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Topic: Chat up lines.  (Read 5605 times)

Offline zheer

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Chat up lines.
on: August 01, 2009, 12:40:10 PM
Ok guys I thought I'd share some chat up lines with you lot and maybe learn a few from you guys, here are a few that will guaranty you a black eye.


 
The only thing I want between our relationship is latex!

 
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

 
Screw me if I'm wrong, but you want to kiss me don't you?
 
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.


 
Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
 
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?

 
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
 
I like maths. You want to go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply?
 
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your apartment.


I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot
 
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
 
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
 
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?


 8)

 
" Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends" - Tom Cruise -

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #1 on: August 01, 2009, 02:42:43 PM
I'm a postman. Would you like a letter in your box?

This one always works for me.

Thal
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Concerto Preservation Society

Offline zheer

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #2 on: August 01, 2009, 04:48:15 PM
  I'm disappointed with that thal, try this one next time

  Hey lady would you sleep with a total stranger, (if she says NO, say ) well let me introduce mysef.

   works like a treat 8)
" Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends" - Tom Cruise -

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #3 on: August 01, 2009, 06:56:22 PM
 ;D
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Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #4 on: August 01, 2009, 09:45:10 PM
Ok guys I thought I'd share some chat up lines with you lot and maybe learn a few from you guys, here are a few that will guaranty you a black eye.


 
The only thing I want between our relationship is latex!
Intelligent answer: I don't care what you might think you want (assuming that you can think, which is iopen to doubt), but you can't have anything "between" a "relationship" since "relationship" is a singular noun.

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
Intelligent answer: OK, no - but neither anything about you nor the obvious act of turning you down gives me any satisfaction.

 
Screw me if I'm wrong, but you want to kiss me don't you?
Intelligent answer: no, I don't, so you are wrong, but I still won't screw you, so screw you.

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
Intelligent answer (which is not "no", as you imply): yes, I do and I also know that I don't want to have either with you, upstairs or anywhere else.

Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
Intelligent answer: fine, so you have my consent to having sex with someone else, assuming you to be capable of having sex and that anyone else would be crazy enough consent to your doing so.

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Intelligent answer: do you get off on quoting song titles to strangers?

Do you sleep on your stomach? If not, can I?
Intelligent answer: no and no, in that order.

Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Intelligent answer: whether or not I may be free tonight, something will cost you, that's for sure.

I like maths. You want to go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply?
Intelligent answer: I have no reason to assume that anything about your room is specifically mathematical and, for your information, adding, subtracting, dividing and multiplying are all aspects of arithmetic, which is merely a branch of mathematics; anyway, I don't want to go to your room.

I'm new in town, could I have directions to your apartment.
Intelligent answer: if you need directions anywhere in town and are unable to go anywhere without them, I suggest that you return to your village.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot
Intelligent answer: it's none of your goddam' business where my G-sopt may be, you have no reason to assume that I have only one of them in any case and, if you need that much time to find it/them, the government has once again wasted taxpayers' money.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Intelligent answer: your own appearance gives little confidence that you'd know good looks from bad but, since you don't turn me on either, go electrocute yourself.

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Intelligent answer: you aren't - and you're only "talking" to me because that's all you can do - and you're not much good at that, either.

I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
Intelligent answer: yes, you are indeed curious, but have you really talked to all the guys in the world, or even all those who know me? - and would you in any case know "good" from "not good" - and do I care?

I'm sure that you've never used any of these, even if only because you're still alive and can post as you have done here!

Best,

Alistair
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Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #5 on: August 01, 2009, 09:47:11 PM
I'm a postman. Would you like a letter in your box?
Intelligent answer: you are? - so why do you always turn up so late and with letters that are not even French?

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
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The Sorabji Archive

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #6 on: August 01, 2009, 09:50:33 PM
Hey lady would you sleep with a total stranger, (if she says NO, say ) well let me introduce mysef.
Intelligent answer: OK, so now you've introduced yourself and, since you remain totally strange, I repeat that I would not sleep with a total stranger; do you understand, or is English not your first language?

Maybe it's time for someone to initiate a "put-down lines" thread...

Best,

Alistair
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Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #7 on: August 01, 2009, 09:51:53 PM
Why don't you give us some of your faves?

I bet "would you like to see one of sorabji's business cards" goes down a treat with the ladies.

Thal
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Concerto Preservation Society

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #8 on: August 01, 2009, 10:17:25 PM
Why don't you give us some of your faves?

I bet "would you like to see one of sorabji's business cards" goes down a treat with the ladies.
Then you would lose the bet (for how much? might I ask), since I have never essayed any such opening gambit so cannot possibly comment; as a matter of interest, how does "do you know that I am the director of the CPS?" go down, in your experience? (compared, that is, to your perhaps more frequently used line "come up and see my scans sometime")...

