Snail Race!

[jgoo]

Oops, sorry, I'm not trying to hijack this thread with talk of Spongebob, let's get back to snails!

_@/

[pianonut]

what about mrs. puff, the driving instructor?  _ /

[m1469]

I just had to...

@_    

     
 Here is a slug, is he welcome here, he feels a little left out ?


 

/___,

[/size]

[lagin]

OH my goodness!  I haven't laughed so hard in forever!!!

[tds]

this thread should win the "funniest thread" award. it is so hilarious!!!

[pianomann1984]

                                           
                                                __@/__
       ________________              /UUUUUU\
    ___________________          /UUUUUUUU\       @
        ________________         /UUUUUUUUUU\###
                                              ##      ##

Snail hitching a ride on the back of a tortoise

[m1469]

 
/__,   /__,      /__,         /__,

curious young slugs watching snail and tortoise in deep moral debate, trying not to laugh.

[pianomann1984]

Ach, come on! You can do better than for musing slugs!    ROFL

[m1469]

hheeeeyyyyy, what d'ya mean ?  you don't think my slugs are worthy then ?  They are small and innocent and young little guys, you may even have hurt their feelings.

(show me some better ones  )

[pianomann1984]

*Smiles smugly*...I'm always up for a challenge!

                o o
            l /
            (()))))))))))))))))))))))))).  ~~~~~~
                                                                                
 

Bow down before my mighty banded slug! 

[m1469]

Holy smokes  !!! You've got it, I am bowing  .  I love it !!! Now you have upped the anty, I must consult my sources...

m1469

[pianomann1984]

LMAO!  Right...sleep-time for me...battle postponed until tomorrow evening!

[Tash]

ah this thread will never die i love it!

[Bob]

Cool slug pianomann.  Very impressive.




\/__,   \/__,  \/__, 


These look like silverfish to me.  eww...  : ???P


 [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[\     caterpillar?


If you have to label it.... 




Ants?

}%O=Ooo..                  }%O=Ooo..                 }%O=Ooo..
      /   \                               /   \                              /   \

The gnat...

                            % ~~~~~~~~ ~  ~   ~   ~         

The swarm...

              %% % %%   %  %%       %   %   %  % %  %
% % % % %  % % %%   % % % %  % % % % %  % % % % % % %  %
 % %  % % %%   % %  %  %  % % % %  %  % %  % %  % % %%   % %  % %  % %
                    % %  % % %%   % % % %  % % % % %  % %
                           % %  % % %%   % % % %  % %

I still have plenty of the original, classic snails left in inventory.  Send me a dollar and I will email you one. 

[Bob]

(eerie music plays)


_       _            @        @/                @_                         -@       @  __       @/    /
                                         @        @/                @_                         -@       @  __               @/                @_                         -@       @  __       @/    /

_       _                                       @        @/                @_                         -@       @  __       @/    /








A case of snail mutilation!  (  

(covers hand over mouth to stop vomit)

"Oh, I can't look!"

 Mysteries of the piano forum!   oooooo...... 









lol... we got ads for fart machines....

[m1469]

I still have plenty of the original, classic snails left in inventory.  Send me a dollar and I will email you one

$1

more please (not the mutated guys...) 

[pianomann1984]

  #########################
(:(())(())(())(())(())(()))<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \@_\@_\@_
  #########################

3 snails get towed by a passing millipede - many limbs make light work!

[Bob]

_@/

m1469's snail

[tds]

would everybody please be kind to little luke?

say hello to everybody, luke!

 _@/..........hello everybody

luke is tds' most favourite snail. he is humble and unassuming

[fred smalls]

I wish i had a snail.





_@/      "Hello Fred! I am here to be your snail"

"OMG LOOK~!~ A SNAIL, WOW, I'll name you Jean-Pierre. How are you Jean Pierre?"

(Conversation continues for serveral hours)


Ok, I'm out of ideas (caffine).

