Snail Race!

[pianonut]

you read my mind.  ok.  fred's too old to have that kind of problem during a piano lesson.  let's stick with the hanon and pischna idea.  lucy gives fred some hanon exercises (lucy and fred are snails).  fred gets frustrated and wants to quit.  lucy brings in the little piano she bought for jr. with samba rhythms.  fred enjoys playing jr.'s piano better - because the keys light up and you get the extra rhythms.  becomes a hanon expert.

                     _@/  =IP     (i could play all day!)


scene change.  lucy is taking lessons from her young piano teacher (who happens to be good looking).  lucy looks at him, bats her eyelashes.  silence.  he asks "well, what are you going to play for me today."  "play?  oh, yes!  what will i play?"  "well, i think i'll play fur elise."  gets out the music and begins to play.  (teacher goes to refrigerator - gets out roast beef sandwich).  lucy stops, asks for a bite.  teacher refuses.  lucy's mouth starts watering.  thinks her teacher is nice looking but mean.

[Torp]

Uh......is the snail race officially over?

Do I get my $.14 back since the snails were eaten?

What am I going to do....all that money.....lost.....in a heated moment of betting frenzy.

Man....the house always wins............

[Bob]

Why... no! the race is still going.  Um...  Still time to place bets.  I can take your money for you.  Be glad to.  Um.... Double or nothing?

[athykay]

......but, who is Lucy?

[pianonut]

lucy is a crazy nut who thinks she's going to be a concert pianist someday (without winning a single competition)  she's middle aged, too, which doesn't help matters.  so, she relies on her wits and good looks (and sometimes puffy eyes - from watching too much of the van cliburn and getting up too early int eh morning).  also, she is madly in love with her husband but occasionally has lapses in good judgement (and drools over her piano teacher and his playing - but realizes he is not as patient as ricky and believes her to be the truly crazy person she is)  preferring her fantasy world, she continues on the path she is taking towards her career (hopefully by 50) and assumes that all will be well.  she doesn't realize she is a snail until one day when she cannot see out of both eyes, and relies on feel alone.  she can still play the piano, but starts bumping into the walls.                                          _@/

[Bob]

Rats invade the forum!

<3)~~~
                   <3)~~~                      <3)~~~


         <3)~~~            <3)~~~                                                <3)~~~



        <3)~~~                                <3)~~~


(These are excruitatingly slow moving rats since the "move" function is no more.)

[pianistimo]

are they like roscuro and boticelli? 

i prefer despereux tilling, the mouse.  <3---   he is good and kind and tries to save princess pea and even risks and loses his tail.  but, stiff as it became, he then used it as a sword.

[bernhard]

(and male rats at that!)

But look! They do not seem to be running towards the forum… They are running from something! 

<0)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is a wedding-crazy lady rat, intent on catching and marrying one of them at any cost! (Did you see that tail? )

  

[Dazzer]

<3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and a snake, attracted by the rats, comes by to feed.

[llamaman]

When along comes a llama who makes the snake go away.

                                                               
_|        _|          _|_|    _|      _|    _|_|    _|  _|  _| 
_|        _|        _|    _|  _|_|  _|_|  _|    _|  _|  _|  _| 
_|        _|        _|_|_|_|  _|  _|  _|  _|_|_|_|  _|  _|  _| 
_|        _|        _|    _|  _|      _|  _|    _|             
_|_|_|_|  _|_|_|_|  _|    _|  _|      _|  _|    _|  _|  _|  _| 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3>


And all the little snails are saved.
Except for all the ones that have died already.



Note: I just wrote llama, as it was too hard to draw one.

Edit: Blah, it didn't save right.