Best,

Alistair
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Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #9 on: August 01, 2009, 10:51:24 PM
"Would you like to play on my organ" has worked.

Thal
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Concerto Preservation Society

Offline perfect_pitch

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #10 on: August 02, 2009, 03:17:02 AM

I like maths. You want to go to my room, add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply?

SNAPPY COMEBACK: You can't multiply anything with a Zero, bugger off.    ;D

The only thing I want between our relationship is latex!

SNAPPY COMEBACK: How about a restraining order instead???

I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?

SNAPPY COMEBACK: Yes... but you won't get the pleasure of finding out!!!    ;)

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #11 on: August 02, 2009, 07:02:11 AM
"Would you like to play on my organ" has worked.
Yes, I don't doubt it - at least to the extent that you may once have used that line on someone whom you hadn't previously realised was an organist and you got a free organ recital out of it for your trouble...

Best,

Alistair
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Offline zheer

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #12 on: August 02, 2009, 10:31:19 AM
As a ex pizza delivery man, I know this line works,

Hey lady would you like sex and pizza (if lady says NO, you say) what you don't like pizza.

Works all the time. :P
" Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends" - Tom Cruise -

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #13 on: August 02, 2009, 10:40:24 AM
I would have thought being a pizza delivery man provides one with many pullin opportunities.

Sounds great.

Thal
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Concerto Preservation Society

Offline pianochick93

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #14 on: August 02, 2009, 12:09:31 PM

Intelligent answer: do you get off on quoting song titles to strangers?


Lol...
h lp! S m b dy  st l   ll th  v w ls  fr m  my  k y b  rd!

I am an imagine of your figmentation.

Offline pianochick93

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #15 on: August 02, 2009, 12:10:27 PM
"Would you like to play on my organ" has worked.

Thal

Brings to mind...

'What's better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ'
h lp! S m b dy  st l   ll th  v w ls  fr m  my  k y b  rd!

I am an imagine of your figmentation.

Offline timothy42b

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #16 on: August 02, 2009, 12:11:52 PM
I read about a study done recently where this was tested.

They used experimenters of both sexes.  They approached men and women with the very simple line:  "I find you very attractive.  Would you like to sleep with me tonight?"  

Nine of ten men said yes.

Ten of ten women said no.  
Tim

Offline zheer

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #17 on: August 02, 2009, 01:20:07 PM
I would have thought being a pizza delivery man provides one with many pullin opportunities.

Sounds great.

Thal

 Dependz, some did ask for more than just a pizza, but they usually were drunk, and obviously I wasn't going to perform o**l with any of them, this illegal.
" Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends" - Tom Cruise -

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #18 on: August 02, 2009, 05:27:12 PM
As a ex pizza delivery man, I know this line works,

Hey lady would you like sex and pizza (if lady says NO, you say) what you don't like pizza.

Works all the time. :P
So you've never had a woman answer "when I want a pizza, I'll decide what toppings I want on it and will not order it from you"?...

Best,

Alistair
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The Sorabji Archive

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #19 on: August 02, 2009, 05:28:36 PM
I would have thought being a pizza delivery man provides one with many pullin opportunities.
To the extent that such people usually have to pull in and park in order to deliver pizzas, yes...

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #20 on: August 02, 2009, 05:30:10 PM
Dependz, some did ask for more than just a pizza, but they usually were drunk, and obviously I wasn't going to perform o**l with any of them, this illegal.
Opals are only illegal when they've been stolen...

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #21 on: August 02, 2009, 07:03:59 PM
Come on then Hinty, you have rubbished all of mine and Zheer's suggestions, lets have some of your favourites.

I take it you have chatted up a girl or boy at some time in your life, so what lines worked for you?

Thal
Curator/Director
Concerto Preservation Society

Offline minor9th

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #22 on: August 02, 2009, 07:48:42 PM
"So, ya wanna shower first or what?"

Offline rc

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #23 on: August 02, 2009, 07:55:55 PM
I read about a study done recently where this was tested.

They used experimenters of both sexes.  They approached men and women with the very simple line:  "I find you very attractive.  Would you like to sleep with me tonight?"  

Nine of ten men said yes.

Ten of ten women said no.  

Yeah that line didn't work for me either.  Women are so picky. ;D


Offline zheer

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #24 on: August 02, 2009, 08:06:26 PM




  Very very funny. At last someone gets this thread.
" Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends" - Tom Cruise -

Offline zheer

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #25 on: August 02, 2009, 08:13:01 PM
So you've never had a woman answer "when I want a pizza, I'll decide what toppings I want on it and will not order it from you"?...