[Bob]

A bag tips over and spills salt everywhere.  Snails flee in terror.  I'm guessing the fleeing would take awhile considering the snail speed.

[tds]

A bag tips over and spills salt everywhere.  Snails flee in terror.  I'm guessing the fleeing would take awhile considering the snail speed.

haha, luke is all coated by the so-called salt-proof lubricant. lol...

oh, hi, jean-pierre, are you all protected, too? oh btw, luke here. tds' favorite snail

tds

[fred smalls]

haha, luke is all coated by the so-called salt-proof lubricant. lol...

oh, hi, jean-pierre, are you all protected, too? oh btw, luke here. tds' favorite snail

tds

_@/ Why yes, I am.  I bought some salt proof lubricant at Home Depot recently. It really came in handy here!

[tds]

it's bob's conspiracy, everyone. i saw bob pushed the salt bag to the edge deliberately, and so it tipped over.

he started it all, and now he wanna destroy us all

unhappy luke *wonders about the fate of his people".

[Bob]

"Come this way my little friends...." Bob says as he ushers the snails into a sauna.

 
(sinister music, dum-dum-DUM!)






 

[Bob]

You enter a kitchen.  A delicious aroma wafts toward you.  You see Bob cooking, using a frying pan.  He adds garlic and some other spices to the sizzling frying pan. 

 "Here is an 'appetizer' piece for you," says Bob.  He offers you a bite.  "Mmmmm!.... It's good.  Isn't it?" asked Bob.


 
(sinister music, dum-dum-DUM!)


"You haven't seen Luke and Jean-Pierre around have you?" 




  This one makes me a little nauseous actually.

[Bob]

   "Oh look my little snail friends!  Bread crumbs!  Why I bet bread crumbs would be twice as much fun to roll around in as the flour was!  Come on!" 

(dum-dum-DUM!)

[Tash]

oh dear...

 \@_     

*tash's little snail Zoom zoom runs away from Bob*

but then again bob wouldn't hurt my snail...would you bob?!

[tds]

listen up, folks! i got a feeling bob's is going to prepare a meal out of US!!!

RUN!!!!!

--terrified luke--

[chopinisque]

         ___________________
        /         /                           \
      /         /                              \                             
    /          /                                \
   /_____/               _____         \
  /#### \              /           \        \
 |#####|            /      _     |         |
 |#####|            |     /  \    |         |
  \_____/             |         |   |          |
    \        \              \_ _/      |         /
      \       \          ________/        /
        \       \                                /
          \___\_______________/

What happened to the shell's occupant?  What's that heavenly aroma from the kitchen?  Who's blood is spilt all over the countertop?  Is Bob guilty?  Find out on the next episode of Snail Race!  Same time next week.  Nanananananana... Snail Race!

PS  It goes all wrong when I save it... grrr...

[Bob]

Bob speaks to the snails.  "Now that you've made it through the flour desert and scaled the bread crumb hills, you just have to endure the sizzling hot oil race.  Yes, the first snail to crawl around the black sizzling track 500 times will be the winner!  Good luck snails!  I admire your dedication."   

"Luke and Jean-Pierre!  Congratulations!  You have been selected to carry the sacred 'Clove de Garlique.'  It's quite an honor." 




I think I should eat BEFORE going on the pf site.



Oh yes,  Tash's snail is exluded from these races.

[Bob]

(chews thoughtfully)

What a second!  These are noodles, not snails! <gasp>  They've escaped!



(monotone) ooo.  More drama on the abp pf thread.

[Bob]

All because m1469 "just had to."  lol 


Prepare yourself.   Two worlds collide.  Piano meets snail.

Look what I found here
https://www.conchsoc.org/funbase.htm?row2col1=rhymes5.htm


EINE KLEINE SNAILMUSIK
May Sarton

“The snail watchers are interested in snails from all angles .... At the moment they are investigating the snail’s reaction to music. ‘We have played to them on the harp in the garden and in the country on the pipe,’ said Mr. Heaton, ‘and we have taken them into the house and played to them on the piano.”’ — The London Star.

