I should get a life

[db05]

I've been told before to "get a life". Don't know what that means, though. Sure I've been trying different ways to kill time, and just yesterday I bought another bunch of books that I might not probably read half of. I was looking for piano books, and ended up with a guitar book among others.

This seems to be the trend lately, either I go out and spend a lot of money, or I stay here online and spend a lot of time. I'm starting to be afraid I'll end up like pianistimo or ahinton. No offense, but I'd rather be like thalbergmad. 

A lot of things have occurred to me, but they don't seem to make much sense:
- collect sheet music - what's the point if I can't play them, and no one needs them?
- collect recordings - I have so much now, that I can spend the rest of my life listening to CDs
- be a piano teacher - Not a good source of income, and would I make a good teacher? I don't think so.
- play games - Very enjoyable at times, but gets boring too quickly
- read books - same as above
- save money - for what?
- spend money - for what?
- spend time on PSF - makes sense if only my friends are in the chat
- get professional help - been there, done that

[ahinton]

either I go out and spend a lot of money, or I stay here online and spend a lot of time. I'm starting to be afraid I'll end up like pianistimo or ahinton.

You can't end up like both, that's for sure! I don't know what you mean by this anyway; perhaps you might care to explain.

No offense, but I'd rather be like thalbergmad.

Then you'd better go out and get a life; he has one!

Best,

Alistair

[quasimodo]

How about "practice, practice, practice!"
You've got something I'm VERY jealous of: time at home when it's possible to make music.

[db05]

You can't end up like both, that's for sure! I don't know what you mean by this anyway; perhaps you might care to explain.

You both have the time to respond to each other with lengthy posts.

Then you'd better go out and get a life; he has one!

Well that's the problem, I'm not sure I know what that means, and if I do, it's not helping.

How about "practice, practice, practice!"
You've got something I'm VERY jealous of: time at home when it's possible to make music.

Music is such a frustrating pursuit. I've mentioned here time and time again my frustration with piano and music studies.

[ahinton]

You both have the time to respond to each other with lengthy posts.

No; she must spend more than ten times the amount of time that i do in posting here, even if she's a reasonably fast typist.

Well that's the problem, I'm not sure I know what that means, and if I do, it's not helping.

If you yourself do not know what you mean by what you write, I cannot help you.

Best,

Alistair

[go12_3]

db, how about just embracing life for what it is and not whining about how to get a life......there are many things about life that is wonderfu, fresh and new to discover each day.  But it takes effort to to that each day.  Sure, there are times I get discouraged, but life doesn't stop for you nor anyone.  It keeps going.
The past is past, and what you can realize that the present is the most important aspect of life, living at the moment, and not worry about needless things. 
Do what you enjoy the most.

best wishes,

go12_3

[general disarray]

In all of your complaints about your aimless and unproductive life, you revealed your core problem:  self-centeredness.

Nothing on your list has to do with improving the lives of OTHERS.  People, such as you, with the luxury of time and money have the burden of filling their time.  If you lack the discipline to improve your own mind, or pianistic/guitar skills, then maybe you could go out into your community and improve the lives of those less fortunate than you.

Tutor some impoverished children, perhaps?  Brighten the day of folks who are ill and bedridden?  Visit the elderly who have outlived their families and are alone?

Get out of yourself for a minute and maybe you'll "get a life."

[db05]

In all of your complaints about your aimless and unproductive life, you revealed your core problem:  self-centeredness.

Nothing on your list has to do with improving the lives of OTHERS.

It's because I've long given up on that. When I was younger, it was all about doing things for the other guy. But that only lasts as long as the other guy exists. Oh and by the way, the first person who told me to get a life - bless her - was someone very dear to me, who is lost to me now. I don't have anything to give to the community either; I can't even fake cheerfulness for my friends and family.

To further explain, my therapist wants me to quit obsessing on someone else and focus on myself, and find something "self-sustaining". I think it means not having to latch on to something or someone that may be lost in the future. Because even my friends aren't going to be here for me all the time.

[general disarray]

It's because I've long given up on that. When I was younger, it was all about doing things for the other guy. But that only lasts as long as the other guy exists. Oh and by the way, the first person who told me to get a life - bless her - was someone very dear to me, who is lost to me now. I don't have anything to give to the community either; I can't even fake cheerfulness for my friends and family.