Best,

Alistair

  No.
" Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends" - Tom Cruise -

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #26 on: August 02, 2009, 09:07:14 PM
Come on then Hinty, you have rubbished all of mine and Zheer's suggestions, lets have some of your favourites.
"Come on" where? I have not "rubbished" anthing, since I have not even taken the various lines necessarily to be "suggestions" per se but possibilities and, in any case, I have accordingly merely posited some possible responses from women who might not want to go along wih any of these possibilities when they have been put to them.

I take it you have chatted up a girl or boy at some time in your life, so what lines worked for you?
You take it, do you? Well, please do try to ensure that you return it to wherever it was from which you took it once you're done, will you?

My understanding of this thread is that its purpose is not necessarily to put forward chat-up lines that have been tried and tested in practice so much as to provide opportunities for anyone interested to post possible ones of which they may have heard or which they have read somewhere, so that anyone else can respond to them, discuss them, take them apart or whatever else may take their fancy.

Best,

Alistair
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The Sorabji Archive

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #27 on: August 02, 2009, 09:09:25 PM

  No.
I'd thought as much - but then my question was rhetorical to the extent that such a response might have been as likely as any other to so empty and obvious a chat-up line; that, incidentally, is not intended as any criticism of you personally, especially since there is no evidence that you've actually tried to use it in practice.

Best,

Alistair
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Offline turayza

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #28 on: August 07, 2009, 10:57:45 PM
Ooh, I didn't notice this before. I had some mentioned to me (not as a pickup line, thank goodness) a while back.

-That outfit would look good...on my bedroom floor.
-Let's have a party...invite your pants to come on down!
-I'd like to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.

And a little inappropriate, but I thought it was amusing...
-I'm like a Rubik's Cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get.
Looking for a Baroque piece. Suggest one?
I've been looking at:
-Scarlatti K. 115

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #29 on: August 08, 2009, 01:55:04 AM
If you really are a 14 year old female as your profile suggests, I am shocked.

What do you get up to in Seattle??

Thal
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Concerto Preservation Society

Offline retrouvailles

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #30 on: August 08, 2009, 02:56:38 AM
Kids these days are crazy, Thal. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #31 on: August 08, 2009, 05:25:09 AM
If you really are a 14 year old female as your profile suggests, I am shocked.

What do you get up to in Seattle??
I've no idea what she or anyone else her age gets up to in Seattle, but are such things much different in Gravesend (apart from the accents, of course)?

Best,

Alistair
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Offline pianochick93

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #32 on: August 08, 2009, 09:49:55 AM
If you really are a 14 year old female as your profile suggests, I am shocked.

What do you get up to in Seattle??

Thal

I was like that at 14...hell, it wouldn't surprise me if there were 11-12 year olds who understood them.

And a pirate pick up line:

'I bet you've never seen a mast as big as the one on my ship!'
h lp! S m b dy  st l   ll th  v w ls  fr m  my  k y b  rd!

I am an imagine of your figmentation.

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #33 on: August 08, 2009, 04:04:44 PM
but are such things much different in Gravesend

Good point and living in the teenage pregnancy capitol of the World, half of the 14 year old girls in my town appear to be mothers.

Thal
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Offline richard black

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #34 on: August 08, 2009, 06:52:59 PM
Quote
Good point and living in the teenage pregnancy capital of the World, half of the 14 year old girls in my town appear to be mothers.

Sorry, mate, but my manor - London Borough of Southwark - appears to have taken that title. At least if 'The London Paper' can be believed. Which it usually can't, to be fair.....
Instrumentalists are all wannabe singers. Discuss.

Offline thalbergmad

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #35 on: August 08, 2009, 07:10:04 PM
Most teenagers in Southwark are stabbed to death before reaching child bearing age, so i do question the validity of your claim :o

Thal
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Offline michel dvorsky

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #36 on: August 08, 2009, 08:11:39 PM
SNAPPY COMEBACK: You can't multiply anything with a Zero, bugger off. 

Snappy Comeback Rebuttal: You can multiply by zero. Mathfail.
"Sokolov did a SH***Y job of playing Rachmaninoff's 3rd Piano Concerto." - Perfect_Pitch

Offline richard black

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #37 on: August 08, 2009, 09:53:46 PM
Quote
Most teenagers in Southwark are stabbed to death before reaching child bearing age

Good point: but of the ones who remain (who I suppose were the ones doing the stabbing) quite a high percentage are pregnant before they are 16. Depends whether you look for high percentages or high actual numbers, really. You know how it is with statistics: if you massage them hard enough you can prove anything you want.

But anyway that brings up the usual chat-up line round here - 'is that a knife in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'
Instrumentalists are all wannabe singers. Discuss.