What soothes the angry snail?
What’s music to his horn?
For the “Sonata Appassionata,”
He shows scorn,
And Handel
Makes the frail snail
Quail,
While Prokofieff
Gets no laugh
And Tschaikowsky, I fear,
No tear.
Piano, pipe, and harp,
Dulcet or shrill,
Flat or sharp,
Indoors or in the garden,
Are willy-nilly
Silly
To the reserved, slow,
Sensitive
Snail,
Who prefers to live
Glissandissimo,
Pianissimo.

The New Yorker, 25 January 1947; copyright 1947 by The New Yorker Magazine, Inc., 25 West 43rd. Street, New York, N.Y., 10036. We are indebted to Miss Sarton, and to Miss D. E. Terry of the Editorial Offices, The New Yorker, for kindly granting permission to reprint the above poem.

(Extracted from Conchologists’ Newsletter No. 29, p. 97)
Eine Kleine Schnecke-Musik






"Beethoven's melodious thunder, Handel's choral might, Mozart's tender grace, Bellini's languourous sweetness, are even more lost on them than on the lymphatic dowagers in the grand tier, who chatter audibly of guipire and the last drawing-room, while Grisi's impassioned expression, and Mario's cantabile, are entrancing the rest of the audience. The Mollusc can only perceive noises."

George Henry Lewes, "Sea-side studies at Ilfracombe, Tenby, the Scilly Isles, and Jersey" (Blackwood, Edinburgh & London, 1860), p.374.
(guipire or guipure is a kind of lace). Compare "Eine Kleine Snailmusik," Newsletter No. 29, p. 97, above.

(from A. E. Ellis)

(Extracted from Conchologists' Newsletter No.39, p. 241)

[Tash]

oh that's too funny. i'm gonna make a t-shirt and put that on it cos that is quite hilarious. or put it on the back of the t-shirt i have already painted that has the almighty king snail. cool.

yay zoom zoom lives on!

[pocorina]

OMG!!!! this HAS to be the most fun I have had since.... kindergarten?

I have laughed SOO much! Huge, loud, gasping laughs that were disturbing other residents of the clinic who were trying to get some rest and retain all the blood in their lungs ( )

But, God, was it fun!  

[tds]

yay zoom zoom lives on!

hey, zoom zoom  . luke here. how r u?

[tds]

OMG!!!! this HAS to be the most fun I have had since.... kindergarten?

I have laughed SOO much! Huge, loud, gasping laughs that were disturbing other residents of the clinic who were trying to get some rest and retain all the blood in their lungs ( )

But, God, was it fun!  

i tell you what! its just pure fun, fun, fun...and no one is bugging you over anything. bob, you're a legend.

ooopps, make sure you're under control now. lol

[Bob]

 

"Thank you.  Thank you."

Bows. 

 


Imagines much applause.

"You're too kind.  Just throw money."

Does another overly dramatic, but careless bow.  Hits head on music stand.  Staggers back and knocks piano lid onto fingers.   

[pianomann1984]

                  o                    o
  o        o                o
        o             o             o
\~~~~_@/~_@/~_@/~~~~/__________________
 \__@/__@/__@/__@/_@/_/   
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


Lookie here!  I caught those escaped snails!  Anyone feeling peckish? 

[minimozart007]

 

[Bob]

                      #########################
                    (:(())(())(())(())(()) (()))<
                      #########################
_@/_@/_@/     /WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW\     \@_\@_\@_


The snails are hungry!

[pianomann1984]

Cheek!  And after all millie's help, your gonna cook him?!!  That's the last time I offer to help 3 snails in need!

[Bob]

You walk in and see several snails happily jamming away as a jazz combo on The Girl from Ipanema.  \@_      What a sight!  Those snails are really grooving!