To further explain, my therapist wants me to quit obsessing on someone else and focus on myself, and find something "self-sustaining". I think it means not having to latch on to something or someone that may be lost in the future. Because even my friends aren't going to be here for me all the time.

You always have reasons to reject advice, kiddo!

You're doomed as doomed can be! 

[db05]

You always have reasons to reject advice, kiddo!

You're doomed as doomed can be! 

I don't mean to entirely reject your advice, sir, but to follow up on someone else's. Improving the community is the end, not the means.

What is the means?

Do what you enjoy the most.

I would love to, but my dear muse isn't in arms' reach.

[conmoto]

There is something about studying piano that seems to cause one to be more self-centered (clearly not ALWAYS) but I've noticed a tendency towards this with musicians.  Maybe because people who love it REALLY love it, and often forget the rest of the world.  It's so easy to be extremely critical of one's playing, as the the pursuit of classical piano can be a frustrating one.  In that pursuit, one can easily start to focus entirely on the self, and one's playing, to the exclusion of other things and other issues in the world.

I've known a lot of classical musicians who tend to be very self-centered and seem to spend hours per day pitying themselves.  It eventually becomes fairly pathetic.  In actuality, they should be grateful they even have the opportunity to play such an instrument.

I think General Disarray is right in that you might start to look outside of yourself.  There are many, many people in this world whose thoughts are more along the lines of "I haven't eaten for 2 days and will starve if I don't find a meal soon" vs "Are the arpeggios in my Beethoven Sonata even?" 

If you don't want to help people in your community consider helping animals - there is tremendous suffering in this world and many opportunities to look outside oneself and help those in need.

I think people saying "get a life" they mean to explore the world OUTSIDE of the confines of classical music. 

It is tremendously easy to look at one's life and be upset about all the things you DON'T have and all the things in your life that aren't the way you'd like them to be.  Focusing on the negative parts of life will eventually just make you a negative and self-absorbed person.  You only have one life (that I know of), don't waste it focusing on the things that are missing in your life, rather, focus on the things that you are grateful for.  I think you will find that you will be happier, more balanced and an overall better person.

[db05]

I think General Disarray is right in that you might start to look outside of yourself.  There are many, many people in this world whose thoughts are more along the lines of "I haven't eaten for 2 days and will starve if I don't find a meal soon" vs "Are the arpeggios in my Beethoven Sonata even?" 

I actually LOL'd at that one.

I think people saying "get a life" they mean to explore the world OUTSIDE of the confines of classical music. 

*cough* This was told to me years ago, when I haven't even started playing music. In that sense, my current situation is a lot better than at the time.

Don't even start pigeonholing me with other classical pianists. I am not just a student of piano, nor a classical fanatic.

PS. I "know" what you guys are trying to say, and I don't mean to be negative, but it's not registering. I'm not getting the "omg you're right, I haven't thought of that" from myself.

[thalbergmad]

No offense, but I'd rather be like thalbergmad. 

Overweight, balding, single, intolerant, racist, mysoginistic, smelly??

Completely understandable why you would want to be me.

On the plus side, if you were me you would have a wide choice of banjos at your disposal.

When i was your age, i always wanted to be like someone else, but now, i only want to be myself. I am much happier that way.

My life actually became a lot more enjoyable when i lost any ambition that i ever had.

Thal

[db05]

When i was your age, i always wanted to be like someone else, but now, i only want to be myself. I am much happier that way.

My life actually became a lot more enjoyable when i lost any ambition that i ever had.

When I tried to be someone else, I was considered cool.
When I tried to be myself, everyone else rejected me.
When I had ambition, I was called geek, nerd, demented freak and perfectionist.
When i had no ambition, I was called normal.

[tds]

When I tried to be someone else, I was considered cool.

temporarily and superficially. also, u'll be burned out

When I tried to be myself, everyone else rejected me.

coz u havent found the right crush

When I had ambition, I was called geek, nerd, demented freak and perfectionist.

its not a crime to have ambition. in fact u know its good to have one. dont let people's opinions dictate you. stand for yourself and find happiness in virtue

When i had no ambition, I was called normal.

i was called...i was called...i was called....i was called....

get it?

db, you dont wanna be at the mercy of people's opinion on you. my suggestion: regain conscience and be strong with what you believe. warmest, teguh

[db05]

db, you dont wanna be at the mercy of people's opinion on you. my suggestion: regain conscience and be strong with what you believe. warmest, teguh

That. Made. Sense.
Thank you. 

