him to be."
"The fact that he relies on facts...says things that are not factual...are going to undermine his campaign."
BUSH: "First of all, Cinco de Mayo is not the independence day. That's dieciseis de Septiembre, and ..." MATTHEWS: "What's that in English?" BUSH: "Fifteenth of September." (Dieciseis de Septiembre = Sept. 16)
"The fundamental question is, 'Will I be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' I will be, but until I'm the president, it's going to be hard for me to verify that I think I'll be more effective."
WAY TO PROMOTE YOUR CAMPAIGN THERE BUSHIE
"States should have the right to enact reasonable laws and restrictions particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could live."
Topic: PIANO COMEDY CENTRAL!