 




 

[pianistimo]

the dead snails are lined up in the snail morgue.  some of them are already autopsied.  the rats are surprised at the method used for autopsies.  it appeals to their sick senses of humor.  they watch as body after body undergoes a quick mallot swing and deafening crack of the shell.  the body is determined to have died a natural death if the gastropod does not show any signs of physical struggle.  many snails have died from pesticide spray, so the diagnosis, however correct is really incorrect.

~~~>        snail on snail gurney ready to be malloted       ##### _      @      /

[llamaman]

Then one brave little snail awakens from the dead!



_@_.............._@/

[m1469]

Oh man, this does not look good... the dragon has awoken as a result of all this snail and rat commotion..                                                       







                         <@>.    .<@>
                                                                         
                                          OO
                                   VVVvvVVV
                                                  
                                                   

[Bob]

Whoa...  Scary stuff from m1469...

[llamaman]

As a result of m1469's dragon, the brave little snail who rose from the dead, dies again from fright:


 _@_

[Bob]

You just don't see snail resurrections on other forums. That's what makes the pf so great. 

[Aziel]

           ^         ^
♪.        //\\      //\\
    ((] <(())<   <(())< [))  ♪. 
                 <                        ♪.
              \----/
                VVV
                 VV
                  V     


"It's Paganini!!" - (with headphones listening to classical) 

[pianistimo]

you guys do make me laugh a lot.  i mean to see it from the other side.  it's like this morning, i turn on the tv and these two guys (called love doctors) are telling about their book entitled something like 'how to marry the man of your dreams by hypnotizing him.'  i mean they used similar tactics to what i described to bernhard about the synchronized clocks (mimicking what the other person does just slightly).

~(o>   guy rat leans forward      <o)~   lady rat leans forward unnoticeably

~(o>  guy rat leans back       <o)~  lady rat leans slightly back and then suddenly forward

~(o>  guy rat (hypnotized) leans forward without thinking.


ok. bernhard's lady rat that is wedding crazy - marries the unsuspecting rat guy and manipulates his every move after that.   he is no longer the dragon he hoped to be, but is now a sort of pagannini variation on his old self.

[llamaman]

Mutant rat-snails:


<3_

[Bob]

There's some asian quasi-Budda/Chinese dragon  influence going on here with the dragon-like faces.

And then Llamaman's genetic experiements...  I don't want to know how that thing was created....

[llamaman]

Just you wait until I breed that with a llama!

*evil laugh*

Mutant Rat snails running away:

_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>
_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>_3>

[Bob]

I believe this is off season on snails anyway.

[llamaman]

Yeah no one is replying to it. Great topic though.

[pianistimo]

silver salmon are running in alaska.  and, it's moose season.  ps i've started disliking the notion of either.  we took my son fishing and he refused to cut the heads off the fish.  i grew up just doing it as a matter of fact business.  then, i realized how horrifying it must have been to him.  (now he won't eat fish)

the poor moose.  i mean, you don't have to be a very good hunter to get a moose.  they are huge.  and, they don't run well.   they just sort of stand there and say 'shoot me.'  to me, moose are like deer.  i worry about what their relatives will think.   and, it's a real pain (from what i hear) to carry them from where they are to the road.  if you shoot one too far back - the bear come around right away.  how do i know all this.  well, because my dad and brother are moose hunters.  and, my bro is going with his 10 year old son.  now, watch, his 12 year old will stop eating moose meat.

what reminded me of all this?  well, i think when bob said 'it's not snail season.'

[llamaman]

OK, I'm bringing this topic up again, maybe it will get a little more popularity. It was a great thread.


The messenger snail: ))))))))))))))_@/

[Bob]

    Long live the snail race!    


[The following is shamelessly plagiarized from Leachim.  Or did I just cite it now?]

Snails in 3D!!!

\@_

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[Bob]

The eyeball of an angry snail in very very dark inky darkness (because the creator of this post didn't want to attempt the rest of the snail but thought the eye looked angry)Snails in 3D!!!

@

May be small, but not THAT small.

[Bob]

An embryonic baby snail.  Look, you see the head and the little tail!  Aw... isn't it cute?