[thalbergmad]

When I tried to be someone else, I was considered cool.
When I tried to be myself, everyone else rejected me.
When I had ambition, I was called geek, nerd, demented freak and perfectionist.
When i had no ambition, I was called normal.

It is more important to like yourself than it is to be liked by others.

You must harden yourself so you are not concerned with the opinions of others.

If people don't like you for what you are, tell them to swivel.

Thal

[db05]

It is more important to like yourself than it is to be liked by others.
You must harden yourself so you are not concerned with the opinions of others.

I want to be something to someone, of course I am concerned with others' opinons. I see this may be THE problem.

[thalbergmad]

I want to be something to someone

You will be, but this is not something that you will achieve by trying to be someone else.

If you do manage it in this way, it will not be long lasting.

Thal

[communist]

I want to be something to someone, of course I am concerned with others' opinons. I see this may be THE problem.

than help others

[db05]

than help others

I can't if I'm not likable.

[communist]

I can't if I'm not likable.

one who helps others is the most likable kind of person

[db05]

one who helps others is the most likable kind of person

I do hope so.

[cmg]

You know, you're totally beyond help and totally beyond reaching. 

Only the internet would create and perpetuate such a creature. 

The irony is you'll find these comments fuel for your negative self-identity.  Somehow you'll blossom in this cyber-world of intellectualized narcissisism. 

Farewell, dark blossom. 

[rc]

Well uhh...  We all have a life and the great task is to make the best of it we can.

The great temptation is in doing things that are easy but we know actually isn't in our best interests.  Case in point - I should be working right now!  I should also have not drank so many beers that I feel awful this morning and likely made an ass of myself last night.

Welcome to the game, we all have our challenges.  I'm sure somewhere in your heart you know what's missing, if I had to guess I'd say it's genuine connection with other people.

[go12_3]

And with the Internet, it can be a challenge to connect with people especially when they are not what they seem to be or what they want to be.   It's kind of a filtering process that many members, here and elsewhere, have to experience.  Hopefully, there will be a "real" friend somewhere and somehow, even that may not ever be a 100% guarantee.  The most callous of people will just take it and leave it.  And that's how it goes in the Internet.  It takes risk to get acquainted with people but we need to be more watchful also.

best wishes,

go12_3

[db05]

You know, you're totally beyond help and totally beyond reaching. 

Wow, coming from you... that's really... comforting. 


No, seriously, I fess up with this "cry for help" thing, and people accuse me of being narcissistic. Kinda like when I like somebody, I tend to push him or her away. I don't know. Should I be talking in opposites or something? I'm confused. 

Months ago, you asked why am I so unreachable, and I took the time to respond as best as I could... but there was no answer, and the effort seemed wasted. Not that I blame you for it, it happens all the time actually, and I was just hoping you were different.

I don't know what people here have against the internet. The fact is that I started pretty late on here, otherwise it would have saved me a few problems in high school/ college/ music school. One this is schoolwork. Another is the issue of connecting with people. I have more friends now than I would dream of having when I was in high school. And the few real life ones are only accessible through the internet (they study abroad).

It's not that I'm not trying. It's not that I'm screwing with you guys, you know? I say what I know, and I don't like complicating things either. I already made an apology to all, I'll say it again.

People don't know just how difficult this is. To talk with people who don't understand me. And I don't understand them.

There is a certain member of the forum whom I look up to, a very kind and knowledgeable one... Now I am forbidden to talk to this person, for reasons I can barely put into words. I am not saying it's not my fault. It's hard to explain and I don't know how I'll ever be able to fix myself and be good enough for this person. I had spent weeks thinking about it, until I was frustrated out of my wits and had to take some time out from thinking.

The reason I'm saying it here right now, is because it was just like the time when I was frustrated with my music lessons... I said to my teacher - What do you expect me to do? Write you a symphony?  -

A person, a teacher or someone in authority asks me to do something, and I can only try my best. But that is never ever good enough for them. I can only do what I can, and say what I know. I am not screwing with you people, I don't have the guts to do so, and I am not pretending to be someone I'm not.

A person wants me to show gratitude or respect, but there are many ways to do so. I show my gratitude and my respect in different ways than most, and end up offending this person. I don't mean to. I never did. And if that's people's impression of me here, I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry.