Then you point out that they can't really play the instruments since they don't have lips or hands.  Playing the piano, horn, bass, or drumset would be impossible, wouldn't it?   

The piano stops.  Drum sticks hit the floor.  The double bass tips over.  They immediately are unable to play and give you dirty looks.

Then you point out that they don't have eyebrows and all that, so dirty looks are impossible.


One of them sticks his tongue out at you while they all slink away.  You decide not to comment.

[pytis]

                                         

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CONFUSED MUTANT HUMAN -ISH SNAILS

[pianomann1984]

\@_
                                                         ######################[/size]
              \@_                                      (:(())(())(())(())(())(()))<
                                                         ######################[/size]
\@_
                                    ######################[/size]
                                  (:(())(())(())(())(())(()))<
                                    ######################[/size]
\@_
        \@_
                             ######################[/size]
                           (:(())(())(())(())(())(()))<
                             ######################[/size]
       \@_
                                                       ######################[/size]
\@_                                                  (:(())(())(())(())(())(()))<
                                                       ######################[/size]

Thud...thud...thud...thud...what's that noise?  OMG!  The millipedes are back for revenge...and they're hungry!

[Bob]

(to be heard like Jenny would say in Forest Gump)

Run, snails!  Run!...   

[Bob]

(Barber's Adagio for Strings swells to a climax...)


                 




(fists clenched to the sky)


"Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnny!"   



                   

 #########################                   
(:(())(())(())(())_@/ (()))<         
  #########################

                           

   

                                           Oh my God!  You killed Lenny!...           You bastards!   

Oh wait.... It was Luke, wasn't it?  Sh...

[pytis]

its kenny (south park) Kyle: oh my god you killed kenny Stan: you bastard

[janice]

LOL--check out the ads at the top.  "Farting George Bush" doll.  Maybe I'll forward that ad to the White House!  I couldn't do that! 

[Muzakian]

Oh no! It's Terminatorsnail! And hes got m1469's snail! Whatever will happen next?
         _                    , ,
_@/   - - - - - - - - \@_
                                ' "

Terminatorsnail is evidently pleased with himself...

         
_@/                     _@_


And so it happened that the children snails of the Piano Forum found m1469snail, and they did weep for her.

      _@/            @_     \@_

_@/      _@_  \@_
       
            _@/             \@_

Something seemed to stir within their resolute leader, Bob. "My fellow snails," he began, "Long have we journeyed together in this thread, and much joy have we shared! We have conquered both millepedes and dragons, offering our very lives to support our fine kingdom. But lo, one of our finest and most noble snails has now fallen before us, and in doing so heralds the dawn of a new snail age."

The snails both wept and rejoiced, but Bob was not yet finished.

"May we now use our time of grief to our advantage. Through our suffering, let us unite! For my dear snails - time is a most powerful enemy! In time, we may all be led to the drink or to snailery. We may even turn against each other. But let us remember now, that for one moment - if only for a fleeting moment! - we were good little snails, for we cared for and laughed with m1469snail until her final hours. Let us remember the way m1469snail slid gracefully across our screens; her gentle teal complexion; and her beaming smile - and in so remembering, let us rejoice, for these are good memories, and we must savour all the good in life we can! Long live m1469snail!"
"Long live m1469snail!" chanted the snails of piano forum, and gripped by an overwhelming passion they did send forth a tremor to shake the very foundations of the forum.

_____________

It is said that on a clear night one may still see m1469snail, as her everlasting teal hues beam down from the heavens....

  *       *                        * *                     *                                 *    * * * 
              *            *                                *      *                              *   
    *     * *        *      *             *   *                         *  * * 
        *       *    *   * *
   *       *      *   *        *       *                     *    *                 * *
                       *  *    *      *           *
                                                    *     *    *
 *          * *                  *                         *                   *                     *


 


PS: Sorry m1469! It was nothing personal - your snail just happened to catch my eye.