@

Not sure that makes sense really.

[Bob]

_@/

_@/

_@/

_@/

More than one year later...

_@/

 _@/

_@/

_@/


I think snail #2 is pulling ahead.

[Bob]

Bob wises up.

\@_©

\@_®

\@_™

[pianistimo]

your snails are made in china, bob.

well, so is my snail.  and the crayon.    _@/   ()_))_CRAYOLA_))>

anyway, the snail uses the crayon for aerodynamic purposes.

[Bob]

So they are.... darn cheap plastic snails! (tosses it aside)



_@/
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                        _@/
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Migrating snails.








Valentine's Day snails....


(censored)

[pianistimo]

do valentine's day snails migrate too?  or is there some plastic involved?  i'm lost.  bob, you perplex me.  maybe that's why i like you so much.

ps i've been wondering what those one-word innuendos are that your students occasionally use on you when they are flirting.  i went through the music dictionary to see what they possibly could be, but only came up with the g-string. 

[Bob]

No offense pianistismo and it's good that you like me -- Are you sure it's me who is perplexing?  (sniffs air for smoke)  Some of your responses sometimes...  ya know?   "But I mean dat in da nicest way... with all due respect... I'm just saying, ya know..."

The migrating snails is named after the artwork piece, like Debussy.  The Valentine's one is censored.

The one word phrases are the things I wouldn't say in class.  Even the word "thing" could be an issue.  Two obvious words -- hard and screw.  I wouldn't dare say those words in class.  They can't handle it.

[pianistimo]

you mean you wouldn't say to a student 'work hard on that thing, or screw it.'  ok.  i understnad.  i don't like bad language either.  i try really hard not to catch on fire while giving lessons either.  *you know it's funny because i am usually the first one to smell the smoke.  lately, i've been deterred from any sort of evil thoughts by chewing eclipse gum.  you can buy them in HUGE packs at costco.

[Bob]

Inevitably I end up saying something that the students take the wrong way.  You also have to careful with hand gestures and not to turn your back on the students.

Here's an example from the more artful "gutter" student:
Teacher:  This really isn't a hard piece.    (two mistakes in wording by this teacher)
Student raises hand and asks: It's not a hard piece?  Would you say it's a limp piece?

In this case, the student has not technically broken any rule.  The class will probably crack up over this, causing disruption.  The teacher may find it funny but is not allowed to laugh or even smirk.  An older student is capable of this.  In the younger classes, the class may break down after the teacher's first comment.

[pianistimo]

_@/ flirtatious snail disappears when teacher turns back to her.  he turns around and she is nowhere to be seen.

_@/returns the next week in pink.  teacher decides to keep an eye on her so she won't disappear again.  (he was worried the whole week she was still in his studio somewhere).

*the ultimate seduction is all in the fake eyelashes.  _@/`

[m1469]

                        <@>.       .<@>
                                                                         
                                          OO
                                   VVVvvVVV
                                                    @_

[pianistimo]

elfwood.  dragons.  evil eyes.  yikes. 

suppose that's what some students are like to some teachers.  my teacher probably said 'whew, she broke a leg.'  i kept putting my foot over the line.  you know, asking questions that were rhetorical so i could sort of put body language and conversation together.  only works when he has to think of an answer. 

ok. back to the snails.  here's my next dream:

_@/  50 year old snail creeps onto the stage and begins to play leroy anderson's piano concerto.  suddenly the stage becomes lit up with millions of june bugs (alternately lighting up in a sort of synchronized happiness for the snail).  because of the exhilaration of the experience - the snail refuses to walk off stage and plays every single piece of music she knows.  then, she keels over.  __/   it was the experience of a lifetime - never to be repeated in exactly the same way - especially since all the music she ever learned was heard at once.  (2 day recital - beating tds way out of the ballpark).

[pianistimo]

_@/    practices rhetorical questions onm1469to get her in a better mood.  ok. 
(erotema)
do you think that being in a bad mood and getting people to ask you 'what's the matter' automatically makes you feel better?  or, does it really bug you and make you madder at people?  do you think the people that want to help answer the questions are like snails that need the crunch of an army boot?  what if all the sympathetic snails were killed off in a day - and all that was left were a bunch of hard core snails.  would this please you?