In spite of, or maybe because of the effort put in, people seem to think worse of me. It seems like everything I do is wrong, no matter what my intention. In fact I had been contemplating being evil for a change. To be exactly what people think I am. But I ended up feeling silly, and then tragic. For even an evil person won't accept me. F*ck, I don't even care if I'll just be used, so long as I am needed by someone.

Sorry.

[mr music]

Hi Db, I only had to read the first eight words of your new post (and as long as you keep thinking it you'll start to believe it). Anybody is only what they think they are.

Your really stuck in the “Happiness Trap” and I implore you to get a hold of that book by Russ Harris.

Good luck and All the Best.

[rc]

I'm also starting to think your unrest may be a result of too much 'virtual life'.  The net is great for keeping in touch with people over distances, but there's no substitute for face-to-face.

Also being too much on the net is all about words.  Writing, thinking, theorizing.  Of course it's good to think things through, but we can drive ourselves mad if that's all we do...  People can sit at their computers and argue anything, arguement without context, without purpose.  Twisting words, misunderstanding, pointless meandering... Somewhere along the way, action is far preferable to words alone.

Leonardo DaVinci: "As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death."

I'm never more content than when I feel I've done a lot with my day.  I need projects, direction, something to do with my time.

(and yet again I realize I'm here on the net when I could be at work! )

[shingo]

10 ways to beat the blues

[go12_3]

The other day, someone indirectly told me to "get a life", but not in those particular words.  And then I realize that it is up to me to manage my life for the way it is and not expect other people to help me along the way.  I know that I take care of myself, to get the proper sleep and etc, and yet there has to be something else needful, which is friendships.  A friend is someone I can talk to and rant, if I need to, and it would okay, a friend would accept that and be supportive. I don't mean to drown anyone about my problems, so I have learned to work through them.  And then in time things have a way of changing perspective, like with my music I work on.  Life has a way of changing me, or I am changing as life goes along, but as long as I am learning and gaining knowledge along the way---that is what is important.....

[suntan]

noone can tell you "you should get a life" cause everyone has one. it really depends what it means to have a life.
It's up to you, what you think, it's the most important. If you think your life is empty and things you do have no sense then go and make a change. You can find a new hobby or meet new people or just do something what you really love and focus on it.
If you like things you do, you should not feel that your life is empty and if someone tell you this don't think so much about others words. It depends on you.
I collect notes too and also books. I like it, so it makes sense in my life. It's part of me .

[giannalinda]

Well when somebody tells me "get a life" I think that means do somehting other than music....thats basically all I do..Sleep,eat,Practice,go to school...Which isnt very much

[kony]

how about getting yourself a girl?

[morningstar]

how about getting yourself a girl?

Lesbianism would be HAWT!

[kony]

what, is db05 a girl?

a Filipina at that.

[morningstar]

what, is db05 a girl?

a Filipina at that.

Thought I would be a little subtle lol.

[db05]

how about getting yourself a girl?

You mean getting myself a guy, right? Are you available?

[db05]

what, is db05 a girl?

a Filipina at that.

What's that supposed to mean?
I'm neither a typical girl not Filipina.  So you may be overgeneralizing a bit.

[kony]

the Filipinas I've met were all very outgoing.

though that doesn't mean anything for you, I know.

so if you're not Filipina, why "Philippines" in your profile?

[db05]

the Filipinas I've met were all very outgoing.

though that doesn't mean anything for you, I know.

so if you're not Filipina, why "Philippines" in your profile?

I knew you would find it ironic. Filipinos are usually very outgoing and cheerful people. I am a Filipina from another planet, apparently.

[morningstar]

I knew you would find it ironic. Filipinos are usually very outgoing and cheerful people. I am a Filipina from another planet, apparently.

Venus?

[db05]

Venus?

I'm a girl from Mars.

[punkpianist360]

Everyone on here is subject to getting a life, because they are on the wrong type of keyboard!

[thalbergmad]

You include yourself i take it.

Thal

[punkpianist360]

I'm going by how many people are on here most frequently.   And you sir qualify.

[thalbergmad]

Oh, i better go and get myself a life then.

Now, where shall i look.

Thal

[iroveashe]

Oh, i better go and get myself a life then.

Now, where shall i look.

Thal

Google.

[go12_3]

Google.

That's the easy way to get a life  =P 

[go12_3]

Oh, i better go and get myself a life then.

Now, where shall i look.

Thal

By the way, Thal, you have a life and a good one!   =)