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #38 on: August 09, 2009, 05:33:16 PM
I was like that at 14...hell, it wouldn't surprise me if there were 11-12 year olds who understood them.

And a pirate pick up line:

'I bet you've never seen a mast as big as the one on my ship!'
Intelligent answer: Yes, I have - it was in a maritime museum - but as someone who prefers dating speedboat owners, I don't go out with people who sail craft from bygone days.

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #39 on: August 09, 2009, 05:34:38 PM
Most teenagers in Southwark are stabbed to death before reaching child bearing age, so i do question the validity of your claim :o
Just out of interest, why do you suppose (as your post here implies) that "most teenagers in Southwark" are female?

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #40 on: August 09, 2009, 05:36:21 PM
Good point: but of the ones who remain (who I suppose were the ones doing the stabbing) quite a high percentage are pregnant before they are 16. Depends whether you look for high percentages or high actual numbers, really. You know how it is with statistics: if you massage them hard enough you can prove anything you want.

But anyway that brings up the usual chat-up line round here - 'is that a knife in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?'
Nice one! - but, just out of interest, has it ever occurred to you to move out of Southwark?(!)...

Best,

Alistair
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Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline richard black

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #41 on: August 09, 2009, 10:16:50 PM
Quote
just out of interest, has it ever occurred to you to move out of Southwark?

Me? Good grief no. Anyway, you stayed one night at my flat and no one knifed you, nor got you pregnant - though come to think, although it was a while ago, you may after all not have been a teenager at the time.
Instrumentalists are all wannabe singers. Discuss.

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #42 on: August 09, 2009, 11:02:38 PM
Me? Good grief no. Anyway, you stayed one night at my flat and no one knifed you, nor got you pregnant - though come to think, although it was a while ago, you may after all not have been a teenager at the time.
I did indeed - and, as you rightly say, no one knifed me (or at least if they did I was sufficiently unconscious - not to say unconscionable - at the time not to notice) and it is even more true that no one got me pregnant (and I rather think that, irrespective of my then state of unconsciousness or unconscionability, I'd almost certainly have noticed had anyone had tried to do so) - but, as you also correctly note, I was not a teenager at that time, even though my stay had been occasioned by the completion of a recording of a work that I began when I was one...

Best,

Alistair
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Offline pianochick93

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #43 on: August 10, 2009, 01:46:00 AM
Intelligent answer: Yes, I have - it was in a maritime museum - but as someone who prefers dating speedboat owners, I don't go out with people who sail craft from bygone days.

Best,

Alistair

Though why someone would want to date someone speedy, I'm not sure.
h lp! S m b dy  st l   ll th  v w ls  fr m  my  k y b  rd!

I am an imagine of your figmentation.

Offline perfect_pitch

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #44 on: August 10, 2009, 02:07:16 AM
Snappy Comeback Rebuttal: You can multiply by zero. Mathfail.

You don't even understand the joke... The 'zero' was mean't to represent the idiot with the pick-up line, an there's no point trying to multiply with 'zero' because all you get is 'zero'.

The joke was way above your head... you obviously didn't get it.  ::)

Offline retrouvailles

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #45 on: August 10, 2009, 06:20:51 AM
You don't even understand the joke... The 'zero' was mean't to represent the idiot with the pick-up line, an there's no point trying to multiply with 'zero' because all you get is 'zero'.

The joke was way above your head... you obviously didn't get it.  ::)

No, I think the joke just sucks.

Offline perfect_pitch

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #46 on: August 10, 2009, 06:26:13 AM
No, I think the joke just sucks.

Then it proves you didn't get it either.

Offline ahinton

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #47 on: August 10, 2009, 06:52:38 AM
Then it proves you didn't get it either.
How so?

Best,

Alistair
Alistair Hinton
Curator / Director
The Sorabji Archive

Offline retrouvailles

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #48 on: August 10, 2009, 05:58:11 PM
Then it proves you didn't get it either.

No, I got it (the significance of the zero in relation to... yeah). But the joke still isn't that good. it requires too much thought, and a joke that requires too much thought isn't that funny in the end.

Offline perfect_pitch

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Re: Chat up lines.
Reply #49 on: August 10, 2009, 10:33:19 PM
it requires too much thought, and a joke that requires too much thought isn't that funny in the end.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. A joke that requires thought - isn't funny???

My god - what is it with you Americans... you want the most dumb, thoughtless laughs without using your brain cells... you want the most fatty, high-cholesterol, quick meals and want perfect, trim, fit bodies -ALL WITHOUT HAVING TO WORK FOR IT.

My god... You want everything without any effort - you don't want to think, do or expend any bloody energy or will-power, and now you don't want to expend any thought???

MY GOD!!!
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