(anacoenosis)
i think i just answered my own question.  Light bulb goes off.

(dianoa)
now, if for instance you took a snail with hang nails and allowed them to just keep on growing - would you then be able to 'rescue' this snail at some later point.  or, would the hang-nailed snail become a senseless whiner and you would be trying to avoid them at all costs - and in fact, offer on many occasions to cut their nails so you would not have to hear the constant 'my nails got caught again - can you untangle me?'

(aporia)
i don't think this will work - but lets try it.  (hammers hang nail)

(epiplexus)
mayla, i'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but what was that message about with all the ### expletives and then all of a sudden you have a sort of text-message without the full meanings there.  it made it sound kind of scary.  like you were talking to a certain person and almost 'said it.'  why don't you just come out and say it?  (epiplexus is chiding with question)

(excusitatio)
i strongly feel that i am about to get in trouble withm1469- but i vehemently feel that she wields the dragon so as to scare people like me.  stands ground and waves eagles flag.

(pysma)
do you think this?  or that?  or what exactly do you think?  are you thinking that i might think you think this, or that, or try to find out exactly what you are thinking if you speak?  must you be silent.  must i get a fishing line and pull the words out of your mouth.  sit down.  think. speak.  then i will know if you are thinking this - or that - or exactly what you are thinking.

(ratiocinato)
*sits down on park bench and moves from one side to the other changing voices from snail to june bug and then back to snail. 
 

[Bob]

(creeped out by m1469's dragon and confused by pianissimo)

[pianorama]

One snails bulks up with protein smoothies and steriods to slay the evil dragon.






           
                        <@>.       .<@>
                                                                         
                                          OO    \@_
                                   VVVvvVVV
                                                   

[stevie]

8::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::D

k...

[pianistimo]

protein shakes don't help that (i don't think).  i could be wrong.  *wonders.

[Bob]

That smiley with the sunglasses sure does have a lot of eyes.

[pianistimo]

bob is more naive than pianistimo. 

[pianorama]

Awwww...... It's a bunch of baby snails!



                _@/   \@_ \@_  _@/ _@/  \@_


    Now, now, Lucy.... Don't make fun of Henrietta. She has problems.
    Mental problems, and don't forget that she is also aesthetically-challenged.
    That's a fancy way of saying she's ugly, incase you're wondering, Lucy.



        _~@/

[invictus]

_@/_@/

And here comes the big daddys

[pianistimo]

aesthetically challenged?  the only thing i could figure is that one eye is 1 millionth off of center.  she looks positively gorgeous.  i don't know what happened to the other side of her face in the picture.  it doesn't matter because the other side compensates.  take my leg for instance.  i was complimented the other day because i had a 'genuine' hobble.  you know, some people take insurance companies for a ride and get better quickly after receiving compensation.  i never sued the park (but, the last time i was there they had fixed the rope thingy - which made me feel better for the kids that climb to the top.  they filled it in with more rope).  in any case, henrietta has about five guys that think she's hot - so i don't think that's being aesthetically challenged. 

i think it's a bit like working on scientific problems at the antarctic.  you have people who want to do it this way - and people who want to do it that way.  then, they wait for the right times to implement their ideas - to the horrification of others (ie hanon and czerny).  so then, red flags are planted here and there and people start poisoning the food in the lunchroom.  it just gets worse and worse.  finally, even the coffee is suspect.  now, i don't know about the lair.  it could be where snails can regenerate if they've been severely damaged.  limbs severed.  whatever.  *i think i'll hang out there with my leg up as i used to do when watching tv on the couch.

the only thing i've been thinking that could get henrietta so mad is possibly she met another guy.  fell madly in love.  and something happened.  is this possible?  sometimes life seems crappy.  it is 'only a moment in time' as someone told me once.  *pats henrietta on the head as she takes a swing at lucy.  lucy ducks.  (bob enjoys the fight as he thinks it is over him.  a catfight snail fight).

[m1469]

@_