Music Pick Up Lines/Jokes

[pianoisthebest23]

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if you've heard of or seen any funny music pick up lines, jokes, or pictures. I have found a couple recently and they crack me up.

You can't Handel me!
Are you Schubert that?

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.

Composers always score.

I'm a fermata, hold me.

I gave that pitch vibrato, pitches love vibrato.

[gvans]

How about musician jokes? Here are three, all bad:

Q. What do you call a musician who broke up with his girlfriend?
A.  Homeless.

Q. What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians a lot?
A. A drummer.

Q. A frog and a trombone player passed each other on a bridge, both driving on a rainy, windy night. What was different about them?
A. The frog had a gig.

[pianoplayjl]

C, an E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.

The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

[yohankwon]

These puns will get us in so much treble

[pianoisthebest23]

These puns will get us in so much treble

Eh that's all right, if they put us under a rest, we'll be Bach because we're too much to Handel. 

[Bob]

____ do it with their _____. (body part/instrument part)


Pianists do it with their hands.

No end to them...
Conductors do it with their batons.
String players do it with their bows.
Percussions do it with their mallets.
Percussions do it with their sticks.
Brass players do it with their lips.

[pianoisthebest23]

____ do it with their _____. (body part/instrument part)


Pianists do it with their hands.

This is great 

I found a couple more today:

What's the difference between a pianist and a large pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four. *cringes*

Good boys deserve more than just fudge.

You can tickle my ivories anytime baby.

How about you give me some piano lessons? We could play all night and make some sweet music.

[Bob]

Pianists do it with their fingers.


That sounds a little better than hands.


There are ones about the upright organ and flute too.

[perfect_pitch]

Talking of double entendre's...

Only Pianists can perform for hours at a time...       

OH YEAH!!!

[j_menz]

[pianoisthebest23]

*looks away sheepishly*   

[Bob]

Completely unrelated....

https://www.nytimes.com/1981/06/14/arts/when-a-pianist-s-fingers-fail-to-obey.html

https://www.pianocareer.com/piano-health/piano-cold-hands/

[starlady]

C, an E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.

The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

Wow. That's impressive.  It is actually worse than the classic "battery" of electrical engineering jokes, previously believed to be the ultimate low point of humour.   I may have been permanently traumatized.  Congratulations.

--s.

[pianoisthebest23]

Completely unrelated....

https://www.nytimes.com/1981/06/14/arts/when-a-pianist-s-fingers-fail-to-obey.html

https://www.pianocareer.com/piano-health/piano-cold-hands/

That first one kind of freaked me out.. Only being able to play with one hand 

Relating to the second article, I have had trouble with cold hands a lot and I think it relates to stress (it pretty much happens every time I have to perform.. No questions there) so my piano teacher has given me similar tips to warm up my hands. She once spent the first ten minutes of my lesson teaching square breathing and how to move to increase circulation.